by Grace Hugh
"Yes," Jans answers without opening his eyes.
"Good," Lou says.
Lou turns and walks back out the door. He doesn't spare a glance for me and I don't bother calling attention to myself. I was uncomfortable with Vinnie and besides I'm with the person I'd rather be with. As the door clicks shut I stand to one side in the corner and wait. I don't have anything else to do. The old man finishes rubbing down Jans then slaps his back a couple times before he walks out the door. Jans sits up on the table and the towel barely stays over him. Then he notices me.
His slow smile spreads across his face and then stops in that half-smirk, half-grin that I find endearing. I love the way he looks at me. Like I'm the only thing in the universe that matters. It makes me feel owned and safe. It makes me feel wanted, desired, and needed. When I'm here with Jans, nothing else in the world matters. It doesn't matter who we are, where we are, or anything else. There's just the two of us.
"What are you doing here?" Jans asks.
"Truth?" I ask shrugging.
"I don't want you to ever lie to me," Jans replies. "No one should ever make you feel like you have to."
"My mom was too drunk and high for your dad to bring, so I'm his second choice."
"He what?" Jans says and I can feel his rage.
His hands grip the edge of the table and his arm shakes as his jaw tenses. I shouldn't have said anything. He has to fight and I'm sure he needs to be focused.
"It's okay. At least I get to see you, right?"
Jans relaxes if only a bit. He nods then rolls his shoulders and neck before taking a deep breath, which he slowly lets out.
"You're right," he says. "I knew you were smart."
"Oh? How would you know that?"
"I can tell these things."
I smile. I don't know what else to say to him. Looking at him sitting here half naked fills my head with thoughts that aren't appropriate but I can't take my eyes off the sculpture of his muscles. The tattoos that cover his arms and shoulder only accent the fitness of his body.
"Are you going to be okay out there?"
"What do you mean?" he asks.
I hesitate to say what I'm thinking. Maybe it's like bad luck or something. I don't know and don't want to jinx him or make it worse.
"I just mean… I don't want you to get hurt."
Jans snorts. He shakes his head then stands up holding the towel around his middle with one hand.
"I'm not the one you have to worry about."
"Good," I say.
"Five minutes," a voice calls through the door with knocking at the same time.
"Got it," Jans replies.
He locks eyes with me then looks down at himself before he looks back up.
"I should dress," he says with that half grin smirk.
Heat rushes to my cheeks and into my core at the same time. The butterflies in my stomach dance and every fiber of me wants to stay and watch. I want to see him move. I want to see all of him. It's not right though. We’re practically brother and sister in a weird sort of way and he's older than me. All these thoughts race through my mind and I nod slowly, but I'm smiling back as I answer him.
"Well, if you insist."
My hand touches the door and I'm about to pull it open when he speaks.
"LeAnne?"
My heart leaps into my throat. Please, please, ask me to stay. I feel wrong for having thought it but it feels so right, too.
"Yeah?" I ask without turning around.
He’s behind me, his arms wrap around me and he nuzzles my neck. I lean my head to the side opening myself to him. His teeth nibble at my delicate skin then he kisses across the side of my neck to my throat. His erection presses hard against me like a steel rod pushing me forward. I gasp as his rough tongue tastes my skin and his musky scent fills my nose.
"Be careful," he whispers nibbling on my earlobe.
Heavy footsteps thud outside and the door starts to open. Jans leaps back and I’m cold where his warmth was just on me. Lou’s head pokes in the door.
“Boss wants you,” Lou says.
My heart pounds and cold chills of fear run down my limbs in time with its rapid rate. So close, we were so close to being caught. Lou looks from me to Jans behind me and then back to me. Does he know? I’m blushing hard, so is that giving away our secret?
"Okay," I say pulling myself together and stepping towards Lou.
I glance back at Jans as I leave. He’s watching out of the corner of his eye with a smirk on his face. As the door swings closed he drops the towel and lets it hang on his erection. I blush even harder shaking my head. He tells me to be careful. Seriously. I'm not the one about to step into a cage with some animal.
I retrace my steps back to the stairway where the guards let me up without question. Apparently being the ‘quote unquote’ stepdaughter of Vinnie Manarchy has its perks. I climb the steps with a heavy heart and my thoughts cloud with worry. At the top is a viewing box where Vinnie and several other powerful and rich men observe the fights. I find a seat off to one side where I can watch.
Just as I sit down the announcer yells. "Up next a newcomer," the voice booms. "Let's see how he fares in total war! Jans ‘the Dragon’ Manarchy!"
Jans bounces into the octagon and my heart beats even faster. The other man is at least twice his size. Jans is big but this guy’s a monster. The two of them face off in the middle of the ring while the referee speaks. I can't hear what's being said but I doubt that it has anything to do with keeping Jans safe. Jans and the other man touch wrapped fists and then back out to their corners. Someone sounds a bell and Jans blurs.
He runs across the ring low and fast. Just before he reaches the other man he drops his shoulder and takes him in the lower part of his gut as his arms wrap around the man's legs. Jans raises him up and throws him over his shoulder, dropping him onto the mat with a resounding thud. Jans literally flips over in midair and lands on his opponent and pounds him in the face. The monster doesn't even have time to raise his hands to defend himself. Jans is like an animal, I've never seen anything so primal and violent in all my life. Something primal in me responds and I squirm in my chair.
The guy under Jans raises his legs up and somehow he hooks them around Jans’ neck. Jans hits him so hard the leg lock breaks. The crowd is screaming and then cheers erupt. The referee rushes over and tries to pull Jans off of his opponent but Jans continues fighting. The ref grabs Jans by the shoulders and Jans punches him in the face. The crowd goes wild.
Vinnie's jumping up and down screaming, "That's my boy! That's my mother fucking boy!"
My heart is pounding so fast I can't think straight. I’m dizzy and relieved. Jans won and he wasn’t hurt.
"We'll see how he does in the next round," the fat man who greeted Vinnie when we arrived says.
The next round? It's not over? My chest constricts with fear and concern. I don't know how Jans can handle another round. My heart pounds in my chest trying to break free. A mixture of fear and excitement fill me and there's a buzz in the room, an energy that is palpable and infectious.
The crowd cheers as another pair of fighters enters the ring. This fight lasts longer with the men trading blows until at last one of them grabs the other and takes him to the ground. The crowd oohs and ahs as the two men struggle. Something happens, but I'm not sure what it is because all the men in the booth around me jump to their feet and start cheering. The referee walks forward and only one of the men gets up from the ground. The ref takes the arm of the standing man and raises it in the air as the crowd cheers.
"That guy’s an animal," Vinnie says.
"He's going to tear your boy a new one," the other man whose name I still don't know says.
"Care to make a bet on that, Tony?" Vinnie asks.
"How much are we talking?" Tony asks.
"I don't know, something small, maybe ten grand?" Vinnie replies.
"Sure," Tony replies.
My stomach sinks even lower because the man lyin
g on the ring floor still hasn't gotten up. A man in a polo and jeans comes into the octagon and kneels beside the man on the mat. He appears to be a doctor because I see him checking the man's eyes and feeling for a pulse. He waves at somebody outside the cage and two more men come in with a stretcher. The man is carried off with no sign of life. That could be Jans.
Two more men enter the cage and fight. One man wins, one man loses, and one of them is also carried out on a stretcher. I don't understand the rules of these fights. All I want is to go home with Jans and know that he’s safe.
"Lou," Vinnie says. "Check up on the boy. He's about to fight again."
"Okay, boss," Lou replies.
"Can I go, too?" I ask.
"Locker room ain't no place for a girl," Vinnie says.
"I was just there," I reply like doesn't actually know that.
"What the fuck ever," Vinnie says.
I know I'm pushing my luck with him but I have to see Jans. Maybe I can talk him out of fighting. I follow Lou down the stairs holding on to a faint hope that maybe things won’t be as bad as they seem.
When we enter, Jans is working out on a heavy bag by himself. Sweat covers his muscled body and the scent of his musk fills the room. The tight lines of his arms and the muscles of his shoulders extend and contract with each punch in a most enticing way. He glances over as we enter but doesn't stop his warm-up.
"Boss wants to know you're okay," Lou says.
"Fuck you, Lou," Jan says without stopping.
He punches the bag three more times in rapid succession then turns and grabs a jump rope from the ground and starts jumping.
"So you're good?" Lou asked
"Yeah," Jans replies.
Lou nods then turns and walks out the door. Once more I find myself forgotten and left behind. That's okay though because this is exactly what I want. Jans has his eyes closed as he jumps the rope. The steady tap of it against the concrete floor is the only sound besides his steady breathing. I'm unable to take my eyes off of him. The glisten of sweat on his body and the way his muscles move fills my mind with unfamiliar thoughts.
"Are you going to be okay?" I ask.
He stops jumping as his eyes fly open. His half smile curls up at the corner of his lip and every fiber of me wants to run over and kiss him but I resist the urge.
"I got this," he says.
It's more than just his confidence that reassures me. Having seen him fight now I know how tough he is.
"Why are you doing this?"
"It's what I'm good at," he replies. "Besides what else would I do?"
"I don't know, maybe get a job?"
Jans laughs and I laugh with him. I love the sound of his laugh. We both know that's just not in the cards for him. The son of a mob boss doesn't just get a regular job.
"LeAnne," he says.
We stare into each other’s eyes and there are no more words. Words are a poor substitute for the feelings and emotions that pass between the two of us as we stand a few feet apart. He walks over and takes my hands in his, squeezing them tightly. My hands are warm and slick with his sweat.
"Be careful," I say.
"I'll be more than careful," he says. "I'll be the best."
And I know he's right. He will be the best.
I lean into him until our lips meet. His hand grabs the back of my head and his fingers twist in my hair pulling me tight against him. His cock is harder than ever and pressing through his shorts into my abdomen. His other hand grabs my ass and squeezes as his hips move up and down grinding his caged erection against me. I moan, wanting him, needing more of him. He growls into our kiss and his tongue forces its way into my mouth seeking out my tongue and dominating me.
He steps back letting me go and leaving me breathless. He devours me with his eyes before shaking his head and grabbing the rope to start jumping again.
“You should get back,” he says.
I turn and leave the room without another word. There's really nothing more to say. I return to the box and wait for his final fight. A hush falls over the crowd as loud music plays. The announcer walks into the middle of the octagon and raises his hands over his head palms out.
"Ladies and gentlemen," he says. "The match you've been waiting for, who is the best? We've narrowed the field to the final two. We have the newcomer, Jan's ‘the Dragon’ Manarchy versus Lenny ‘the Beast’ Jackson."
The music reaches a crashing crescendo and the crowd erupts. Jans enters the arena bouncing his way down to the octagon. He enters the ring and goes to his corner rolling his shoulders and staring at where his opponent will be. The music changes and the crowd, if anything, is louder than before as Lenny the Beast enters. Lenny is the reigning champion. He's lean, well muscled, and known for his grappling technique. All of this I've learned listening to the men around me in the box. His reputation stems also from the fact that two of the men he's fought have died from the injuries he gave them. My throat is dry but there's nothing to drink except alcohol. I've always held myself away from alcohol because of my mom.
“LeAnne, sweetie, come over here," Vinnie says.
A cold trickle of fear runs down my spine when he speaks to me. He's staring at me with those cold, dead eyes and patting the chair next to him. Bile rises in my throat but I don't have a choice. I stand up and walk over, taking the seat next to him. I sit as far as the chair will allow to one side, a fact that he doesn't miss. He stares at me and I think he’s about to say something when the bell rings and the fight starts.
Jans and Lenny close with each other and then circle. They each throw light punches that don't connect. They dance in and out and I hear the men around me muttering that they’re feeling each other out. This continues for several seconds, long enough that the crowd grows restless. Someone yells ‘throw a damn punch’ then the entire crowd takes up the chant. I don't know if it's in response to this or because they've gotten the measure of one another but quicker than my eye can follow, the Beast swings and connects with Jans. My stomach clenches and it feels like my own breath has been knocked out. Jans’ head rocks back and blood pours from a cut over his eye. He stumbles backwards coming up against the cage.
Lenny doesn't hesitate, closing with Jans and pinning him against the fence. I see his leg coming up repeatedly slamming into Jans’ ribs and side. His fists pound down on Jans’ head. Jans has his arms up trying to protect himself. Tony screams while jumping up and down. Vinnie sits motionless, his dead eyes staring at the fight. Jans is in trouble and I know it. The beating he’s taking is incredible. Even up here in the box I can hear the sound of flesh slamming into flesh.
Some of the men in the box are yelling for Jans to get out of there but there doesn't seem to be anything he can do, he's trapped. Tears well up and I can't hold them back as they slide down my cheeks. Lenny raises back his hand and it moves forward like it's in slow motion connecting with Jans in his jaw and driving his face into the chain-link fence.
"No!" I scream.
I think it's over, he's beaten.
I'm wrong.
Jans drops down and then hooks his shoulder into Lenny's groin. Jans rushes forward, lifting as he does, and picks Lenny up onto his shoulder and throws him over. Lenny lands on the mat with a loud thud. Jans stumbles forward wiping at his eyes to clear them of blood. Lenny flips back to his feet then the two of them are facing off again in the middle of the ring. I can see the bruises on Jans and that he’s swelling, especially around his face, but he moves like nothing’s wrong.
Lenny rushes Jans, closing with his arms spread wide trying to hook him. Jans dances aside and the Beast misses. Jans rolls along the backside of Lenny's outstretched arm and hooks his own arm around Lenny's neck. He leaps up locking his legs around Lenny's waist and pulling back on Lenny's neck forcing it to tilt. Lenny has to lean back with Jans to avoid being choked. He topples over landing on top of Jans on the mat. I can't tell how he does it but Jans manages to flip Lenny over so that he's on top now. Lenny is against the mat and
Jans has his back.
"He's got the choke hold!" one of the men in the box yells. "He's got the fucking choke hold!"
Jans is straining with all his might. I can see his muscles bulging. Beneath him Lenny struggles, turning side to side as he tries to break free. Lenny’s arms flail and he strikes Jans repeatedly. A punch lands on Jans’ face and I think he's going to lose the hold but instead he tightens his grip. The Beast is turning purple but Jans doesn't let up. The ref moves in close, he's watching Jans and then looking at Lenny.
Lenny's hand hooks on Jans’ bicep and pulls. He slaps at Jans’ arm and I can see that there’s no force behind the motion. Then, at long last, he taps. The ref taps Jans but Jans doesn't let go. Even from here I can see his eyes are crazed and filled with rage. The referee grabs Jans and physically pulls him off of Lenny. Lenny collapses to the mat and doesn't move. Jans pushes past the ref and tries to go back after Lenny. Other men rush into the ring and push Jans back to his corner. The crowd is going crazy just like the men in the box with me. These grown men are jumping up and down and screaming like schoolgirls. They’re creating such a commotion the floor is vibrating and I wonder if the box will collapse.
Vinnie, next to me, doesn’t display such emotion. He looks over at Tony and quietly speaks.
"Pay up," Vinnie says.
Tony shakes his head. "Fuck me." He reaches inside his suit and pulls out a massive roll of bills which he hands to Vinnie. "You weren't wrong about that boy."
"I know fighters. My boy, he's a fighter. He's gonna make us a fuck ton of money."
The coldness of that statement bothers me. My mom is an alcoholic and a drug addict but below all that I know she loves me. Jans is Vinnie's son and in that moment it becomes clear to me the only love his father has for him is how much money he can make.
TWO YEARS LATER
The open door to the high school yawns like an eager mouth ready to swallow me. School has been a nightmare for these last two years and I’m glad this is almost the end of it.
Senior year, final week. Just a few more days.
I love learning but I loathe school. The contradiction comes from the fact that school isn’t just about learning it's also about fitting in. Navigating your way through shark filled waters of what is laughingly called a social life. It would probably be better if I wasn’t me. My mom's reputation has haunted me through all my life and once puberty hit it became so much worse. It doesn't seem to matter that she's cleaned up her act and, since she's been with Vinnie, hasn’t had to work. Kids remember and they don't forgive, especially horny teenage boys. Jans dropped out my sophomore year, right before his first fight. His training schedule is too intense to allow time for such things as an education. So I'm alone, but only when I'm at school.
