Start With Me: A Novel (Start Again Series Book 3)

by J. Saman

  “Jesus, you’re pretty fucking demanding considering you’re the invited guest. I thought the benefit of friendship was that the woman didn’t get to dictate everything. Otherwise, what’s the point?” I ask, looking down on her. “It’s not like I’m getting sex out of the deal.” I can’t help but raise an eyebrow.

  “No,” she says, looking up at me with a small grin on her ruby-tinted lips, her blue eyes covered by her shades. “I guess that’s true. How’s this then? I’ll let you pick the actual movie.”

  “Wow,” I deadpan. “That’s the most generous thing anyone has ever offered me. I would have personally gone for the sex, but choosing the movie might just be better.”

  “See.” She nods her head. “They don’t make people more giving than I am. You really are lucky to have me as your friend.”

  “True.” I lean back in the chaise, enjoying the way I sink into the cushion. I take a sip of my soda and Claire goes back to her reading.

  “How often do you masturbate?” she asks and that sip of soda that I was in the process of swallowing immediately comes out my mouth and nose in a gush of fizzy spray. “Wow.” She smirks, trying to hide her laugher. “I’ve never actually seen anyone spray soda out of their nose like that. I didn’t realize it was possible.”

  “Thanks,” I mutter, wiping my face and trying not to grimace from the persistent burn inside my nostrils.

  “That as unpleasant as it looked?”

  “Yup. So, try not to say something like that the next time I take a drink.” I raise my hand, stopping my thought. “On second thought, any time I drink or eat something, try not to speak. I’m afraid one day I’ll actually choke and you don’t look like the type to know CPR.”

  “Au contraire, mon frère, I am excellent at mouth to mouth.” “That was a softball.”

  “It was, but you set it up nicely. So, answer my question.” “How often do I masturbate?” I look over at her, my eyebrows at my hairline.

  “Yeah, I’m curious,” she taps on the edge of her e-reader, “because in this book, the guys are always taking cold showers to knock their hard-ons down. I don’t get it. If you’re alone and in the bathroom, why not just whack one off? Saves time and prevents frostbite.”

  “Yeah, I have no real answer for that.”

  “Oh, come on, I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”

  “Claire, knowing you, I assume you get off at least once a day.”

  She winks at me. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” I would, but that’s really not the point.

  And in fact, now all I can see is an imagine of Claire making herself come. “Stop visualizing or I’ll do it back.”

  I grin at her. “That a threat or a promise?”

  “I don’t typically make threats I’m not willing to back up. It misleads people.”

  “What exactly are we talking about now?”

  Claire shrugs, leaning back a little against the cushion, parting her thighs absentmindedly. Holy fuck that’s hot. “Honestly, I don’t know. I sort of got lost in the mental image thing. But really, I want to know why men take cold showers instead of jerking off in books.”

  “I don’t know, Claire. I’ve never actually taken a cold shower to get rid of an erection. Usually I just jerk off in the shower if I’m that hard up.”

  Claire smiles big. “Thank you. That’s all I wanted to know.”

  Now I can’t concentrate. How am I supposed to go back to reading business law after that conversation? It’s impossible. I need to change the subject because all I can think about is Claire naked, spread out with her hand between her legs. Or even better, my hand between her legs. And now I’m getting hard, which is just ironic in a bad porn movie sort of way.

  So, I say the first thing that comes to mind other than the obvious. “I heard Kate say that it’s your birthday next week.”

  Claire sighs, straightening her legs and letting her book lay flat against them. “Are you fishing here, Kyle? Did Mama Duck put you up to this?”

  “She might have,” I admit.

  Claire lets out another sigh. “I’m not all that into my birthday and Miss Kate has a real hard time accepting that.”

  “Why aren’t you into your birthday?”

  Claire is silent for a moment, just staring out at my view. “I’m just not,” she finally says. “So, when you report back, tell her that you tried and I wasn’t receptive. I don’t want a party. I’m not being one of those girls who says one thing, but really wants the opposite. I’m not.”

  “Kate loves you. She wants to make you happy and to her, that’s making a big deal.”

  “I know and I love her back for it. I really do. If I was a good little egg, I’d just smile through it. And with some things I do. But not this. No parties. No cake. No singing or presents.”

  “Can I get you something?” I ask, already having an idea of what I want it to be.

  The corner of her mouth twitches up. “You really are the perfect guy,” her head tilts in my direction, “aren’t you, Kyle Grant? You must have women dropping their panties for you constantly.” She smiles bigger. “I don’t need anything.” Claire reaches out, her fingers gliding across my cheek until her hand cups it. “You already give me so much more than you realize.”

  She turns away from me, picking up her smut and bringing her knees back up. She’s dismissing me. Changing the subject without having to say another word.

  I don’t know if I’ll ever really understand the contradiction that is Claire Sullivan.

  But she’s crazy if she thinks I’m not getting her a present.

  The thing I want to get her might just be a bit over the top. Might go way beyond something a friend would give. But it’s something that’s been on my mind since I first went to her apartment, and after our conversation today, I really can’t stop the wheels from spinning. That, and I cannot think of someone I want to spend my bonus money on more than her.

  Claire might not want the attention that comes with a birthday party. I won’t even pretend to understand the reason behind it. She says I’ve given her more than I realize. She has to know it’s the same for me. That she has become the most important thing in my life.

  I just want to make her happy because it’s exactly what she deserves.

  Hopefully, that’s what my present will do.

  Chapter 17

  Claire

  “Come on, Kyle,” I cajole. “Move your sculpted ass. You’re supposed to be in way better shape than I am, and I’m kicking your ass all over this mountain.”

  Kyle lets out a half-laugh half-grunt, muttering something unintelligible under his breath. I think he’s pissed off because it’s true. We’ve been hiking in Olympic National Park for the last two hours, and while I’m getting a second wind and hitting my stride, he’s really struggling. It’s adorable. Especially since he’s trying especially hard to hide just how much he’s hurting. Like the fact that I’m ahead of him is somehow emasculating.

  “I have low hemoglobin.”

  “Yeah, you do know I have absolutely no idea what that means, right?”

  “It means I’m low on the protein in my red blood cells that delivers oxygen to my muscles and organs.”

  “Okay, I’m sort of following and sort of not,” I tell him as I step over a fallen moss-covered log. Everything in this forest is that deep dark green that comes from too much rain and too little sunlight. But it’s beautiful and just cool enough that I’m not sweating like a fat man on a treadmill.

  “It means I tire faster, because I don’t have as much oxygen in my tissues as you do. The fact that we’re at a higher altitude already means less oxygen in the air, which isn’t helping.”

  Now that I listen, I can hear he is panting. And I know he has funky blood. He tried to explain about his platelet count and white blood cells and now his hemoglobin. It’s all very medical. And technical. And since I’m not Ivy, who is a doctor, or Kate, who is a nurse, I pretend to listen to him while I really zone out and think
about things I comprehend much better. I’m one of those smart people who knows when they’ve been bested, and anything medically related is my Achilles heel.

  “Then let’s stop here,” I say, slowing down. Taking his hand, I lead him to a level area off the trail. I know these trails well. I come hiking here a lot. It’s such a cliché, but a true one all the same, because there really is something about nature that just reinvigorates the soul.

  I don’t know if I believe in God. I mean, not in the sense that there is an all-powerful being that stands judgment over each of our lives, pointing and dispelling pain, punishment, happiness, and love over his subjects.

  But when I’m here, surrounded by all this green, brown, growth and life, it’s hard not to believe that there is something. A higher power of sorts. Something that grounds and connects the universe, because, fuck, it’s incredible. And when shit gets too real for me, I come out here and I gain all that perspective I find myself losing.

  “Check this out, big guy, and tell me it wasn’t worth the near asphyxiation and the bends and whatever else you were bitching about?”

  We’re standing about halfway up the mountain, and before you judge and say that isn’t very much, these mountains have freaking snowcaps on the top. From where we are, we have an amazing view of the mountain range spread out in front of us. This park is magnificent. Mountains and waterfalls, glacial lakes that are so blue and clear they’re almost surreal.

  “The bends?” Kyle snorts, standing next to me, his eyes fixed on the grandeur. “Isn’t that what divers get?”

  “Yeah, I think you might be right on that one, my friend. Altitude sickness?” I turn to him, scrunching my eyebrows.

  He smiles, but doesn’t pull his eyes away from the awe-inspiring view. “Yeah. It was worth it. I may even be willing to do this with you again.”

  “If I was the sort of girl who camped in the wilderness and didn’t mind being attacked by bears, I’d say we could do that. But I’m not, so I won’t say it. They do have hotels around here, so if you’re ever actually interested in really exploring the park, we could take on nature for a weekend. But I won’t lie, I need bathrooms with warm running water, and I can’t stand freeze-dried food and instant coffee.”

  “Snob,” Kyle laughs, nudging me with his elbow.

  “Truth.” I shake my head. “But it’s so damn pretty. When I die, will you

  sprinkle my ashes here?”

  Kyle turns to me, probably trying to see just how serious I am. And even though I was completely joking, suddenly, I’m sort of not.

  “You got it, babe. But only if you promise to toss my ashes here too. I think this may be my new favorite place.”

  “Yeah?” I turn to him with a smile that cannot be helped. The idea of Kyle liking it here as much as I do, well, it does things to me. It makes me happy. It fills me with a sort of bubbly excitement that I can’t name or place.

  “Yeah.”

  “What’s up, Zeus?” I scream at the top of my lungs, loving the smallest hint of an echo that greets me.

  Kyle looks at me like I’m insane, but he’s smiling, laughing lightly. His hazel eyes sparkle against the sun, and for a flicker of a second, I can’t look anywhere else.

  “Zeus?”

  “Yeah,” I say sarcastically, widening my eyes and raising my eyebrows. “It’s Mount Freaking Olympus. What? You’d rather call after Aphrodite? Looking for some hot goddess action? Always the player, Kyle.”

  “You are far more beautiful than Aphrodite.”

  “Damn, you really are a player. Do those lines always work on your women?” I nudge him. “No wait.” I hold up my hand, like I’m warding him away. “Don’t answer that. I already know. It’s a resounding yes. You are just the epitome of god-like sexiness.”

  “You think I’m sexy?”

  “Definitely not.” I wink at him. “But I can see how the ladies would.”

  “And you’re not a lady?”

  I laugh, spreading my arms out wide in front of me. “I am not a lady. I have no manners. I definitely don’t hold my tongue as I should. And, I have,” I lean into him, covering a cupped hand over my mouth like I’m telling him a secret, “sex.”

  He laughs, throwing his arm over my shoulder. “I wouldn’t change you, though. You know that? I think you’re perfect, exactly as you are.” His eyes lock on mine and I practically swallow my tongue at his expression. He means it. He may be saying it in a playful manner, but I know he means it.

  Which is why I should turn away from him. It’s why I should say something rude or crass that I don’t mean, in order to bring levity to a situation that has none for me. But I can’t do that. The promise in those words is ringing louder than my common sense.

  I turn to him. He turns to me. Our eyes never stray from each other. “Ditto,” I say far too earnestly. Pretending not to want Kyle in all the ways I do is exhausting.

  The most breathtaking smile lights up his face, and in this moment, I know I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life. Not the mountain range or the waterfalls, or anything else nature has to throw at me. No. Kyle Grant is my own personal form of perfection.

  The urge to kiss him, to claim him as mine, is overwhelming.

  In fact, if I’m being honest, that has grown exponentially since he moved here. I figured it would, but not to this extent. Not to the extent where I’m lost in him, never wanting to be found. Where I’m desperate to continue to live in this suspended reality, clinging to each of our moments, hoping they can last just a little longer.

  Which is exactly why I say, “We should go.”

  His eyes don’t waver from mine, but the shift in them is as clear as day. He hates that I just said that. I do, too. So, I guess we’re even.

  “Yeah, we should.”

  And like he can’t resist, even if he doesn’t get what he fully wants, he leans in and kisses my cheek. It’s long and lingering, and hits just the right spot inside my body to make me instantly come to life. My gut twists with regretful longing.

  We trek down the mountain and simply going by the laws of gravity, it takes us half the time to get down than it did to get up. By the time we reach his car, we’re exhausted.

  It’s also pitch black and raining. Hard. A torrential downpour complete with thunder and lightning came out of absolutely nowhere.

  “Shit,” Kyle laughs as he starts his car. “It’s awful out. And there are no lights around here.”

  “Then I take it you didn’t noticed that there is a car blocking you.”

  “What?” Kyle’s head snaps around like he can see in the dark out of his even darker back windshield. He can’t. So, he puts his car into reverse and the backup camera comes to life on his navigation screen.

  “Shit,” he says again, because some asshole seriously blocked us in. They’re parked in just such a way that we can’t get out because if we go forward and try to readjust ourselves, we’ll roll down into a gully.

  “So, I guess I am a camping girl, after all. At least we’re warm and dry in your car.”

  “Yeah. I have gas, but not a full tank and this car has a big engine, which means we don’t have enough to get through the night and drive home tomorrow.”

  “That’s not exactly environmentally friendly.”

  “Yeah. Thanks. I’m an asshole Yuppie.”

  “I think your kind is actually referred to as the one-percenters now. Yuppie went out with acid-washed jeans, Studio 54, and blow.”

  “Again, not very helpful. As I was saying, we have some gas, but we’re going to need it to get out of the fucking mountains. So, I’m going to have to turn off the car soon. We’re stuck out here, cupcake. Do you get that? We’re going to have to sleep in my car in the middle of the goddamn forest.”

  He’s freaking out. Which is oddly endearing. I get it, though. He grew up in Philly and then lived in New York City, so roughing it in the wilderness is really not his thing. It’s not exactly my thing either, but I’m definitely more of a
roll-with-the-punches person than he is.

  “On the bright side, I packed plenty of water and snacks, and we have the whole back of your car to sleep in.”

  He looks at me and I don’t think he’s seeing the bright side quite the same way I am. But really, we’re not so bad off. We have shelter, jackets, food and water. Could be so much worse.

  “Claire . . .” He looks over at me, nonplussed.

  “Oh, come on, Kyle. Adapt with me.” Heat is brushing our faces and it’s warm and cozy in here despite the monsoon outside. It’s actually pretty noisy, but in a comforting way. Is it weird that I’m not at all disappointed about being stuck out here with him?

  Other than the fact that I have to pee. That part kind of sucks right now. And the sound of the rain is definitely not doing me any favors.

  “Adapt with you? Are you willing to sleep with me in the backseat?”

  “That’s oddly reminiscent of a high school proposition I once received.”

  “I’m being serious.”

  “I can see that,” I say with a smile, hoping to relax him. “Yes, I’ll gladly snuggle up against you. But first, I have to pee.” He looks at me like he might be ready to kill me. “It’s the sound of the rain. It cannot be helped. I’m going to pee and probably be soaking wet when I return.” Again, not amused. “Just keep the heat on, okay?”

  I start to take off my jacket, followed by my shirt.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he practically yells at me.

  “Seriously?” I look over at him incredulously. “If I go out there fully dressed it will not only take me longer to do my thing, but I’ll be soaking wet when I return. I’m stripping down now so that when I come back, I can put on dry clothes and not freeze my ass off all night.”

  He stares at me, his eyes slightly bulging. I shimmy out of my jeans and then I’m sitting on his front seat in my bra and panties.

  “Fuck,” he hisses, but I don’t waste time on his reaction to my almost nudity.

  I hit the unlock button and hop out into the freezing rain. “Holy hell,” I scream, running down to the car next to us and squatting in front of it. Kyle can’t see me from here and considering I’m already shaking and shuddering, frozen and soaked through, I wouldn’t care if he could.