I showered until the water turned cool, washing the dirt and travel stench off my body, then sat on the floor of the tub until my skin wrinkled. After I felt clean and had changed, I walked aimlessly around the apartment, familiarizing myself with their previous love nest. I left my duffle bag in the living room and planned sleep on the couch. It felt odd sleeping in a bed they shared as husband and wife, but the couch idea was a bust when I realized how uncomfortable it was. I needed to let go of my insecurities and face my fears head on. Ten years had passed. We had all grown up. Standing tall, I grabbed my duffle bag, marched into the bedroom, and turned the light on. A full size bed was in the center with a small night stand. I placed my bag on the dresser near the window that looked out onto their home. They had no window on the second level but one on the first. My gaze trailed down the siding of the house to the lighted opening. I gasped when I realized Nate was looking back at me. He sat on an office chair, his green eyes locked on mine, and he flashed me a smile.
I don’t know how long I stood there looking at him. He had broken me and now he was trying to save my marriage. I loved him. There was no denying that.
I watched as he brought his cellphone to his ear and jumped when the phone on the side of the bed began to ring. I looked at the phone and then over at him. He held up his phone, letting me know it was him calling. Picking it up, I didn’t say anything. I could hear him breathing on the other side. Like a fly attracted to the light, I walked over to the window, phone glued to my ear. Nate smiled when he spotted me.
“Hi,” he whispered. My stomach dropped. “Did you find everything okay?”
“Yes.”
Nate’s tongue ran across his lips. “I’m sorry. I should’ve gone to Chica—”
“Don’t.” I shook my head. “What good is an apology ten years too late?”
He huffed. “Tell me what I can do to make you forgive me.”
“You don’t want my forgiveness, Nate.”
“I do.”
“No.” I shook my head. “You want the guilt to stop, but I can’t help you with that. You made your bed—now lie in it. You want to help? Help Julian. The quicker you do that, the quicker I can get out of here and go home.”
I pulled the phone away from my ear, hung up, and walked away from the window. Turning off the light, I crawled into bed.
Sleep.
I desperately needed sleep.
I woke up the following morning to a soft tap on the door. Disoriented, I shoved off the mattress as I blurrily scanned the room and my brain registered where I was. Wiping the drool from the side of my face, I stumbled to the door and was greeted by Nate. The scruff around his face had been shaved clean, and his fitted suit hugged his body.
“Morning. Brought you this.” He handed me a travel mug. The aroma of rich coffee was exactly what I needed to pull me out of my sleepy haze. “I forgot that we didn't stock the kitchen.”
Nervously, I gripped the cup and crossed my arms over my braless chest. “Thanks.”
“Delaney took Caleb to school and then she's off to work. I have a meeting, but as soon as it's done, I'll be back.”
“I don't need a babysitter.”
“I’m not babysitting you. Julian will be here soon, and I told him I’d pick him up from the airport.” Nate dropped his tone and stepped closer, his eyes landing on my cheek. “How did you hurt yourself?” His thumb grazed my chin and I winced at his touch.
“It's nothing.” I jerked way. It usually took two days for a slapped cheek to bruise; a backhand was a few hours to a day depending on the force, and I had cause to know a ruptured eardrum took roughly two months to heal. “I rolled off the couch.”
Nate scanned my eyes. “I'll be back in an hour or so. If you need anything—”
I raised my hand to stop him. “I have a car. I have a cell phone. I lived in Charlotte before. I'm fine, Nate. You don't need to worry about me.”
“Okay.” He smiled and walked back down the steps. I was admiring his behind in his fitted pants when he turned back to face me. “Oh, nice shirt by the way.” He winked.
I glanced down at my shirt and slammed the door shut. The sweater I slept in most nights was the same sweater I’d taken from the back seat of his truck when I’d been caught in the rain all those years ago. “Asshole,” I muttered to the wooden door.
The coffee Nate handed me was perfect. Exactly how I liked it. He remembered. I showered, tamed the beast that was my hair, and covered the bruise on my cheek with makeup. The dark circles under my eyes had faded, and it was the first time my hair was down since being here. When I glanced in the mirror, I looked like me.
Turning on the TV, I flipped through the channels. The news was depressing, cooking didn’t interest me, and reality TV still wasn’t worse than my own life. “Crap!” I shut the TV off and tossed the remote. I sent a text message to Yve and ask her if our boss Tony was in.
Yve: Don't worry about it, babe. I covered for you.
Me: What did you say?
Yve: That your brother-in-law died and you were at the wake.
Me: Are you insane? That's a terrible excuse.
Yve: Satan goes near you and I'll personally kill him myself.
Me: Be nice. He's being good.
Yve: OMG! YOU’RE ALREADY DEFENDING HIM???? COME HOME NOW!
Me: I'm not defending him. He's picking up Julian at the airport. We'll be home soon.
Yve: Keep me posted.
Tossing my phone where I left the remote, I decided some fresh air would do me good. I'd gone over what I planned to say to Julian once he arrived, but it still didn’t make the anticipation any easier. Would he be mad that I left? Was he willing to change his ways?
The warm outdoor air caused a bead of sweat to form on the back of my neck. Closing my eyes, I listened to the birds chirping. Life in the south was serene, not like the traffic-filled, polluted air back home. When I opened my eyes, I spotted a box of chalk tucked under the deck. The heavy clouds to the far east told me rain was on the way, so anything I doodled now would soon be washed away.
Bent over the asphalt driveway, I let the chalk slide against the blacktop. I started at the top with the clouds and the bright sun. Drawing from memory, I drew in trees, columns, and tiny windows. I was so lost in my work that I didn’t hear Nate come up behind me.
“That’s the Bissell House.”
I jumped at the sound of his voice. “What the hell?” I tossed a chalk at him. “Are you trying to scare the living crap out of me?”
Nate chuckled and walked on my artwork. “You still have your talent, I see. Drawing it from memory, too.”
“It was where it all started,” I muttered under my breath. “I wouldn’t call doodling with chalk a talent.”
“What do you do for work back home?”
“What do you do, Mister Fancy Pants?” I asked, ignoring his question.
“I’m an architect for the city.”
“That’s great.” I began to put the small tidbits of chalk back in the pail.
“And you?” He squatted near one and picked it up.
“I work at a hardware store.” Nate had been walking in my direction and stopped. “I work in the paint department. Some of the time I paint murals and stuff in people's homes, other times I restock the shelves.”
“Like a Home Depot?”
I dropped the chalk in the pail. “Yeah.” I huffed. “I assume Del has told you what Julian does for a living?” Nate nodded. “Well, is there anything else you’d like to know?”
“Why a hardware store?”
I laughed and shook my head. “Of all the possible questions you could ask, that wasn’t the one I expected.” I walked over to the deck and put the pail back where I found it. “It was the only place that was hiring and would give me flexible hours. Not everyone is eager to hire a college dropout.”
“You never finished—”
“Nope,” I answered his question before he could ask it. “With my mom’s stroke, it was st
upid to go back to and finish an art degree. Not many jobs out there.”
“But Julian finished.”
“Yes. It took him some time, and I helped him study, but he graduated. As did you.” I waved my hand toward his tailored suit.
“But you had a dream. Curator at the Louvre.”
“I had many dreams.”
Our eyes met. Nate opened his mouth to say something, but I stopped him.
“Sometimes dreams are just that—dreams. A small escape from reality. I learned to stop dreaming and face my life head on.”
Nate frowned. “I need to go change and pick up Julian at the airport. Do you want to come?”
I shook my head. “I’ll see my husband when he gets here.” I began to walk back toward the garage.
“Brie?” Nate called out at my back. When I turned to face him, I was greeted by a gorgeous smile. “Don’t stop dreaming. There’s still a chance it can become reality.”
He was my dream. A life with him was what I fantasized about. But it was unattainable. My dreams were a fairytale that ended with a bullshit happily ever after.
Chapter 25
Nathaniel
During the drive to the airport, I pressed the accelerator and let my car weave through traffic. The last time I saw my brother was a little over eight years ago. He came down to visit our mother when she and Warren decided to leave for Ecuador. I’d paced the apartment as I awaited his arrival. I’d wanted to see him, but most of all, I’d wanted to see her.
But she never came.
We were having dinner when he casually informed us all that he and Brielle had gone to City Hall, and he didn’t want the house because he and his wife were happy in Chicago.
His wife.
It shocked us all.
Masking my gloom, I congratulated him and welcomed him into the club.
A lifetime had passed since I last saw my kid brother.
Parking my car, I strolled into Baggage Claim and spotted Julian yanking a suitcase off the carousel.
“Need some help?” I offered when I approached him.
He spun toward me, a wide smile on his face. “Moose!” He wrapped his arms around me.
“How are you, kid?” I stepped back and took him in. He looked the same as the last time I saw him. The only difference was he looked exhausted.
“I’m tired.”
“Come on.” I reached for the handle on his bag.
“Hold on, I have one more.” He pointed to another large suitcase.
“Do you think you brought enough?”
He slid another one off and stood it upright. “I did.” He lifted the handle. “Brielle and I can’t go back there.” Julian began to walk toward the exit.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“I quit my job. And the people I worked for weren’t very happy about my sudden notice.”
“What the fuck did you get into?”
“It doesn’t matter.” We stopped and waited for the light to change before we crossed the street. “I need to make her happy. What I did before won’t follow me here.”
I huffed “I assume you don’t have a job?”
“I have twenty-thousand dollars saved in the bank. That should keep us on our feet for a bit. Brie will find work, and so will I.”
“I’ll make a few phone calls. See if I can get you some interviews for a city job.”
We walked to the car and I popped the trunk. Julian looked over at me and nodded. “Thanks, man. You’ve always been the best brother a guy could ask for.” I gripped his shoulder as words failed me. “I’ve done wrong by her, but I promise you I’ll be the man she’s always needed.”
Chapter 26
Brielle
I anticipated Julian's rage. When Nate informed me he was coming, I visualized the argument. He would come in, demand I leave at once, and we'd have a standoff.
But that wasn't the case.
Shortly after Nate left for the airport, Delaney arrived home for lunch. The rain had washed away the chalk on the driveway, and I was sitting under the gazebo watching the water trickle onto the perfectly manicured lawn, my mind deep in thought.
“Hey,” Delaney greeted me when she hopped out of her small Mercedes-Benz. I smiled at her, but I knew it was forced. I was lost, my marriage was hanging on by a thread, and my life was in shambles. “The back door is always open, so feel free to come in as you please. I don't want you waiting around for us. Please, Brie, make yourself at home.”
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“Come on,” Delaney motioned with her hand, “I'll make a fresh pot of coffee.”
I had no appetite, but I could never refuse caffeine. I followed Delaney across the deck into her kitchen where I sat at the wooden table. I folded my hands, and my mind continued to replay the last ten years of my life. It was a broken record that wouldn’t stop playing.
“You look deep in thought,” she observed as she yanked the fridge door open.
“I'm scared,” I admitted.
“It'll be okay, Brie.” She placed the milk carton on the table. “Nate and I will make sure Julian gets the help he needs.”
I sighed. The future conversation with Julian was inevitable. I was drained, and most days I wished one of his blows would knock me out of my misery. I shook the dreadful thought from my mind. “What do you do?” I looked away from my crossed hands and to Delaney. “For work, I mean.” At one point Delaney knew everything about me, but now we were complete strangers. She and Nate seemed to have the perfect life.
I envied her.
I wanted the life she had.
“I have a clothing boutique downtown, and three times a week I teach yoga.”
The front door opened, and my heart began to race. I bowed my head as the footfalls neared the kitchen. You could hear a pin drop as no one uttered a sound. I'd been a victim for the past ten years, and even though I tried to fight back, I was too weak. Something in me would always fall back on Julian.
“Brielle,” Julian's voice echoed through the house.
Finding some small piece of courage, I looked up at him. Warm tears trickled down my face. His expression softened and he darted toward me.
“I'm so sorry, baby.” He dropped to his knees and hugged me. “I'm so fucking sorry.”
My arms wrapped around his head and I wept. “Me too,” I cried.
From the corner of my teary eyes, I noticed Nate was standing next to Delaney with his arms wrapped around her. It was odd to have such an emotional conversation with my husband while the man I desperately loved stood only a few feet away.
“I'm sorry I left. I didn't know what else to do.”
“I know, baby. I promise to change. Things will be different.” Julian looked up at me, his thumb brushing my tear stained cheek. “I swear, Brie, I will never be that man again.”
I nodded, and Julian brought his lips to mine. Relief washed over me for a split second, but then deja vu smacked me upside the head. He'd apologized many times before, and still he returned to his abusive ways.
I pulled away from his embrace. “I don't want you to work for Dennis anymore.” My voice was stern.
His Adam’s apple bobbed and he nodded. “I know. It's done. I quit, and we'll be moving down here. I packed all our stuff.”
“You what?” I stood. I didn’t know much about Dennis, but I knew he couldn’t just stop working for him.
“There’s no other way out of it. I can’t stay in Chicago.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “Our home is there. My job is there. My life.”
“I’m sorry. If I go back, Dennis will have me killed.” Julian stood. “There’s no other way.”
I ran a nervous hand through my hair. “What are we supposed to do here for work? There has to be something you can do. You can’t just pick up and leave everything behind.”
Julian narrowed his eyes. “This is what needs to be done. I’ve done a lot in the past for Dennis that can incriminate him. He’ll want me dead if I
go back.” The apologetic tone had vanished.
Shaking my head, I covered my face. “What…Why…God! Why did you work for a monster?”
Nate cleared his throat. “I told Julian I’d talk to some people, get him an interview.”
“And you two are more than welcome to stay in the apartment for as long as you want.” Delaney smiled brightly at me.
No, it couldn't be the four of us all over again. “I don’t want to be your charity case.” I stood and shook my head. “I’m sorry, but no.”
“You’re not charity.” Delaney walked over and grabbed my hand. “You’re family, and we’d be honored to have you both here.”
I glanced at Julian, and a smile overtook his features. My gaze turned to Nate, and I regretted it instantly. His eyes were bright, the perfect shade of green, and the way he looked at me . . . I’d seen that look many times before. I couldn’t be in the same place he was. He had an uncontrollable power over me. Only he could ignite the fire that burned deep inside me. A fire that I tried to put out a long time ago and never could. It was only a matter of time before history repeated itself.
“Fine.”
Julian pulled me into his arms. “It’s settled, then.”
If it was too good to be true, it was most likely bullshit. Julian was the doting, loving husband for one solid week. Six days to be exact. We had six days that I felt a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could breathe.
Dennis was behind us. Julian assured me there was no way he’d ever find us, and I believed him. He seemed to be getting along great with Nate, and promised we would only stay with Nate and Delaney for a few weeks until we found a place of our own.
But I quickly realized it was all a load of crap.
After our decision to stay in Charlotte, I found a job at a local diner. I had no experience and no degree, so my choices for quick employment were slim. Julian went on three interviews, but didn’t receive any call backs. Every morning, he went with Nate to search for potential job offerings. I still had hope he would find something soon and we would get our own place, but until then I worked every shift the diner had to offer.
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