by Tara Taylor
“Are you serious?” I stared into his beautiful hazel eyes. “That would be amazing.”
He kissed my forehead. “Of course I’m serious. Should we call your mom for tonight?”
“Okay,” I nodded.
Once I’d washed my face, John and I went into the kitchen to make the phone call. “Mom,” I squeaked out the words as I played with the telephone cord, “can I sleep at John’s tonight?”
Silence on the other end. I waited.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Indie.”
“Please. We’re not going to sleep in the same room.”
More silence. “Have you been drinking?”
“Not much.”
“Are you crying?”
“A little. But, Mom—”
“I’m coming to pick you up right now.”
“No! Mom. Don’t.”
When my mother arrived at the party, I wanted to vomit. No matter how I pleaded, she said I had to get in the car. She made me put on my shoes and my coat, and she opened the front door and made me go to the car. Why was she ruining everything? John just wanted to comfort me, hold me. We could have talked about Nathan all night.
I slouched in the front seat and refused to talk to her, and I most certainly didn’t tell her about Nathan, because I was just so mad at her. If I had to suffer, she was going to suffer, too. She went on and on about how this was going to be something I thanked her for later, when I wasn’t pregnant at 17.
When we got to our house, I slammed the car door and said, “Nothing would have happened.”
I stalked into the house. When I was in the kitchen, I couldn’t contain myself any longer. “How could you do this to me?” I yelled. “You embarrassed me in front of my friends and John. You ruined my night!”
Then I started sobbing. “I won’t get to kiss John at midnight!”
I stormed to my room and threw myself on the bed. Mom knocked on my door a few times, and I told her to go away. I heard the television downstairs announcing midnight, music and revelers ringing in the New Year with kazoos. I cried so hard my shoulders shook.
I had missed my kiss because of my stupid overprotective mother. I sat up in my bed. Was he kissing Amber now?
A little while later, I heard a knock on my door again.
“Indie,” my mom said from the hallway.
“Go away.”
“I just talked to John’s mother, and she said it would be okay for you to stay there in the spare room. She told me about that boy Nathan. I’m sorry, honey. I’m sure this is a shock for all you kids. I can drive you back to the party. John’s mother said a lot of the kids are sleeping over to talk about this.”
The ride back wasn’t any more vocal than the ride home had been. I was still so mad that she had ruined my New Year’s kiss. I wiped the tears from my cheeks, willing myself to stop crying. When we got back to the house, I opened the car door a crack. Cold air drifted into the vehicle. I hesitated for a second, then I turned to look at my mom. Her face was a mess of wrinkled worry lines.
“I’m not a child anymore,” I said. “John is my life now.”
“I said I was sorry, Indie.”
“Mom, you have to let me go and live my life.”
“I know. I just worry.”
I reached over and touched her arm. “Don’t worry about me anymore. I’m fine.” I paused. “Mom, I love him. And he loves me back. He will protect me.”
Then I got out of the car and walked toward the house without even a glance back.
Chapter
Sixteen
School started the following Monday. As the meteorologists had predicted, the weather had changed and freezing rain was falling from an extremely gray sky. Every radio and television station was talking nonstop about the weather and how to drive with caution and watch your footing when walking and blah, blah, blah. I had listened to the news but only to find out if the city buses were still running, and unfortunately they were. No buses would have meant school was canceled. That was all I really cared about. But no go. We usually got one snow day a year, but with the buses still running, it wasn’t going to be today.
With my backpack slung on my shoulder, I stepped outside and immediately slid on the sidewalk. Of course, I wasn’t wearing shoes with any type of treads. I righted myself and stood for a few seconds to absorb the world around me. The air was still and serene, and there was no wind at all. The rain fell quietly from the sky, almost misty, and it felt soft. I knew I was standing on the ground, but I felt as if I were floating. I liked the feeling, because it was so surreal; it was like visiting a different planet. Ice was starting to coat tree branches and telephone poles. The world looked mystical and eerie.
Then a horn honked that shook me back to reality. I had to get to school.
As I walked slowly to the bus stop, each step an effort to stay standing, I continually looked around me. I knew I should have been looking at the ground to keep my footing, but I couldn’t help staring at what was happening. Crystal-clear ice coated the branches of the trees and telephone poles, and they looked so stoic and magical. This was like being on a futuristic movie set.
I did notice that some of the smaller branches on the trees were already starting to bend toward the ground, which meant they could snap off. Cars drove slowly down the roads, tires spinning, and quite a few were already on the side of the road because of fender benders.
The bus was late, but that was to be expected. Once it arrived, it lumbered slowly along its route, the driver obviously nervous about the road conditions. People who got on immediately shook their heads to get rid of the ice that coated their hair. My mind traveled and my thoughts raced. Now, instead of thinking about how pretty the world looked, I thought about Nathan. He wouldn’t be at school today. He wouldn’t be at school ever again. I could see his face in my mind, and I wondered what had happened to him. Sometimes, the world was just hard and cold, like the ice.
By the time the bus had stopped by the school, I was in a panic. I had to find out what had happened to Nathan.
I went inside as fast as I could, but to avoid slipping again, I had to move a lot slower than I wanted to.
None of my friends really knew how Nathan died. All anyone could tell me was that he drowned. I needed details. I had to know the exact way in which he died. Why did he die?
“Excuse me,” I said, when I entered the guidance office. I ran my finger through my hair to get rid of the ice.
The woman working reception glanced at me over the rim of her reading glasses. I didn’t know her name because I rarely went into the office.
“I heard about Nathan Carroll,” I said. “Can you tell me how he died?”
She continued to look at me as if I were some alien from outer space.
Normally in this kind of situation, I would back down and leave, worried that I was making a scene. Today, I didn’t care.
“I’m—I was his friend. I need to know. It’s important. Please.”
The woman gave me a few little nods as if she somehow understood that it really was important for me to know the answer. “He was at a swimming pool at a resort in Mexico,” she said, “and somehow ended up in the deep end. No one really knows how it happened, but he couldn’t swim, so they figure he had some kind of accident and fell. The lifeguards tried to resuscitate him, but from what I heard, he was dead when they pulled him out.”
I closed my eyes and grabbed on to the counter for support. I had felt the push. Twice. Twice I had felt it. And then we had talked about swimming and pools because he was going swimming and didn’t want to. Should I have connected the two things? They ruled his death an accident so obviously nothing had been done intentionally. Maybe he was even pushed by a dog. Or he walked into someone because he wasn’t looking. Or perhaps a group of kids had run by him and accidently knocked him over. I would never know. I should have warned him to be careful around water. Why hadn’t I said something to him? I should have just said to be careful around pools.
If I had said something, he might have been more observant.
I hated this! I hated knowing things and not knowing what to say and do.
I opened my eyes and put my hand to my forehead. “Is there going to be a funeral? I checked the newspapers and didn’t find any information.”
The receptionist shook her head. “The family kept it private. They didn’t think he had many friends.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
She eyed me with genuine concern. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” My voice squeaked. “I’m fine.”
The woman took off her glasses, and her mouth lifted upward in a small, simple smile. “I guess he did have a friend, after all. I’ll make sure to tell his parents that someone asked about him.”
My legs felt really mushy, like they couldn’t hold me up, as I walked into the hallway. My hands shook, and all I wanted was a cigarette, something that would make me forget about everything. I didn’t care if it was freezing rain outside or if I had a class.
With my head down, I rushed to the back door. When I was almost there, I heard John’s voice and looked up. He was leaning against the wall, laughing with Amber. To see them standing so close made something bristle inside me. Amber must have sensed me staring, because she glanced my way, but only for a second before she patted John’s arm and left. John waved to me as if what was going on with him and Amber was nothing.
Was I feeling paranoid about John talking to Amber because of Nathan? Was I being overly sensitive this morning?
With his lanky stride, John approached. “This weather is crazy,” he said. “Were you going outside?”
“I need a quick cigarette before class.” I shoved my hands in my jacket pockets. “Want to join me?”
“I can’t.” He pulled out a thick pile of papers and held them up. “Finished my essay on Cayce and want to hand it in first block.” He grinned proudly. “I think this is the best work I’ve ever done. I got so into this guy. I could have written a book on him.”
“About time you finished,” I said. At least now we wouldn’t have to talk about that fraud Cayce any more.
“He helped so many people,” said John.
“Well, good luck with the paper,” I said halfheartedly. I did not want to talk about this and how he had helped people.
But you saved the woman.
But Nathan is dead.
But you saved the woman.
But. Nathan. Died!
“I just kept writing, and it flowed.” John continued talking as if I weren’t standing in front of him. “I couldn’t believe it. I think I’m going to get a good mark on this piece of work. Like, my best mark ever.”
“Good,” I mumbled.
“He was just so fascinating. The things he could do.”
I didn’t help Nathan. Why didn’t I help Nathan?
“Hey, I forgot to tell you,” John said with excitement. “I think I found someone like Cayce in the Ottawa area. He claims to be able to do the same thing. I might go to him to ask some questions. I think it would be a cool experience. Just to see how he does it.”
“No one can see stuff that happens in the future!” I snapped.
John frowned and held up his hand. “Whoa. What’s wrong with you? Amber thought it was cool.”
“You talked to Amber about this?”
“Why not? Believe it or not, Indie, she wants to hear what I have to say and is open-minded. Unlike you.”
“I’m—I’m sorry I snapped,” I said quietly.
He leaned toward me. “Weather like this makes people crazy.” He touched my cheek. “I gotta go,” he said.
“And I need a cigarette.” I turned on my heel and headed outside.
Once outside, I opted not to walk all the way to the smoking area and instead leaned against the wet brick and cupped my hands to spark my cigarette. My hands shook as I put the cigarette to my lips. The rain fell softly from the sky, but as soon as it made contact with a building, fence, tree, ground, or whatever it landed on, it froze. It was so ironic that something so beautiful and soft could end up so stiff and tough in just a second. Sometimes John was like that: one minute soft and rounded, then in a second, he could be hard and sharp.
The rain glistened and shone against a gray backdrop. I looked out across the field and could see that now the weight of the ice on the tree branches was causing them to bend. The sky was gray. And the rain just kept falling. But still there was no wind. I pulled the collar of my jacket up. At least being outside in this weather was helping me forget about Nathan. I didn’t want to think about why I hadn’t helped him, if I could have done anything at all.
Taking a drag on my cigarette, I sucked in the smoke, holding it as long as I could before I blew it out. I did that over and over, until I felt my body relax. I hated the fact that I liked smoking. I knew it was bad for me, yet I still did it.
A puff on a cigarette made me feel … what? Normal somehow? Yet another teenager who was trying to prove something? I was anything but normal.
Nathan. My heart hurt for him. I took another drag. And another. I was just so unsure about what I was supposed to do with my visions. I really just wished they would go away. They confused me and made me scared, because I had no idea how to handle them. I had told Lacey about the vision of Burke with Amber, and look what happened: she hated me. I hadn’t told Nathan, and look what happened: he died.
You saved a woman, Indie.
“Why do you talk to me all the time?”
I’m here to help you. Guide you.
“I can’t be guided. There is nowhere to go with all of this.”
I glanced around to see if anyone was nearby. If kids at school heard me talking to myself, they would think I was certifiably nuts. But I was alone in a gray world with freezing rain falling from the sky.
You have a path you must follow. You see and hear for a reason.
“A path. Yeah, right. An icy road, maybe—one where I can slip and fall and look like an idiot.” I took another huge drag from my cigarette, holding the smoke in my lungs until I thought they would burst.
Then it hit me. A huge jab.
Burke!
I straightened my spine. Something was going to happen to him. I had seen it on Halloween! I had to warn Lacey or say something to someone.
Nathan died.
Because I didn’t say anything.
I couldn’t live through another death like this one. I just couldn’t.
My cigarette hung from my fingers, the ashes dropping, dropping. I just stood ramrod straight, unable to move. I stared out at the world, the rain, the ice, the gray. Why couldn’t I move? My mind and body felt locked. Then I felt the heat on my fingers, the sting of fire. And I also felt the cold.
My hair was covered in ice, and I was shivering. There was nothing left of my cigarette; I had burned it to a stub. I had to get inside.
I ran back into the school, shaking my head, little shards of ice flying all over the floor.
The freezing rain continued for the rest of the morning, and the sidewalks soon became one big sheet of ice. At noon the principal came over the loudspeaker, telling us that they were closing the school due to the ice storm. Hoots and hollers sounded from every classroom. When I arrived at my locker to get my coat, John was waiting for me, and I didn’t see Lacey. Now I couldn’t say anything about the Burke vision. With the weather, it was not the time. But what if he got in a car accident?
But I knew he wasn’t going to have a car accident. That wasn’t how it was going to be.
“Let’s hang out at your place,” said John, casually leaning against my locker.
“Sure.” I smiled at him. Why was I always doubting him? He was always there for me. He smiled back, and all I wanted to do was fall into his arms. I wasn’t mad at him anymore. I needed him. And right now I was the one who had him, not Amber. I should have been thankful.
John and I left the school together, and once outside, we discovered that the sidewalks and roads w
ere sheer ice. The bus was late, but fortunately they were still running in the city.
John and I stood at the back of the bus. “Look at the trees,” he exclaimed. “Some of the branches are almost touching the ground. They will snap in half if this continues.”
I nodded and stared out the bus window. Ottawa was literally turning into one big sheet of ice. Finally, we got off the bus, but when we tried to walk we could hardly move because we were sliding so much. I had to grab on to John’s arm to stay upright.
“Let me take your backpack,” he said to me.
I handed it to him, and he took my hand. “Let’s hold each other up,” he said.
Although I knew the storm was wreaking havoc across the city and cars were skidding everywhere and trees were getting destroyed, I had to admit that I loved the feeling of walking with John in this science fiction world. By now, ice covered everything, making the trees, streetlights, telephone poles, and buildings glisten. The huge hydro poles covered in ice looked like monsters. The ice-coated cars parked along the road looked like huge bugs. I loved how John was holding me up. We had to walk so slowly that it took double the time to get to my house.
Once inside, we both laughed as we shook the ice from our heads. Then I called out for my parents and discovered that no one was home yet.
“I should call my mom,” said John, “and tell her I’m here.”
After John called his mom, I talked to my parents. They were both going to stay at work and finish the day. My dad was going to pick my mother up from work because she was afraid to drive. And Brian was out of town for the day with his job. John and I made some soup and grilled cheese sandwiches and ate in front of the television. A severe storm warning kept interrupting the programming.
Once we had finished lunch, we cuddled on the sofa downstairs, with the lights off, watching mindless television and reading the weather warning that continually ran along the bottom of the screen. Our bodies just felt so right together.
