When we came to a stop, I opened the door, ready to jump out like a spider. Seeing this, Jeremy quickly reminds me of the height from the truck to the ground. He jumped off his seat with grace, a jump I haven’t been able to this since my view of my feet disappeared. With his help, I climbed down his inconvenient truck. I danced, the only trees that can perfectly hide my privacy parts are blocked by the set up the wooden fences. I have no choice.
“Are you seriously going to pee straight out into the—”
“Turn away, I can’t hold it!” I cried.
Jeremy looked away. He cupped his ears like hearing my urine tinkle is a sin. The immediate relief followed, washing away my hot headedness. With the pressure gone, I opened my backpack and pulled out my best friend, the toilet paper.
Jeremy has frozen in time, his back still faced me with his hands tightly covering his ears. When I tapped his shoulders, he jumped. It’s difficult to tell him I’m ready to go without smiling.
My urge to pee didn’t initiate a conversation. I think it gives Jeremy a bigger reason to not converse with someone who just urinated in the open. I much rather have Dr. Graham as company, my experience would be much different. I’m confident that by now Dr. Graham and I would be singing Camp-town Races and Kumbaya. Within 15 minutes, the impulse to pee returned, I shifted in my seat, hoping to push this growing desire a minute longer.
“How many times do you do this?” asked Jeremy, seeing my obvious movements.
“At least ten.”
“You’re kidding!” he exclaimed. “It will be hours before we get to your home.”
“It will be less with the way I was holding it the first time”
Jeremy shook his head, keeping his eyes straight ahead, just realizing what trouble he got himself into. It’s a sign that this is his first official encounter with a pregnant woman. He looks around my age, at least old enough to have children. I don’t know what Dr. Graham said into forcing him to do this, but now I’m starting to feel sympathetic. The poor guy was probably on his way home, maybe he was getting ready for a date, or was about to invite his father to lunch! Whatever Dr. Graham did, he did it mercilessly.
Within an hour on the road, being the passenger became tiresome. I don’t need to keep my eyes on the road, the broken window on my truck isn’t blowing to keep me awake. Come to think of it, Jeremy must be tired too. From the looks of his clothes, he’s done his work for the day.
“I’m sorry for the trouble.” I said in mid-yawn.
Jeremy glanced at me, and focused back on the road. He shrugged his shoulder, and said his dad has a way with words to manipulate you. That is no lie.
“Besides.” he added. “When I found out you were the infamous Lola, I had to make my old man happy and do as he asked.”
“Infamous?” I said feeling my cheeks grow hot.
It’s confirmed, the clever Dr. Graham has been gossiping about me! Not just to his wife but to his own son!
“Well, he never gave out a name.” he confessed. “I’d just hear him ramble about a stubborn patient. ‘Pregnancy should not be taken lightly!’ he’d yell. When I saw your belly and your truck I had to conclude he was talking about you.”
“I didn’t know I was so problematic.” I said half lying.
“Well you don’t need to be a genius to know you want keep to yourself. That’s the ingredient that drives my old man crazy. By the way, did it occur to you that Natalie was purposely making you wait?”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” he probed.
“I have my reasons.” I justified. “I was rude to her last time, so I didn’t want to be rude again.”
Jeremy laughed, but I’m starting to question which of us he is laughing at.
“Why did you decide to live so deep into the Okanogan Forest?” he said. “That specific road of yours is almost invisible on the GPS.”
It looks like our sacred silence is now broken. Jeremy has questions, and needs to be entertained. For the trouble of taking me home, I thanked him by answering.
“I need a home to live.”
“You couldn’t find one in the city?”
“I don’t have that kind of money.” I responded.
Jeremy grew silent, letting my words sink in. He quickly changed the topic by sharing his life in the country.
“It’s on the east side of town. It’s not even close from being this far. I own some land, and run a small business selling organic crops. You’d think I end up being a doctor like my dad, but I turned out completely different.”
It’s true, you can see the huge contrast from Jeremy’s muddy boots, and Dr. Graham’s polished shoes. I still remember the cracked dirt on Dr. Graham’s elaborate Persian rug. Come to think of it, Dr. Graham had different rugs every other month. I couldn’t help but chuckle, now I the culprit is Jeremy.
“What’s so funny?” he said.
“It’s a cough.” I lied. “Just a cough.”
We didn’t cover much road without making several more stops to release my bladder. But by the last stop, our destination grew near. This trip has never felt this short, I suppose driving with company is much better than driving alone.
With daylight savings time ending, Jeremy will be driving back home at dark. When I glanced at him he yawned for a long period. His large jaw expanded and his straight nose crinkled. He caught me staring at him, with speed—I looked away.
“I noticed dad seems especially concern for you. Is this your first child?” said Jeremy. “I’m not trying to be nosy or anything. I think talking will help me right now.”
If he runs his own crops, I assume he has to sleep before the sun sets and wake up before the sun rises. Way to use your son to become father of the year Dr. Graham.
“Yes.” I finally replied.
Jeremy leaned towards me and whispered.
“You’re really not that talkative huh.”
I looked away, annoyed that he tried to make a secret out of my lack of speech.
“So I’m guessing you’re married?” he added returning his attention to the road. “Come on, help me out here.”
“I’m married.” I responded. “At least, until my baby is born.”
“What does that mean?”
“My husband doesn’t want to be a father.”
“I’m sorry, it must have been really hard.” said Jeremy. “Can I put some music for you? What do you like?”
Once again, Jeremy quickly reformed our conversation. It looks like this sort of stuff has gotten him into trouble. I can’t blame him for trying to fight off Dr. Graham’s habit in asking personal questions.
“We like classical music—piano.” I said taking my baby into consideration.
“Great, I like piano as well.” continued Jeremy. “Looks like I have a new friend when the baby is born.”
I glanced at him and he glanced back at me—Jeremy instantly turned away. Ignoring his amusing comment, I returned to be the silent passenger.
We entered the Okanogan forest, my first thought came to Avalon. Should I bring her some more soup—no she doesn’t want me to get near her. I can’t even contact her, how will I know if the Elite have arrived?
“Are we almost there?” said a yawning Jeremy.
With the natural landscape engulfing the view around us, Jeremy probably feels like he reached his boundaries. For a man who lived in Washington State his whole life, he looks untired of the greenery and the endless rocky hills. He added that the passing vehicles ended when he made a turn on this road. I enlighten him and told him not many take this old road.
“You must feel crummy living this far and by yourself.” he commented. “I would go crazy.”
“It doesn’t bother me.” I defended.
“Seeing for myself, the distance from town, you’re a little too bold to be pregnant and traveling this far.”
In that instant, Jeremy is treating me distinctly, like the people who made my life ill. Why should his opinions determine
whether I could survive or not.
“I’m sure you may feel that way because you have a family to come home to. I can assure you that I don’t find living here dangerous or lonely.”
It’s easier for people to pity a poor, pregnant, and single woman. I didn’t get any sympathy when I lived with my abusive husband. It’s harder to sympathize with what you cannot see, because you’re compelled to do something about it.
“I don’t have a family.” said Jeremy “Although I guess you could say I was close to having one.”
“Your wife can’t have children.” I concluded.
“No, she didn’t become my wife. I mean—we were engaged and all—planned our wedding along with all that good stressful stuff. Everything went to shit after we sent out the wedding invitations. We’ve been together for a long time, but it turns out she was also with someone else for half of that time. I only found out when the man she was with knocked on my door and spilled the beans. My mom had to send another letter saying the wedding was off. What’s worse is that I’m still have to talk to her and be her friend. My ex’s mother said her daughter has been miserable, and is acting suicidal—what a turn of events for me.”
Jeremy could’ve said ‘things didn’t work out’ and I wouldn’t ask for more. He didn’t stop there, Jeremy went on without a catch for breath. He didn’t need to go into great detail, but he did anyway. We all have diverse minds, I understand if he’s dealing with his pain differently.
“You’d think she would fess up and move on, maybe marry the other guy instead. Instead, she clings on to me, her ex-fiancé to pick her up and pat her on the back. I don’t understand why women put themselves on an altar and make us men bow to them just because their feelings are hurt. What makes her think I wasn’t hurt?”
“I wouldn’t know” I replied.
“I was!” he exclaimed. “What makes you think I wasn’t? My love for her turned out to be a lie!”
“I have never hurt my husband like that.” I explained. “So I wouldn’t know.”
“Any girl has hurt and driven her man furious. Women are manipulative beings, they think they’re so clever at influencing us with guilt-ridden trips. We know their game, but they continue to play their life like some cheap soap opera—it pisses me off.”
Jeremy statements are agreeable. My mother was the same way with my stepdad. In poverty, she strived to survive. This survival meant making herself number one in emotions, money, and necessities. My siblings fell second, and my stepdad was third. I was not on the list. Jeremy has every right to speak that way, he’s exhaling manifested hurt from the infidelity of his ex-fiancé. At the same time, his annoyance of the opposite gender bothers me. I’m a woman aren’t I? Or is incubating a baby temporarily exempts me from being a female.
He’s beginning to remind me of my husband, who often addressed women being of no value. During our fights, he liked to remind me that he married me out of pity. When Jeremy persisted about the immoral motives of women, I decided to shed some light to his approach on the topic.
“Not all of us are this way.” I said politely.
Hoping he would get the idea that I’m a woman, he got more furious.
“Well point her out!” he snapped. “No offense, but I’m sure you pissed off your husband many times.”
“I never ‘pissed off’ my husband.”
My impression of Dr. Graham’s son is starting rot. I’m not his target, but he’s been comparing my flawed marriage to his shattered hopes and dreams. For Jeremy to get this hysterical, I cannot imagine the damage his ex-fiancé caused.
“You’re telling me you’re not responsible for your actions in your relationship? You can’t tell me you never argued with him.”
“Yes.” I admitted. “I did.”
“Exactly, which means you provoked him instead of trying to assess the situation!”
“Please, drop it.” I prompted. “You don’t know what I went through—”
“Try me.” he tested. “The last 4 years of my life have been a complete illusion. I got stabbed in the heart by the woman everyone least expected would do something as low as hold a long-term relationship with her boss!”
“Did she beat you?!” I exclaimed. “Did she mentally abuse you? At least she had the decency to cheat behind your back instead of the room across your bedroom! Don’t tell me about deceitful women, when I’ve been living with the foulest man on earth. Yes—I was stupid for thinking he would change and allow myself to suffer abuse after abuse. You can keep bad mouthing women, but don’t list me as one of them.”
Jeremy didn’t utter any confident words after that. What I brought to light is sufficient to keep him silent. Now I don’t know if what I said is a wise move. I just yelled at Dr. Graham’s son, and told him things I never told his father. If Jeremy reports this, all hell will break lose. I wouldn’t be surprise if Dr. Graham will lose respect for me.
“He really did that to you?”
“Yes.” I replied. “For years.”
“What made you want to leave him—why now?”
“My baby.” I said looking down. “My husband threatened to do whatever he could to separate us. I opened my eyes, and did the only thing I can do to protect us. I left California. I haven’t seen him since—”
“Lola.” interrupted Jeremy.
I looked at him but he shook his head and said never mind. Back on the road, I saw the Mable sign and directed Jeremy to the small opening. At last, we are finally here. Unlike my old truck, his new model has no trouble getting through the bumpy road, the congested trees and shrubs. The large tires claim dominion over the road and we smoothly drove over the gravel. The sight of the cabin caused Jeremy to whistle.
“Whoa.” he started. “I thought it was worn and neglected but that’s one fancy looking cabin.”
“I really have to pee.” I panted.
Jeremy noticed the dark patches beside the stone path, and parked his silver truck over what would be my truck’s spot. I quickly went to stairs to get into the cabin, Jeremy trailed behind, slowly observing the area. His neck stretched at every turn, his jaw partially dropped. I guess for a farmer who needs a naked earth to plant crops, the forest gives him a fresh perspective.
When I finished my business in the bathroom, Kinoki has already greeted our guest in the living room. She sat on his lap and purred at the touch of Jeremy’s large hands, roughly smoothing her coat. I told him to wait while I pack my things, he agreed, hinting not to lift anything heavy.
“Can I take a walk around this place?” he asked sounding almost childlike.
“Help yourself.” I answered finding his character comical.
Having my fist guest is becoming enjoyable. The cabin entertained Jeremy without having to host.
Within half an hour, I filled two boxes of hygiene products, and books. The suitcase Ms. Clarisse passed on to me is now full of a month’s worth of clothes. I hope Dr. Graham’s home has enough privacy for me to remain in the same garments for at least two days, otherwise they will notice I’m not abundant in outfits. I called out for Jeremy to lift the luggage for me. When he arrived he appeared wide eyed like a kid at a museum.
“Care for something to drink?” I said. “There’s water, juice—”
“Some coffee.” he said with no formality. “I will need it for the ride back.”
He took my luggage and carried it to the truck, when he returned, he had Kinoki back in his arms. Kinoki doesn’t seem to mind our first visitor. The two sat in the kitchen table, and watched me prepare a pot of freshly brewed coffee. The smell alone woke up my senses, I want to sneak a cup for myself but resisted the temptation. Jeremy began to share is quick liking to the cabin.
“This place looks like a regular house, and its well taken care of.”
“The previous owner kept the building up to date.” I added.
“Who, how did you…” Jeremy paused. “You know what—I’m not going to ask. Hey I—never mind.”
Even if Jerem
y’s curiosity, I feel no obligation to answer him. I passed him a cup of coffee and filled a mug for his road back home. The setting sun is right on schedule, the bright sky is beginning to diminish. A gust of wind hit the largest window in the kitchen. Hundreds of red and yellow leaves slapped the glass, and brushed away. Jeremy instantly admitted his fault. He said he was wrong to think I would feel crummy with the beautiful scenery outside the cabin.
“It’s not always like this.” I confessed. “At night, it can get pretty dark and depressing.”
That was half a lie, I hate the hours of darkness.
“That’s why you need company at night.” he suggested.
Our eyes met each other, and we equally turned away. His brought his attention back to the view of the Cascade Mountains. I took notice on a strange feeling, something about his presence makes me feel safe. Did I ever felt like that with my husband?
“I’m sorry.” he confessed.
How eccentric to hear a man apologize for no reason. Jeremy let Kinoki free and leaned on the table. The cabin fever in his hazel eyes are gone.
“Sorry for what?” I replied.
“For acting like a complete jerk on the road. You don’t know how ashamed I feel for my rude behavior, I judged you for being a woman. That’s not who I am—I’m not that kind of man. I’m just fed up with how things ended for me. It’s been months now, but my ex-fiancé continues to play the blameless victim.”
“Victim..?” I inquired “For cheating on you?”
“She tried to validate that she was pressured into staying with her lover for four years. What she said didn’t matched the pictures of her wearing matching clothes with him. Her smile in a bathing suit, the bed they shared together, and even the family events she attended. She lived a double life. With him, she was more rebellious, but with me she was a sweetheart. In the end, I wanted to work things out. A part of me didn’t want to throw everything away, but she refused to admit it ever happened! Her reasons had nothing to do with saving our relationship, she wanted to save her face from our peers, our family, and friends. When I cancelled the wedding, I told everyone and she couldn’t handle the embarrassment. To this day, she breaks down, and calls me to help her get rid of the shame in her heart. My friends tell me to stop answering her calls, but it’s not that easy. How can I when she’s acting suicidal? If anything should happen, I don’t want that on my conscious. Now I have to pretend I’m okay in order to get her through the day. It’s so difficult to hear her voice, and encourage her to be strong. I don’t even know how I’m supposed to continue mine. Why does she have to make me look after her like that? I didn’t cheat on her—I’m the one who got hurt, I’m in pain as well.”
The Birth (The Black Wing Book 1) Page 19
