“There,” said Kean approvingly. “Now I’ll just go find a boy. You can get back to work.”
Samantha nodded and moved out into the corridor, but her heart was pounding and her knees were trembling so violently that she could barely think. She must, however, make her way back to the wings. She would not dare look out upon the audience. What if she were to discover him laughing at her note or showing it to that creature? A violent fit of trembling came over her. She had no right to say anything about Amy. For wasn’t she about to become the same kind of creature? If she got the chance.
* * * *
The second half of the play was over and the afterpiece begun before a liveried footman approached her. “Miss Samantha Everett?” he inquired in discreet tones.
Samantha nodded. “Yes?”
“The Earl of Roxbury has sent me.” His voice dropped still lower. “Unfortunately he is not free this evening to accede to your request. However, he will be pleased to wait upon you tomorrow at eleven to offer any assistance he may. Is that agreeable to you?”
“Yes, yes. Tell him yes, thank you.” She managed to get the words out.
As the footman departed, Samantha put out a hand to steady herself. Tomorrow. She would really see him tomorrow!
* * * *
The next morning found Samantha awake at first light. Her sleep had been fitful and uneven, marred by dreams in which the earl alternately gave her the cut directly or glared at her from cold black eyes. She woke weak and feverish and could not fall asleep again. Finally she crawled out of the big bed, thrust her feet into her slippers, and pulled on her robe. Then, with another deep sigh, she went to stand by the window. It had snowed in the night, and the world was all white and glistening. For a moment it reminded Samantha of her childhood. How she had run from tree to tree, squealing in delight at the beauty that lay around her. In those days her parents had both been alive and healthy. She remembered them standing in the window watching her play.
A tear welled up in Samantha’s eye and trickled slowly down her cheek. If only her mother were here now to tell her what to do. Was there ever a legitimate reason for breaking the rules? And almost immediately she knew the answer to her question. If by some miracle Roxbury loved her, really loved her, as she loved him, all the strictures of society would have been mere cobwebs, cheerfully brushed aside.
But Roxbury did not love her, she reminded herself darkly. He perhaps liked her - or had before he’d discovered her deceit. But love, she felt, was an emotion quite foreign to his lordship’s breast. Passion he could feel. She had seen that clearly in the dark depths of those blazing, black eyes. Another shiver stole over Samantha. Didn’t passion always fade? And then, with no legal ties to bind him, the earl would move merrily on, seeking another object to arouse fresh passion.
Samantha’s teeth came down sharply on her knuckle as she sought to muffle a cry of pain. How could she stand it when he left her? Was this a wise decision she was making, or would it only add to her misery?
Abruptly she turned from the window and began to pace. How could she go through with this thing? But how could she not?
Back and forth she paced, her mind a mass of boiling, churning thoughts. But no matter how she paced, she was no closer to an answer to the endless questions that plagued her.
Some time later the door to the bedroom opened. “Miss Samantha,” said Hester. “Whatever you doing out of bed and no fire lit?”
Samantha shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep. Really, I’m quite warm enough.”
Hester’s reply to this was a snort. “You just get yourself over here by the hearth. I’ll have this fire going in no time.”
Absently Samantha nodded and moved in the desired direction, but just as she had felt no cold, she felt no heat when the fire blazed into warmth. All her thoughts were concentrated on the coming interview. Her hands went clammy and her heart began to thud heavily when she considered that in a few hours time she would be standing in the little sitting room, facing the earl.
“My word, Miss Samantha,” Hester scolded. “Your hands is like ice. Now you come set over here and get warmed up. I’ll bring you a nice breakfast.”
“I don’t want to eat, Hester. I’m not hungry.”
“Now you listen to me. You got to stop this. Why, you ain’t eaten enough lately to keep a bird going. People got to eat. That’s all there is to it.”
“I’ll eat later, Hester, truly I will. But not now.” She swallowed over a lump that had risen in her throat. “You see, I - I’m having a caller this morning.”
Hester’s face took on a strange expression. “And who might it be?”
Samantha leaned closer to the fire. “It’s -the Earl of Roxbury.”
“Well, it’s about time. So the earl’s coming courting.”
“No! Hester!” The words came out more sharply than Samantha had expected, and Hester glanced at her in surprise. “He’s not coming courting,” explained Samantha. “I -I asked him to give me some advice. That’s all.”
Hester looked bewildered. “Advice on what?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Hester. I’m sorry. I just can’t.”
Hester’s stern face took on a knowing look. “Ain’t no need to tell me nothing. I got eyes in my head. I see how you look when you talk about him. You sure he ain’t the marrying kind?”
Samantha nodded. “Quite sure. Hester, I just don’t know what to do.” Unconsciously she twisted the belt of her robe between nervous fingers.
Hester sighed. “I can’t be telling you what to do. I expect I’d have had my Jake without no ceremony if I had to. But I ain’t no lady of quality. You just got to decide for yourself.”
Samantha sighed. “Maybe we should just go back to Dover.”
“Samantha Everett! I never thought to see the day that a girl I raised would turn out such a quitter!”
“But love is so painful!” exclaimed Samantha. “And you never know how long it’ll last.”
Hester shook her head. “I thought you had more understanding than that. Of course, love’s got its pain. Ain’t nothing worthwhile that ain’t hard. Else it wouldn’t be worthwhile.” Her plain face took on that radiance that Samantha had noticed before. “But I wouldn’t have missed loving for nothing! I’m telling you, Miss Samantha, it’s worthwhile. It really is.”
Samantha nodded. “I see that, Hester. But Jake loves you. The earl does not love me.”
Hester considered this for some moments in silence. “I can’t help none in your decision,” she said finally. “But I’m gonna make you a pot of chocolate. Then we’re gonna get you all dressed nice.”
“Hester,” Samantha began, but the maid silenced her.
“Whatever you decide to do, it ain’t gonna hurt none to look your best. I think the coral silk.”
Samantha shook her head. “That’s a gown for evening. I would look silly wearing it so early in the day.”
“All right, then, the white muslin with the blue ribbons. And I’ll fix your hair nice, not in that awful tight knot.” Seeing Samantha’s expression, she hastened to add, “Not real fancy. Just sort of laying back in a softer knot.”
Samantha nodded. She was far too distraught to argue over such trivialities. As long as she didn’t look ridiculous, she would go along with Hester.
So she drank her chocolate, was washed, dressed, and combed. Looking in the cheval glass at herself, she frowned. “Hester, I look awful. So pale.”
“That’s cause you ain’t been eating right,” Hester replied. “And I ain’t got no paint. Just pinch your cheeks afore he comes in.”
Samantha nodded. The way the earl made her color up, her cheeks would probably be red anyway. At any rate, she would not have stooped to painting. She was not - She stopped in mid-thought. Perhaps she was not yet one of those brazen creatures, but if Kean’s plan worked, she soon would be. She pushed the thought from her mind.
She was ready far too early, of course. For a while she sat listlessly in a chair be
fore the fire, but as the hour of the earl’s arrival approached, she found she could no longer sit still, and she rose and began to pace the length of the small sitting room. But nothing seemed to help. Her stomach was full of wild butterflies, her knees were quivering, her throat dry, and her hands clammy. Samantha felt like calling the whole thing off, but she could not very well send Jake to tell the earl that she had changed her mind.
The final minutes seemed to drag interminably, but promptly at eleven a carriage bearing the Roxbury crest pulled up at the door. As Jake went down to open for his lordship, Samantha turned a panic-stricken face to Hester. The old maidservant eyed her sternly. “You do what you got to, Miss Samantha. Can’t nobody do more than that. Jake and me, we’ll be waiting in the kitchen.”
“Thank you, Hester.” As the maidservant left, Samantha debated with herself. Should she greet the earl standing or sitting? She decided for standing. That way he was not quite such a towering figure.
And so she stood nervously waiting, listening to the sound of his footsteps on the stairs. Then Jake stood in the doorway intoning in his most formal style, “His lordship, the Earl of Roxbury.”
As Jake stepped aside, Samantha forced herself to unclasp her hands and stand straight. Then Roxbury came through the door. He bowed gravely. “Good day, Miss Everett,” he said very formally.
“Good day, milord.” She tried to make her voice as calm as possible. “Please come in and make yourself comfortable.”
The earl moved forward and selected a heavy old armchair. He sat in it quite erect; obviously he did not find the interview a comfortable one.
There was silence in the room for some minutes. Samantha too selected a chair and seated herself, but she did not quite know how to begin. Finally Roxbury spoke. “Your message said that you have decided to marry. May I ask what prompted such a step?”
“I -” She found she was twisting her hands again and clasped them together tightly. “I - I find that I need a husband. But I do not know anyone in the ton. And so, before I let my interest be known - because I have considerable substance - I should like some advice from you. Some - some information as to various possibilities, et cetera.”
His dark eyes regarded her curiously. “And what has happened to your plan to work backstage?” he asked. “Surely you are aware that no husband of quality would allow you to continue in such a position.”
Samantha nodded. “I know. But you see, the theatre isn’t as exciting as it used to be.” That, at least, was the truth, she thought, wishing she had ignored Kean’s plan. His lordship was not a man easily deceived.
“I see.” He nodded gravely. “You have discovered the feet of clay.”
“Yes, I guess you could say that.” Samantha tried to keep her eyes away from him, but they seemed to want to feast on the sight of him. And all the time he sat formally erect. Though only a few feet separated them, he seemed miles away from her. Something within her urged her to throw herself into his arms, but of course she put it down. “I want to lead a normal life,” she said, hating the way her voice broke in the middle of the sentence. Suddenly she could sit still no longer. She jumped to her feet and walked to the window. It was easier to talk to him if she couldn’t see his beloved features. “What do you think, milord, about my plan?”
“It seems eminently sensible.” He had risen too and stood some distance away from her. “Especially for a woman with principles like yours,” he added dryly.
Samantha held her breath. Now. Would he ask her now?
“As it happens, I have several acquaintances who might be interested,” said the earl in even tones. “I take it that your estate in Dover is unentailed.”
Samantha nodded. “Yes, milord.” Her heart was beating so rapidly that she wondered that he could not hear its thudding.
“And your substance is sufficient to make you a good catch?”
“Yes, milord.” Still Samantha kept her back to him. She could not bear to face him during this futile charade. Already she could feel she had made a mistake. He was no longer interested in her as a woman. That much should be apparent.
“Do you prefer an older, settled man who may soon leave you a rich widow, or a young, handsome one who will soon leave you an unhappy wife?”
Samantha swung around to face him. “You mock me, milord.”
The earl smiled cynically. “Indeed, I believe you have things turned end to. You mock me. How am I to believe that the woman who had little use for the institution is now suddenly eager to enter a marriage of convenience? The woman who spoke so highly of love now seeks a loveless union.”
“I - People change,” Samantha stammered, her eyes falling away from his. Why must he look at her like that, as though he meant to strip her soul of all its deepest secrets?
Roxbury moved closer. “I do not believe that you have changed so drastically.” His face darkened. “Perhaps it is a matter of vanity with me. Since I failed to move you with my passion, I cannot bear to believe that mere boredom has so affected your actions.”
“You did not fa -” Samantha caught herself. “This is a different case, milord.” She felt strangely calm now. She knew the plan had failed, but still she continued to play her part, like an actress who goes on no matter what. “You wanted me to go against my principles, whereas in this situation that is not the case.”
The earl’s mouth tightened grimly, and he strode toward her with such determination that she had to force herself not to back away. “You wish me to believe that selling yourself into a loveless marriage does not violate your principles, while an alliance with me does. These are strange principles, especially after our last kiss. Tell me” - his brows drew together in a fierce frown - “how does selling yourself to some old lecher become more highly principled than coming to me?”
Scarlet flooded Samantha’s cheeks. “Milord, you insult me.”
“I don’t see how.” The strong line of his jaw thrust out as he seemed to strive for control. “Whatever treatment you received at my hands,” he continued, “you asked for by masquerading as what you were not. All my actions with you were quite honest and aboveboard.” He took a step closer until he was only inches away. “I offered you an alliance based on affection and respect. And a passion I was sure you also felt,” he added harshly. “And I would have made it profitable for you.”
Something snapped inside Samantha. She could bear this no longer. “I accept your offer,” she said quietly.
“And you rejected -” He stopped. “You what?” His black eyes seemed to burn into her soul, but she stood unflinching.
“I accept your offer.” Now that she had done it, she felt strangely relieved. She would love him while she could, and when he was no longer there - She would face that later. “I should like to keep Hester and Jake on. They both like you. Have you still a little establishment in mind? I fear I cannot stay in these rooms.”
She paused, but the earl made no reply. He stood there, his mouth agape, his face a study in bewilderment.
“Come, milord,” said Samantha, “answer my questions. I am eager to begin our alliance - based, I believe you said, on affection, respect, and passion.” She did not know what drove her to behave in this horrid brassy way, but now that she had declared herself, she meant to get an answer from him.
The earl made a visible effort to gather his wits. “Samantha! Have you gone mad?”
She shook her head. “Of course not. I’m only making the choice you advised. Choosing the more pleasant, freer union. And I shall heed your other advice and squirrel it away, so that when our golden days are over, I will have something to live on till I can find another protector.”
“Samantha!” He reached out and grabbed her roughly. “Stop it this instant!”
“My, my,” she taunted. “And I was accused of being changeable. What’s the matter, milord? Am I no longer attractive to you?” She did not know why she was driven to provoke him so. But to have offered herself and been refused - “Come, come, milord. Ther
e are financial matters to be discussed too. How much shall you give me a quarter? How many new gowns shall I have? Or was I right? Have you taken up with a new doxie, one without principle -”
He shook her then; he shook her so hard that for a minute the room spun dizzily and she could not speak. “Little fool, stop that kind of talk. You can’t do a thing like this and you know it.” His eyes blazed at her.
Samantha found her voice. “Ah, milord, but you mistake me, I can and I will. Come, do you intend to stand behind your offer?”
“Sama -”
“I have no pride left!” she cried. “Will you tell me her name? The name of the woman who has taken my place?”
He shook her again, “Samantha, you little ninny. No one has taken your place.”
“Don’t worry about my feelings,” she sobbed, the tears brimming over from her eyes. Her arms ached where his fingers dug into her tender flesh, but compared to the pain in her heart, this ache was nothing. “You’ve never worried about them before. Tell me, is it Amy? Or was it you who set up little Lily?” She glared at him defiantly while the tears poured down her cheeks. “Tell me,” she cried again. “I knew I would be superseded. I knew it.” She was near hysteria now and ashamed of this wild babbling, but she could not seem to stop herself. “I knew you would leave me, but I did not know it would be so soon. Before you even had me. I knew I should never have loved you. I knew it would be like this.” The sobs overtook her then, and she could no longer speak. Because her tears blinded her, she did not see the strange succession of expressions which passed over his lordship’s face while she spoke.
She shook with the terrible sobs that wrenched her whole body. She had made an utter fool of herself - and for nothing. He no longer even wanted her. She must get away from him, she thought wildly, she must run somewhere and hide her shame. She tried to wrench herself free of his grasp, but instead of releasing her, he pulled her close against his waistcoat. She had no more strength to fight him then, and she abandoned herself to her grief.
It was some moments later that she grew conscious of his hand moving comfortingly on her back and the soft murmur of his voice. “Samantha, oh, Samantha, what have I done to you? So innocent. And I drove you to this.”
Love Plays a Part Page 23
