Revisions by Coon and Roddenberry: Aug. 17, 18, 19 & 22, 1966.
Adrian Spies (pronounced “Spees”), 46 at this time, began as a reporter and feature writer for the New York Mirror. Once he made the move to television, Spies wrote for many of the prestigious anthology series from the 1950s, including Dick Powell Theatre, Climax, and Studio One. More than merely keeping busy in television, Spies was considered a “star” writer who was in great demand. And he was very well thought of by Desi Arnaz. Spies often wrote for Desilu Playhouse, and Arnaz honored him with an invitation to write an episode which would showcase the studio boss’s dramatic acting ability. Of “So Tender, So Profane,” Daily Variety said:
In a momentous week, the veil was lifted on unseen phenomena, as far apart as heaven and earth. The Soviets let us see what the other side of the moon looked like and Desi Arnaz turned his serious side to the millions gathered around their sets Friday night. He acted rather than jollied.... He played the role with restraint and feeling, that of a Cuban factory worker forced against his wishes to reinstate in his society a sister who went wayward [played by future Star Trek guest star Barbara Luna]…. Desi’s every move was measured and tempered, yet it was he who gave the story by Adrian Spies its dramatic authority and sustained interest.
Spies wrote other high profile episodes of Desilu Playhouse. One, “Meeting At Appalachin,” dramatized a 1957 fight between the law and racketeers in New York State. Weekly Variety reported that:
The Desilu treatment of that confab was considered so hot that its telecasting was delayed until the completion of the conspiracy trial against participants. It was felt that the telecasting of Adrian Spies teleplay might prejudice the trial, which resulted in convictions and deportations of some of the participants.
After its airing, the reviewer for Daily Variety wrote:
Adrian Spies high-voltage teleplay... was a tense, gripping study of events leading up to and including that infamous crime conclave.
But Spies was not a science fiction writer. This was alien territory for him and, with “Miri,” he was clearly borrowing from other sources. Consider this William Golding’s Lord of the Flies meets Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend, in search of the Fountain of Youth.
While the script for this episode was being written, Roddenberry told Dave Kaufman, of Daily Variety, that he believed:
Kids reach their maturity at 12. As they reach maturity they go downhill. They are lovely and pure at 12.... Adrian Spies and I were talking about our kids, and out came a story by him on bacteriological warfare which kills all the adults on a planet. All the children escape this, and remain children forever. The kids are three centuries old when we come on their planet. This is how sci-fi should be done -- magnifying of a situation, and dramatize it. Sci-fi gives you selected magnification. (145-15)
Spies recalled, “When I went in to see Gene, I offered him the idea of a bunch of kids in this place where they are permanently young but are really very old. He said, ‘You have to develop a language for these people.’ I said, ‘What the hell are you talking about?’ He said, ‘The kids would talk differently.’ In that conversation, he made up the word ‘grups’ for grownups. I immediately liked it. That’s an example of a creative producer at work. He had good ideas and good contributions. We worked out the story together.” (164-2)
Roddenberry and Spies were in immediate agreement that Miri’s world should be described as “another Earth.” This allowed for contemporary Earth-like locations and clothing to be used, thereby saving money. It also explained the use of English as the children’s language. And it was hoped this would better help the TV audience to empathize with the children -- contemporary American Earth children.
When Spies’ story outline arrived in early April, Robert Justman wrote to Roddenberry:
I like it very, very much.... I feel certain that we can find the sort of exterior sets we need for this show on the back lot at [Desilu] Culver. They certainly are in poor shape and would fit the story we have here. Also, I would suggest that wardrobe be contemporary to our century as we have it right now. (RJ11-1)
Justman was already counting the dollars he would be saving. Of course, even when Bob Justman liked something, he had a talent for finding problems. “Miri” promised one problem in particular. He wrote:
Certainly, there will be some difficulties with regard to casting children in the parts called for. Hopefully, we will be shooting this show some time during the summer school vacation so that we can get the advantage of having six hours work with the kids instead of four. (RJ11-1)
Spies was asked for two more gratis drafts of his outline before it was sent to NBC in mid-April 1966. Stan Robertson seemed impressed. The mutual respect between Star Trek’s producer and NBC’s Production Manager at this time was demonstrated in a correspondence from Roddenberry to Spies, reading: “Attached [is] a copy of the NBC program approval on ‘Miri.’ Ordinarily, I don’t send these out, but we do seem to have in this Stan Robertson a fairly perceptive story reader.” (GR11-1)
Among Robertson’s comments, shared with Spies:
The teaser gets under way quickly and splendidly, setting up the mystery and suspense well.... Act One presents a good opportunity to give further dimension to the character of Mr. Spock. It seems to us that the inclusion of Spock in the landing party selected to descend on Earth Number Two could be explained by a reference to his “unusual powers.” He is an “unusual man” and we should remind our writers that anything they can do to play upon this and build this image in the minds of the viewer should be done. (SR11)
Leonard Nimoy once commented that he believed the bigger parts that came his way were a result of the audience reaction to “The Naked Time,” first broadcast on September 29, 1966. But Stan Robertson’s memo, dated April 15, nearly five months before Star Trek’s debut on NBC, gives credence to the network’s recognition of the potential and importance of Spock.
Despite approval from Robertson, either Roddenberry or John D.F. Black did a polish of the outline, dated April 16, shoring up the story’s structure before committing to Spies for the teleplay and the pay schedules associated with such.
After the first draft script arrived on May 12, and was given a quick free polish by Spies on May 16, the praise continued.
From Justman to Black:
A very good first draft, to my way of thinking. Interesting characters and situations. (JR11-2)
From Black to Roddenberry: “No question about it, Adrian Spies writes.” (JDFB11) From Roddenberry to his staff:
A good first draft, one of the best we’ve received, with the potential of being a most unusual and exciting episode.
Roddenberry nonetheless had issues, and added: “As normal in first scripts of a new series, lots of minor points to be corrected, some pulling and tugging necessary to bring the story and characters into line with where we are going.” (GR11-2)
Among his concerns: Janice Rand was coming off too “chummy” with her captain. He suggested having the characters remain more professional, underlining the sexual tension.
Black had concerns, too, writing Roddenberry:
Captain Kirk (his dialogue) is a bit spotty -- at times, very much our Kirk -- at other times, very much Jack Armstrong the All-American Boy -- and, at other times, a buddy-buddy with the crew, which I think is wrong for us….. Mr. Spock (his dialogue) at times borders very strongly on the “smart ass”…. The entire relationship between Kirk and Janice is wrong -- far too chummy…. I also found that the inconsistency in Miri -- sometimes the child, sometimes the woman, needs some work….
Not to open a can of peas, but, I question Spock’s susceptibility to this condition -- since it is necessary to the story, I feel that somewhere we should explain that he is susceptible and why he is susceptible -- this needs only be in a line -- but what it could do for us is to prove the similarities between those of Planet Vulcan and the people of Earth….
On pages Here and here -- we now come to the major
problem that [I] found in this script by way of plotting. As Mr. Spies wrote this, only Kirk had a communicator -- that just ain’t so for us and, therefore, this beat doesn’t work. I only have one suggestion as regards [to] a solution to this problem -- perhaps the entire company from the Enterprise could pursue the thief that stole Kirk’s communicator -- have their path blocked by the mob of children … jumping up and down … making a game of blocking their path. When the urchins disappear, all the communicators are gone, as is Janice’s tricorder….
Page thirty-one -- and the remainder of the sequence that begins here -- found the “blah-blah-blah!” charming and beautifully-designed as a sequence…. Page thirty-five -- we need a better tag-out line from Kirk than “Let’s – start fighting back!” -- and less melodramatic….
Page thirty-nine -- Mr. Spock does not drink coffee … according to Leonard Nimoy….
On page forty-seven -- at the top -- Janice’s reference to her “legs” -- nice legs -but the relationship is wrong for us…. And again on page forty-eight -regarding their relationship -- “You’d end up being my guy” -- to Kirk? Huh-uh. And on page forty-nine -- the kiss is wrong -- the touch of a hand -- something less “passionate.” I have nothing against passion, but we can’t live with this kind of a beat in our other segments….
In Act IV-- Am not sure how we’re going to get away with the principal’s office sequence and the attack on Kirk -- “children in jeopardy” taboo -- and all that jazz…. And Kirk’s bloody face on page sixty-three -- it may keep them in line, but it won’t make the air….
Regarding the finish -- will have to leave some crew members behind to assist the children -- and there are other areas of the planet which would require an adult task force of medical aid to correct and disinfect the populace…. And thank God we’re both immune to this disease, not having reached puberty yet. But I’m keeping an eye on Bob Justman. (JDFB11)
Justman had concerns regarding likely production problems in realizing what the script called for. As was becoming standard modus operandi, he had an axe to grind about too many sets, too many locations, too many opticals and too many guest players. He was still bothered by the ages of those guest players, writing to Roddenberry and Black:
Naturally, we are going to have to work with children in this show. And, naturally, certain problems will arise. (JR11-2)
And the mix of children and violence:
How come Kirk went to rescue Janice without taking Spock or McCoy? I still have the same fears about this sequence with the children. It is terribly brutal and terribly bloody. (JR11-2)
Spies believed he had fulfilled his contract with the delivery of his 2nd Draft teleplay dated June 8. Roddenberry didn’t. He felt Spies was falling into the trap many of the other first time Star Trek writers had navigated toward: becoming overwhelmed by the grandness of it all. His letter to Spies began:
Something’s wrong. The premise is still one of the liveliest I’ve seen. There are wonderful moments of pathos and of meaning, moments delicate and delicious, and yet the execution does not live up to what is inherent in every page of the piece.... I thought you made an honest effort to consider our suggestions on the first draft. Unlike some of our fellow scribes, you are professional; you could not consciously give short change on a commitment if you tried. But, giving the same candor, I really don’t see the revision we expected. (GR11-3)
Roddenberry asked Spies to think of Spock as a “half-Chinese scientist” and of Kirk as a “20th Century Naval Captain,” the “central character upon which a series will rise or fall.” The tricks and gadgets of science fiction could be added later. What was more important in a Star Trek script was that the drama, based on the characters, made sense -- and made sense to a 1966 television audience. Roddenberry continued:
Does review of your script satisfy you that the job he [Kirk] is doing, his attitudes, the decisions we thrust upon him and his handling of them, are what you would have written in a non-sf script? (GR11-3)
Spies did -- or, at least, thought what he had written was good enough. Roddenberry had already gotten three drafts of the story outline and three drafts of the script from him. He now wanted to move on and take other writing assignments on series not so demanding as Star Trek, such as Felony Squad.
Roddenberry sent a letter to Spies’ agent, writing:
[Adrian] has worked very hard and given us a revised script. Fine, up to that point. But he has not done his homework, he has not read and digested the information sheets we have sent him, he has obviously not studied the other script we sent him for a sample so that he could properly use our sets, our people, our various characterizations, etc. Here’s where I need your help. We are asking of the writer no more than any other new show asks or must have, i.e. study what is available on the lead character, his attitudes and methods, the secondary characters, the inter-relations, and those basic things you would have whether this was the beginning of a western, hospital drama, or cops and robbers [show].... Adrian has either “frozen up” in some imagined fear that “SF” is bigger than him, or he is simply using it as an excuse to avoid doing the homework every writer of a new series is expected to do, in fact commits himself to do. You’ve got to help us get this fact to him somehow.... At this point, we’re not asking Adrian to write science fiction! We are asking him to give us quality in how he draws his characters, in making our regular people act and interact per our format with which he has been amply provided, to give them the “bite” of their individual styles, to have the Captain -- like Matt Dillon or Dr. Kildare even -- act like what he is, and above all, again forgetting science fiction, have everybody use at least simple 20th Century logic and common sense in what they look for, what they comment on, what surprises them, how they protect themselves, and so on. For example, as you will see in the script, we are in an Earth-like city which stopped living some centuries ago. And yet, as they land there, no one comments on the strange ancient aspect of it. For God sakes, if Matt Dillon came upon an Indian village which had been deserted for even three or four years, he or Chester or someone would at least be aware of that fact, especially if it were an important story point as it is here. (GR11-4)
The strange abandoned city Roddenberry spoke of in his letter to Adrian Spies’ agent. Note camera crewman Bill McGovern (bottom right) slating the shot (Courtesy of Gerald Gurian)
Roddenberry knew that, contractually, he didn’t have a leg to stand on. As he admitted, Spies had addressed all the notes previously given with his official 2nd Draft; his final draft. He was entitled to all his pay and not required to do any further work. But, as Roddenberry wrote this letter on June 13, he was juggling rewrites, having just finished one on “Mudd’s Women” on June 6, still working on “The Enemy Within” (finishing June 15) to be followed by “The Man Trap” (June 16 through 21), “The Naked Time” (June 28 through July 5), “Charlie X” (July 5 through July 13), “Balance of Terror,” (July 14 through 25), “Dagger of the Mind” (July 22 through August 9) and, simultaneously, “What Are Little Girls Made Of?” (July 25 through August 3). How could he possibly make time for “Miri”?
Spies’ agent was able to get his client and Roddenberry on the phone together. Roddenberry was a relentless debater when he believed he had a righteous cause. But Spies had the perfect out -- he had taken a script assignment on Felony Squad and was not available for Star Trek at this time.
Roddenberry waited a week and a half then sent Spies another letter, saying:
Hope you can find time now to accomplish this polish we badly need.... As much as we like the teleplay, we strongly believe a polish would resolve certain problems we feel strongly about. These are basically in areas of credulity and believability in what our characters do and say, consisting in how these trained, future-day astronauts would act in facing another space emergency, and in delineation of the characteristics. However lovely any tale we get, since we are not an anthology, we must have certain unities between this and the episodes which came before it an
d those after. It was an attempt to get these unities that lay behind many of our spoken or written points to you.... I avoid rehashing our last telephone conversation here, since we both have a certain feeling on this whole subject, have both expressed it, have come to an agreement without loss of personal or professional regard and affection. (GR11-4)
Spies response was to take a second Felony Squad assignment. He later said, “I think Gene got mad at me about that, but we eventually patched things up.” (164-1)
Roddenberry, not holding a grudge, later explained his technique, saying, “I’m -- for want of a better word -- crafty. I’m more likely to push too far -- to push a little over the edge to see if it works -- than not.” (145-23)
John D.F. Black didn’t see what all the fuss was about, saying, “The idea of ‘Miri’ was absolutely intriguing and fascinating, and it felt wonderful right from the get-go. It was there from the first draft and Adrian kept it there throughout. He was easy to work with because he was a consummate professional. What it would take ten minutes to say to somebody else, you could say to him in 30 seconds and he would have a clamp on it and know exactly what you meant. We were lucky to have him.” (17-4)
With Spies gone, Black did his contractually-required polish, the Yellow Cover First Draft, dated August 10, and, at Roddenberry’s insistence, a second polish, the Final Draft dated August 12.
Robert Justman was the first to speak, telling Roddenberry:
All in all, I feel that there is a worthwhile show in this effort. John has done a good job.... It will be expensive... but this is a change of pace kind of show and it is one of the ways we can get away from the Enterprise and onto a planet -and I do believe that this is what our network wants us to deliver. (JR11-5)
Justman hoped for more script changes to assist him in tightening the episode’s budget. NBC wanted changes, too. Jean Messerschmidt, the network’s vigilant head of Broadcast Standards, wrote:
These Are The Voyages, TOS, Season One Page 48
