by Tia Siren
She turned and stomped through the house and out the front door, slamming it behind her. The echo of the slamming door reverberated through every part of my body, causing me to shudder. I should have gone after her, but I knew that would only make things worse, especially since I was still sitting there in complete and utter shock. How could I have missed that? How could I have not been prepared when she said she had big news to tell me? Talk about being sideswiped. She had completely knocked my feet right out from under me and then kicked me in the stomach while I was down. This was huge, and I didn’t have the first clue how to handle it.
Chapter 30
Ella
That next morning, I woke up with Taryn already there for me. She had known I was going to tell Will the night before, and she had seen me come back enraged and shut myself in my room. When I walked into the kitchen, a pot of decaf and a plate of bacon and eggs for the two of us was waiting for me.
“You are, like, the world’s greatest sister,” I said, sitting down at the table. “Really, I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Be hungry and crabby,” she joked. “So, tell me what happened.”
I took a deep breath and launched into the story, telling her about me opening up to him, how everything was going so great, and then how I told him. I shook my head as I continued into the worse half of the story and ended it with me stomping away and slamming the door. I picked up my cup of coffee and took a sip, feeling like I was right back there in the living room with him.
“I just can’t believe it,” I said. “I mean, I can’t believe he would ask me if the child was his or someone else’s.”
“Maybe he didn’t actually think that,” she said, trying to calm me down. “Maybe he was in so much shock that he just word vomited all over himself. From what you’ve told me, he doesn’t seem to be very good with words.”
“Or maybe he really thinks I’m some young whore,” I said. “I mean, when you care about someone, you don’t usually have those thoughts.”
“Look, I know I haven’t had any really serious relationships, so that makes me a novice in the area of dating advice, and I don’t know a lot about love, but I do know you,” she said. “I can tell you that I’ve seen how you are with Will, and every time you were with him, especially at the beginning of all this, you were happier than any other time in recent memory.”
“Ugh,” I said, leaning my head back and closing my eyes. “Why does this have to be so confusing? This was not what I had planned out in my mind. I had planned to be happily married, successful, well-traveled, and living in my dream house before I got pregnant. I imagined being excited to tell my husband that we were pregnant and having him smile with pride and joy, not ask me if it was another man’s. I mean, I really do want to be with Will. The man isn’t the issue. he way this man has been for the last year is the issue. He is hot and then cold, and then hot and then cold, and then somewhere way off the charts where he is in macholand, thinking he can just have me whenever he wants. I mean, there is a serious part of me that wonders if he acted that way and asked that question because he’s really just looking for a reason to run. The look on his face was one of absolute terror and mortiifcation, not of support and care like it should have been.”
“Right, but remember, you just told him he was going to be a father again,” Taryn pointed out.
“I know,” I said, looking down at my plate. “I’m trying to remember that, but it’s hard when he has never given me much hope at all that he ever planned on being there for me, much less for a baby. I guess I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up or even thought that the response would be anything other than what it was. I did this to myself really.”
“Well, I don’t know if I would say that.” Taryn giggled. “That would be kind of difficult, unless there is something I don’t know about you.”
“Very funny,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You know what I meant.”
“I really think you should take a deep breath and just give it some time,” she said. “A lot has happened in the last twenty-four hours. And remember, you’ve had two months to process all of this. He had five minutes. Sometimes it just takes a little bit of time to really work things out in your head, to process and see it from all angles. I’m almost positive that when he really thinks about the fact that he is going to have another child, he will come around.”
“I hope so.” I sighed. “I just know that for the last year, he and I have been going around and round, stuck in the same loop of anger and passion with no end or escape in sight.”
“True,” Taryn said. “But you and Dad have been stuck in the same loop of father-daughter angst for the last five years. You had gotten to the point where you were barely speaking, and you were headed for possibly not even talking. Everything got better, though, in the blink of an eye. Dad is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met, kind of like you but worse. Still, he was the one who came to you and mended that broken bridge.”
“True,” I said, shaking my head and thinking about Dad.
“Life is always changing,” she said. “I mean, think about how differently everything always turns out than you plan. Sometimes things change drastically from one hour to the next. I mean, just two days ago we were sitting here talking about you being pregnant and how stressful life was, and then bam, with one phone call all of that fell away and we were racing for the hospital. I’m just saying, be patient. Give him time. He may come around just like Dad did.”
“That could be true,” I said, smirking. “Though I’m pretty sure Will isn’t going to have a heart attack and then magically recognize the error of his ways.”
“Well, that’s true, but sometimes it doesn’t take something that drastic to jolt somebody back into reality. Unfortunately, our father is so stubborn and stuck in his ways that it took something completely terrible and life-altering to make him see the light. You are so wonderful that, hopefully, just the thought of losing you and that baby is enough to shake some sense into Will. I mean, he isn’t a stupid man. He just needs to get out of that haze he has been living in for the last however many years.”
“You know, I really do hope that this is enough to shake him out of it,” I said. “If it is, then I know his feelings for me run much deeper than I suspect. If not, then I’ll know the whole truth about the matter.”
“Well, the good thing about telling him everything is that you have now put the ball in his court,” she said. “It’s no longer a game of cat and mouse. You know where you are going. It’s now up to him to decide whether he will follow you or get left behind in the dust. You’ve done everything you can do to try to get him to be in this baby’s life. You should have no regrets when it comes to that. You can’t control what will happen in the end.”
I really did wonder what he would do with all of this information. Will’s mind worked in such a different and strange way, and I was curious to know how he would sort through everything, find his emotions, find his love, and make the decision that needed to be made. Would it be easy for him to walk away? Or would it be an easy choice for him to stay and be part of my life and the baby’s? Ultimately, this was going to tell me once and for all how he really felt about me.
“What have you thought about when you plan on telling our parents? I mean, maybe not Dad right now—you don’t want to give him another heart attack—but definitely Mom. She deserves to know about what is going on in your life. I know that your first thought is how to protect Mom and Dad, but this is going to affect everyone, and you are going to need them for support.”
“I don’t know,” I said, taking a deep breath.
“I know things have been crazy, and I know that as teens our parents often fell short in the supportive category, but Mom has always been there for the big things,” Taryn said. “This is definitely one of the big things. You know she will be supportive, caring, and do anything she can to help you out in this situation. No, this isn’t ideal for you, but it is what it is and the best t
hing to do from here is to greet that baby with as much love as you possibly can, and you know Mom will be there, front row, to give love to a baby.”
“Yes, I know she will,” I said. “She has always been there when it really mattered.”
“I guess what I’m really trying to say is that, regardless of what Will decides, you are not alone, and you never will be,” she said, taking my hands. “This is exciting in a way. A new member of our family, and I couldn’t imagine anyone being a better mother than you. I’m pretty sure you were born to be a mom, just like you were born to be a teacher and an amazing big sister.”
“Thank you,” I said, smiling and squeezing her hand. “As far as telling Mom, I think I want to get my own emotional situation stable before I add any more confusion to the mix. No matter how happy and supportive Mom is, this is going to be a huge surprise for her, and I want to be emotionally prepared for any reaction she has. I did not make sure I had that in check when I went to Will, and I can’t go through that again.”
“I understand,” Taryn said. “Just know that no matter what, I will always be there to support you and spoil the hell out of my little niece or nephew. I am going to be the aunt of the century, just watch.”
“And I thought you didn’t like kids,” I said, grinning.
“Yeah, well, when they share my DNA, it’s a little different.”
“Thank you, Taryn,” I said. Tears pulled at my eyes. “Thank you for always being so amazing to me and for always sticking by me, even when I am in crazy, hormonal pregnancy mode. You are the definition of a best friend, and on top of that, I can call you my sister. I hope that as we go through life, I can be there for you just like you have been for me. Though I hope you don’t have to face some of the challenges I have inflicted on myself.”
“Oh, no.” She laughed. “I learn from your mistakes. At this point, I’m pretty much golden.”
We sat there talking about everything for the next couple hours. I was feeling a little better after talking with Taryn. I was starting to think about the future instead of just the here and now. I wondered what it was going to be like to be a single mom, knowing that with my degree and education, I wouldn’t have a problem supporting us at all. Still, there was more to it than just money, and the fact that Will most likely wouldn’t be there made me a bit scared for the first time since I had found out.
Chapter 31
Will
I called my secretary and told her I was sick and wouldn’t be coming in this morning. I owned a multi-billion-dollar corporation that didn’t stop for anything, and it needed my constant supervision to keep the gears turning smoothly, but there was no way I could walk into that office and act like nothing was going on in my life. There were certain times you could leave your life at the door, but something as big as the imminent arrival of an unexpected child was not one of those times. I had barely slept the night before. I’d thought about Ella’s revelation and what she had been going through and the fact that I was once again going to be a father. Only this time the circumstances were a bit more complicated than with my first child.
I needed to clear my head and process this new information, so I’d arranged for my mother to come pick up Avery for the day. She didn’t know what was going on yet, but I was going to tell her when she got here. I loved my son, and in almost every other situation, he was the calming voice in my head, the comfort in the storm, and my partner in crime, but this situation was too much for him to understand. I didn’t want to show him that I was struggling. He needed a strong lead, and I felt that today I was falling short. Just as those thoughts were running through my head, there was a knock on the door, and I answered it and hugged my mother tightly.
“Wow,” she said, hugging me back. “It’s good to see you too, Son.”
“How was your train ride over?”
“It was nice this morning. I had a completely empty train.” She smiled, patting me on the chest and walking into the house.
“Mom, I have to talk to you about something,” I said.
“All right, hit me.”
“Last night, Ella came over to talk to me,” I said. “She was hyped up and rethinking life because of what her father had just gone through. She revealed to me that she is pregnant, and the child is most definitely mine.”
My mother smiled comfortingly, wrapped her arms around me, and squeezed. She always knew what the appropriate response was to everything, even if it wasn’t the one I expected. I closed my eyes and gave in to the comfort, ignoring the fact that I was a grown man needing his mother. She pulled away and held me by my shoulders, looking me in the face.
“I know you don’t feel like congratulations are in order, but I disagree,” she said. “Congratulations, my sweet boy. You are such an amazing father already. This child is going to have such a wonderful life with you, and with Ella as its mother.”
“You think so?”
“I know so,” she said, smiling. “And I support Ella and you with all my heart. I know this is probably hard on her and a very confusing time, but please let her know—and you remember—that I’m here for anything the two of you may need. Or the four of you now, I guess. Does anyone else know?”
“No,” I said, rubbing my face. “No one other than you. She hasn’t told her parents yet, and to be honest, we haven’t really talked that much about it. I just found out last night, and needless to say, my mind has been running a million miles a minute ever since.”
“You always did have a way of overthinking everything in life.” She smiled. “But some things, no matter how much you think about them, will never be solved that way. In fact, some things only get worse when you start to overthink them.”
“I know,” I said, shaking my head and sitting down on the couch. “This is definitely one of those situations where overthinking things is taking a toll on my mind, body, and the relationship between Ella and me. I mean, not to sound like a ten-year-old boy looking for my mother’s guidance, but really, what do I do, Mom? I don’t even know where to start.”
“Well, first and foremost, you pull yourself up by the bootstraps and you take care of that baby,” she said, sitting down next to me. “The two of you made a choice that resulted in a child, and it’s not that child’s fault if it was unplanned. Babies are such a beautiful gift in this world, and they grow up to be the leaders of this country, like you have. While they are little, though, they just need the support of their mother and father, and that is something that I fully expect you to give without hesitation. This child is no different than your Avery. The circumstances are different, but the child is not.”
“Of course, Mom,” I said, shaking my head. “Taking care of that child was never even a question in my mind. I will love that baby just as much as I love Avery, and it will have everything and anything it needs, and so will Ella. That wasn’t what I meant when I said I didn’t know what to do. I’m already raising one child in a ‘broken’ home, even though it broke from circumstances we couldn’t prevent. I feel like allowing this child to grow up in a broken home is something that can be avoided, but the decision is daunting, and I don’t want to make the wrong one.”
“Ella is a beautiful person,” my mother said. “I have thought that from the first day I met her. Sure, she is young, but I was young when I got pregnant with you. Even though I was already married to your father, love hadn’t yet blossomed between us. We married because we were supposed to, but you can’t force love. Luckily for the two of us, it came, but it was definitely a struggle at first. I can’t lie. I’m not saying to force anything with Ella. What I’m saying is that it doesn’t always have to be wedding bells and fireworks to be right. How do you feel about Ella?”
“I’m not sure,” I said. “Ella is enchanting, beautiful, and intelligent. She has the whole world at her feet, and she knows what it means to work hard for what you want in life. She is very much like me, only quite a bit younger. There is nothing about Ella to not like, really, but it definitely has been co
nfusing, sorting out all these feelings and trying to find my place in all of this. I’ll be the first one to admit that this child was not conceived out of the love and romance at the beginning of a relationship. Ella and I were two adults engaged in a casual sexual relationship.”
“Too much information,” my mom said. “But go on.”
“We were just having fun and enjoying the time we had with each other. However, even before she told me about the baby, I realized that our casual encounter had turned into something much more. It’s been difficult between us because I have been scared to give in to my feelings. It’s like I am betraying Megan’s memory somehow.”
“Let me tell you something about Megan,” she said, taking my hand. “What the two of you had was beautiful, radiant even, and it changed your world. But Megan is gone, and I can promise you, she is not still lurking around here. She is enjoying whatever comes next. Whatever guilt you have, you have created it on your own. Whatever ghost haunts you, you’re the orchestrator behind that. Megan would want you to move forward, not sit still. You need to sit down with Ella and tell her how you feel, even if it’s confusing, and really listen to her.”
“Ugh. Why does this have to be so confusing?” I asked, throwing my head back. “You’re right. I need to put the past behind me. I need to sit down with Ella and listen to her fears and her hopes. I need to find that place I know we both want to be, but right now, I don’t even know where to start or what to say. I feel like a bomb was just dropped on my head and I had zero warning that it was even in the area. Not to mention the fact that my response will not go down as a good one.”
“Well, that part doesn’t surprise me,” she said. “You’re your father’s son. He was never good with words, either, especially when he didn’t have time to really think them through first. You need to take things one step at a time. You need to think about the best course of action, and remember, that action may not be what’s best for you, but it will be what is best for Ella and that baby. Your time to be selfish in this matter is over, I’m afraid. Now the real thinking needs to occur. But I don’t know why you think you need to hear this from me. You know all of this stuff already.”
