by Tia Siren
“The headset is for if you have to step away. Sometimes there’s an error or someone might need you to come take notes for me for when I return, so they’ll pull you from your desk. Only go if you can spare the time, and when you can, this headset will keep you rooted to the phone so you can still take calls if necessary.”
“All right.”
“Feeling overwhelmed yet?” he asked with a smirk on his face.
“A little,” I said. “I think it’ll be a learning process, but I’ll get the hang of it.”
“That’s my Hanna,” he said with a smile.
But really? Was I? Because after yesterday and this morning, I honestly didn't feel like it.
“Want to take a quick tour of the company?” he asked. “I laid it out so that each floor has its own designation. It would behoove you to get acquainted with the other secretaries on the floors.”
“Sounds good to me.”
He took me floor by floor and introduced me to the front desk attendee of each floor. There was purchasing and accounting. There was HR and testing. There was a floor designated for the coders of the software and a floor dedicated to the lawyers he kept on retainer. There was even a floor dedicated specifically to lunches and coffees and early morning breakfasts.
And yes, that floor had a secretary, too.
“This place is massive,” I said. “I don’t know how I’ll remember it.”
“I’ve taped a sheet of paper on the upper left-hand corner of your desk that has the level numbers and what each level is. I see you’ve been collecting the secretaries’ names and their extensions, so you can write those down on that sheet so they are easily accessible.”
“That’s what I was planning.”
“Good girl,” he said with a smirk.
At any other point in time I would’ve shivered at his comment, but now it simply felt condescending. It felt like he had gotten what he wanted and now he was just casting me aside. Like he had locked me in his tower and could just call on me whenever he liked and treat me like shit when he didn’t.
Funny, that was sort of what I had been planning to do to him in the beginning.
Kason continued to drone on, and I acted like I was paying attention. I felt like the building was slowly swallowing me whole and I had to physically choke back vomit just to save face for him. I was in a sprawling city I wasn’t used to with no friends or family to speak of, and I was attached to a man I had accidentally gotten pregnant with who was now more distant than ever. At least when I’d been back home Marcus had yelled at me when he’d seen me and Mom had actually wanted to stick around and do things with me.
Kason just dumped me places and left me alone.
“So, that’s the grand tour. If you need me, I’ll be in my office. I’ve filled in my schedule through the week on your calendar, but it’ll be your responsibility from here on out.”
“Got it,” I said with a sigh.
It shouldn’t have shocked me that he just left me at my desk. I felt an emptiness begin to brew in my chest. Things had been very weird between the two of us since we’d gotten here, especially after our encounter on the plane, and I felt like I had been duped. Like I had somehow been convinced that this would go one way and now that I had been tricked into the trap, someone was trying to lock me in a cage. I mean, I had known karma would eventually come back around and bite me in the ass, but I had thought getting pregnant was that karma.
I didn’t expect all of this to happen as well.
I sat down at my desk and fielded some phone calls and tried to get the hang of the system I was sitting in front of. I kept writing down notes on the sticky pads and placing them in places, but then I found an application Kason and I could use so I could write down these messages and shoot them directly to him. So, I downloaded it on my end and sent him an invitation. Then I shot him an email to accept it.
Even though he was across the hall.
I hated every single second of this. If things hadn’t been so weird at the house, then it might’ve been better. But there was this massive rift between the two of us, and a thought suddenly crossed my mind.
What if this had been a mistake?
I mean, Marcus had kept telling me about all these things I’d encounter, but I hadn’t wanted to listen. I’d wanted to brush him off and tell him to fuck off because he’d been yelling at me, but maybe he’d been right. Maybe I was throwing my life away. Maybe Kason wanted to still be a playboy. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this motherhood thing. Maybe I should’ve just stayed behind and stayed on campus and did classes—
“Hanna?” Kason asked. “You all right? You look a bit pale.”
“I think I’m just hungry,” I said.
“I’ll go get us some lunch.”
“I could order us something and have it delivered?” I said.
“I need to stretch my legs.”
And with that, he was off again, darting around a corner and forgetting all about me, some pregnant chick who just happened to be carrying his kid. I sighed and slumped into my chair. I knew then and there what I had to do. I’d made a massive mistake, and I knew my mother would be there for me and listen to me. That was what I needed.
I needed my mom and—if I could patch things up—Stacey.
I wasn’t willing to give up on her like Marcus and Kason had given up on each other.
I wandered into Kason’s office and looked around. There were tinted floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the whole of San Francisco. There was a plush couch in the corner that sat perpendicular to the windows against the wall, and a massive built-in bookshelf housed all sorts of books I wasn’t sure if Kason had read or not. His desk was solid when I sat on it, and there was a part of me that began mourning the loss of what could’ve been. We could’ve had late-night trysts on that couch, and he could’ve bent me over this desk during his lunch hour. He could’ve pressed my body against the cool glass in the early morning hours and showed me off to the city below, marking me as his time and time again while murmuring how much we loved each other.
But I felt all that slipping away, and all I wanted was to go home.
“I’ve made a mistake,” I whispered.
“What was that?”
I whipped around at Kason’s voice. He was holding up two bags of food. Whatever it was, it smelled phenomenal, but I wasn’t hungry.
I had to talk to Kason, and I had to do it now.
“Kason, I think we need to talk,” I said.
He slowly walked over and sat the food on his desk before he cocked his hip up onto the corner. He looked so business-like in his work suit, and something told me he’d take this easier than I would.
So much for my fairy tale.
“I think I need to decline this internship,” I said.
“If you’re feeling overwhelmed—”
“Kason, this was a mistake,” I blurted out. I searched his face for any reaction. Any at all. Shock. Hurt. Anger. Something to tell me I’d caught him off guard. Something to tell me that the past forty-eight hours were just all in my head and I was being a hormonal pregnant woman.
But when his face didn’t budge, I knew I hadn’t made it up. He was distant because he thought this was a mistake, too, and I felt my heart shatter and hit the floor.
“I think that maybe we just…shouldn’t be near one another for a while. You’ve clearly got stuff on your mind, and I think maybe we rushed things.”
“Okay,” Kason replied.
“And I think I need to decline the internship.”
“What about your—”
“You leave my school to me. I’m a big girl. I can handle it. I have to call them Monday to talk about those online courses, and I’ll talk to them about their policy regarding pregnant women living on campus.”
“Hanna, you can still—”
“No, I can’t,” I said with a sigh. My heart was breaking. Of course he was willing to fight me on things he felt he could control. His home, keeping me locked up the
re, the internship. These were all things in his control.
But feelings? Emotions? They were foreign to him, and instead of just talking to me, he avoided me.
I took a deep breath and made my face as stoic as possible. I lifted my guarded stare to him, and I could tell he was a little taken aback. He was used to emotional Hanna. He was used to vulnerable Hanna. But the one thing about me that no one knew was that I emotionally compartmentalized like a sociopath when I needed to, and now was one of those times I needed to.
“I’ll take a cab—”
“Hanna, come on.”
“—back to your house,” I said, sternly. “I’ll pack my things and find a way home.”
Kason sighed and ran his hand through his hair. I had officially taken my control back from him, and I could tell it was wearing on him. Marcus was right. I hadn’t been ready for any of this, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to be a mother.
Why did Stacey have to run out on me like that?
I left and grabbed my things and caught a cab back to Kason’s. The maid was there and let me in, and when I stepped over the threshold of his home, I let my tears fall. I dragged myself upstairs and started packing my things, hoping to God he wouldn’t come in behind me. I thought about Stacey and how I could approach her. Maybe I could convince her to take this child. Kason obviously didn’t really want this with me, and now I wasn’t sure if I wanted it either. I knew she and Brad were struggling, and I just hoped she wouldn’t see it as another insult. I settled on calling her to talk to her about adoption, and just as I reached for my phone, it rang.
And Stacey’s name popped up.
“Hello?” I said with a sniffle.
“Oh, Hanna, I wasn’t sure if you were going to pick up. Please, just listen.”
“All right.”
“I’m so sorry for the way I acted. How I reacted to you being pregnant was nothing other than jealousy, and I threw it in your face because this wasn’t planned for you and I can’t even carry a child to term that I did plan.”
“Stacey, it’s all right,” I said.
“Your mother told me you left with Kason for the internship, and it broke my heart that I didn’t get to say good-bye. Hanna, I’m so sorry. When are you coming home? Will it be soon? I can fly out there and see you. Hanna, please forgive me. I’m so happy for you that Kason is going to take care of you just like you always wanted as a—”
“I’m coming home today,” I said.
“You’re…you’re what?”
“Kason doesn’t want me, Stacey.”
“Wait a second. What happened?” she asked.
I told her about everything. About the plane ride and how we had sex. How he made me look at him and how I was absolutely enamored with him. I told her about the silent car ride and how he just dumped me in a room. How I didn’t see him again until this morning and how emotionless he was toward me in his home and at work.
“Oh, Hanna.”
“This was a mistake. Marcus was right. You were right. Everyone was right. I’m not ready for any of this, and Kason is just now figuring that out himself, too. I was nothing but a fuck gone wrong, but he just doesn’t have it in him to kick me out. So, I’ll be home tonight.”
“Are you not going to even take the internship?” she asked.
“Why would I want to look at him every day? I’ll figure something out with the school.”
“Well, I need you to understand that I love you and I support any decision you make. How are you getting home?”
“I don’t know…” I replied.
“Do you have any money?” she asked.
“No,” I said. Tears crested my eyes, and for a split second, I thought I was trapped. I knew, if I asked him, Kason would fly me home. But he’d done enough, and I wanted ties cut with him. I had none of this planned out. I had been a stupid child with an idiotic selfish whim I had to have indulged because I thought I was getting too old too fast, and now I was stuck.
“Hold on,” Stacey said. I heard some typing in the background while I continued to throw my things in a suitcase. Then she came back on the line and showed me just how much she loved me.
“I have you set to leave San Fran International in two hours on a straight-shot flight to Seattle. I’ll pick you up.”
“Holy crap, Stacey, did you just pay for that? Brad’s going to kill you!”
“I’m right here, Hanna,” Brad said. “Come home. We’ll be at the airport for you. If you want, you can come stay with us for a bit until you figure out how to tell your parents what’s happened.”
Tears poured down my face while I zipped up my suitcase and slipped my shoes on before heading downstairs. The stayed on the phone with me until I could get myself into a cab, and the driver felt so bad for the sobbing woman in the back of his car that he said he wouldn’t even charge me for the trip.
“Are you headed to the airport?” Stacey asked.
“Just getting into the cab,” I said with a sniffle.
“Let us know when you’re about to take off. We’ll see you soon.”
Then I heard a car come to a grinding halt behind me.
“What was that?” Stacey asked. But I was too stunned to answer her.
Kason.
It was Kason getting out of the car that had just kicked up smoke with its tires in his driveway.
And he was headed right for me.
“I’ll call you back,” I said.
Chapter 38
Kason
I sat there for what seemed like hours before I finally came to my senses. Hanna was fucking leaving. I had just let my best friend’s pregnant sister walk out of here without me doing anything about it. She was taking a cab to my house to pack her shit and going home with my child.
Panic rose in my throat when I finally came to my senses. I had avoided her because I didn’t know how to sort out the thoughts in my head, and I had neglected her in the process. I’d pulled away just like the rest of her family had and created an atmosphere just like her family had created. I had dumped her in a foreign home in a massive city that could easily swallow her whole, and all I did was keep my distance because I couldn’t fucking deal.
I didn’t want her to leave. She just had to give me time to shift gears.
I grabbed my coat and raced out to my car. The elevator couldn’t go fast enough, and when I barreled out into the parking garage, I slammed myself into my car. I raced home and sped through every yellow light I hit, and when I pulled up into the driveway, there was a bright yellow taxi cab sitting there.
And Hanna had her phone to her ear while she loaded her suitcase in the trunk.
I squealed my car to a stop and stumbled out. Hanna whipped her head over and hung up the phone. When I got to her, I reached in and grabbed her bags. I tossed them onto the pavement while she looked at me with wild eyes. Then I dug for my wallet while my gaze held hers.
“Here’s 50 dollars for your troubles,” I said to the cab driver. “Your services are no longer needed.”
“I wasn’t even going to charge her, dude. She came out crying and—”
“Just take it and go,” I said hotly.
I watched him drive away, and that was when I realized Hanna’s tear trails blazed down her neck. I didn’t know what I needed right this second, but I knew it wasn’t this, so I gathered her into my arms and brought my lips down on hers. I pulled her in and begged her body to caress every inch of my skin, and when her tongue grazed my lips, I parted them just for her. Hanna Rendon shook me to my very core, and instead of talking to her about how confusing and fast this all was, I’d done what I always did.
I had locked her out, hoping she would simply leave.
The issue was, I didn’t want her to leave. I wanted her to stay with me. I wanted to eat breakfast with her before we rode into work together. I wanted to look up and see her across the hall from me every day. I wanted to make love to her on the couch in my office before pinning her against the windows and fucking her se
nseless. I wanted to take baths with her and feed her dinner and take her to movies and go dancing. I wanted to explore the city with her and watch her grow rotund with my child. I wanted to kiss and lick every stretch mark she’d chide herself for and press my fingers into every dip of cellulite that bloomed on her ass and thighs.
I wanted to memorize how her body would change, and then change it again and again with more children.
I wanted her to stay, and I wanted her to stay for good.
She moaned lightly into me and grasped the collar of my jacket. She stood on her tiptoes and I slid my hands down to her ass. She hopped up and wrapped her legs around me, and when her head was soaring above mine, she cupped my cheeks in her hands and didn’t let go.
“I love you,” I said into her lips.
“What?” she asked. She pulled back and looked into my eyes, and the words tumbled out of my lips again just as easily as they had the first time.
“I love you, Hanna Rendon.”
“Are you…are you serious?” she asked.
“I’ve been so distant because I didn’t understand what I was feeling, but that was it. Everything has happened so fast, but it feels so right. And I…I love you, Hanna. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, and I don’t really know where to go from here, but—”
“I’ll help you,” she said with a smile.
“Oh, you will, will you?”
“You’ve helped and given me so much. You’ve given me a place to live, you’ve given me a way to continue my classes, and you’ve given me a way to support this child we’ve created. Yes, I will help you,” she said. “Let me do this for you, Kason. Let me in. Talk to me. That’s all I ask.”
I set her back down on her feet and drew her into my chest. The way she sighed contentedly before giving her body over to me was something I wanted to experience for the rest of my life. I wanted to be with her—all of her—for the rest of my life, and while that scared the shit out of me, I also knew I was ready.
And I was doing it with the perfect woman.
I’d always seen her as my best friend’s sister, and in a way, she’d been sort of like my own sister. But now she had grown and become educated and blossomed into a beautiful young woman, and that young woman was carrying my child. She was willingly trusting me with her care all the while giving me the best present anyone could’ve ever sprung on me.
