“Hey! You owe me for that,” she said.
I gave her a sly smile. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”
“Oh, lawd,” was Madeline’s opinion.
Aside from the heat, Texas was a blast. Brandon was discreet in front of all the kids, but he wasn’t really pretending in front of his sister and brother-in-law. It was clear they knew we were not just boss-employee and I wasn’t sure why he was being so open about it.
We spent Saturday hanging out, having a cookout and swimming in their lavish pool. It had been years since I’d gone swimming and it felt amazing to jump into that cool water and escape the heat. Brandon had told me we would probably be swimming, so I had bought what I thought was a fairly modest two piece, but it was clear the second I walked outside, his youngest nephew, Jonas, had a crush on me. His eyes were on me the entire time.
The neighbors had come over and it was a chill afternoon of talking and laughter. It was a nice escape from the pace of New York. Suburban life definitely had its advantages. I enjoyed watching Brandon unwind and relax with his family. He was a good uncle, and he spent an hour tossing neighborhood kids into the pool as they begged him to repeat it over and over. He was always patient and even the freaking dog loved him, trotting behind Brandon and laying her head in his lap when he sat in a patio chair.
I can’t say I blamed the dog. I looked at Brandon and I felt moony-eyed myself.
“She’s adorable,” I told the neighbor, Janelle, who was swaying with her three-month-old in her arms.
“Do you want to hold her?” she asked. “My arms could use the rest.”
“I’d love to. Two of my girlfriends have kids but they’re in the wiggle worm stage already. I don’t get to hold babies very often.”
“But aren’t you a nanny?” she asked. I accepted the baby when she held her out to me.
“I specialize in Willow and Poppy, that’s it.” The weight of the baby's warm little body felt good in my arms. “She’s staring at me. Oh my God, she’s amazing.” Her little brown eyes blinked up at me, then she gave a small gummy smile. “What’s her name?”
“Angelina.”
“Hi, Angelina,” I said, cooing at her. “Aren’t you just the smartest, coolest, kick butt little baby?”
Janelle laughed. “I think so, but I guess I’m biased.”
“She definitely is,” I said, falling a little in love with Angelina.
I felt eyes on me and I saw Brandon was watching me, a serious expression on his face. But then he just gave me a smile and winked.
After dinner, we left the girls in the care of their cousins and went out to a bar that hosted line dancing every Saturday. I was super excited to try it.
“I feel like I’m on a set for a video,” I said, as we got out of the car. “This is a real Texas roadhouse. I love everything about what is happening right now.”
“You definitely dressed the part,” Brandon said, gesturing to my outfit.
I was wearing tight denim shorts, and a plaid shirt that tied off at the midriff. I had gone with Madeline to the store and bought myself a pair of cowboy boots. I had no idea what I was going to do with them once I got home, but this was just too good to pass up. Brandon was wearing jeans and a T-shirt. He had refused Chris’s offer to loan him boots.
“Don’t be jealous of how perfect I fit in.”
“I don’t actually think you fit in at all,” Brandon said, putting his hand on the small of my back as he opened the door for us. “I’m probably going to end up in a fight before the night is over because every guy in this place is going to be hitting on you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t throw a punch on my behalf. I can take care of myself.”
“I know you can. But I want to take care of you,” he said.
Something about his tone made me swallow hard. I was going to say something, but he just cut me off.
“What do you want to drink?” he asked, as we moved toward the bar.
“I’ll take a beer.” It looked like a beer kind of establishment.
“Got it. Madeline, Chris, what can I get you?”
Chris protested that he could get the drinks and they did some posturing between the two of them, fighting over who would pay. I let them do their thing and I turned to Madeline. “Do you and Chris come dancing a lot?”
“Never,” she said, with a laugh. “It takes an act of God to get that man out of the house.”
“Then thanks for coming out.”
“Thank you. I got to escape the house because of you.”
I watched the dancing on the wooden floor and said, “I’m diving in.”
“I need at least a drink first,” Madeline said. “I’ll be out there later.”
The moves were easy to pick up on. I found a spot on the floor and joined in. Nothing was freer to me than dancing. Except sex. But it didn’t matter the genre of music, I just loved to move. I gave the woman next to me a smile and she smiled back. There were about twenty people on the floor.
Brandon cut through the crowd and squeezed into a spot next to me.
“Yay!” I said. “I’m so glad you’re out here.” I leaned over and impulsively gave him a kiss on the cheek.
Brandon pretended to wipe it off. I laughed and smacked his arm. He grinned at me.
He wasn’t lying. He had zero rhythm. After watching him continually land about a beat behind the music, I took his hand and tried to lead him. He was technically doing the steps, but with the grace of a rhino.
“Are you doing this on purpose?” I yelled to him over the music. “You can’t be serious right now. It’s a two-step! Two. Steps.”
“I’m trying.”
“You are not.” I stepped in front of him and put my hands on his shoulders. “It’s a miracle you’re so amazing in bed. It’s like you don’t even understand how your body moves.”
“That’s just mean,” he said, putting his hands on my waist. “Can’t we just do this?” He swayed back and forth with me.
“We’re not in middle school.”
He leaned down. “Hey.”
“What?” I let him continue our swaying because he amused me. Because when I looked at Brandon, I felt filled with happiness.
“I really, really like you. Did you know that?”
He kissed me, right there on the dance floor, and it felt fantastic to be free with our feelings.
“I really like you too.”
I did.
Chapter Fourteen
A few weeks later, Dakota came into my bedroom from the bathroom and slid underneath the sheet. She was wearing shorts and a tank top. When she had first moved into the apartment she had come into my room in a towel or naked on the nights we arranged to meet up, but lately she’d been wearing pajamas. She also didn’t necessarily wait for an invitation. She just came to my room almost every night and stayed until the alarm went off in the morning, and I liked it that way. I liked falling asleep next to her after having sex, and I liked waking up beside her.
The TV in my room went on every night to mask the sounds of us having sex, even though we tried to be restrained, and in the morning, Dakota got up and left early enough that she could claim she had made her own bed.
We weren’t talking about the change, we were just living it.
She gave me a kiss. I was already reaching under her tank top when she pulled back. “I think we need to find a soccer team for Willow. She really misses it and she needs to be accomplished, part of a team right now.”
I thought about it, slightly taken aback. My thoughts had already shifted to sex, but Dakota had a good point. “I’m not sure how we’ll fit that into our schedule, but you’re probably right. I’ll look into it.”
“She doesn’t want a birthday party either. I know you mentioned that to her. But she is afraid that if she invites her classmates, no one will come. I’m scared she might be right. I think it’s better to just do something small at home.”
I sighed. “That really sucks. But I don’t want
to traumatize her. Any more than she already has been.” I brushed Dakota’s hair back off of her forehead. “Thank you for caring. You’re a very compassionate person.”
“I care about the girls. A lot. We need to do some investigating into what Poppy is cooking up, by the way. She keeps asking me to smell weird liquids.”
That thought made me groan. “Do I have to?”
Dakota laughed softly. “Yes, you do. Sorry, buddy, that’s what being a parent means.”
“Do you want to have kids?” I asked, impulsively. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted her answer to be, but I needed a hint. When I had seen her holding the neighbor’s baby at my sister’s, something had twisted inside my gut.
“I don’t know,” she said, simply. “I used to think no way, but then I got older and I thought maybe I’d be open to it. I can’t commit to a yes or a no at this point.” She adjusted her pillow. “Why do you want to know that?”
“You would be a good mother. You’re great with the girls.” It was true.
“Do you want more kids?” she asked.
Before, I would have said a hard no to the idea. That I was already stretched too thin. But with the right woman? “I can’t commit to a yes or no at this point.”
She smiled. “Then you understand where I’m coming from.”
I nodded. “I do.” What I didn’t understand was how we thought any of this was going to end well. Given that we had said this was temporary. The thought that she would be leaving, at any time, was starting to really get to me. I hated a looming deadline that would just, what, end our relationship? It probably would and that sucked.
“So… what exactly are we doing, Dakota? You just got into my bed like we’re a couple, talking about the kids. If you put hand lotion on and start reading a book next, we’re basically married.”
I didn’t dislike it. At all. That was the terrifying part.
Dakota burst out laughing, then realized she was too loud. She clamped her hand over her mouth.
“What’s so funny?” I asked. “The thought of being married to me?”
She shook her head and rolled over. She reached for the nightstand and showed me she had both hand lotion and a magazine stashed over there in the drawer.
I grinned as I shook my head. “See what I mean? What the hell are we doing?”
“Are you proposing to me?” she asked. “Because if you are, this is a lousy-ass proposal.”
Given the amusement on her face, she wasn’t serious, but I realized I may have led into this conversation poorly. “No, I’m not proposing, I’m just wondering where we go from here when you move on in a few months.”
“Hmm. I know it’s only temporary but do we have to think about the future right now? Can’t we just enjoy it?”
I wasn’t sure I was wired that way. It felt like we had agreed to a purely sexual relationship, but that it was obviously much more than that. We were sharing our lives. From the most mundane tasks of laundry and grocery shopping together, to making critical decisions about my daughters. We shared a bed, even if it wasn’t officially our bed.
It was partly the circumstances of living together. A lot had to do with her caring for my children. But it also had to do with the fact that we sought each other out. That we wanted to talk, to watch TV together, to share the same space.
Or maybe that was just me.
Because I had the sneaking suspicion I was falling in love with her.
Dakota put her hand on my chest and lightly scratched her nails across my bare chest.
“I am enjoying it,” I said, putting my hand on her wrist so she would stop touching me and distracting me. I couldn’t keep a single train of thought when she put any effort into turning me on.
“Our only two options are to continue the way we are or be open about our relationship, whatever it is.”
“We can’t do that. The girls would want to know if we’re dating, if we’re together for real, if it’s going to last, all of that.” The thought made my chest tighten.
Dakota stared at me. “What if we got married, went all in?”
The thought almost gave me a heart attack. I couldn’t. Because if it failed, then I would emotionally scar my daughters all over again. Maybe even worse this time. Besides, Dakota had said absolutely nothing about loving me. It would be the world’s laziest beginning to a marriage. We would have just been pulled into it by sex and circumstance.
“The thought scares the absolute fuck out of me,” I told her, determined to be honest. I didn’t think she was serious or suggesting she actually wanted marriage or a baby. She had just said five minutes earlier she didn’t even know if she wanted to have children, ever. I thought she was just making a point to me. “I can’t be impulsive. The thought makes me break into a cold sweat.”
“Then stop overthinking and just let it be.”
There was her point. I took a deep breath and tried to be more like her. Live in the moment. It was hard as hell. “Okay. I’ll try to do that.”
“Maybe this will help.” Dakota sat up and pulled off her tank top. “Better?”
“Just a little.” I reached out and cupped her breast.
“How about this?” Her hand slid down under the sheet and she found my cock. She stroked it over my boxer briefs.
“That’s working.” I was willing to be pulled away from a conversation that didn’t seem to have any natural conclusion.
Then Dakota ducked her head down under the sheet and freed my cock. She flicked her tongue over the tip and then enclosed her mouth over the whole length. I closed my eyes and shoved everything else aside but the feel of her warm wet touch. The sheet was covering her and I tossed it down so I could see her head over me, her lips wrapped around my cock.
She pulled back and gazed up at me. “Is this helping too?”
“This is definitely helping.” I gripped her head. “Keep going,” I urged.
Dakota smiled. “I can do that.”
Wednesday after I took the girls to school, I went with Brandon to the offices for the team. I had a meetup with the social media department about the charity event and it made sense for me to just ride with Brandon, even though he was being super weird ever since he had asked me what the hell we were doing in our relationship.
He’d caught me totally off guard, and while he was right, we were acting like a couple, I just hadn’t seen what the obvious solution was. I’d thrown marriage out there just to make a point that there wasn’t much we could or should be doing differently. I hadn’t expected him to want to get married, but his adverse reaction had slightly hurt my feelings.
Which was idiotic. We’d been together two months. Secretly. That was it.
Never ask a question you might not like the answer to.
Yet, he was right. We spent all our time together. We acted married.
It was a hot mess and I had a bit of a headache from not sleeping well the past few nights. I’d actually had the headache the night before too and had pleaded off staying with Brandon. I’d slept in my own bed for the first time since week one of living in the apartment.
Brandon drove, occasionally glancing over at me. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, for the third time. “If you have a headache, you can reschedule this thing.”
“We’re halfway there now. It’s fine.”
“Okay. Did you take anything? If not, there is ibuprofen at the office.”
He was being sweet, but irritating. I had a headache because of him. Because he needed to have a plan and I didn’t know how to have a plan. “Okay, thanks,” I said.
He was also hovering, for whatever reason, once we did arrive. I met Coach Teri of the cheerleading team in the lobby and we were supposed to head up to the social media and public relations floor, where they had cubicles for employees and a meeting room. Brandon got on the elevator with us, which made sense, but then he got off at the same floor, which didn’t make sense.
I gave him a questioning glance.
“I thought
I’d sit in on the meeting,” he said.
Wonderful. Teri looked alarmed. “Oh, it’s just a standard meeting,” she said. “So boring for you.”
Teri was fifty, a former cheerleader, and wore a pencil skirt like she’d been born in one. She had the perfect mix of professionalism and femininity and I hoped someday I would have my shit pulled together like that. I hadn’t given much thought to what I was wearing, not seeing this as a big deal, and was in jeans, strappy sandals, and a basic black shirt. My standard uniform.
Now Brandon was making it a big deal.
Everyone in my family and friends circle had already been texting and questioning my relationship with him after the announcer’s girlfriend comment and I had repeatedly told the other cheerleaders and Teri I was just his nanny.
Who happened to share his bed every night. That part was a secret, of course.
But no, I was not his girlfriend.
Only now, he was acting like a boyfriend. A possessive one to boot.
When we got to the social media department, I recognized the one woman as the mastermind behind most of the team’s posts. Her name was Eloise and she was around my age, maybe even younger. She had a fondness for funky glasses and shirts with cats on them.
What surprised me was that standing next to her, smiling charmingly, was Dak North, team quarterback and renowned manwhore. He looked like he was flirting with Eloise, only she was mostly just nodding and moving papers around on her desk, her cheeks pink.
“What is North doing here?” Brandon muttered next to me.
“I have no idea.”
Teri approached the two. “I’m sorry to interrupt. Eloise, are you ready for us?”
“Of course,” she said, standing up abruptly. Her swift movement backfired when her chair rolled backward and hit Brandon in the leg on his approach. “Oh! Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Mr. Macnamara!”
I felt bad for her. She clearly had a crush on North and he had rattled her by being a flirt. Even now, he was staring at her in a way that had to be making her self-conscious.
“No problem. You’re Eloise, correct?” Brandon asked.
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