by Naomi Niles
“I decided to try my hand at cooking,” I said. “It’s been awhile.”
“I’m the guinea pig huh?”
I smiled. “You are,” I nodded as I put a blueberry pancake onto her plate. “You want some maple syrup with that?”
“Sure,” Lizzie nodded.
I got the maple syrup and she got some glasses from the top cupboard just next to the fridge. She got out some fresh juice and poured us both a couple of glasses. Then she took a bite of pancake. “Wow,” she said. “That’s really good.”
“Really?”
“It is,” Lizzie nodded and I could tell she wasn’t just humoring me.
“Is it weird that I feel this massive sense of accomplishment?”
Lizzie laughed. “Not at all,” she shook her head. “I would feel as proud if I were you.”
She looked so lovely; there was that dewy suppleness that came from just having woken from a good sleep. Her eyes were soft and filled with warmth, it made the blue of her eyes seem tranquil, almost subdued. Her hair was a mess around her and I knew she had just rolled out of bed. I loved the way she looked; there was something so raw and natural about it. She wasn’t hiding behind makeup or foundation. This was what she looked like and it was beautiful.
“Do you cook often?” I asked.
“I hate cooking alone,” Lizzie admitted. “When I first moved into this apartment, I used to cook quite a bit and I realized that it only made me depressed. After that, whenever I cook I have Maddie or mom come over and we cooked together.”
“Does that change it for you?”
“It changes everything,” Lizzie nodded. “I’ve never been one of those people who like living solitary lives. I need people, I like people.”
“I know,” I nodded. “You always have.”
Lizzie smiled sadly. “I know it seems a little ironic given the way I’ve lived of late … it’s just … it was hard for me, dealing with Paul and his lies. It was humiliating and after a point I just couldn’t face people the same way.” She looked up. “You’ve probably heard the things he told people about me.”
I hesitated. “Well, a little,” I admitted. “I knew right away they were all lies and I’m sure everyone else did too.”
Lizzie smiled. “Actually, you’d be surprised.”
“Come on,” I said. “No one who knows you would have ever believed a word that Paul said about you.”
“The thing is, people believe what they want to believe,” Lizzie said quietly. “It was more interesting and more entertaining to believe the things that Paul was saying about me than to question his honesty. If he was lying, then there was no story there and people love a good story.”
“You deserved better than that.”
“That’s beside the point though isn’t it?” Lizzie said without emotion. “I was fodder for gossip. That was the reason I withdrew a little and stuck to my little circle. I wasn’t interested in feeding the rumors and the gossip. I realized that it didn’t matter what people thought of me. I had to block out all the extra noise.”
“And did you succeed?” I asked.
“I’m still working on it,” Lizzie said with a small smile. Then she brightened suddenly and her tone changed. “This breakfast is wonderful.”
I laughed. “I’m a regular Rachel Ray.”
“I always knew you were,” Lizzie winked. “So, since we have the whole day, what would you like to do first?”
It was easy to let her enthusiasm rub off on me. I tried to search for any bitterness that might have lingered from our earlier conversation but her eyes were clear and her smile was as bright as ever. “Let’s start in town and walk our way around,” I suggested.
“All right,” Lizzie nodded as she started clearing the plates away.
“No I’ll do that,” I told her. “You go get ready.”
“You did all the cooking; it’s only fair that I clean up.”
“No way,” I insisted. “I’ll handle all this.”
“You sure?” she asked looking pleased.
“Completely,” I nodded. “You go ahead.”
It felt nice to take care of her, even in a small way. It felt good to feel as though we were a couple with a practiced routine and a comfortable set of habits. It was easy to pretend, to imagine what our life would be like if we chose to spend it together. By the time I finished cleaning up in the kitchen, Lizzie was ready. She was wearing a light-blue sundress and her red hair was draped over her shoulders like a shawl.
“You look breath taking,” I said as I took a moment to appreciate her.
She came towards me and kissed me softly on the lips. It felt so easy that I could almost forget about the last eleven years. I could see the future we might have had if I had never enlisted in the army. I would have stayed in Bastrop, gotten a job, and built a life for myself here with Lizzie by my side. If I had chosen differently we might have already been married a few years and who knows: we might have even had a child or two.
“What are you thinking of so hard?” Lizzie asked as we made our way out of her apartment and into the street.
“Just the ‘what ifs’,” I replied.
“Funny,” Lizzie said. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot too.”
“Do you think …?" I started before I trailed off.
“What?”
“No, maybe I should leave that question alone,” I backtracked.
“It’s ok Dylan,” Lizzie said taking my hand as we walked down the street together. “You can ask me.”
“Well … I guess I was thinking about what would have happened if I had never left Bastrop,” I admitted.
“You mean if you hadn’t enlisted?” Lizzie asked.
“Yes.”
“I have to admit, I’ve thought about that a lot too,” Lizzie said.
“And?”
“I don’t know if we would have ended up together,” she said her tone softening a little.
“Why not?”
“We were so young, Dylan,” she said. “And we’d been together so long. Maybe we wouldn’t have lasted if you’d stayed in Bastrop and we had stayed together. Real life is different, it’s harder, and it’s harsher. Who’s to say we wouldn’t have grown apart anyway?”
“You really believe that?” I asked.
“Honestly?” Lizzie asked. “I don’t know. Sometimes I believe it and other times it feels like a way to console myself because you left.”
I nodded. “I suppose I can understand that.”
We turned the corner and came to a line of stores and shops on either end. “It hasn’t changed much,” I observed. “The Pink Scooper is still around, I see.”
“Please, the Pink Scooper will be around as long as this town stands,” Lizzie said. “It has the best ice cream in town.”
“This is nice,” I said.
“Walking around town?” Lizzie asked.
“Well, that and being able to talk to you so openly,” I admitted. “At the beginning, I was always scared I’d bring up a topic or a question that would upset you.”
“Why shy away from certain conversations?” Lizzie said with a shrug. “It’ll just make things more awkward later.”
“I agree,” I nodded. “We always did have a great back hand, didn’t we?”
“It’s funny how quickly those things come back,” Lizzie nodded and I felt that same comforting bond that we had shared in high school.
“Hey look,” I said pointing out the music store. “Did they go through a re-model? It looks different.”
“A few years back,” Lizzie nodded. “They’ve got a bit more choice now.”
“That’s a nice piano,” I said pointing out the display in the store window.
“Very,” Lizzie nodded and I detected a note of missed opportunity in her voice. “Let’s walk on.”
“No,” I said. “I want to go in.”
“You’re interested in musical instruments?” Lizzie asked disbelievingly.
“Why not?” I
asked. “I have a great many interests. Come on.”
I grabbed her hand and dragged her across the street. I could tell she was reluctant to go in because she sensed I had a motive, but I persisted. The store was cool and the scent of wood filled the store. “I don’t know much about instruments,” I said. “But even I can tell that is a gorgeous piece.”
Lizzie stared at the piano. “It’s nice,” she nodded and turned her face away from it.
“How would you like to own a piano like that?” I asked.
She turned to me in surprise. “Why?”
“Just asking,” I said with a shrug.
“It won’t even fit in my apartment,” Lizzie pointed out.
“True,” I nodded. “But you can always keep it at your mother’s until you get a bigger place.”
“Why are we having this conversation?” Lizzie asked suspiciously.
I looked back at the piano. “I think you would look amazing behind this piano,” I said ignoring her question.
“Dylan…”
“Hi,” I said signaling to the clerk behind the counter. “How much is the piano in the display window?”
“Four thousand, six hundred dollars sir,” the clerk replied.
I didn’t bat an eyelid. “Seems reasonable,” I said to Lizzie.
“Are you insane?” she demanded. “You are not buying me a piano.”
“Ok,” I shrugged. “Then I’ll buy it for myself and keep it with you for safe keeping.”
“Dylan …” Lizzie said narrowing her eyes at me. “You are not buying this piano period. I will not accept it.”
“Aw, come on, Lizzie,” I insisted. “It’s perfect for you and you’ll be able to practice whenever you want. You’ve always wanted a piano.”
“I don’t even play anymore, Dylan,” Lizzie said. “And even if I did, I would never accept a gift like that from anyone. It’s far too expensive.”
“But I want to—”
“I know,” Lizzie said cutting me off. “And I appreciate that, you have no idea how much, but I just won’t let you buy this for me. Not a chance.”
I sighed. “You’re being stubborn.”
“I’m being realistic,” Lizzie countered. “And practical.”
I turned back to the piano. “I really want to do this for you. I have so much money saved up, more than I know what to do with.”
“You know what to do with it,” Lizzie said sternly. “You’re going to save it so that you can build your rehabilitation center once you decide to retire from the Navy. You need your savings for that. I love that you want to buy this for me, but it’s unnecessary and extravagant.”
I sighed. “And you’re not going to budge are you?”
“Not even a little bit,” Lizzie said with a small smile.
“Fine then, but I’m not leaving this store until I find something to get for you.”
“Dylan—”
“Nothing extravagant,” I promised. “Something both reasonable and practical; ok?”
Lizzie stared at me for a moment and then she sighed. “All right,” she said at last and I smiled in triumph.
“It’s a small victory, but I’ll take it,” I said as I took her hand and moved through the store. It took my only a few minutes to spot the range of keyboards they had. “What about one of those?” I suggested. “It’s the next best thing to a piano.”
I could see the little glint in her eye and I knew how tempted she was, but I also knew she didn’t want to look too interested. “I’ll have a look,” she said as she moved closer. “This is really unnecessary, you know?”
“It’s necessary for my happiness,” I countered. “Now pick one.”
As I had expected, she picked the cheapest keyboard of the lot. I turned to the clerk. “Which one is the best?” I asked.
“The one in the middle,” he replied. “It’s a hundred dollars more expensive but it’s well worth the price.”
“That’s ok,” Lizzie said quickly, pointing to the plain, cheaper model she had chosen “I’ll stick with this one.”
“We’ll take it,” I told the clerk pointing to the one he had recommended.
Lizzie turned to me with narrowed eyes. “That’s not the one I wanted,” she said.
“Of course it is,” I nodded. “You’re just trying to save my money.”
Lizzie sighed. “You’re not going to back down here, are you?”
“Not a chance.”
She sighed again and then she smiled in defeat. “Well … thank you. I love it.”
“Prove it,” I said.
Her smile grew wider and she leaned in and kissed me, long and slow. We were still entwined together when the sales clerk appeared. He had to clear his throat before we broke apart. Lizzie looked flushed and slightly embarrassed but when she looked up at me, it was like she was looking at the sun.
I felt a little burst of discomfort as I saw how she looked at me. I felt pressure that I hadn’t felt in eleven years and I started to remember more than just the beauty of living in Bastrop. I was no hero and I was no knight in shining armor.
I was just a guy trying to figure out how not to screw up.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Elizabeth
The apartment felt lonely once more. I sat on my couch with a glass of wine and Elvis sprawled out on my lap. Dylan was meeting some of his old friends tonight so I was alone in the apartment and I was starting to realize how little I liked the feeling.
I took a deep breath and set down my glass of wine. Elvis gave me a hurt look as I moved him from my lap onto the couch and moved towards my new keyboard. It was a beautiful instrument and I couldn’t help admiring its simple sleekness. I was touched that Dylan so badly wanted to buy it for me but a part of me also wished that I had been the one to make the purchase. That way when I looked at the keyboard I would have been able to see myself rather than Dylan.
I sat down in front of the keyboard and started to play. It was shaky at first, but the more I kept at it, the smoother and more pleasant the sound became. I started to feel the music; I stopped thinking so hard and allowed my fingers to take control. Soon, I wasn’t even concentrating. My thoughts flew free and my fingers still kept playing.
The only thing I was really capable of thinking about for any length of time was Dylan. He consumed my thoughts, took up the space in my brain until there was room for nothing else. I thought about the next few weeks and how terrible it would feel to say goodbye to him. I was starting to realize that I didn’t want to say goodbye at all.
My fingers jammed against the keys and the music stopped abruptly as I started to understand how deep I had fallen so fast. Thankfully the doorbell rang and I rushed to get it, half hoping that it would be Dylan standing on the other side. I opened the door and came face to face with Maddie.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi,” I said. “What are you doing here?”
“Well I had some free time and I thought I’d stop in for some conversation and feminine energy.”
I smiled and opened the door wider to let her through. “Come on in.”
Maddie got herself a glass of wine and joined me cross-legged on the sofa.
“So …” she started pointedly. “I see a new addition to your apartment.”
“Oh,” I said as I saw the direction of her gaze. “The keyboard. Yeah, we got it today.”
“We?”
“Well … Dylan bought it for me,” I admitted.
Maddie raised her eyebrows. “I knew you two were spending time together but I had no idea it was that serious?”
“It isn’t,” I said quickly. “He just bought me a present, that’s all.”
“Have you slept with him?” Maddie asked pointedly.
“I ... well …”
“Lizzie!” Maddie exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was just processing,” I said lamely. “I honestly don’t know why I didn’t tell you. I guess I didn’t want to hear you tell me that it was
probably not a good idea.”
Maddie fell silent and I rolled my eyes at her.
“Well what did you expect me to say?” Maddie demanded. “It’s not a good idea and you already know that.”
“I know,” I nodded. “But this is different.”
“How?”
“Because I don’t have any expectations,” I said honestly. “Seriously, I don’t expect anything from him. I know we’re not a couple, we’re not exclusive, and we’re not girlfriend and boyfriend. He knows that and I know it too.”
“Ok, then what exactly are you?”
“We’re … well, we’re just friends who used to be lovers,” I said lamely.
“And now you’re lovers again?”
“Short term lovers,” I replied. “Listen, this is just until his leave is up and he goes back to his life. We’re going to enjoy the time we have together and then see how it goes.”
“See how what goes?”
I sighed. “It’s complicated ok?”
“I thought the point is to avoid complications in the first place.”
“Sure, it always starts out that way.”
“Lizzie,” Maddie’s voice was serious. “Be straight with me ok?”
“Ok,” I agreed.
“Do you have feelings for him?”
I sighed. “Yes I do; to be honest, I don’t think I ever stopped having feelings for him.”
“Once he leaves, don’t you think it’s going to be hard?”
“Of course,” I nodded. “But it’s too late now. I’m aware of my feelings for him, the damage has already been done.”
“So what exactly is your game plan here?”
“When he goes back, he goes back,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t still write to him every now and again.”
“You’re planning on staying in contact with him?”
“Just as a friend,” I said quickly. “Again, I don’t expect anything from him. I just figure there’s no reason to stop contact completely, I mean, we can maintain a relationship, even if it’s a platonic one.”
“And what if he meets someone along the way?” Maddie demanded. “Then what?”
“Then I will accept that and move on,” Lizzie said.
“You say that like it’s gonna be easy.”
