by Naomi Niles
I looked up at her slowly. Her eyes were fixed on me and I could see the tears pooled up in the corner of her eyes. She was looking at me in disbelief. I glanced at Tyler and noticed his head was hanging low; he had a bruise on the side of his face and I knew from experience that it would only get darker by the minute.
“I’m sorry mom,” I sighed and I meant it. “We were being stupid.”
I looked at Tyler hoping he would agree with me and apologize to mom but he didn’t say a word. After a moment, he got to his feet and then he walked away without looking back at either one of us. I felt my anger rise up again but I stamped it down and moved towards mom.
“I’m sorry,” I said again putting my arm around her shoulders. She was so small that I could hardly believe this was the woman I used to nestle up to in the mornings before breakfast. It seemed as though she had lost half her weight in a matter of days. “Mom, I really am.”
“I know,” she sighed at last and I could sense the fatigue in her tone. She was looking off in the direction that Tyler had gone in. “Do you know where he’s going?”
“No,” I shook my head. “And I don’t care.”
“Don’t be too hard on your brother,” mom said softly. “Losing your father was very hard on him; the two of them were so close.”
“This has more to do with me than with dad,” I said.
Mom looked up at me and shook her head. “You don’t understand one another,” she said with a sigh. “That’s the biggest problem. You misunderstand each other at every turn. That’s not what I want for the two of you.”
“Well it’s what you got mom,” I said before I could stop myself. “We’re not perfect.”
“And I don’t expect you to be,” she said quickly. “I just want you to get along. We’re family in this town, Dylan, and even though it’s hard we have to try and get along. We have to make this relationship work.”
I didn’t say anything; there was nothing I could say.
“Let’s sit down on the porch for a minute,” mom said, pulling me along with her. We sat down and stared out at the massive land that surrounded the house and all the trees that dotted it. It was so peaceful there; it was as though we were in the middle of nowhere.
“How are things with Elizabeth?” mom asked and I realized I should have seen that coming.
“Fine,” I replied.
Mom smiled and I knew she wanted more detail. “I don’t know what to tell you mom,” I said. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together.”
“I’ve noticed,” she nodded.
“And you don’t think that’s a good idea … do you?”
“You know I love Elizabeth,” mom said insistently. “And I also know how much she loves you.”
“But?”
“You’re leaving soon.”
“I’m aware,” I nodded.
“Do you think it’s wise to get so involved with her right before you leave again?”
“It’s not like the last time,” I said, getting defensive for reasons that were unclear to me too. “This is different. We’re adults now and we have a better understanding of the situation. I haven’t made her any promises and she hasn’t made me any either. We’re just …”
“Enjoying each other’s company?” mom finished for me.
“Precisely.”
“You can make all the necessary decisions, darling,” mom continued. “But feelings are a totally separate matter. You can’t control them, you can never control how you feel.”
“We both know it’ll be hard to say goodbye … but that’s just it. It’ll be closure; we never really said goodbye the first time.”
“I see,” mom nodded. “And you’ll be fine if she moves on and meets someone else, if one day she eventually marries someone else?”
“It will be hard to hear,” I admitted with a strange feeling in my gut. “But I can’t expect her to hand around and wait for me. I don’t want her to have to put her life on hold until I decide what I want for mine. She deserves to be happy now.”
Mom looked at me and smiled sadly. “All right, darling,” she said in a voice that made me realize she wanted to say more. “I’m tired now; I’m going back into the house. Are you coming?”
“In a minute,” I nodded.
She gave me a kiss and moved back into the house, leaving me on the porch. I looked out at the bright little dots that were stars and wished that Lizzie were sitting hear beside me. It felt so lonely without her sometimes that I wondered how I had even made it through this last decade without her.
Life was so complicated sometimes that it floored me. It was like being stuck in a big box of my own making, staring outside at all these choices that I was afraid to make. My thoughts kept flitting back to mom’s words only moments ago. She had said that we were family and we need to make those relationships work.
I remembered the time just after high school when I had finally made the decision to enlist. Tyler and I were butting heads on every little thing, my parents were talking about the best college options for me, and Lizzie’s head was filled with dreams that I couldn’t see myself in. Sitting there on the porch, fresh after a fight with my brother and a chat with my mother, I remembered how I had felt at the time.
The thing about life in a small town was that it was intense. Everything was magnified a hundred times over until they filled your head with doubts and worries and fears. I had been losing grip, I felt as though I didn’t know anything. I felt as though I had no experience and no ability to make it through life on my own. Enlisting had been a way to prove to myself that I was more than the tiny town I had grown up in. I wanted to be more than this town. I wanted to be more than who I was.
I thought of Lizzie and the fact that she had stayed in Bastrop all those years. I wondered why she had never left, why she hadn’t followed her dreams and done any of the crazy things she had written on her bucket list. Maybe it came down to the same thing.
Maybe at the end of the day, we were all just scared.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Elizabeth
He walked me down the street until we found a lonely, secluded spot away from the bustle of restaurant lights and people. He was quiet as we walked and he had on a pensive expression on his face. I glanced at him every now and then, wondering if he was being serious or if he was simply drunk and didn’t know it.
When we were surrounded by silence and empty space he turned to me. “Elizabeth,” he said my name as though he missed saying it and I reminded myself not to be taken in by him again. That was how I ended up agreeing to marry him in the first place.
“Can you make this quick, Paul?” I said. “Maddie will be waiting for me.”
“I never liked Maddie,” he said with an expression I recognized from back when we were married.
“Big surprise,” I said sarcastically. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
“No,” he said quickly. “No … I just … I guess I wanted to talk about everything?”
“Everything?” I repeated with raised eyebrows. “You want to talk about everything? Now?”
“Yes.”
“Well, you’re a little late, Paul,” I said in frustration. “Because in case you forgot, we’re divorced. Remember all those times I came home and begged you to talk to me so that we could work out our problems?”
“I remember,” Paul nodded slowly.
“You weren’t very interested in talking then, were you?” I demanded.
“I was …” he hesitated for a moment as he swung towards me. I moved back and put my hand on his chest, pushing him away from me a little.
“Careful,” I said. “You’re drunk.”
“I’m not,” he said defensively and I didn’t bother to argue with him.
I sighed. “Paul …”
“I still love you, Elizabeth,” he said abruptly and I stopped short.
I stared into his bloodshot eyes and tried to muster up a little patience. I was not someone who held onto to a
nger, but with Paul it was hard not to. He had destroyed my sense of hope, my ability to believe, and all the optimism that had fueled my wild imagination. I remembered the day we’d gotten divorced. A part of me was relieved to be free of him but another part of me was in mourning for the girl I used to be. Because I knew then that she was gone and I was pretty sure she was not coming back.
“That doesn’t mean very much to me now, Paul,” I said softening my tone somewhat. “In fact, it didn’t really mean very much to me then, either. You can’t treat a person like crap and then say you love them. It’s a lie.”
“I was confused.”
“For two years?”
“I … yes. I just needed someone.”
“Someone?” I repeated incredulously. “You had me! And I would have been whatever you needed me to be. But you were too busy getting drunk and jealous and angry. You were too busy spreading rumors about me all over town.”
“I hated the way men used to look at you,” Paul said swaying towards me again. “I hate the way they look at you now. I can see it in their eyes: the want, the desire.”
“Paul,” I said starting to get a little agitated. I could tell that the calm that had held him together so far was beginning to wane. He was starting to get more and more shaky on his feet, and a part of me wondered if it wasn’t just alcohol that was in his system.
He reached out suddenly and put his hand on my neck. I froze in place and stared at him. He looked at me with a pathetic expression on his face. “Give me another chance,” he said.
“What?” I gasped. “No!” At the same time, I pushed away from him so that he was no longer touching me. He looked shocked and hurt as though I had insulted him deeply. I saw a flash of anger flit through his eyes and it reminded me of the old days when we had still lived under the same roof. I started to back away from him.
“I should go,” I said as I backed away from him.
“No,” he said quickly as he grabbed me and pulled me to him. “I want you to stay; I’m not done talking to you.” He leaned in and slammed his mouth against mine. I gasped and with both hands on his chest I pushed him away.
“What the hell are you doing?” I demanded staring at him in anger.
Paul’s eyes were cold as he regarded me. “Is this because of him?”
“What?” I asked pretending as though I didn’t know what he was talking about.
“Is this about that jumped up asshole you were with the other night? Dylan?”
“This has nothing to do with Dylan,” I said firmly. “This has everything to do with you.”
“You loved me once.”
“I thought I did,” I said bitterly. “But to be honest, I don’t think I ever really loved you.”
“You blamed me for everything,” Paul said. “But you were as much to blame as I was.”
“How do you figure that?” I demanded.
“You were in love with Dylan,” Paul spat. “And you married me anyway. You used me. You hurt and humiliated me long before I ever did anything to you.”
I stared at him in shock for a moment. “Don’t do that,” I said at last. “Don’t try and turn everything around on me. Don’t bring Dylan into this and don’t pretend as though you were the victim.”
“It’s the truth,” Paul said stubbornly. “I’ll admit I handled it all wrong, but it is the truth.”
“You don’t know anything,” I spat at him as I tried to walk away.
Paul caught me by the arm and swung me back around to face him. “Elizabeth, I’m trying to talk to you.”
“Well I’m done talking to you,” I said trying to get him to release my hand.
His grip was vice like and unbreakable. “Paul, please,” I said desperately. “You’re hurting me.”
“You make me crazy, you know?” Paul said in frustration. “I try to talk to you, just talk, and you freak out and make me out to be the bad guy. This was what you did when we were married too.”
“If you truly believe that, then why do you want me back in the first place?” I demanded.
“Because I love you,” Paul said leaning in again.
I wrenched my hand free from his and slapped him hard across the face before he could kiss me again. I barely made the decision to do it when my hand smashed across his face. There was a split second of stillness and then his hand flew to my face and he slapped me right back.
I stumbled backwards and fell against the cold brick wall at my back. I shook my head and stared up at Paul in shock and disbelief. He was staring back at me with an expression that suggested he was just as shocked as I was.
“Elizabeth …” he said as he took a step towards me.
“Don’t!” I gasped as I backed away from him.
“I … I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“Stay away from me,” I said with a shaky voice trying to ignore the searing pain on my cheek. “Stay away from me.”
He stood where he was and I turned around and bolted. For a moment, I thought he might try and follow me, but then I glanced around and realized that he wasn’t. I raced back onto the paved streets of Bastrop’s main shopping district and looked around frantically for Maddie. People passed me by, giving my odd glances but I ignored them all.
“Maddie!” I said frantically. “Maddie!”
She appeared it seemed as if out of thin air. She came towards me with a worried expression and as soon as she was close to me her eyes grew wide. “What happened?” she demanded in a voice that suggested she knew exactly what happened.
“I … he … he …”
“Did he hit you?” she asked without hesitation.
“I … how did you know?” I stammered.
“Shhh,” Maddie said as she grabbed my hands and held them tight. “Your cheek is swelling up.”
“I slapped him,” I said. “And then he slapped me back.”
“That bastard,” Maddie spat, and I was grateful for the fact that she was calm. It made me feel calm too. She hugged me hard until I had stopped shaking and then moment she let go I felt more in control of myself. “Are you ok?” she asked staring into my face.
“I am now,” I nodded. “It was just …”
“Come on,” Maddie said as she pulled me along behind her.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“We’re going to the police station,” Maddie replied. “Right now.”
“No,” I said pulling my hand free and coming to a stop. “Maddie, I can’t.”
“Why not?” Maddie demanded looking furious. “That bastard hit you, Lizzie. He hit you and if you keep ignoring his behavior, he’s going to think he can get away with anything. You need to stop this now.”
“I don’t want this to become a big deal,” I said lamely.
“Look at your face,” Maddie said. “It’s already a big deal.”
I sighed.
“Stop being afraid to fight back,” Maddie said. “Don’t let him walk all over you. You know that dad is police chief; he can help us.”
I nodded.
“Are you coming?”
“Yes,” I nodded and we started walking back towards Maddie’s car.
We got in and Maddie drove us in the direction of the police station. The station was lit up and filled with officers walking in and out of the building. There was a line of police vehicles camped out in front. Maddie and I passed them on our way in. As we entered the building, Maddie waved to a man behind the reception desk.
“Hi, Officer Fitzpatrick,” she greeted. “Is my father here?”
“He’s in his office, Maddie,” he replied. “Go right on in.”
“Thanks,” Maddie replied and she led the way while I followed close behind.
Maddie’s father was a big, burly man with a thick moustache and a charismatic air about him. He could be charming when he wanted to be, but I knew from experience that he could be equally terrifying when he was crossed. His face lit up into a smile the moment Maddie and I walked in.
“Wel
l, well,” he said as he stood up. “What brings you ladies here?”
As soon as he finished the sentence his eyes landed on my face and the smile slid off his. “Elizabeth,” he said and then he looked towards Maddie. “What happened?”
“It was Paul,” I replied. “My ex-husband.”
“He hit you?”
“I hit him first.”
“Sit down,” Chief Stuart said motioning to the two chairs opposite his desk.
We sat down and Maddie spoke up before I could. “He’s been dogging her for months,” she said. “Practically from the time they were divorced. He comes into the bar she works at and makes scenes—”
“How often has that happened?” Chief Stuart asked.
“I … I have no idea,” I answered. “Too many times for me to count.”
“Has he ever been violent with you before?”
“He’s come close,” I replied. “He’s pushed me around a little bit, but he’s never actually hit me.”
“What can we do, dad?” Maddie asked.
“We can file a report against Paul,” Chief Stuart replied. “And we can file a restraining order against him.”
“What will that do?” I asked.
“It will keep him away from you,” he answered. “And if he doesn’t adhere to the restrictions and limits of the restraining order, then you can report him and we can take him in.”
I nodded. “All right.”
“Good,” Chief Stuart nodded. “You girls can sit here and I’ll go get the paperwork ready.”
He left us in his office and closed the door behind us. Maddie reached for my hand. “Are you sure you’re all right?” she asked with concern.
“I think I just want to get home.”
“Lizzie, we should go to the hospital and see about the bruise,” Maddie suggested. “It seems to be getting worse.”
“I’ll be fine,” I replied. “It’s not even hurting that much anymore.”
“Still—”
“I’m fine, Maddie,” I said abruptly. “And I need one more favor from you.”
“Of course,” Maddie replied. “What is it?”
