by Naomi Niles
Adrianna was fond of Elsa, and she walked beside her as we all lined up to go into the house. I melted a bit when I saw the way that Elsa looked down at her, and I imagined her having a big family someday once she made a final decision about her life.
Nathan seemed attached to me when we sat down in the living room, and he played with his cars on the floor as I joined him and laughed at his antics. Adrianna had Elsa prisoner with her doll, and I watched as Melissa noticed her children. We caught up on Melissa’s life and how she moved here after meeting Matt when he was in Virginia for a work meeting. They’d dated for a few months and knew that it was it for them, and they bought the house a year before the babies were born. I listened intently as she spoke and saw real happiness in her eyes and her smile.
Matt was in IT with a big company in the city and Melissa stayed home with the kids while she did some freelance work in the evenings to keep her busy. She’d always been creative, drawing or writing and she made it work as a second income for her. I liked his easy way with her and the kids as he helped without being asked and genuinely seemed to love his little family. Melissa deserved that, and I looked at the floor for a moment as I went back to the past and let my regrets take over.
This was good. Melissa was happy, and she’d moved on. This was how it was supposed to be.
Elsa brightened up when they mentioned that they were going to start supper, and Melissa smiled at her. “Can I help?” I knew that Elsa missed cooking immensely, and Melissa nodded as they stood and went to the kitchen. Matt stood as well and told me that he was grilling some meat outside. My stomach growled after eating too much take out lately, and I went into the spacious kitchen to see the women slicing some zucchini and adding it to a plastic bag with some asparagus as Elsa listened intently to Melissa as she described what she was doing. Matt took some chicken out of a bowl in the fridge where they had been marinating and piled them on a plate before he asked me to carry a package of cheddar brats out with him.
There was a large deck with a huge gas grill set up all nice by a little bar that overlooked a pool. “Nice place,” I told Matt as he smiled and looked behind him. I barely had an apartment in Virginia and it was merely a room with my few belongings in it at this point.
“Thanks. We enjoy it a lot.” I saw his eyes take in my scars as he warmed up the BBQ and offered me a beer. “There’s some in the fridge under the bar. I like to enjoy a couple when I’m cooking.” I thanked him and got a couple of the popular bottles that everybody was drinking now and remembered the days I had drunk too much around Melissa before I ended out engagement. I hoped that he didn’t do that to her, but Matt seemed content and happy. He didn’t need the escape like I had.
We talked about the state for a bit while the food cooked and soon the women and children joined is with a platter of seasoned vegetables. Matt added them to the grill as Melissa kissed his shoulder and leaned down to take a look in the fridge. “Elsa, we have some drinks if you’d like something. There’s some cold beer and some hard lemonade.”
“You’ll like the hard lemonade,” I suggested to her as she gave me a lost look.
“Is the regular good for you?” Melissa asked, and Elsa nodded as she got two bottles out and handed one to Elsa. Melissa entertained a lot, and Elsa looked a little uncertain as she watched Melissa open the bottle and copied her movements. She kept an eye on the twins as they played on the grass and kept a conversation going in the easy manner that she’d always had.
We ate outside at the large patio table and passed plates of food around to serve ourselves. Elsa had made a salad with Melissa as well as some corn on the cob and Melissa laughed as she joked around about feeding an army before her smile faded and she looked at me for a long moment. She moved the conversation back to the past when I’d been in school with her.
“I’m shocked the military took him at all. He’s lucky he never got caught.” Melissa winked at me as I felt a little anxious about what she was about to say. “Aidan was always the one setting up the parties, and he did it so effortlessly. I don’t think most of his friends even knew what he was doing until their houses were full of people based on whose parents were out of town! It was so much fun back then.” I glanced at Elsa and saw the rapt expression in her eyes. She was on her second lemonade, and I wondered if she would want me later tonight. “He had all of the girls after him too, being the star of the football team and all.”
“I thought that you two were…together,” Elsa spoke up softly as she looked at me with a questioning gaze. I knew that she didn’t know if she should say that but her curiosity got the best of her sometimes.
“Later in Junior year. He was quite the Casanova before that,” Melissa answered without missing a beat. She was clearly not upset about that anymore, and I felt grateful that she’d found happiness. “He did his fair share of dating before that and was the talk of the school. Do you remember Bridgette?” She laughed, and I shook my head. “She tried to say that she was pregnant in sophomore year when he started seeing Ruth after their little fling. What was it? A month at best?” Melissa laughed again, and I couldn’t help but to join her. I’d been far too careful about safe sex in those days being so young and having the goals that I did. Part of me wished that I hadn’t been now as I looked around the table at the kids and Melissa and Matt as they both laughed at something that she said. “That was so embarrassing for her. I feel a little bad now but honestly…she expected you just to fall at her feet!”
“Do you talk to anyone still?” I asked her and she took a long sip of her drink. I went under the radar after everything happened in the Army and only sent Melissa a text every now and again.
“On Facebook. It’s the usual catching up, and we gush about our kids and then it dies off. You know how that goes. Everyone is busy, and a lot of people have moved away.” Melissa waved her hand as she smiled at me. I never had a Facebook account after high school. I’d deactivated it after my first trip away and kept to myself. Their cheerful posts about dating and trips bothered me when my life was falling apart. “They ask how you are sometimes.”
“What do you tell them?” I asked her and she stared at me for a moment.
“I say that you’re doing well and brag about how great you became. I’m proud of you, Aidan.” Melissa said as Matt nodded and looked at me.
We talked some more about school and some of the trips we all took during the summers. Melissa hid nothing as she described how I never stayed in the same room twice. I looked at Elsa several times who was eating and drinking as she listened. She looked flushed, and I wondered if she was turned on. She met my gaze, and I could see the hooded look that she had in her eyes as I hardened beneath the table. I longed for her to touch me but we weren’t alone, and I smiled as I forced my eyes back to Melissa and Matt. The stories got more detailed with more drinks, and I was laughing when Matt glanced around at all of us as silence fell around us in the darkness. Melissa had gone in to bathe the kids quickly before bed, and he cleared his throat.
“Can you tell me anything about Afghanistan? I see stuff on the news, but I know not to believe any of that for the most part. I feel so separate from all of that.” I knew where this was going since I’d been in this position many times before. I wanted to tell him to be thankful that he never saw what I did and that he could sit here with his wife and kids in their happy home without thinking about his impending death.
“It’s intense. You’re not always in the middle of the action, but you could be at any time. That’s what it felt like to me.” I cleared my throat.
“I admire all of you. Damn heroes, you are, fighting for us the way that you do. I just went to college and learned computers.” Matt offered as I drank some more of my beer.
“Nothing wrong with that at all, Matt. Look at everything that you have,” I said as I implored for him to let go of his feelings with a dark gaze. It wasn’t unfriendly, and he missed it as he walked over to the fridge for another beer. “Family is good.”
“Are you planning on your own family someday?” Matt asked as he looked from me to Elsa. “I know that you’re still in, but you’re the same age as Lissa. There’s lots of time.” She blushed and looked down as I felt my heart breaking inside of my chest.
“I’m not sure yet,” I replied in a casual voice as I knew that I wanted to scream out that I couldn’t. I was dying, and there was no more time for me.
Elsa started to clean up the table as Melissa joined her alone. Matt and I stayed outside at their insistence and started talking sports and cars. I felt unsettled, and I just wanted Elsa with me to hold onto. I could see her through the window, and I kept glancing at her during the small talk that I didn’t care about even as I smiled and nodded in all of the right places.
CHAPTER 23
Elsa
I was inside of the house looking around the modern kitchen with wide eyes. There were so many things that I didn’t know how to use but luckily, the sink looked relatively straightforward. I took the dishes over to the counter beside it and smiled as I thought about the conversation at dinner.
Once so envious of Melissa, I could now see that she and Aidan were still close without being romantically involved. They had a comfort together that I had never seen before, and she admired it. I also thought back to some of the stories that had been told and felt my skin heat up. As naughty as they should have been to me, they were hot, and they made me want to have sex with Aidan all over again. I blushed as she heard the door open and started to stack the dishes on the right side of the sink. “Elsa? What are you doing?” Melissa’s voice held a hint of her laughter in it as well as surprise.
“I wanted to help you with the dishes. There’s so many,” I told her as she glanced behind her to see the pretty brunette bringing another stack.
“That’s so kind of you. A lot of my friends aren’t like that. They’ll be drinking out back with everyone while I’m cleaning. Thank you so much,” Melissa joined me at the sink and shook her head as she looked down. “There’s a garbage disposal in this left side, hon.”
“A garbage disposal?” I asked as I gave Melissa a curious look.
“I assume you don’t have one of those in your apartment. I thought they were so common.” Apartment? Melissa pulled the dishes out of the sink as I scooted over to watch her. “You can scrape the leftovers into it, and the disposal chops them right up for you. It makes the washing part a lot easier.”
I watched in awe as Melissa turned the water on a bit and started the process. The food went down the sink and once she was done, Melissa flicked a switch on the wall, and a loud grinding noise filled the room. I stepped back against the counter beside her and covered my heart. “That’s so loud.”
“That’s why it’s brief.” Melissa shot me an inquisitive glance before she pulled a slice of lemon from the fridge and dropped it inside for a moment before she shut it off. “This freshens it up.” She invited me to join her again as she laughed about never turning down help with the dishes. The women started a small assembly line where Melissa would wash the bowl and hand it to me to dry with the clean towel she’d given her. “I have a dishwasher as well, but sometimes this is relaxing to me.”
I looked around and saw something under the counter with buttons and wondered if that’s what she was talking about.
“How is Aidan doing? He looks healthy these days, so I guess better?” Melissa asked in a warm tone as I looked at her.
“This thing with us is new. Really new. I didn’t know that he had health issues,” I murmured as she looked at the running water.
“How did you meet him?” Melissa asked as I licked her lips. Should I tell her? Was it a stupid story and would Melissa think that she was crazy? Girls didn’t run off with boys that they only knew for a few days on a regular basis, did they?
“I…I met him at my house.” I cleared my throat and took the next dish to dry. “I’m Amish. Well, I was. I don’t know. I am on my rumspringa right now, and I decided to come with him on this trip.” She looked over at Melissa and gave her a small smile. “Is that a bad idea?”
“I guess if you’re going to do that with anybody, Aidan is a good guy for it. He’ll take care of you.” Melissa looked at her. “I don’t know much about the Amish life. Fill me in.”
“Well, I’ve lived with my family my whole life in the same house. It’s in my community, and I just learned that it’s close to Gettysburg. Aidan took me there almost right away.” I smiled widely. “So, I grew up helping my parents with the house and the land. We didn’t have any of this,” I waved her hand around and smiled again. “I almost didn’t know what to do when I first saw this kitchen. It’s so fancy!”
“Is it?” Melissa looked around. “I keep telling Matt that I want to upgrade it to a chef’s kitchen. He just laughs since I am a pretty basic cook.”
“Tonight, everything was so good. That was basic?” I asked her, and Melissa gave me a grateful smile.
“Yes, very simple. We like that around here with the kids.” Melissa leaned against the counter. “Did you have a boyfriend there?”
I shook my head. “I am to live with my family until I get married. It’s a very strict lifestyle.” I felt my skin heat up as she talked and Melissa gave me a knowing look. “My brother is getting married to a local girl soon.”
“Are you on this trip before that happens?” I nodded. “So I am thinking no contact at all before you choose to marry?”
“In the community, those are the rules,” I confirmed, and Melissa seemed to think for a moment.
“Outside of the community?” Melissa pressed, and I turned pink.
“I don’t have rules during rumspringa. Most of the kids drink, smoke, do drugs and other things like that. They need to decide if they want to live the Amish lifestyle.” I replied with a shrug. “I had something to drink before we came here. Aidan mixed it with orAng juice and it tasted sweet and made me burp.”
Melissa laughed as she covered her mouth. “You are so cute. I want to keep you! He must have made you a mimosa. Those have orAng juice and champagne in it. Was it a big green bottle? They taste bubbly.”
“Yes, that must be it. I felt so silly after drinking it but it was fun,” I told her with a giggle before she remembered what had happened in the car with him. “I bought a cell phone and some clothes.”
Melissa smiled and gave me a one-armed hug. “You are too sweet. I’d love to see the world through your eyes. You don’t know too much about Aidan then?”
“Just what he’s told me. I can tell that something bothers him sometimes. I know when he’s sad. He won’t talk to me too much.” I admitted, and Melissa ran a damp hand through her hair and shook her head.
“Come here,” Melissa told me after she peeked through the window. “I can’t believe that he hasn’t said anything. Aidan is a hero.” She led me through the hallway downstairs and into a little room before she sat down in front of a computer. “Have you ever used one of these?”
“My phone does that,” I told her and she laughed and nodded. Melissa clicked the screen on and went through a few other screens before she pushed the little computer towards me. “Here you go.”
I looked at the page that featured a photo of Aidan with cropped dark hair and a serious look on his face. I could see that he was focused here, but I liked the Aidan that I knew. He was funny and sweet even through the pain that he was apparently suffering from.
“He has his own Wiped page and everything.” Melissa looked as I gave her a strAng look. “That’s a personal page with information about the person. They aren’t always spot on since anyone can add to them, but it seems like a lot of this stuff is right to me.” I read all about Aidan as my eyes widened. He’d had a great career in the army, and I could see why he was going back in. He’d saved so many men from harm and sometimes death and had several mentions of his heroic acts. He even had several Medals of Honor, which Melissa explained were hard to get in the military. I kept reading about all of the pra
ises that were said about him and I saw the man that had taken care of me since I started my rumspringa.
I found mention of an accident that only stated that it was an explosion that hurt him with no further details. “I haven’t seen him since he got hurt, not like that,” Melissa told me as she gave me a long look. “I haven’t really spoken to him since after our engagement ended. I was surprised but happy that he wanted to come here.”
“Were you angry with him?” I asked, and she shook her head.
“I was hurt at first. I’d seen the signs that he wasn’t with me anymore and that he was going through so much. He ended things abruptly and went off on his own, and I worried so much.” She turned her head as her brows furrowed and smiled. “I hear them. I guess we should get downstairs.” Melissa looked at me. “I can tell that you’re good for him, Elsa. I didn’t think he’d ever be comfortable with anyone else again, and he just seems happy with you.”
“You’re not jealous?” I asked, and Melissa laughed.
“Aidan was my first love, but Matt is my world. He and the kids are everything to me, but I just want to see Aidan happy,” Melissa assured me as she stood to go into the kitchen. “One thing that I can do is bake, and I made Aidan’s favorite. He loves chocolate cake!! Let’s go surprise him.” I couldn’t help but follow here out of the room wanting to breathe in her enthusiasm for life. I could see why he loved her once.
We entered the kitchen, and the guys were getting another beer out of the fridge before Aidan smiled at me. “What were you doing?”
“I was showing her your amazing career in the office. You should be proud of yourself, Aidan!” Melissa told him as she brushed by Matt for a kiss. Aidan raised an eyebrow at me as Melissa went into the fridge and pulled out something covered in glass. He looked at it, and I saw something cross his face as he looked at the red lid and shook his head.
