Beautifully Damaged

by Gina Sevani

  Trish and Xavier seemed to find it hilarious, actually. Sean threw his head back and laughed hysterically while pounding the bar with his fist. He then stood up and held his stomach. Sean kept trying to talk but all he could do was take deep breaths in between fits of laughter.

  Apparently, Damon wasn't as amused. He aimed a dark glare toward Sean.

  Sean's laughter slacked off as he regained some control and he patted Damon on the back. "I would like everyone to hear me offer Damon my most sincere apology for laughing at him so he doesn't beat my ass later. Dude I couldn't help it, I'm sorry."

  Barely acknowledging Sean, Damon set his moody gaze on me.

  I recoiled at the intensity. "WOW, touchy much — I was just kidding."

  He stared at me for just a moment, then stomped off toward the restroom. He never gave me a response. Honestly, seventy-five percent of me really wanted an answer to my question, while twenty-five percent was worried I had pushed it too far.

  Damon used to leave not long after his set, but lately he stayed around. He even started coming in on nights he was off. He would hang out and talk to Xavier, a few of his buddies, even me. Trish told me that she recognized his pattern. He would leave when he knew I was safely in my truck and on my way but never before.

  A few times I caught Sean staring at me but as soon as I would make eye contact he quickly looked away. Something was up with him. I just hadn't figured it out yet. Sean was loud, carefree, and didn't give two cents who heard some of his ridiculous, crude comments — but he was hilarious. I'd give him that — and his energy level was contagious. I thought Xav was a smart ass but the things that Sean would say completely surprised me. Some would probably think he was very inappropriate. There was a never a dull moment when he was around. Xavier and Sean combined were a force to be reckoned with. Damon came back to the bar, nursed the same beer, and watched some highlights of a football game. Sean was on his cell phone, and the bits and pieces I heard were of him talking dirty to some loud girl with a high pitched voice that blared through the tiny speaker. I threw a dirty rag at him. His eyes narrowed, and he looked around as though he was ready to kick someone's ass.

  I pointed my finger at him. "You're nasty."

  He covered the phone, "Don't be jealous babe, I'll come whisper some naughty stuff to you in just a few."

  "EWWW." I scrunched up my nose at the thought of it. Before he could finish his sentence Damon smacked the hell out of the back of his head. It had to hurt, yet I couldn't help but cover my mouth and laugh. Sean was such a punk, he deserved it.

  "Damon what the hell man?" Sean pouted and massaged his head.

  Damon glared at him. "Don't speak to her like that!"

  Sean hung up his phone, rolled his eyes dramatically and started walking to the door. Before he got there he turned back smiling.

  "My bad. I didn't mean to offend your woman. Maybe you should whisper some naughty things to her, just saying."

  Damon sneered. "Really Sean, you'll pay for that shit!"

  "YUPP — totally worth it," Sean yelled as the front door closed.

  "I would apologize for him but that would just be pointless and never ending," Damon flashed a big, bright smile with his perfect, white teeth.

  I could get lost in his smile, it was seriously beautiful.

  "Mmm… hmmm, your woman huh?"

  Damon shrugged his shoulders and tried not to smile.

  "Ignore him. He's an idiot with a wild imagination."

  I went and got my purse from the locker in the break room, smiling at the thought of being his. I was a fool to even ponder such an idea. I headed back to the bar to tell everyone goodnight. I caught the end of some joke Xavier was telling Trish and Damon. They were laughing so hard and Trish actually snorted.

  "Goodnight guys," I hollered.

  I walked around and gave Trish a hug and glanced over at Damon. His elbows were on the bar and he was resting his chin on his hands. His hat was pulled down really low where I could barely see his eyes, but I could tell he was watching me hug Trish. Right before I made my way over to Xav to do the same, he put his forehead on his hands. The muscles around his shoulders were tense. I walked around the bar and right before I passed him, I quietly told him goodnight. He stood up quickly and nodded toward the pier.

  "Walk with me," he said but I could hear the question in his voice. I looked over at Trish and Xavier. She was cheesing, grinning from ear to ear. Xavier looked like he wanted to say something but chose not to. He quickly looked at me, then scowled at Damon. I didn't like that look one bit.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  "I'M OUTTA HERE, TRISH." XAVIER GRABBED his keys and stormed off.

  From the smile still stuck on her face she never noticed the difference in Xav's attitude. I didn't know what to make of him disappearing like that or the way he was looking at me but I'd deal with it another day. I realized I was still watching Xavier walk out the back door, and Damon was patiently watching me, waiting on an answer.

  "Sure, I'll walk with you."

  He placed a hand on my lower back to let me lead the way. I'd no idea what he was going to say, but I could tell he had a lot on his mind. We strolled side by side down the pier; all the way to the end in silence. Our hands brushed a few times. Neither one of us pulled away. It was almost like our bodies were magnets and wanted to be as close as possible. I could feel the force that pulled me toward him.

  "I've always loved this view."

  "I'm loving mine right now too," he said.

  He paused as we reached the pier and leaned against a post. I continued to the far edge and looked over toward him. His gaze was on me, not the water. We were not close at all, but it felt like I was standing right next to him. Damon started to speak but quickly changed his mind. A few minutes passed by in complete silence. My attention was focused on the water, but I could sense that his was still locked on me. I glanced across the lake at the calm water. The gentle wind blew my hair into my face, and I had to keep brushing it away. I closed my eyes to fully take in the feel of the breeze against my skin.

  "Is something going on with you and Xavier?" he asked abruptly.

  I blinked. "Why are you asking me that?"

  "Because I need to know, just answer the question."

  "No," I said.

  His somber look quickly disappeared as a sexy smile framed his face. "Good."

  I shook my head at the change in him. I couldn't help but return his smile. "So is that why you asked me to walk with you, so you can ask me about Xav?"

  He shrugged. "It's just a walk."

  "Yeah." My eyes questioned him. "Something tells me that's not all you want."

  Damon gave me a charming but sincere smile. "You're right Ariel, but you're not ready to hear what I want so I chose to ask for a simple walk instead."

  I gasped at his forwardness.

  "I like walks and honesty." I smiled at him and let out a small breathy laugh.

  "Is there any other way you want me to be?" he asked.

  "Absolutely not!"

  "I seriously doubt that," he muttered under his breath.

  "What?"

  "You don't want me to be real, honest, all the time Ariel or you wouldn't be standing there. If I'm honest and told you exactly how I feel, what I want, the thoughts of you that overpower anything else in my life, I would have you running to your car right now."

  "There may be some truth to that."

  Damon pushed off his post and stood directly in front of me. He caged me in with both of his arms; they were around me holding on to the sides of the pier. He wasn't touching me at all, just leaning in, and the look in his eyes could have brought me to my knees. The feeling I had — wasn't normal. He was so close but not close enough. It was like he could read my mind because he took another step forward until I could feel the heat from his body. Not a single part of his body was touching mine, but I could feel him everywhere.

  "I don't think you see yourself the way I do — you're beautiful, Ari
el. You want real and honest so here goes, and you better not run away from me when I'm finished."

  Sometimes around him I lost the ability to think — to speak. This was one of those moments.

  "Promise me you won't run."

  Damon was patiently waiting for my response. As much as I already wanted to run away, I needed to hear what he had to say.

  "I promise." My voice cracked, I hated myself for sounding so weak.

  I needed to be strong around him, the strongest I had ever been.

  Damon nodded and placed his forehead against my own, his eyes pierced mine.

  "I want you like I've never wanted anyone else. I think about you all of the time, you're the first thing on my mind when I wake up and the very last thought I have in my bed each night before I fall asleep."

  My heart hammered against my chest. A tremor of awareness rolled through me.

  "From the very first time I saw you something warned me to stay away, that you were innocent and way too damn good for me. But I want you Ariel, and I'm tired of staying away pretending differently. It takes too much strength and energy. No matter how hard I try, trust me I've tried, I can't help but feeling…" He shook his head.

  I struggled for my next breath, but he didn't seem to notice.

  "I've tried to be the good guy. I can smell you even when you're not around. You smell so good." Damon leaned closer to my neck and inhaled deeply.

  My body ached for his touch.

  "It's taking everything in me right now not to kiss you. My hands literally fucking ache not to reach out and touch you! How is that for being honest?"

  Pretty damn good. I was certain my clothes would just melt away if he kept this up. Completely at his mercy, like I would do anything he asked of me. I didn't feel powerless like I thought I would. Instead, it was powering.

  I wanted him desperately.

  Damon took one of his hands and cupped my face. His thumb rubbed gently against my cheek and I could do nothing but gaze up at him. My feet were cemented to that spot and the usual loud screaming of my brain saying I needed to run had been replaced with the pure and raw need of him. He rested his head against mine and took a deep breath in as he kissed my forehead. I placed my hands on his chest and slowly moved them downward to wrap my arms around his waist. The way he was leaning over and down on me had caused his shirt to rise. I touched bare skin. His body was warm, and I loved the way he smelled. It wasn't any type of cologne, it was just him.

  Damon sucked in a quick breath from the contact, then let out a low moan. I couldn't tell if he thought my hands were freezing or if my touch just felt that good. I wish I knew. We gazed at each other and the world around us literally felt like it stopped. I didn't hear or see anything but him.

  "I see your pain, Ariel, I can even feel it."

  Hearing those words come from him sent shivers along my spine, I had to look away. He touched my chin gently and pulled my attention back to him.

  "Look at me!"

  Damon leaned in to me and the movement caused his hips to press against my own. His mouth was so close that I could feel his lips brush against mine with each word that he spoke.

  "I want you, hell yeah I do, but you're not ready to let me in. I want it all, everything. You probably think I'm insane for coming on this strong, hell maybe I am but I need you to know this, everything I'm telling you is real. I'm here and I'm not holding back, not anymore."

  Damon's hand clasped tight on the side of my face, his thumb oh so slowly caressed the side of my face. His fingers moved to wrap around the back of my neck and he pulled me closer. Damon gave me the sweetest and most tender kiss I had ever felt in my entire life. He didn't wait on permission this time. Damon took, he possessed, and he used. He left me weak and wanting so much more.

  I envied him. The kiss might have been soft and gentle, but I'd felt his lips everywhere. Damon didn't seek entrance. The kiss wasn't meant to be that way. He took his time as he slowly kissed me. He made me feel every single caress of his lips.

  I had no control over the moan that escaped, and he answered with a low growl. He played my body like an instrument that he had completely mastered. I couldn't get close enough to him. I moved my hands from behind his waist up the front of his body. I felt every one of his rock hard stomach muscles against my palms. My hands worked up his well sculpted chest. Damon moved his left hand toward my hip and pulled me into a tighter embrace. His grip tightened then released and he squeezed my upper thigh.

  "Ariel, you taste… feel so good." He pulled my bottom lip into his mouth and sucked.

  I broke away from the kiss, breathless. Damon made me feel incredible. He made me want and need things I'd never had before. I had completely lost control over a simple, chaste kiss. I couldn't even begin to imagine what else he was capable of. His mouth and hands were a freaking weapon of sweet seduction. Damon laid his forehead against mine again. He was still leaning into me, but his mouth was no longer on mine.

  "Damon, what do you want from me?" I asked a little nervous about his answer.

  "I already told you."

  "I don't sleep around."

  "I know."

  "I can't give you everything."

  "Just try."

  "I don't date."

  He laughed. "Nor do I, well I didn't but I want to now."

  "I don't know, Damon it's just…" I shook my head, at a loss for words.

  He took a step away from me and jammed his fists into his jean pockets. I didn't like the sudden emptiness that left me with. I wanted his arms back around me, and that thought alone scared the shit out of me. He couldn't have that much control over me. I never wanted to actually need another person in my life ever again. Damon shifted until he stood beside me, and we both stared out toward the water. I was scared to face him again. Helpless, I couldn't find the right words to respond.

  His arm was barely touching my shoulder. Damon reached for my hand and I let him hold it. They fit perfectly together. He slowly moved his thumb back and forth and caressed my hand.

  Over and over.

  "Look, Ariel, I can always be honest with you even if you're not honest with yourself or me. I know you want me. I can see it." He pointed at the goose bumps that hadn't left me since his kiss. "I can feel it. At least now you know without a doubt what I want. So when you make your decision on what you want, just let me know. Let me get to know you, the real you."

  I looked up to his smiling face and thought he was going to kiss me again but he just briefly touched the corner of my mouth with his lips.

  "I need to go."

  "Why do you always run?"

  "Because Damon, if I stay, if I ever get the courage to be honest with you the way you are with me right now you won't like what you hear. It will change everything."

  I pushed off the pier to get some distance from him. "You think you know me, what type of person I am, well you're wrong. You talk about me running, I guaran-damn-tee you'll be the one running once you've learned what I've done — what I'm capable of — who I am. I promise you that you won't want me after that." I searched his eyes. "Is that enough honesty for one night?"

  Torment swirled in Damon's eyes, and his jaw went taut. He worked it back and forth a few times. His hands were fisted by his side and I could tell from his body language that he was fighting the urge to reach for me. Instead, he clutched the edge of the pier. "You can't know that, Ariel, just give us a chance! How can you sit there, feel what's so damn amazing between us and not fight for it?" he asked.

  "You can't promise you won't hurt me, you can't make those types of promises, and I've had enough hurt to last for infinity!" I yelled. "You have no clue how much I've fought in my life, no clue, Damon. Everything seems so simple for you. I can see the outcome of me and you. If I didn't, hell, if my life was different I would hold on to you and dare you to leave me." I backed away a step as he reached for me.

  "I desperately want you, okay? I DO. I finally feel alive again. You think I don't know it's
you that drives my body insane with want? I DO. But you have to understand I can't deal with any more pain and drama in my life. Plus the fact that I simply just don't deserve you." Damon's eyes held so much raw emotion. I wanted to just jump into his arms and beg him to hold me forever, but I knew what I had to say.

  "What I want and what I get out of life aren't the same. I'm broken! I will bring you down with me. I'm not just protecting myself, I'm protecting you too." My chest felt heavy. "I'm sorry but I can't give you everything, I don't even have all of me myself."

  Somehow I managed to walk away but I didn't get far, I had to stop and look back at him once more. He looked exactly how I felt. Wrecked!

  CHAPTER SIX

  "DAMON, TAKE ME HOME TONIGHT?" THE two-dollar tramp leaned forward resting her boobs on the bar, showing off all the goods as she shimmied her ass suggestively. Could her leather mini skirt be any more "mini"? With every twerk of her behind, a bit of hot pink lace peeked out. Geez.

  From the corner of my eye, I watched for Damon's reaction. A muscle worked in his jaw as he raked the girl with his gaze then pressed his lips into a thin line. "Thanks, but no thanks," he said curtly and turned his back on her.

  It had been two weeks since our talk on the pier. Two weeks of pure, torturous hell. Seeing all those floozies all over Damon kept my blood boiling at a dangerous level.

  I'd kept my distance from him, but his presence spoke to me, loud and clear. Damon wasn't laughing as much as he usually did. He had always been laidback, carefree; even though he never took shit off of anyone he was still calm. That changed, he became extremely temperamental to everyone around him. Even the girls — before, he would throw them a smile or say whatever he had to just to get them to leave him alone, but now he was ruthless. If they couldn't take a hint quickly, he would completely hurt their feelings.

  Honestly, I wanted to see him go back to his old ways, staying away from him would be so much easier then. I'd sent a few girls his way on purpose to see how he would handle the situation. From a distance I watched him turn girl after girl away and as good as it made me feel, some twisted little part of me got frustrated.