Beautifully Damaged

by Gina Sevani

Memories came back of my father and me as we danced in the rain. Live your life with arms wide open he would say as I twirled in circles. I smiled and decided to do just that. I twirled until I became dizzy just like I did when I was younger. It wasn't the first time I stood in the rain since they passed. It was however the first time I twirled and danced. It was also the first time I had a smile on my face along with the tears.

  I trudged through the wet ground and made it to the pier. I pulled my hoodie off and laid it under me. It would stay kind of dry for the ride home. Sliding my flip flops off I leaned back on my elbows and dangled my feet off the pier, they couldn't quite reach the water. Rain drops fell onto my skin one after another. I was soaked, my shorts, and shirt were glued to my body. I could care less; it felt amazing even if I was the only person in the world that thought so.

  The last thoughts I had before drifting off was I needed to stop hiding in the shadows. I was tired of all the darkness. I wanted what I had with Damon back and I needed him to forgive me. The last thing was I didn't know how the hell I was going to go about fixing the mess I created. One thing was sure, I didn't want anyone else.

  "Ariel."

  I jumped and sat up so fast that all of the blood rushed to my head. Squeezing my eyes shut I waited for the pain to ease. I looked up toward Damon and saw his shirt was drenched and it clung to his muscular chest and stomach. He stood leaning against the same corner post that he did the night he told me how he felt about me. No way he had gotten that soaked from just walking out here.

  "What time is it? How long have you been out here?"

  "I came out here twenty minutes after you, so almost an hour now." He sat in the rain and watched me. I didn't deserve his kindness. I sat up taller, tugged at the hair band until it released my hair, and ran my fingers through my long wet hair. I needed something to do with my hands as I thought about what I should say. Damon was being so quiet. He knew when I came out here. So he had seen me.

  "You saw me dance in the rain?"

  "I did." His tone was short. For some reason, I wasn't even embarrassed by the fact he saw me twirling or the fact that it was a private moment for me. His words were short and held no emotion what so ever. It was like this was the last place he wanted to be.

  "If you were just watching over me since I fell asleep, you can go now."

  "Do you ever get tired of lying to yourself?"

  "What?"

  "Your voice says go, but your body says stay. When will you finally give in to me? Without all the games, of course?"

  I thought for a moment on what I should say. "Is there any way we can start over?"

  "No," he said without any remorse.

  I swallowed hard and bit into my lip hoping that the pain from it would keep me from focusing on what he just said. I was thankful for the dim lights on the pier because he couldn't see my face. I hadn't yet made eye contact with him. I don't think looking into his beautiful, crystal, clear blue eyes was the best idea for me anyway. I stood up, glanced inside my purse for my keys and quickly checked my phone. Reaching down, I grabbed my hoodie and waited a second longer to see if he would say anything more.

  I wanted to speak but I couldn't handle two rejections in one night. I was bad for him anyway. I turned and faced him. Damon stepped away from the corner and into the light. We could clearly see each other now and I saw his eyes glance over my body slowly as he took another step toward me. He stopped advancing, rubbed both of his hands roughly over his face and chiseled jaw before stuffing them into his wet jeans. Two things I've learned from him… one being that he rubbed his face when he was frustrated… two, fisting his hands and then placing them in his pockets was a gesture he did to keep himself from touching me.

  "Why must you do dangerous things?"

  I sighed. "What are you talking about?

  "You're alone; anyone could have come up and hurt you. You're soaking wet, you could get sick. It's storming Ariel, and do you not realize there are alligators in that water you're carelessly dangling your damn feet in." Damon stepped closer as he scorned me like I was a child.

  "It's not storming, it's raining. Actually, now it's drizzling. I love the rain and I don't care that I'm wet. Oh and I'm very aware of the alligators."

  "No response for someone hurting you?"

  "Did you come to hurt me?" I asked softly.

  "I never have done a single thing to hurt you. I'm pretty sure all the hurting has been done by you."

  I bowed my head in shame. I could see the hurt on his face; I could hear the hurt in his voice. I wasn't even sure he could look at me the same. He sure couldn't or didn't want to touch me. The old Damon would have already had me in his embrace. I thought back to the words I just spoke to myself a few moments ago.

  "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I messed things up. I didn't believe in us enough and that was all on me, not you. I never gave you a second to explain anything. I saw my out, and I took it because it was easier than the alternative, the alternative of actually feeling something so powerful. It's out of my comfort zone, out of my control. I didn't know how to handle it so I did what I do best. I ran. And I'm so damn sorry." Tears coursed down my face, mixing with the rain. The longer we stood facing each other the harder the rain fell.

  "What are you saying, Ariel?"

  "I'm saying I want to start over if you can forgive me."

  "No!"

  All right, I was about to lose it. I couldn't stand there another minute longer. I dropped everything, ran up to him, and gave him no other option but to place his arms around me or fall backward on his ass. I placed my lips against his and tasted him one last time. I jerked away before I could get lost in his kiss. My eyes locked with his as I slowly backed away.

  "Running, seriously?"

  Was he crazy? "What do you want from me? I just begged for your forgiveness and you told me no. You can't be that cruel that you don't understand how standing here wanting you and not having you is hurting me. Are you punishing me?"

  "I should."

  "Damon, I can't do this."

  "I told you no because I refuse to start over with you. We've come too far. Starting over means attempting to erase something, I don't want to lose anything we ever shared. Not the bad, and definitely not the good, even if you are a stubborn ass."

  I laughed and hoped I understood him clearly. "I need you to be a little more specific."

  "So damn needy." Damon smiled for the first time as he walked toward me and pulled me into his arms. It felt amazing and wonderful to be in his embrace once again.

  "Do you believe I cheated on you?"

  I tried burying my face but he wouldn't let me. "No, I'm so sorry."

  "You hurt me, Ariel. The only thing that eased the pain was in my heart I knew there was a part of you that didn't believe I was capable of hurting you." He kissed my forehead tenderly. "I need to know something, if you know I didn't do it then why haven't you talked to me? Where would we stand if I didn't come out here and chase you once again?"

  I closed my eyes; the truth was going to sound lame and bad. I decided honesty was the best route. "I think a part of me knew when I read your letter?"

  "What? THREE weeks ago? Those weeks were hell, Ariel."

  "I know, just listen. It was hard for me too. I was torn between what my heart actually felt and what I was trying to convince myself of. Everything happened so fast and I fell so hard for you. When I thought you didn't feel the same, it was easier for me to run. I even thought momentarily that what you felt for me was all lies. I felt our relationship was threatened because of that girl or by any girl that tries to come in between us. I'm not explaining this right. Shit, I'm messing it all up. Damon I'm not good at expressing my feelings. I was scared. Scared of feeling everything that I feel for you, scared that you are going to wake up one day, and realize that you were a fool for wanting me. Scared that when you finally know everything about me, see the real me that you won't want me anymore. Scared that you won't feel the exact same way I do… f
or you."

  "Holy shit…Ariel, baby you just let me in." He smiled and pulled me closer. "I will always want you, I'll always choose you." He took turns kissing my lips and wiping my tears away.

  I was pretty sure I was done talking for the night. As I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my chest against his I was reminded just how soaked we really were. I wasn't positive about his predicament but I sure didn't mind. I dipped my head and arms back; I felt the tip of my hair graze the back of my thighs as the rain dropped onto my face. His arms circled my waist. I closed my eyes, happy, content even, and licked the drops of wetness from my lips. Smiling, I opened my eyes to see Damon looking down upon my face. When our eyes locked, he returned my smile and pulled me back up.

  "You really love the rain."

  "I really love the rain."

  "You're so damn beautiful."

  "You're so damn beautiful too."

  We laughed and kissed until I heard loud thunder that felt like it shook the entire ground. I jumped and my body tensed as I drew closer toward Damon. I fisted his wet shirt into my hands.

  "Not so fond of storms, huh? Where were you going just then?"

  "I was seeking shelter and safety."

  "In my arms?"

  "Always." I took off running toward my car. Rain I loved, thunder… lightning not so much. Damon ran up behind, smacked me on the ass and threw me over his shoulder.

  "Hang on before you fall and hurt yourself." I loved his caveman ways. Once we reached my truck, he caged me in against the door so the rain was mostly landing on him. Damon caressed my cheek and slowly ran the tip of his finger across my lips, catching the tiny drops of rain. He opened my door and stood back so I could climb in. "Wait, I have something. I'll be right back." I watched him run toward his car, tuck something in his hand, and run back.

  "Here, it's dry. You need to get out of those wet clothes, I'd hate for you to get sick."

  "What about you? Besides I only live a few minutes away."

  "I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about you, and this truck's upholstery."

  "Boys and their toys." I laughed. "Are you going to watch?"

  "Is that an invitation?" He smirked.

  It was so dark; mostly all he could see was the shadow of me. I decided not to care. Pulling the shirt away from my skin and over my head took some serious effort.

  "Ariel," he hoarsely whispered.

  "You can't really see me."

  "A little, besides imagination is a helluva thing."

  I reached behind, unsnapped my bra, and tossed it along with my shirt in the floor board. It wasn't thundering this second and the sound of my zipper from my shorts was all we could hear.

  "Shit…Can I?" His hands were on my hips waiting on permission to take off my shorts.

  "Yes." I breathed heavily.

  Damon zipped my shorts back up. I wondered what he was doing until he zipped them back down. He kneeled in front of me and slowly, very slowly pulled my shorts down where they rested against my knees. He placed a simple kiss against each thigh and tugged them the rest of the way down by my ankles. Damon tapped my foot to get me to step out of them. His hands roamed over my legs from my ankles up, before he reached anywhere private he removed his hands, and crawled up my body. He leaned away from my bare chest so his body wouldn't brush against my breasts. Damon cleared his throat as he sidestepped me, reached for his shirt, and handed it to me. What he just did was sexy as hell but he still managed to be a gentleman and not push me. He was so freaking perfect! I slid the dry shirt over my head. It swallowed me and almost reached my knees. His scent was all over me and I loved it. I picked the collar up and inhaled his scent.

  "Thank you for my rose and note, Romeo."

  "I meant every word."

  "I know Damon…I know."

  I MADE IT HOME and tiptoed around so I wouldn't disturb Grams. I was freezing my ass off from the rain which only brought a gigantic smile to my face. Funny, I wasn't a bit uncomfortable when I was with Damon. As I lay in bed I thought about how my life had changed lately.

  My phone alerted to a text.

  ROMEO: Home safe?

  JULIET: Yes, you?

  ROMEO: Yeah, I want to throw away those shorts.

  I laughed.

  JULIET: What's wrong with my shorts?

  ROMEO: Too damn short but they looked sexy on you.

  JULIET: Lol. They aren't that bad, I didn't expect to see anyone other than Trish tonight.

  ROMEO: I didn't even think to ask what you were doing there.

  JULIET: Long story, I'll tell you later.

  ROMEO: Are you still smelling my shirt?

  JULIET: Is that your way of asking me what I'm wearing?

  ROMEO: Nope cause I know you haven't taken if off. But now that I'm thinking about it, what's underneath?

  JULIET: Nothing.

  ROMEO: Ariel!

  JULIET: What? They were wet so I had to take them off.

  ROMEO: ARIEL! I'm extremely young for a heart attack baby.

  I read over my message and realized how it sounded and completely broke out into fits of laughter. I didn't even mean for it to sound the way it did. Glancing at the clock, I groaned. It was so late… An idea popped in my head. I turned the phone camera around and snapped a few pictures of me in his shirt. I sent him the one I thought was the sexiest.

  JULIET: Sweet dreams Damon.

  ROMEO: Beautiful! My dreams will definitely be sweet now. I'll talk to you tomorrow, well today.

  I plugged my phone into the charger and crawled into my warm bed.

  IT WAS SUPER CROWDED at Dalton's for a Thursday, mostly with local college kids. Izzy, one of the other waitresses, was getting frustrated with a group of guys in the corner that were getting a little rowdy. I'd come to enjoy waitressing and meeting most new people. However the rowdy, rough drunk crowd that couldn't handle their drinks, not so much. It was crazy how liquor made people feel ten times taller and stronger than what they actually were.

  Xavier was mixing some drinks for me. He was insanely busy so he wasn't talking crap or goofing off much, he didn't have time. He did seem more distant than usual.

  Trish looked over his shoulder toward me and smiled. "Don't you dare go home without talking to me."

  "Uh, whatever, okay just help him."

  "I am helping." She rolled her eyes at me. "To be continued."

  Izzy came up and waited beside me. "Those guys are dicks!" She spat the words angrily. I didn't really know her, but hearing someone so tiny and sweet-looking use that language was a little shocking.

  "I hate when they come in." She looked like she was about to be in tears. Izzy was younger than me and less experienced with dealing with assholes. I felt bad for her and that was the only reason I felt I needed to offer assistance.

  "Hey, I got this, go take a quick break."

  "Are you sure? They are really wasted. I told Big Joe he needs to cut them off."

  "Yeah, I'm sure."

  I dropped my drinks at one of the front tables real quick. It was occupied by a few ladies as they enjoyed a night out together. I rushed toward Izzy's table in the back corner. I sure didn't want to piss these guys off. I had enough to deal with.

  "Hey guys, Izzy took a quick break, and here are your drinks."

  I tried to make it as quick and as painless as possible because all the staring and smart ass comments were getting on my nerves.

  I pivoted so I could walk away and the big loon of the group grabbed my jeans by the belt loop. "Whoa there sweet stuff. Where you going so fast?" This was not a freaking strip club, what the hell was wrong with people.

  The guy smelled horrible — it actually took my breath away, like he'd just sweated for hours at football practice then chugged a bottle of liquor. He made all the other idiots laugh loudly. I turned quick enough and made him lose his grip. I tried to smile nicely to keep the peace.

  "Excuse me," I said.

  He then thought it was okay to slap my ass, he
tried to pull me back against him and that was the exact moment, I'd had enough. As fast as I could I grabbed his wrist and snapped it. I didn't think twice about it. I wasn't sure of the exact damage, but I could tell he was in pain. Obviously, the alcohol wasn't enough to make him not feel that. One of his drunken buddies jumped up got right in my face, blocking me from leaving their table.

  "Bitch you'll pay for that," he screamed at me.

  My entire body froze at the similarity between his words and the ones that still haunted me. I felt someone against my back, I sensed it was Damon. He quickly stepped in front of me and placed a hand on my hip so he could keep me placed firmly behind him. Damon transitioned our bodies so smoothly, I wasn't even sure if the drunken guys noticed.

  "What the hell is your problem?" Damon asked.

  "She broke my friend's hand man, he has to play ball."

  "Well, dickhead, your friend should have thought about that before he grabbed her ass," Damon shouted.

  There were four of them and one of Damon, he'd gone crazy.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  THE BLOND SAID, "WHATEVER. I'M OUT, guys; I'm not messing with him."

  The others were pretty quiet but the giant was still running his mouth. Where was Big Joe? I couldn't believe he wasn't already out there because people were already starting to crowd around. Damon calmly sat directly in the chair that Blondie jumped up from.

  He gently took my hand and pulled me down to whisper in my ear.

  "Go to the back please, I'll come and check on you in a minute."

  Hell–to-the-no, I wasn't leaving him. I shook my head. "No, are you crazy?"

  "Damn it! Of all the times for you tell me no. Just go, please." He narrowed his eyes, he was worried about me, but I couldn't just walk away from him. Damon stared at me for a second longer. I crossed my arms and fixed my stance to let him know I wasn't going anywhere.

  He shook his head in disapproval then turned his attention back to the situation, glaring across the table at the asshole, who actually looked scared now.

  "What's up Damon? Not singing tonight, dude?"