“All done,” Professor Madsen announced, bringing her back from her thoughts and memories. “According to the display, the fax went through.” He took the papers from the machine and handed them back to her. “Better keep these just in case.”
“In case it didn’t go through?”
“I’m sure it went through, Jamie,” Madsen assured her, “but I would keep them nonetheless. Bill… Dr. Jacobs told me he would reserve the spot for you as long as we got the paperwork to him right away so he could show proof of your application. If however his fax machine jams, runs out of ink, or is missing a page or two, he will need you to resend it. It’s okay though. He’ll still have proof enough to hold the position. It’s as good as yours. We just want to exercise the habit of always being prepared by keeping a copy of everything, don’t we?”
“Yes, of course,” Jamie agreed as she took the packet and placed it in a folder in her bag. “Good thinking, sir. I wonder if the day will ever come when I’ll have nothing left I can learn from you.” She laughed at herself at her own inability to see the logic in holding her paperwork.
“Miss Partell, I hope the day never comes when you stop learning, period. There is always more to learn, even for the wisest guru.”
“Even for you?” she joked.
“Especially for me.” Professor Madsen raised his hand toward the office door. “Shall we away?”
Jamie nodded, and they both headed out of Madsen’s office. “You’re sure you don’t mind driving me?”
“Of course I mind,” the professor laughed as he turned off his office light and shut the door, locking it behind him. “But what choice have you given me, young lady?”
Jamie walked with her professor with an excitement for her upcoming internship, but a slight guilt from pressuring her generous mentor to break his personal policy. “I am sorry, sir. I promise you this will be the last time I ever obligate you to give me a ride.”
“Yes,” Professor Madsen replied, “I’ve no doubt about that.” As they headed down the hallway toward the building’s exit, he began to whistle a frightfully lively tune.
Chapter IV
She knew it was a beautiful, silver BMW. She wasn’t sure of the model or year (she knew very little about cars, especially luxury cars), but she didn’t care. Nevertheless, she was impressed with it. Like Professor Madsen’s office, the BMW was well maintained; not one dent or scratch, not the smallest imperfection in what looked like to be its brand new paint job and polish, and Jamie felt a small surge of enjoyment from the fact that she would be riding in such an expensive vehicle.
Professor Madsen opened the trunk of the car with the push of a button on his key remote. “I hope you don’t mind,” he said, “but all my travel items for my trip are in the back seat. There’s only room left for your bag in the trunk.” He placed his briefcase and laptop case in the trunk very carefully, motioning Jamie to follow suit. She did the same with her bag as requested. He closed the trunk, and they started toward the front of the BMW.
As she reached to open the passenger side door, Jamie noticed that the professor did in fact have his back seat full. She couldn’t tell what items he had packed for his long drive to Indianapolis, because they were covered by a large, black tarp. It gave her an uneasy feeling, though she didn’t know why. “Wow, Professor,” she teased, “you’re more private than I thought to keep your luggage concealed.” She liked to joke with Madsen, but part of her wondered if she didn’t ask this as a result of female intuition.
“Oh, that,” Professor Madsen laughed good-naturedly. “The interior is all leather. I can’t have my suitcase and travel bags sliding around back there on every turn and every stop and start I have to make. You know me, Miss Partell; take extra care of your things and they’ll last longer.” He lifted the tarp up to show her, staring deeply into her eyes with intensity (for what reason, she had no idea); at the same time, a strange wave of dizziness overtook her. Jamie almost lost her balance, but regained control at the last second. As she steadied herself, and as she regained focus of her suddenly blurred vision, she could clearly see that there was in fact luggage in the back seat.
“Are you alright Jamie?” Madsen asked with concern as he covered the items again with the black tarp.
Jamie shook the last of the dizziness off. “Yes Professor,” she smiled, “I’m fine. I think the reality of everything is starting to hit me. Too much excitement I guess.”
“You’re very fortunate, Miss Partell,” he replied with a warm smile, “to have this internship open up right when you were passing by its doorstep. Take some time to let it sink in. I’m sure that in a couple of days, all of your apprehensions will be gone.”
Jamie nodded and opened the passenger door. She now observed that the professor was telling the truth about the all-leather interior too. She also noticed how polished the carbon fiber dashboard sparkled as it engulfed the colorful, digital gauges in the center, and the satellite radio display glowed a pleasant blue as it came to life when Madsen pressed the remote starter button on his keychain. She was more than impressed with his love for the finer things in life, and she was about to get a taste of it herself. Yes, Providence was with her now. She couldn’t believe her good fortune of having this opportunity to advance in her career, and to top it off, she would be riding home in style.
No, not fortune. You. YOU made this happen Jamie, she heard the inner voice say. She still couldn’t shake the idea that again, it was not her own voice, but it was someone or something else’s. But no, it had to be hers. She convinced herself that only she could think her thoughts. Only she could speak in her own mind, and no one and nothing else could.
Could they?
No. It’s only you, Jamie. This is you, admitting to yourself that you are in control of your own destiny. You alone got to where you are now. You’re special. You’re full of beauty and talent. You’re sexy and confident, and you will go far.
Jamie laughed inside herself as she started to put one foot inside the passenger side. She knew she had drive and determination, she knew she was confident with what she could do and who she could be, but she never thought herself as sexy. She felt silly thinking so.
You ARE sexy, Jamie. You’re beautiful. And everyone will want to be you.
She sat into the passenger seat. I’m beautiful. Yes, I suppose I am.
You’re beautiful AND sexy.
I’m beautiful and…
You’re sexy, Jamie.
I’m… sexy? She swung her right foot into the car.
“You’re beautiful and sexy. Men want you. Even women want you.
Yes… She reached for the inside handle of the car door, ready to pull it closed. Perhaps it had just been the cool, night air, but suddenly her nipples hardened. And she could feel herself tingling instead of cramping, as her menstrual cycle was nearing. I’m sexy.
And everyone will want to be you.
Yes. Everyone will want to be me. Whether she wanted it or not, and for the first time she thought she did, she had to admit that many peers were envious of her success. Sitting in her equally successful mentor’s car, it became so clear to her. Yes, equally successful. After all, he was only more successful due to age difference. By the time she reached Madsen’s age, she would be just as successful as he.
MORE successful, Jamie. More accomplished. And there will be many more plaques on your office wall.
If only her friends, if only Neal could see her now. She began to envision a time, hopefully not too far away, when she herself would be conducting her comings and goings in her own BMW, relishing in everyone’s envy of her. Loving their jealousy. Let them be jealous. It would only stroke her ego. Their envy will only prove her success. She will taunt them while driving her own BMW… her own Ferrari… no, flying in her own private jet.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil!
She stopped. A new voice? She wondered. No, not a new voice, an old one. One she knew quite well; the voice of her fat
her. Or herself, quoting her father, quoting the Lord’s Prayer. Jamie suddenly felt a guilt build inside her that almost brought her to tears. After everything her parents taught her, after her years of such strong faith, she was appalled at her own thoughts, if they even were her own. This wasn’t good fortune. This was temptation. Temptation was quite the frequent flyer in her mind this night, and for the first time she caught herself with the realization of it. Her father would be ashamed of her to think with so much pride, for lust of power. A moment ago she felt good. Now, the feeling became mixed with shame. God taught her to be humble. God taught her that the meek are blessed. God taught her to love her neighbor.
God taught you to love thyself.
And lead us not into temptation…
That’s the old Jamie talking. You are talented. If you want to do good things for your neighbor, you have to succeed. You have to love thyself. THEN you will better be able to love thy neighbor.
But deliver us from evil…
There is no evil. There is no good. There’s only life and death. How will you live before you die? Love thyself. You’ve come so far. You’ve done so much. Love thyself.
I’ve accomplished so much. I love myself.
You will accomplish so much more.
Yes, I will accomplish more.
Because you’re beautiful.
Because I’m… no.
You’re beautiful.
Blessed are the meek.
You could be so beautiful.
Blessed are the meek. They shall inherit the earth!
You are confident, not meek. Be beautiful. If you’re not beautiful, you’re an abomination… like the werewolf. You’re not a werewolf are you?
BLESSED ARE THE MEEK! THEY SHALL INHERIT…
You could be sexy, Jamie.
...
Jamie pulled the passenger door shut. It was hard to believe that all of her conflicting thoughts just now all took place in a matter of seconds. More interesting to her was the sudden silence in her mind. This voice of temptation seemed to stop abruptly as she shut the car door, as if this action was like flipping off a light switch in her subconscious.
“Don’t forget to buckle up, Miss Partell,” Professor Madsen reminded her as he put the gear into drive.
Chapter V
They were not too far from campus yet, but Main Street was not as full of life and activity as it would have been mere hours before; very little traffic and most of the small shops closed for the night. Even the local restaurants and bars seemed all but dead on a typical, “nothing special” kind of Tuesday night in an old-fashioned town. On the weekends and in the summers, especially early July, Gettysburg was flowing with tourists who were looking for a bit of history and ghost hunting, which was abundantly provided by the many attractions, tours, and the locals’ reenactments in their Union and Confederate uniforms. During her time at the college here, Jamie had visited many historical sites herself and learned much of the eerie folklore. Although it’s been said that Gettysburg is one of the most haunted places in America, she herself had never experienced anything supernatural about it. Sometimes, she thought, people just allow their own imaginations to play tricks on their minds.
Jamie felt herself cramping again as the BMW drove smoothly along. Her period was definitely coming. It was minor though, and it certainly was not so painful a sensation that it pulled her from her thoughts. Thoughts that were less conflicting than they had been several minutes before. The voice in her head that filled her with want and desire was gone now. All that was left was the voice of warning against temptation, the voice of her preaching father… the voice of humbleness. Where had the other voice gone? She didn’t want it back, but found it strange that she no longer felt that ambition which drove her to push her mentor to put things into action immediately instead of waiting. Had she been too impulsive? Shouldn’t she have first discussed this opportunity with her parents? With Neal? Perhaps, she thought, she was just getting cold feet.
What did pull her was the suddenly annoying voice of Professor Madsen. “You’re awfully quiet for a change, Miss Partell,” he said. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yes sir,” Jamie replied dully. “I guess it’s just a lot to absorb in such a short amount of time. Or maybe I’m starting to feel embarrassed by the way I behaved.”
“You? Embarrassed?” Professor Madsen joked, but when she didn’t feed into his humor, and maintained a sullen, steady stare at the avenue ahead, he changed his tone to a more solicitous one. “What do you mean, Jamie?”
“The way I behaved with this whole situation tonight, Professor. I’ve inconvenienced you, even though you were probably right. I’m sure this could have waited until tomorrow or Thursday. It seems like whenever I get an idea in my head, I become restless until I’ve acted upon it. When I want something, I sometimes do what it takes to get it, but then later I feel embarrassed for making an ass… sorry… a fool of myself.”
“Nonsense,” Madsen protested, “this country is full of men and women who don’t act because they fear too much what others will think of their behavior. That’s why this country’s government takes forever to get anything done. No one wants to be that person who takes large, bold, steps on new pathways of fresh ideas. Heaven forbid their ideas get turned down or they even slightly scratch their political reputation. If you want to change the world for the better, Jamie, you’re going to have to break out of that embarrassment box.”
“Embarrassment box?” Jaime wondered.
Professor Madsen continued, not taking his eyes of the road, which was becoming darker as the BMW was putting distance between itself and the town. “It’s just my term for people who need to break out of their shells. Your embarrassment box keeps you contained. It’s large enough for you to move around in, but should you break out of it completely, you’re afraid you’ll feel different because you’re suddenly exposed. You suddenly stand out, and it’s never easy to leave your comfort zone.”
“I guess so,” Jamie shrugged. “After tonight, it doesn’t seem like I have much of an embarrassment box.”
“Or,” the professor suggested, “perhaps you break out of it too easily, only to find you want to go back in. But I think you do have an embarrassment box. You have a lot of potential, young lady. Most assertive people like yourself do, but if your assertiveness causes you to take action, you must try not to later reflect back on what people now think of you. You shouldn’t second guess yourself.”
“I don’t,” Jamie protested, “It’s just…”
“Really?” Madsen interrupted. “Why then did you just correct yourself?” Jaime shot him a questioning look. “You said you were ‘embarrassed for making an ass’ out of yourself, then quickly corrected the use of obscenity and said ‘fool.’ Were you worried that I’d think less of you for swearing?”
There was a minute of silence as Jamie considered what her mentor was getting at. Then he continued: “Our nation… the world, needs people like you, Miss Partell, but you need to be confident. Don’t let any insecurities you have hold you back. Don’t worry about what people think. What matters is that you are special. You just have to believe you’re special.”
“I understand sir, but I still feel awful for making you stay after class, and drive me home, just so I could have my peace of mind. I didn’t feel bad about it before, but I do now that we’re here.”
“It’s not a problem,” Professor Madsen smiled. “Really, I don’t mind.”
Again the conversation paused in the BMW, and Jaime drifted into herself again to consider what the professor was telling her. For some reason, that word “special” just didn’t seem to appeal to her.
The road had grown quite dark at this point. All street lights, along with the town were far behind them. And though she was hardly paying attention to her surroundings, Jamie broke from her self reflections instinctively to direct Madsen to her apartment. “Make a right at the next stop sign. It’s just up ahead, but it can sneak up on yo
u, especially when it’s dark out.” Madsen nodded and slowed the BMW as they approached the intersection. A moment later, the car came to a stop at the turn. In this brief moment, with the engine quieted, the dead silence was so thick, Jamie found herself thinking out loud, perhaps to have at least some sound: “I may be assertive, and I do have goals for my future, but I don’t see what’s all that ‘special’ about me.”
Professor Madsen did not make a turn after stopping. He only kept the car idle at the intersection. He was staring out ahead into the darkness of the empty country road. “Of course you’re special, Jamie,” he finally replied. “You are a virgin after all.”
This completely unexpected response from him brought Jamie to a halt from all thought and self-reflection. She was stupefied by his disturbing remark. How in God’s name did he even know about her personal and private choice? She was too stunned to speak, but she turned and looked at him; he was still staring into the darkness ahead with that same smirk on his face she thought she saw before. Her shock at this abrupt, out-of-place statement that came from the lips of the man she greatly admired dulled her senses, and she did not hear the rustling of movement from underneath the tarp in the back seat. She only struggled to find her voice; to ask him how he knew of her virginity, what business it was of his, and how it had anything to do with what they were talking about.
However, before she could even find the words to start questioning him, a large, thick hand reached around from behind her seat, pressed against her mouth, and forcibly pulled her head backwards, flush against the headrest. She was too confused to attempt a scream, too confused to even know what was happening. In a split second, she felt the prick of a needle intrude the side of her neck.
Agents of Shadow (The Keepers of White Book 1) Page 4
