“She loves horses, Bea. It’s the Indian in her.”
“Do you think I don’t know that? We have to discourage the Indian in her. You aren’t helping me on this, Kirk. I love her like my own, and we agreed from the beginning she would be raised as our own child. It scares me when you let her experience that wild side of her nature. I’m afraid she’ll wonder—that others will wonder.”
“For God’s sake, Bea, she just likes to ride. It means so much to her. There are other white women who like horses and riding, you know. You’re letting your fears and imagination run away with you.”
He turned and paced, puffing at his pipe. “Sometimes you carry all this damn wealth and putting on airs a little too far,” he added. “If anybody ever suspects anything, it will be because of you and that look you get in your eyes sometimes, not because of Irene. You think she doesn’t notice how worried and nervous you get whenever she wants to do something different? Leave the girl alone. She is still just a child, Bea. She’ll grow out of some of these things.”
Their eyes held. They respected each other but were still struggling to find the love they had hoped would come when they first married. There had been another baby, stillborn. There had been complications. A doctor told Bea she would never have any more children, and the ordeal had left her even colder sexually.
They slept together, but they seldom made love. Kirk had found relief elsewhere, occasionally visiting a prostitute when he was in the mining camps. He supposed Bea suspected, but she didn’t seem to mind, as long as he was discreet, and as long as they could keep up the front of a good marriage. Especially as long as the money kept rolling in.
Their marriage had become more of a partnership. They were not the best of lovers, but they were at least good friends—two people who had made certain promises. She had kept her own promise to love Irene and be a good mother to her. Kirk in turn continued to buy up new mines and help build their fortune. He left nearly all the bookwork to Bea, who had developed a unique talent for making money grow. Now she had the fine home she had wanted, although she already talked of building a bigger house; she was one of the wealthiest women in San Francisco; the children were schooled by a private tutor; Bea and the children dressed in the latest fashions; and the Kirklands owned more mines than anyone else in the district.
But none of it seemed to be enough for Bea. Always, she wanted more. Kirk knew that deep inside she was never really satisfied, and he didn’t know how to make her happy. He sensed she would never quite forgive him for the two winters she had spent in the mountains, for giving birth to Elly up there alone; especially not for the fourteen months she had spent scrubbing clothes while she waited for him. He had thought that his finding the mother lode would make up for it all, and sometimes he sensed in her a desire to reveal some hidden passion, to expose emotions she had never shown before; but always she held back.
He did not know that Bea Kirkland was simply afraid to love too much. She desperately feared losing those she loved, both her husband and her children. And she feared being poor again. She was going to make sure that never happened. In Bea’s mind, Kirk was a wandering man with no mind for business and no desire to get ahead. If not for her, he would have sold that first claim for far less than it was worth and today would probably have nothing to show for it. He needed someone to give him direction, needed to be reminded of his responsibilities. She knew he would give up everything in a moment and go riding off to the mountains, if not for her and the children.
“I suppose you’re right,” she finally answered him aloud. “I only want what’s best for her, Kirk, and I never want to see her hurt. She’s so…so soft-hearted and generous, so trusting. She has to learn to be stronger, learn to understand people better. Someday she’ll be a rich woman in her own right. I don’t want people to take advantage of her.”
“They won’t. She’s stronger than you think, Bea. And some of those things you mentioned are good qualities that I hope never get destroyed. You push her too hard. Part of her beauty is that gentle, loving nature. You spoil her to death, but she doesn’t show it because there isn’t a jealous, greedy bone in her body. Just let her grow at her own pace.”
Bea stiffened. “Are you calling me jealous and greedy?”
Kirk closed his eyes and sighed. He hated arguing with her. “No.” He turned away and puffed the pipe for a moment, then glanced back at her, giving her a wink. “Well, a little greedy, maybe.”
He gave her a teasing grin, but she eyed him narrowly. “Sometimes greed can be a good thing,” she answered soberly. Bea Kirkland had no sense of humor, but she understood what Kirk meant.
She almost hated him for his ability to enjoy life and his tendency to be irresponsible, but she had learned to accept his free spirit. Considering his restless nature, he had been a good husband in most respects.
David Kirkland was still a handsome man, still big and strong and solid at thirty-eight years old. Bea had noticed how other women looked at him, sensed their jealousy, and it gave her great pleasure and pride. None of them needed to know that as lovers they left a lot to be desired. Bea knew that it was not Kirk’s fault. She was simply unable, unwilling to love freely and openly.
Kirk had never mentioned divorce, and she knew that he wouldn’t. It would bring her great shame and sorrow, and because of Irene and the motherly love she had given the girl, Kirk would never end the marriage, or even be cruel to her. She knew his frequent absences were mostly her fault, yet she never seemed to be able to be the supportive, attentive wife she knew he needed. Her whole world had become her children and her business.
She reasoned that Kirk was a loner at heart anyway. Surely an independent man like Kirk didn’t really need her constant companionship. They led separate but amiable lives, and that was perfectly fine with her. One thing she did understand about her husband was his nature, and she could often tell by his eyes what he was thinking. At the moment there was a suspicious sparkle in those blue eyes that worried her. “What has you in such a good mood, Kirk?” she asked with a frown.
He shrugged. “It’s Irene’s birthday.”
Bea shook her head. “It’s more than that. I don’t like that look. I haven’t seen it since St. Louis, when you found out gold had been discovered in California.”
He took the pipe from his mouth, studying her a moment, weighing the risk of telling her what he had been thinking of doing. At twenty-nine, Bea looked much older. He knew the reason, and he was sorry for it. Her grander life had encouraged her to put on weight, and combined with her dark eyes and tall stature, she appeared domineering, a battle-ax who cowed most people who dealt with her. Even the children seemed somewhat awed by her. The only person whom she could not totally subdue was Kirk himself, and he knew this was one of those moments when he would have to find a way to make Bea Kirkland submit to his will. It wouldn’t be an easy task.
He sighed deeply, and the smile left his face. “I’m not happy here, Bea, and you know it,” he said carefully.
He watched her stiffen, instantly on guard, as though to defend herself. “The night you came back to tell me about finding the mother lode, you promised me we would stay here,” she reminded him. “No more moving around and disrupting the children.”
He set the pipe aside. “I know what I promised. I also nearly died trying to find that damn vein so we could be rich—so you could be rich. We’ve done well, Bea. I know a lot of it is thanks to you and that money you saved so we could mine our own gold. But first the gold had to be found, and I found it.”
He stepped closer, hesitantly taking her hands. “Bea, you’re the one always wanting to expand, to make our money grow. Some of the mines are playing out. We need new investments, and you know as well as I that the quickest way to get even richer is to supply a new mining town—to go where there’s more gold being discovered.”
She felt the dread of disrupted lives and another hard journey. “It’s that place in Kansas Territory, isn’t it? I’ve heard the
talk, Kirk, and I read the papers. Gold has been discovered near Pikes Peak, in the Rocky Mountains.”
He held her eyes. “They call it Colorado now…figure to form their own territory before long.” He began to plead with her. “You know how much I love it there, Bea. The Rockies are home to me. You have all the things you wanted to be happy. I’m only asking one thing for myself, and that’s to live where I feel at home and alive. Nothing has to change. There are two towns along Cherry Creek, where they discovered the gold. One’s called Denver and the other Auraria. They’ll grow, Bea, just like San Francisco is growing. We can grow with them.”
She closed her eyes, turning away. “I can’t say I’m totally surprised. I know you too well to have thought this could last. I had a feeling for the last several days that you wanted to talk about this.” She faced him again. “You know as well as I most gold towns turn into ghost towns within a few years’ time. The only thing that has kept San Francisco going is having a seaport—and the fact that the weather is good and the land is rich and makes farming ideal.”
“The same thing could happen there. I mean, the settlement is right in the middle of the country, right where people have to come through to go west. People will stop there for supplies. You know the prices miners will pay for what they need. And after the miners, other settlers will come and stay, just like it happened here.”
“That land can’t be farmed,” Bea protested. “It’s worthless. Once the gold runs out, people will leave, and there we’ll sit, in the middle of nowhere. And there are still a lot of Indians there. What about Irene?”
“What about her? She doesn’t know she’s got Indian blood. You’d sure never know it to look at her.” His voice grew more persuasive. “Bea, I’ve got a good feeling about that area. Even if I’m not right, and the towns die out, we can still make a killing there off the miners, maybe invest in new mines in the Rockies. We don’t have to give up everything we have here.”
His eyes filled with a boyish excitement. “We could sell the mines here that aren’t producing so much and keep one or two of the best ones, find someone to manage them. And we could keep the wholesale supply business, just expand it. We’ve got goods coming into port all the time, fancy spices and silks from China, food from the valley. Hell, Bea, we could order in more, have the stuff shipped to Denver and Auraria, set up new warehouses there and sell supplies to the miners. The newspaper says thousands are expected to flood into the area this summer. If we left next month, we could take a whole supply train with us. It wouldn’t be like starting over, just expanding what we already have. If it all fails, we can always come back to California.”
She smiled almost bitterly. “Come back, once you get back to the Rockies? I’m not a fool, Kirk. You could care less about expanding the business. That’s just for me. The only reason you want to go there is to be back in your precious Rockies, no matter how much hardship it might mean for the rest of us. I should have known you wouldn’t be able to keep your promise to me. You’ve kept so few of them.”
She instantly hated herself for the remark but could not bring herself to apologize. She saw the hurt in his eyes as he turned away and picked up his pipe. “You know better, Bea,” he answered. “I promised I’d never leave you, and that I’d help you have all the things you want. Those promises I did keep. I’m only asking for one thing for myself.”
He looked more determined than ever now. “I wouldn’t consider making the trip if it meant the kind of life you and the kids led when we first came out here. Things are different now. We can afford the best wagons and we can hire help. We can even take along supplies to build us a decent house to get us by until the town grows some. It would be difficult, but nothing like before.”
“Kirk, you know what new mining towns are like—raw and wild and uncivilized.”
He re-lit his pipe, scrambling to think of ways to convince her to go, determined to win this argument. “Sure, but people like us can help tame a town like that. And I know you better than you think. You love being queen of the roost, and in a new, struggling town, you’d be a lot more important there than you are here,” he continued. “Don’t you remember how you envied the big money that came to town when we were first struggling to build our own fortune here in San Francisco? You wanted to be like them, and now you are. But you came in second, came in on their heels. If we go to Denver, we’ll be the big money coming to town. No one will look at us and remember how poor we used to be. Wouldn’t you like that?”
She studied him wryly. “You’re trying to manipulate me, David Kirkland.”
He grinned again, trying to keep the mood light. “Is it working?”
She sighed, folding her arms. “If we go there, and I’m not saying I’ll go, but if we do, and things work out like you think they will, which I doubt, I want to build the grandest home in the territory, and I never want to pick up roots again. Never.”
He nodded. “Fine.”
“If it doesn’t work out, if this place called Denver folds, I’m coming back here, Kirk; and if you want to be near your children, you’ll have to come with me. Are you sure you want to go back there and risk having to tear yourself away again?”
He came closer to her. “I won’t have to leave it again. I’m not much for cities and civilization, Bea, but I’ll do whatever I have to in order to keep the area alive and be able to stay. We’ll build a city there, Bea, and we’ll be one of the cornerstones. We’ll make it work, with our own blood and sweat and our own money. Hell, with your brains for bookwork and investments, and my knowledge of mining, we can do anything. We’ve already proven that. Doesn’t the challenge of it excite you? Doesn’t it set your mind whirling on all the ways we can accumulate more wealth there? You’d be one of the first ladies of Denver. We could open a bank there, loan people money, charge them interest. Hell, you know more about things like that than I do.”
A cynical look came into her dark eyes. “We’d be back to cold winters.”
“Not as bad as farther east. I know the land, Bea. Winters aren’t that bad in the valleys. You get snow, but within a day or two it’s gone again. The air is too dry for it to stay long. Hell, I’ve seen lots of warm days in January and February out there. And the sun shines almost every day.”
“Mmmm-hmmm. What about Indians?”
He shrugged. “Mostly Ute, Arapahoe and Cheyenne. I’ve dealt with them all my life.”
She felt a jealous stab at her heart at the thought of Gray Bird Woman. “Things are different now, Kirk. There’s been trouble, and it could get worse as more people begin settling in Indian country.”
“It probably will, but in a settlement of several thousand people, the Indians aren’t going to bother us. They’ll stick to the more remote areas of the Plains. Most of them are afraid to come too near to white settlements for fear of getting white man’s diseases. A case of measles can wipe out a whole tribe.”
“You’re ready with all the answers, aren’t you?” She searched his eyes. “I mean it, Kirk. If it doesn’t work out, we’re not staying. I want my children to grow up in civilization, with a fine home and decent schools, someplace where there are doctors and theaters and nice dress shops and—”
“Then we’ll make sure they have those things in Denver,” he interrupted, “and better than that, we’ll own most of them ourselves.”
The remark brought a slow grin to her lips. He knew she liked the idea of being queen bee in a new settlement. “I can have the home I want?”
“Soon as we get situated. It might take a year or two, but we’ll get it built.”
“And we can come back if it doesn’t work out?”
“I’ll make it work, if I have to build the city with my own two hands and advertise all over the world for people to come there.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s so beautiful here, and we’re so settled. I told you once I would never leave.”
He seized her shoulders. “I’m going crazy here, Bea. I want to go to D
enver before I’m too old to make the journey. I’m dying here, dying on the inside.”
She was startled to realize there were tears in his eyes. She knew in her heart she had been emotionally cruel to him for the better part of their married life. He was a good man, although he had no real ambitions, but she could continue to inspire him, keep him on the right path wherever they went. The thought of arriving in Denver a wealthy woman was very satisfying. She would even be closer to her aunt and uncle and Cynthia, whom she had not seen since the night she ran off to marry Kirk. Perhaps once her mansion was built, she would invite them to come and visit, to show off her wealth to the people who had hurt her the most. She could always lie about Irene’s age.
“I’ll consider it,” she said aloud. “As long as we understand the conditions.”
He thought how their whole marriage had been built on certain “conditions.” Bea Kirkland was a demanding woman, but he usually found a way around her stubborn streak. Right now, just the thought of going back to the Rockies made his heart soar. He pulled her close, embracing her. “Think hard on it, Bea; you’ll see I’m right about this.”
She breathed in his manly scent, thinking how long it had been since she had allowed her husband the simple pleasure and marital right of making love to her. To her it was a duty, although somewhere deep inside she suspected it could be an act of utmost pleasure, if she could accept her emotions and allow free reign to her desires.
“Stay home tonight, Kirk,” she said quietly.
He touched her hair, realizing the remark was her roundabout way of asking him to come to bed with her. She was not a beautiful or passionate woman, but he knew she had needs that were difficult for her to admit. He had long ago given up trying to bring forth the womanly emotions she seemed intent on keeping buried. She gave him little cause to desire her, but he loved and respected her enough to know when it was important that he be a husband to her. This was one of those times. His desire for her had much to do with the fact that he had been her first and only man, and that with a woman like Bea, it took quite a man to get her to want to make love.
In the Shadow of the Mountains Page 7
