He walked closer again, taking the telegram from his pocket and slamming it onto Chad’s desk. “Here’s the reason I’m not telling Irene. She’s already lost one baby. I don’t intend to be responsible for making her lose another one!”
Chad frowned. “Another one?”
John laughed in disgust. “Yes, dear Chad. Your beloved wife is pregnant! That’s what the telegram is about. Mother wants you home with your wife, where you belong. You can go back to Denver and play the doting husband and happy father again.” He moved his eyes to Elly. “And you, my loving sister, will have to find some other man to satisfy your slutty needs.” He backed away, still looking at Elly. “You’re worse than the whores in the red light district. At least they’re open about what they do. They take money for it. Chad’s getting it for free! Don’t sell yourself so cheap, Elly. You ought to go to Old Colorado City. Maybe you’d make more money than the allowance Mother pays you to work here!”
“Get out,” Elly screamed. “Just get out of here! I hate you, John Kirkland!”
“Hate yourself, Elly. Don’t turn it on me. Take a good look in the mirror someday and see who deserves hating.”
“I love Chad! I’ve loved him for years. You don’t understand! The only thing you’ve ever loved is in a bottle!”
He grinned sadly. “Maybe so. But at least the only one I hurt is myself.” He turned and left, and Elly let out a near growl of fury and frustration, making her hands into fists and storming around the office.
“Damn him,” she shouted. “Damn him! Damn him!”
Chad read the telegram in dismay. Irene was pregnant? It must have been from the night he raped her. He hadn’t been near her for months before, and not at all since. Could it happen so easily, in one night? He was hardly aware of Elly’s screeching, his mind racing with the possibilities. A baby could do wonders for their marriage, but a creeping dread moved through his blood. Was the child his, or had Irene lied about not …affair with Hank Loring?
“I’ve got to get back to Denver. This has really done it, Elly. We’ve got to quit seeing each other whether we like it or not.”
“I hate this family! I hate Mother and Father, Irene and John, all of them!” She looked at him, then ran over to him to embrace him. “Oh, Chad, I’ll miss you so.”
“I’ll miss you, too, Elly. We’ll work something out. You just lay low until I figure out what to do about this.”
She rested her head against his chest while he raised the telegram and looked at it again. IRENE PREGNANT. FOUR MONTHS. LEAVE ELLY AND JOHN IN CHARGE. YOU ARE NEEDED HERE. BEA.
Four months. It had been four months since Hank’s death.
Chapter Thirty-three
Chad checked into his office at K-E as soon as he got back to Denver, only to find Irene sitting at his desk. He stopped short at the door, surprised to see her there. After being apart for four months, he had been planning all the way home how he would approach her, what he would say to her, and now he was facing her sooner than he had planned. “What are you doing here?” he asked in surprise.
Irene’s own look of surprise soon changed to one of near disgust and quick defense. “I’m a Kirkland. I work here. Now that you’re back, I suppose I’ll have to find another office.”
“Why aren’t you at home?”
She leaned back in her chair. “Why should I be? It’s empty and lonely there.”
He came inside and closed the door. “You’re pregnant. You should be home taking care of yourself.”
“Oh, Chad, how sweet of you to care,” she said sarcastically.
He watched her carefully. This was a new Irene. He could see already he had not beat her into submission. He had only beaten out the sweet, trusting woman, and someone else had come to replace her. “What’s going on here, Irene? Are you really pregnant? I came as soon as I got the telegram. I was worried about you.”
She remembered how she felt before she married him, excited, trusting, so sure it was the right thing to do. Why hadn’t she listened to that little voice so long ago, the one that told her something was not quite right, that little voice that had made her just a tiny bit afraid of him? “You know, Chad, you really missed your calling,” she told him. “You should be in New York, in the theater. You wouldn’t need one bit of training to be an actor.”
He frowned, removing his hat and hanging it on a hat tree near the door. “What is that supposed to mean?” He came closer and took a chair across from her, putting on an air of confidence.
“It means I know what you’re really after. The only thing that concerns you about this baby is whether or not it’s yours.”
He could hardly believe the cold look in her eyes. There was no fear anymore. He shifted in the chair, reaching over to take a cigar from a box on his desk. “Well, then? Is it mine?”
She smiled bitterly. More than ever she wanted to tell him no, that it was Hank’s. She had had a period shortly after Chad beat her. Only Hank had touched her since then. She was glad. She did not want to think that this child could have been conceived out of that ugly day when Chad raped her. How much nicer it was to know it had come from that beautiful afternoon when she lay in Hank’s arms. Now she would have Hank’s child, a little remnant of the love they had shared.
Still, this child was going to call Chad father. He or she would carry his name and live in his house. Now that she was pregnant, she had to try harder than ever to make this marriage work, for the baby’s sake. She wouldn’t have the child born into an ugly divorce, gossipped about, called a bastard. For the time being, at least until the baby was older, she had to stay with Chad, sick as the thought made her feel. And if she was going to do that, Chad had to think this baby was his. If the man had any ability to love, perhaps he would reveal it with a child of his own. This was his last chance to prove he was capable of feelings, their last chance to do something about their marriage. She would not have her baby growing up with a father who looked at it with hate in his eyes.
She stared at Chad long and hard, going over all the reasons again before finally answering. Yes, if he could lie to her about his lurid affairs, she could certainly tell a lie to protect her precious baby. “Yes,” she said aloud. “I told you after Hank was killed that there had never been anything physical between us. It’s your child, Chad, and I hope to God he or she never finds out how it was conceived. What you did to me was unforgivable, but apparently God has seen fit to help us try to pick up the pieces and find some little bit of beauty in it by giving us a baby.”
He watched her closely. Was she telling the truth? She certainly looked sincere. Or had she grown to be the expert at lying that he was? He only knew one thing. The baby was their only possible salvation. He had to accept it as his own and try to be a good father, or eventually she would leave him. He had been given a chance to save this marriage after all. She couldn’t leave him now, not with a baby coming.
“Well, then,” he said aloud. He lit the cigar. “It appears we have to make amends, if possible. I’m back to stay, Irene. Just tell me what you want.”
“What I want? You make it sound so simple, Chad.” She rubbed at her temples, getting a headache just looking at him. “I don’t want you to be seen cavorting with the whores. I want you to believe this child is yours, because it is, and I want you to love it, if you’re capable of love. While I’m pregnant, I don’t want any surprises that will make me lose it, and I certainly don’t ever want to feel your fist in my face again, or to see you in the same bed with me—not until after the baby is born, and even then, not for a long, long time. It will take a considerable amount of change on your part before I’ll be able to be a wife to you, or be able to forget what you did, if that’s even possible.”
He sighed deeply. “I told you once I’ll never do that again. I told you why I did it, and I’ve managed to resolve some of those reasons within myself. I’m going to believe you when you say the baby is mine, Irene, and I’ll love him or her. But, if you’re going to turn me out of o
ur bed, maybe for months, how can you expect me to keep away from other women? A man can only take so much. Your own father is an example of that.”
She stiffened. “My father is not part of this conversation. How dare you even begin to compare yourself to my father! He and my mother might have their problems, but he would never, never lay a hand on her! You and David Kirkland are on very different levels of worth and respectability!”
He rolled his eyes. “For God’s sake, Irene, am I to be punished for the rest of our married life? I tried to explain to you what happened. I realize now I never should have suspected you and Hank. Even if it was true, after some of the things I did, I shouldn’t have blamed you. I’m sorry, Irene. How many times do I have to say it? I want to make this marriage work, and making love is a pretty big part of marriage, wouldn’t you say?”
“Yes—making love, not rape.”
He let out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair. “You say you want me to love the child, that you want to patch up the marriage. That can’t be done if we don’t sleep together and I wind up turning to someone else for what my wife won’t give me. You said yourself at least one beautiful thing came of it, and that’s the baby. Doesn’t that count for something? I’ve suffered, too, you know—when I was a child. And I’ve suffered a lot of remorse after what I did to you. I don’t know what the hell else to do; how I can make it up to you. Just tell me. I’ll do anything you ask, but don’t expect me to go for months or years without a woman. The best-intentioned man can’t do that.”
“And what are your intentions, Chad?”
He kept his eyes true. “To love you. To make up for what I did. To love this baby.”
She held his eyes several long seconds before replying. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the desk. “All right. I’ll make a deal with you, Chad. You stay out of our bed until the baby is born. If you have an occasional need and find a way to take care of it during that time, I don’t want to know about it, as long as it isn’t anyone I know and isn’t flaunted on Kirkland property like Milicent Delaney was. I’ll go along with you on a man having his needs, but I don’t think I could let you touch me any time soon. Waiting for the baby gives us five months just to be together. To talk, to work together, to redo the nursery. I want you home every evening where you belong. I want to live the life of a normal married couple. After the baby is born, when I’m healed, I’ll—” She hesitated. Could she ever really let him touch her again? She had to try. She had no choice, and he was still her husband.
“I’ll let you make love to me, but only when I’m ready, and only if you have yourself checked out first. It’s apparently a miracle you haven’t contracted some hideous disease and given it to me. You’re not touching me again unless I know you’re all right. And if you ever try to force me again, I’ll kill you, if I have to. The least I will do is divorce you and tell the world the truth about you. If we manage to find our way back to each other sexually, maybe we can make this marriage work.” She held his eyes. “But once I take you back to my bed, there can be no other women, Chad. I mean it. You’re very close to losing everything, and I don’t think you want that. I want a normal marriage and a loyal husband. I won’t turn you away again, and I never did the first years of our marriage. You had no excuse then, and you won’t have one this time.”
He watched her closely. She meant it. He couldn’t frighten her anymore, couldn’t threaten her, and he had certainly lost his ability to charm her into or out of anything. “All right,” he lied. “Once we’re back together, there will be no more women.” He wondered how he was going to manage it. If only she could understand his needs. He would have to find a way around this. Maybe when Elly was back…“That’s a promise, Irene.”
“I hope you’re able to keep it.”
He didn’t like this at all, but he was stuck with it. He had always been the one in charge, the one with all the clever moves and words and looks, the one who got his way, especially with women. Now he was not only being controlled by Elly, but by Irene.
He rose. “I’ll keep it,” he answered. He leaned over the desk. “Maybe once the baby is born and weaned, we can leave him or her with a nanny and take that trip to Europe we never got to take. I’ve always thought part of our problem was the miserable way this marriage started, Irene. What happened that first night, then me being so busy in Colorado Springs, and then the flood. We never seemed to get the chance to get on the right track, and I’m sorry about that. I loved and wanted you so bad that first night that I just got so frustrated—” He straightened, turning away. “I know you never forgave me for that, either. Either way, we deserve that trip to Europe. It would force us to be closer, away from the business here, away from everything familiar.”
“We’ll see. First I want to see the completion of the latest building project. I’m on the committee to build a university at Fort Collins. Once Colorado becomes a state, it will be our first state college. I’m helping work on the design of the buildings, the curriculum, appropriate tuition fees, that kind of thing.”
His eyebrows arched as he turned back to face her. “You sure you want to be this busy?”
“Yes. I need to be. I’m perfectly healthy and I get plenty of rest at night. I am also now the one overseeing the ranching operation. I asked Mother to give it to me. I certainly think I’m qualified.”
He looked her over, having to admire her abilities. He had married a passive, trusting child; now she was a strong-willed woman. “Yes, I suppose you are,” he answered. “What about this university thing? Have they started construction? How involved is K-E?”
“Very. We’ve donated a good deal of money. Mother feels a university nearby will bring a good deal of prestige to Colorado. Ramon Vallejo is handling the construction plans.”
She watched the color rise in his face, the anger move back into his eyes. “Ramon?”
“Yes,” she told him calmly and confidently. “He’s been working with the committee. He’s the best builder in the area.”
His jaws flexed in repressed anger. “You’ve been working closely with Ramon?”
She drew in her breath, meeting his eyes squarely as she rose from her chair. “Yes, I have. Just as in the past, Ramon and I are just good friends, Chad. Considering the fact that I am carrying your child, as well as the fact that Ramon has gotten engaged to another woman, I hardly think you have anything to worry about. You never did in the first place.”
“Ramon is engaged?”
“Yes. Anna Garcia, a young girl he hired to take care of his house.” Oh, it was so hard to think of it! Somehow knowing Ramon was single and available had always been a comfort. She knew he still loved her as much as ever, but when she had told him about the baby, about how, for the baby’s sake, she had to keep her marriage alive, Ramon had soon after told her he was marrying his housekeeper.
“I am tired of being alone, Irene,” he had told her. “I want a family of my own. I thought for a while perhaps…” There had been the hesitation, the moment when they both almost admitted their feelings. But now there was the baby. She would not allow the nasty gossip, the name-calling. She could not allow her child or Ramon to suffer. A man couldn’t wait around forever, and she couldn’t selfishly expect Ramon to deny himself happiness the rest of his life just because she “might” need him someday.
“I understand,” she had told him. “I want you to be happy, Ramon.” Oh, but the thought of him sharing his body with another woman, giving her the same pleasure Irene had known with Hank and now realized would be so fulfilling with a man like Ramon…
“They’re getting married in six months,” she answered Chad. “The major part of the college construction will be in full swing then.”
Chad suppressed a smile of deep satisfaction at knowing Ramon was getting married. There was one man who would never cheat on his wife. Once he was married, he wouldn’t be sniffing around Irene any longer. He faced Irene. “Well, I’m happy for Ramon, in spite of our differences. I
always knew he would be a success in the building trade.” He sighed deeply. “Well, if we’re going to patch things up, how about starting with lunch? You can fill me in on all the details about the university and whatever else is going on in Denver.”
“Oh, plenty is going on,” she said, walking from behind the desk. She thought how easily he could change the subject. She took her hat from the hat tree and looked into a mirror that hung near the hat rack, putting the hat on her beautifully coiffed hair and pinning it. “The clothing stores are doing fine. I think I’ll have one opened in Colorado Springs. Maybe Elly can handle it for me. How are she and John doing?”
She took her cape from the hat tree, and Chad put it around her shoulders for her. “I think they can handle things all right.” If they don’t kill each other first, he felt like adding. “Elly wants to come back to Denver. She misses the conveniences of a bigger city. She calls Colorado Springs a cow town.”
“She would.” She turned to look at him. “I’ll write her about opening a dress shop for me there, and send someone down to manage it. Have Mother send some good men down there if Elly wants to come home then. I’m not sure John can do it alone. I still don’t trust his drinking. Maybe we should have him come back to Denver for a while instead of leaving him there alone.”
A strange expression appeared in Chad’s eyes, and he quickly looked away. “John will be all right. You know how he feels about Bea. He’s better off staying in the south.”
“Maybe. I worry about him. He’s never been very happy.”
In the Shadow of the Mountains Page 59
