by Amanda Boone
We all said our goodbyes and then Justin and I were alone. I moved out from under his arm and stood a few feet away from him. “We don’t have to take a walk. Mason just believes in the power of my walks, clearly.”
He smiled. “Don’t be scared. Despite what you may have heard, I don’t bite.”
I frowned. “Fine. Just don’t think this means anything.”
He laughed. “Like what, Sara? It’s just a walk.”
I was going to kill him.
7.
We walked toward the school with several feet of space between us. For a while neither of us talked. I glanced over at him every so often, slightly weirded out by the current situation.
“Mason really likes you.”
I blew out a breath. “I really like him. He’s a sweet kid. A good kid. I see a lot of brats, and he’s definitely sweeter than any of the ones I normally deal with.”
“You really think something is wrong with him?”
I frowned and stopped walking. “There’s nothing wrong with him, Justin. He seems to be going through something, though.”
Justin walked over to the school playground and sat on one of the swings. “He’s had a tough go of things, I guess.”
I sat down next to him and pushed off so I could swing. I hadn’t done it in years, and it felt so nice. “Tell me about it. Please.”
He reached out and grabbed the chain of my swing to stop me. “This isn’t anything I want to repeat, so listen.”
I pulled my swing away from him and frowned. “I can do both. If it bothers you, I’ll sit still, though.”
“Thanks.” He paused and then bent to rest his elbows on his knees. “I was married once before. Jamie was pregnant with Mason so we decided to just do it. The marriage was shit. We hated each other after trying to go through a pregnancy together without really loving each other. She left me when Mason was just a year old.
“Jamie never stayed away from Mason, though. When he was three a drunk driver hit Jamie when she was going home one night. Killed her instantly.”
I sucked in a sharp breath and gripped the chains hard to keep from reaching for him. It wasn’t my place to comfort him. “That’s horrible.”
“Yeah. Mason took it hard. He withdrew. He used to be this wild little hellion. When I did the rodeo circuit, he’d go out with the rest of the little kids to rope billy goats and he’d always win. At three he was a better roper than Avery is now.”
I smiled, but the situation felt too heavy for a laugh. “I can’t even imagine losing my mother at such a young age.”
He looked over at me and frowned. His eyebrows were drawn together, and I got the idea he was thinking something unpleasant. “How do you deal with your mom? That asshole said she paid for your dates.”
I looked out at the forest on the other side of the street to distract me from the pity I could feel coming from Justin. “I don’t know. I just do.”
“It’s crazy, Sara. You don’t need any help getting dates.”
I bit my lip and fiddled with the hem of my dress. I hadn’t had time to process what it meant for me that my mom was having to pay guys to take me out yet. A thought popped into my head and I stood up abruptly.
“She paid that piece of crap Bradley to take me out and he still made me pay for dinner! All I had was a salad, that I didn’t eat, and a glass of water. I paid forty bucks for that!”
Justin stared up at me and grinned. “You got suckered out of forty bucks, princess.”
The backs of my eyes stung and I blinked quickly in hopes of stopping the tears. “God. Am I such a bad date that men need to be paid to deal with me? That men as awful as Bradley and Walter think they’re too good for me?”
I sat back down on the swing and shook my head. “I don’t get it. No one else ever asks me out. The only dates I go on are the ones my mom sets up. I’ve literally never been on a date that wasn’t orchestrated by my mom.”
Justin grabbed my swing again and pulled me around to face him. “The men in this town must be some of the dumbest shits ever. Go on a date with me, Sara.”
I jerked away from him and marched over to the slide to lean against it. “I’m not going to accept your pity date, Justin. I’m fine. Let’s just be done here, please.”
“It’s not a—”
“Please.”
After a few seconds’ pause he finally nodded. “Okay. Can I walk you home at least?”
I smiled and lowered my face so he wouldn’t see it. “Sure. It beats being kidnapped and murdered, I guess.”
He opened his mouth like he was about to yell at me but stopped when he saw the grin on my face. “I thought you were being serious. You want me to cry, don’t you? You’ve turned me down more than any other woman in my life.”
I rolled my eyes. “I can’t take you seriously.”
He threw his arm around my shoulders and walked along like it was no big deal. “Have dinner with me tomorrow night.”
Did he really want to take me to dinner? I was quiet as I debated his intentions. He could have any woman in town and was well on his way to doing just that.
“We’ll just talk about Mason. You can even call it a business meeting. I won’t even make you pay anything.”
I frowned, not able to help the disappointment I felt. It hadn’t been a good day for my pride, and I was worried his pity date was going to be the push that helped me over the cliff. It wasn’t even a date. More like a pity appointment. “Okay.”
We walked in silence the rest of the way to my parents’ house. When we reached the driveway I turned to face him, feeling desperate to hide the fact that I lived over my parents’ garage. I needed to save some of my pride.
“Thanks for walking me home.”
He reached out and grabbed my waist. “Don’t thank me yet.”
I gasped as he yanked my body into his chest and stared down at me. While I expected a smile or laugh to be playing at his lips, I found a serious expression instead. “What are you doing?”
His eyes roamed over my face, touching everywhere without actually touching. His hands never moved from my waist, but his fingers spread out so it felt like he was grasping all of me at once. “If you could feel how much I want you, you’d never look at me with questions in your eyes ever again.”
I opened my mouth to call him crazy and he kissed me. His mouth was warm on mine, his lips firm as he silently demanded I kiss him back. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world to wrap my arms around his neck and pull myself closer to him.
Justin grunted when my chest pressed against his. He picked me up and moved his hands to rest under my thighs. “Inside. Now.”
I nodded. “Okay. Yeah.”
He carried me up the driveway while I held on to him and pressed my lips against his neck. He tasted slightly salty, like he’d been sweating, and it was exactly what I craved in that moment.
“Where are your keys?”
I shrugged and tugged on his hair to get his mouth back on mine. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been kissed, but I knew it’d never been as good. I just wanted to keep kissing him. I’d never experienced anything as intoxicating.
My back hit something solid and I gasped. Justin stroked his tongue into my mouth, teasing me within an inch of my sanity. His mouth grew rough against mine, and I fought to give him as good as I was getting. He took control of the kiss and nipped my lower lip before moving down my jaw.
“If we don’t get inside I’m going to take you right here on the porch.”
It felt like he’d poured ice-cold water down my back. I wasn’t ready for that. I tried pushing away from him just as the solid wall behind my back gave away. I felt myself falling and shrieked.
Justin reacted instantly and caught me in his strong arms. “Are you okay?”
“What in the world is going on here?!” If my own urge to put the brakes on our make-out session wasn’t enough, my mother’s voice was.
I twisted until Justin had to put me down.
Then I noticed my surroundings. We were on my mom’s front porch. In my haste to kiss Justin’s face off I hadn’t directed him to the garage apartment.
“Well?”
Justin wrapped an arm around my waist and tugged me back against him. “Wrong house?”
I laughed before I could help it. He sounded so calm and collected. When all I felt was panic, it was a nice juxtaposition. “Wrong house. I live in the apartment above the garage. This is embarrassing.”
My mom stepped out onto the porch and shook her finger at me. “I can’t believe you, Sara Jane. I set you up with a respectable gentleman and you come home with a bull rider?”
My face heated and I wanted to kill my mom, for not the first time. “We’re leaving. Sorry for any confusion, Mom.”
Justin didn’t budge. “So, you think respectable men take money to date your daughter and call her names?”
My mom wrapped her robe around her tighter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
I pulled at Justin’s shirt. “Please, Justin. Let’s just go.”
He glared down at me and shrugged. “Sure. Why not? Let’s not confront your mother about making you feel like shit.”
I couldn’t stand there anymore. If he left with me, then good. If not, it wasn’t my problem. I turned around and moved off my parents’ porch and then across the small drive to my apartment.
I had my hand on the doorknob when I glanced back. Justin wasn’t behind me. He wasn’t in front of my mom, either, though. He was marching down the driveway and down the street. So much for that make-out session going anywhere.
8.
Dinner the next night didn’t happen. After the way things ended, I couldn’t say I blamed Justin. He’d thought he was making out with a mature woman. Instead he found out he’d been sticking his tongue down a scared little girl’s throat. I was pathetic. I couldn’t stand up to my mom.
I knew what I should do. I knew what I’d counsel anyone else to do. I’d sit in front of them, dressed to impress, looking put together, and I’d say they had to stand up for themselves. I’d smile and tell them that they had to demand respect.
Instead I woke up every day, twenty-five, living above my parents’ garage because my mom liked to keep me close, and agreeing to dates that she paid for. I listened to her tell me I needed to take better care of myself, knowing that she meant I needed to lose weight. I smiled when she lectured me about my posture, career choice, inability to land a man, and even the way I cleaned my apartment.
I was so pathetic. And scared.
My relationship with my mom had always been rough for me. She’d been raised with a very particular idea of what a woman should be. For her, that meant etiquette, “respectable” clothing, and acting demure in front of men. In her mind, it was the only way to land a husband, and wasn’t that the ultimate goal?
She’d always been hard on me, demanding more than any of my friends’ mothers. When other girls got to go to sleepovers and have fun, I was in my living room, getting lectured on why sitting with my legs crossed instead of together would make men think I was a whore.
I was so scared of disappointing her, because that usually meant she screamed at me and then hid away in her room for days, not speaking to me. I’d hated when she wouldn’t speak to me. The whole house turned against me. The tension in the air had been painful to the point of my father snapping at me multiple times to tell me to fix whatever I’d done wrong just so he could avoid the stress.
Growing up had felt like being a prisoner in my own body. I just did what she expected until it became my instinct. I spoke the way she liked until I couldn’t remember the way other kids talked. Inside, though, I was a kid raging to be set free. That angry kid was still inside me, turning my mind sour until I couldn’t fully enjoy anything.
The only person I was normally myself around was Amanda, and even then I tried to appear sweet. She knew that I got angry, but she didn’t know how angry. She didn’t know how I was snarky and bitter in my head.
I’d been held hostage by my mother for far too long.
Hearing that she’d lowered herself to paying for my dates had been the final push I needed. I was never going to be good enough. No matter what I did, there would always be something else I could perfect. It’d been that way my whole life.
If I was always going to be a disappointment, then I might as well make one of us happy. Me.
I spent the whole day Sunday making a list of things that needed to change. It started out simple. Where I lived had to change, what I wore, who I dated. Then I realized I had to change the way I acted, too. If someone was awful to me, I was going to tell them about it. No more sweet Sara Jane.
Monday morning I dressed in a pretty green sundress that matched my eyes, with a jean jacket over it for work. I’d called a friend of Amanda’s and she’d agreed to cut my hair for me before work.
My hair was another control method for my mom. I could still hear her telling me that men liked long hair. Long hair made you more of a woman. Amanda’s friend, Macy, was an angel and didn’t even judge me when I cried happy tears as she chopped off the bottom twelve inches of my hair. She’d wrapped it up to donate it and then finished the cut.
When she was done, my hair was just a little past my jaw. It made me look fun. I actually looked my age, and a little wild. Macy had begged me to come back for highlights eventually and I’d agreed. I felt like I was infinitely lighter, and not just from the weight of my hair.
Strolling into the coffee shop in my strappy sandals, I was the happiest I’d been in as long as I could remember. I ordered my coffee and muffin and sat down to eat it for a change.
“Holy shit. Well, if I thought I was crushing on you the other night, I just fell in love.” Avery Steele was in front of me, his mouth stretched wide in a grin.
I laughed. “Thank you. Want to join me? I have a few minutes before I have to leave for work.”
He nodded and sat across from me with his own coffee. “You look amazing, Sara. You were always beautiful, but you look so happy like this.”
Tears pooled in my eyes, but I blinked them away. “I am. I’ve decided to make some changes. Anyway. What are you doing up so early?”
He reached over and stole a piece of my muffin. “I’m meeting Justin to talk about some business with the ranch. We’re thinking of hosting a rodeo to raise some money for a charity and to gain attention for the ranch, get more buyers interested in the cattle.”
I nodded. “Makes sense. Do you do that whole bull riding thing, too?”
Avery laughed. “No. I don’t feel any sense of joy at the idea of getting myself speared with a horn. I do some barrel racing, but mainly I do the announcing and charity stuff for Justin. I like staying behind the scenes.”
I took a second to look at him and grinned. He was just as handsome as Justin, but I didn’t feel the same things I felt for him that I did when I looked at Justin. Mostly, they weren’t good. Frustration, anger, embarrassment, lust, unsteadiness.
“What?”
I shook my head. “Nothing. Well, I’ve got to get a move on.”
He leaned closer to me and gave me a slow smile. “What would you say if I asked you out?”
My cheeks burned and I resisted the urge to say yes because that’s what my mother would’ve suggested. She didn’t teach me to turn down eligible bachelors. I wouldn’t say yes to Avery based on that, though. I took in a deep breath and frowned. “I would say that I made out with Justin two nights ago and that feels weird.”
“If I avoided any woman who’d ever made out with Justin, I’d be celibate for the rest of my life, Sara.”
I laughed. “I’m flattered. You’re the first person to ask me out without being instructed to by my mother. I just can’t. I don’t believe in double dipping in the same family.”
“Avery?”
Both Avery and I jerked our faces in Justin’s direction. I blushed, because the last time I’d seen him my mom had broken up our make-out
session. I felt like a silly teenager.
Avery cleared his throat. “Hey, Justin. What’s up?”
Justin glared at Avery. “Are you seriously hitting on Sara?”
I had to leave and I had to have an outlet for the sudden anger I felt toward Justin. He hadn’t bothered contacting me after our walk. He’d just run away. “Well, someone has to. I’ve got to get to work. See you later, Avery. It was fun.”
Justin caught my arm and stopped me. “You can’t date my little brother.”
I pulled away and flashed him a fast smile. “Why not, Justin? It seems my schedule just opened up. I don’t have anything else to do. Anyone else, either, for that matter.”
Avery snorted and winked at me over Justin’s shoulder. “Perfectly good someone, right here.”
“Not funny, Avery. Why don’t you just get the paperwork ready for me to look over? I’m going to walk Sara to school.”
I waved my car keys in front of his face. “I’m good. See you around.”
I left without looking back.
9.
The morning was busy with leftover scheduling issues. That, and avoiding the sudden interest of Trevor, the senior and waiter at Hank’s. He’d found me in my office and kept telling me how pretty I was. I’d corrected his behavior and sent him to class, but he’d shown up twice more.
Before lunchtime Mrs. Hill called me. She sounded more exasperated than usual, and it worried me that I could hear the exhaustion in her voice. One week and one day in and she was close to being done. I could hear it in the way she spoke.
I rushed down the hall and was just about to sprint into Mrs. Hill’s class when I looked up and saw Justin rushing toward me.
“What the fuck is that? I came to talk to you about Mason. Is that him?”
I nodded and he rushed into the classroom. The second Mason saw Justin, he clamped his mouth shut and put his head down. I walked over to Mrs. Hill as Justin stepped around little kids to get to Mason.
“What happened?”
