“Hi Charlie,” I whisper while looking deep into his chocolate eyes.
His eyes are warm and it feels like he’s hugging me with just one look.
‘It hurts, Charlie. It hurts so badly.’
He nudges closer to me as if he can actually hear my thoughts.
Charlie’s ears twitch and he looks to somewhere behind me. The look in his eyes changes to something sharp and vigilant and it makes me glance over my shoulder. When I see another man walk into the living room, I get up.
Fear slithers down my spine and I take a few steps back as he keeps approaching. The man has the same dark eyes that Volkov had. I know it’s stupid to have an issue with eyes, but I can’t help it. It feels as if my whole life has been tainted by this fear and pain that’s been forced onto me.
“Hey, I heard you were about,” the man says, sounding friendly enough, but the warmth never reaches his face. He walks toward me, and although he smiles, I have an uneasy feeling creeping down my spine. There’s just something cold about him.
“I’m Mike.” He reaches a hand out to me and I awkwardly turn away from him. Unsure of how to handle this, I start to walk back towards the stairs.
“Riley,” Griffin calls after me but I don’t stop. I’m not ready to meet people. Hell, I’m not even sure I’m ready for my next breath. “Riley!”
I run faster until I get to the stairs. My heart sinks at the sight of them. It was hard enough to climb down them just a few minutes ago. I force my feet to move and halfway up I just want to sink down and let the ground swallow me up. My legs are a trembling mess by the time I reach the top.
Emotions start to bombard me, making tears well thickly in my throat. I finally make it to the room and it’s only when I turn to close the door that I see Charlie. He followed me.
I let him walk into the room before I close the door behind us. He looks at me, and when I start to walk to the bed, he follows.
I crawl onto the bed and pat the mattress next to me. Charlie doesn’t wait for another invitation but jumps on and comes to lie next to me. He’s flat on his belly, his chin resting on his paws.
Our eyes meet and again it feels as if the dog can read my mind.
‘I want to die, Charlie. Why can’t it just be easy to stop breathing? Why can’t I will my heart to stop beating? I want to stop existing and disappear.’
His ears twitch as he lets out a deep breath as if to say that he understands.
I snuggle closer to Charlie and close my eyes. I rest my right hand on his head and lightly brush my fingers over his soft fur.
‘Please, Charlie, make the pain go away.’
He inches closer to me and then rests his head over my neck. It feels so much like a hug. I hold him tighter, and then the tears come. I cry my sorrow out in Charlie’s fur.
He doesn’t ask questions. He doesn’t expect anything from me.
He’s just there, comforting me, and I didn’t know how much I needed it until he hugged me.
When I wake up, I notice that the door to my room is slightly open. A bowl of water and dog food stands by the wall closest to the door. Someone must have opened the door for Charlie. Stupid of me to not think that he would need to go out.
Charlie is lying at the foot of the bed, just staring at me. It’s the first morning I don’t feel totally broken and defeated and all because of waking up to Charlie’s face.
I get up and go to the bathroom. When I come out Amelia is standing by the bed, petting Charlie.
There’s a ghost of a smile around her lips. “He used to be Ben’s. They served together. When Ben died, they let me have Charlie.”
“He’s yours?” I feel a stab of pain at the thought that Charlie belongs to someone already. I should have thought of that, too.
“No, he doesn’t belong to anyone. He’s a part of the team.” She looks up, and her eyes meet mine. “He helped me a lot. He’s good at reading people. I’m sure you’ll become good friends.”
She turns to walk away and then says, “Griffin asked that you come see him. He’s in his office. I’ll show you the way.”
My heart sinks at the thought of leaving the room. Charlie jumps off the bed and starts to walk to the door. I guess that shows that I’m out voted.
I follow Amelia out of the room and when Charlie falls into step next to me, it makes a little bit of warmth creep through the cracks in my heart.
Something smells nice as we walk into the kitchen. There’s a girl standing in front of the oven. She looks like we could be the same age. She has long ginger hair with freckles scattered over her nose. She’s very pretty, the kind of pretty that makes you look twice. She glances our way, and I’m surprised when she gives me a sad smile.
Seems everyone knows about my family.
“Hey, I’m Skylar.” She waves, but she must’ve forgotten about the spoon in her hand, because it sends streaks of sauce flying through the air. “Oh shit!” She scurries around the kitchen, finds a cloth, and then quickly wipes up the mess.
“Don’t burn down the kitchen,” a man says as he comes walking in. Skylar scowls at him but there’s a pink blush creeping up her neck. He doesn’t give me that creepy feeling I had earlier with the other guy. This one seems nice. There’s an honesty that shines out of his gray eyes. His hair is light brown, a bit on the long side, but the style suits him.
The man keeps his distance, for which I’m grateful.
“I’m Camden Perry. I’m sorry for you loss, Riley. Josh was like a brother to us all. If you need anything, just let me know.”
His words make my heart cringe and I quickly turn away so I can hide the pain. Amelia takes hold of my elbow, and I wonder if it’s to give me support or to keep me from running back to my room.
“This way,” she whispers, pulling me down a passage.
There are a few open doors. I see another man sitting at a desk and he nods as we walk by. He’s bald with creases around his eyes which tell me he smiles a lot.
When we stop in front of a closed door, Amelia says, “Just knock and go in. He’s expecting you. When you’re done, come back to the kitchen so you can eat something.”
I watch Amelia walk away until she goes back into the kitchen. I slowly turn my face back to the door.
It’s just a door.
I can do this. I can knock.
I raise my arm and tap softly. I drop my hand and glance down at Charlie who’s still next to me.
‘Hey, Charlie, is it too late to make a run for the room?’
His left ear twitches, and it makes the corner of my mouth lift slightly.
The door swings open in front of me, making me take a quick step back.
“Riley, come in,” Griffin says. He glances down the passage and then steps aside.
I follow him inside, glancing around. There’s a desk situated to the left of me. Right in front of me is a huge glass sliding door that overlooks a creek that runs into a lake. I walk to the window and stare at the water. Behind the creek the terrain is rough with trees scattered here and there. The trees get thicker as they creep up the mountain side.
Even in my distraught state I have to admit it’s a stunning sight.
I turn back to face Griffin and find him standing by the closed door. He must have shut it while I was staring out the window.
Charlie jumps onto the couch that’s situated across from the desk, and makes himself at home.
My eye catches a calendar and for the first time I wonder what the date is.
“It’s been two weeks. It’s Thursday, September 22nd.”
My eyes dart to his and I see unspoken concern.
Is the concern for me? Why would he worry? He hardly knows me.
“Please, take a seat.” I walk over to the couch and sit down next to Charlie. My eyes follow Griffin as he walks to the desk. He leans against it, crossing his arms over his muscled chest.
He gazes outside for a while before he clears his throat.
“I’m sure you have a lot of questi
ons. I …” His eyes find mine. “You must want to know why you’re here.”
I nod, dropping my gaze from his. I look down at Charlie and when he places his head in my lap, I feel that warm twinge again.
“You can trust everyone here. I should’ve had this talk with you before trying to show you around. I’m sorry for earlier. I can understand that you’re wary of people, but no one here will hurt you. We’re a team, and we take care of each other. I made a promise to Josh to keep you safe and to look out for you, and that’s why you’re here. The men who took you, and your family, are from Russia. They deal in arms.”
What?
“Sergei Volkov was the head of one of the biggest arms dealer groups in Europe.” He reaches behind him and then picks something up from the table. He walks over to me and holds a picture for me to look at.
Volkov.
My stomach drops and my mouth dries up at the sight of the man who ordered my family’s death. My breaths speed up until I hear them hissing through my teeth.
“Hey,” Griffin says, kneeling in front of me. He places a hand on my knee and gives it a light squeeze. “We don’t have to do this now.”
I’m unable to make eye contact with him so I settle for shaking my head instead. I’ve already lost everything. Nothing he can say can make things worse. He might as well just get it over and done with so I can go back to my room.
“Are you sure?” He stands to his full height, but I can still feel his eyes on me.
I just nod, hoping this meeting will come to a quick end.
“We’re not sure if Volkov is dead. I’ve watched that man die twice now. You’re at a safe house until we know for sure that he’s dead. We’re all here for our safety. It’s a big place and it shouldn’t feel too crowded.”
Tears burn a thick path up my throat and I struggle to squeeze the word out. “Why?”
He tilts his head and bites at his bottom lip before asking, “Why did it happen?” He looks apprehensive, and it makes me wonder what else he has to tell me.
I nod quickly, swallowing the heavy lump back down.
“We had a mission three years back. Josh and I were behind the eye in the sky that dropped the bomb. The rest of the team was on the ground making sure everything went according to plan. It was just another mission, but something went wrong. We’re looking into it, but all I can guess is that it’s all about revenge for Volkov.”
My eyes dart up to his. “Eye in the sky?”
He walks back to the desk and resumes the leaning position he had earlier. It makes him look serious and actually a bit scary.
“It’s a drone. We were the pilots who dropped a Hellfire missile on Volkov’s estate.”
I stand up slowly, shaking my head. So Volkov didn’t lie when he accused Josh of killing his family.
“Josh killed this man’s family?” My hands start to tremble and it slowly spreads over my whole body. Griffin doesn’t answer me and it forces me to make eye contact with him. “You and Josh killed that man’s family on his daughter’s wedding day?”
He pushes away from the desk and comes to stand in front of me. He’s much taller than me and it forces me to look up so I can keep eye contact.
“I understand that it sounds much worse than it is …”
My hand flies up to my throat as a scream rips out of me. “NO!”
I start to breathe faster as anger pours hotly into my veins.
“You … you.” I take huge gulps of air but it doesn’t help. Rage explodes behind my eyes and it feels good to be angry. It feels amazing to feel anything but the hurt that’s been eating at me like a savage beast.
“Josh is dead.” The words taste bitter as I grind them out through my teeth. My fingers close tighter around my neck. “My family is dead, and Volkov’s family is dead, all because of you.”
A sob tears from my chest. Griffin looks as if he’s in pain. He starts to reach for me, but I slap his hand away.
“You’re a murderer,” I whisper.
I rush to the door and yank it open. I stop for a moment when Griffin’s words reach my ears.
“I understand that you need time to process everything, but, Riley, it’s for your own safety that you remain here. If you decide to leave, we cannot protect you.”
I can’t stand to be in the same room as him. I don’t care about my safety. I don’t care about anything but that Griffin is the reason my family was so brutally murdered.
I walk away as fast as I can. I don’t stop in the kitchen but keep walking until I find a door that will take me outside. I yank it open and almost stumble in my hurry to get out of the house.
My legs grow stronger with the anger coursing through me. When I reach the shore of the lake, I fall to my knees and scream.
I scream because it’s the only language to express all the pain I’m feeling. There are no words for what I feel.
I’ve been maimed in a way I’ll never recover from.
The pain is inescapable.
It’s savage.
Riley~
“You shine brighter than all the stars,” Josh says as I hand him his coffee. It’s one of my favorite things to do with Josh even though we haven’t had a lot of time to do it. Josh has been working a lot lately and I’ve been giving most of my attention to finishing school. I can’t remember when we started doing it, but every night before bed I’ll make us some coffee and we’ll come out here. Sometimes we don’t talk at all, and other times we’ll share jokes. The best times are when we have music wars. We’ll whip out our phones and have conversations using songs.
I watch as Josh takes his phone out and he starts to type away. A happy beat blares from his phone. We sit for a while listening to Owl City’s Shooting Star. Trust Josh to find a song about stars.
I start to scroll through YouTube looking for the best song to break the news to him with. I find a song, Tour The World, track one on Brain Beats 2. It’s an unknown singer but I press play and smile when it says just what I want to tell Josh.
Josh listens for a bit and then a surprised smile crosses his face. “You’re being for real?”
I nod and excitement bubbles in my chest. “I’m going to travel. Mom and Dad say it’s okay.”
“You’re really going to take on this whole world by yourself?” He takes a sip of his coffee, his eyes searching mine. I know he’s trying to see if I have any doubts.
“I am. I want to see what’s out there. I want to experience it all.”
“If that’s what you really want, then I say go for it. Never back down from making your dreams come true, Riley-Star. You go shine bright and light the whole world up.”
“I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m sorry…I’m sorry.”
I wake up, my cheeks wet with tears. I feel hot and sweaty, and my heart is still beating wildly from the nightmare. Every night I have the same dreams. It starts out with a precious memory turning into a nightmare. It always ends with one of my family members dying.
It’s hard to focus on the good memories when the nightmares are tainting them.
I can smell the stench of Mom’s hair burning, and her skin bubbling and peeling from her bones. It’s all I smell. It feels like I’m relentlessly being suffocated.
I can still hear her screams, her wails of agony.
I can still see Josh’s lips forming the words, ‘I’m sorry.’
I can still see the bright red of Dad’s blood seeping from his neck.
I can still see Logan’s body going limp as his life fades to nothing.
I sit up, pressing my fingers to my eyes. I’m so tired. I can’t remember when I last slept a whole night through. I keep waking on the hour, feeling worse than before.
My gut is a burning, twisting mess.
My eyes burn from the little sleep.
My muscles and joints hurt from being tense all the time.
Everything is burning. Everything is aching. It’s a hollow ache that sucks the life right out of me.
Sometimes I think
that I didn’t survive. I always believed hell was a place where you lived your worst nightmare over and over and over.
Maybe I died and this is hell. I’m doomed to relive my family being killed over and over forever.
I see Charlie’s silhouette in the dark as he lifts his head. I’ve been hiding in my room for two days since the talk with Griffin. Luckily, he hasn’t tried to talk to me again, but Amelia hasn’t stopped scowling at me.
I check my watch and see that it’s close to midnight. I’m sure everyone is asleep. I throw the blanket back and go take a shower to wash the nightmare and stench away, or to at least try.
I get dressed in a long t-shirt that covers my butt and leggings. I don’t bother with shoes. I’ve always loved walking barefoot. Leaving my hair loose so it can dry, I walk to the door and open it softly. I hear Charlie jump off the bed.
“Want to take a walk with me?” I whisper.
He twitches his left ear and follows me out of the room.
I tip-toe down the passage, careful not to wake anyone. I sneak down the stairs, and when I get to the front door, I start to worry that the place might have an alarm, and that I might trigger it by opening it.
I bite my bottom lip and glance around the entrance. I spot the living room and walk to it. There are wide windows and I go to stand in front of them. I wish I could go outside.
“Can’t sleep?” someone asks behind me.
I swing around and notice it’s the bald guy from the office. I just nod, not sure if I should rather go back to my room.
“I’m Miles. You’ve met Skylar, right? She’s my sister.”
“Riley,” I whisper and then realize how stupid I must sound. Of course he knows who I am. I glance at the sliding doors to my left and figure it won’t hurt to ask. “Are there alarms on the doors? I’d like to go outside.”
Miles nods and my heart sinks. I really don’t want to ask permission every time I want to go for a walk.
“There are sensors that sound in the monitor room. It’s for our safety so we know who comes and goes. But you can go outside anytime.”
Relief washes over me, and I start to walk towards the door. “Thanks.”
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