I nod into his shoulder. I don’t know how to deal but I do know how to be a mess. It’s the one thing I’m great at being lately.
“You made chicken soup?” he asks out of the blue.
“Yeah, Mom used to say it cures anything.” I sniffle as I pull back. My eyes glide over his bare chest down to his abs, and I remember how wonderful it felt taking care of him, and washing him.
“At least you’re a beautiful mess.” Only when the words are out do I realize what I just said. I take a step away from him and point over my shoulder. “I have to check on the soup.”
I rush to the kitchen with flaming cheeks. I need to get a grip on myself. Now is not the right time to fall in love with Griffin. We all need to deal, just like Griffin said.
I haven’t been back to the library. I’m avoiding Amelia’s journal. I’ve placed a fresh bowl of food and water in the kitchen for Charlie. It’s also become my new place to hide.
Charlie will come in to eat and drink and then go back up to the library, I guess.
Only Camden comes to the kitchen. I haven’t seen Skylar since the other night. Camden was a man of few words before it happened, and now he doesn’t say anything. He just nods at me, gets whatever he needs, and then goes back up to Skylar.
Griffin said that Camden told him they’re leaving soon.
Then it will just be me, Griffin and Charlie. I know Griffin said he’ll never leave, but it feels like it’s just a matter of time.
Nothing is for keeps in this life.
I stare at the table trying to figure out where to go from here. The loss of direction in my life has thrown me.
Griffin comes into the kitchen and he pulls out a chair. I sit and watch him, not sure why he’s taken a seat as he’s been living in his office the last two days.
Camden comes in and I’m surprised to see Skylar with him. They sit down, too, and that’s when I realize something is happening.
“Volkov is still alive,” Griffin says and the words shake me up. “Mike, or Mikhail, was his brother’s son. I think Mikhail was the first attack. He said Volkov has been using body doubles to impersonate him but I don’t know how many he has. I have a new contact at the CIA but I don’t trust him. Right now, I only trust the four people around this table. I need to do something or I’ll go insane. I can’t just sit like this.”
Camden nods as if he’s deep in thought and then he murmurs, “I’m taking Skylar. I don’t know where we’re going, but I can’t risk her getting hurt. I figured we should just hit the road. Sorry, but I can’t just sit here and wait for another attack. I can’t risk her life. You know how to reach me when you’re ready for the mission.”
Griffin looks up from his hands and for a moment they just stare at each other. “You do what you have to do. No hard feelings, I understand. I’ll be in touch as soon as I have definite facts.”
My eyes jump from one person to the other as Camden and Skylar get up. Even though I wasn’t as close to them, I’m sad to see them go.
I hug Camden and Skylar, not sure if I should say something. We all walk to the front door and I see two backpacks. Camden takes them out to the truck parked in front of the door.
“I’ll check in with you,” he says to Griffin, and then they hug each other.
I look at Skylar and I catch her eye. “I’m sorry,” I mouth the words to her.
She comes to me and hugs me again.
“Stay safe,” she whispers.
They get in the truck and I watch them leave, feeling a very familiar emptiness creeping deeper into me.
Griffin~
I’ve gathered all the information on Volkov that I have. I’ve spent hours looking at photos of him, trying to see if I could make out which are of him and which are of the body doubles.
It’s only when I looked at the photos that I remembered the pieces of photo that was stuck to all the arrows. I’ve put them together, and it turned out to be a family photo of the Volkov’s.
I recognize everyone but the one man and Sergei is not on the photo. Unless that man is Sergei? I get the feeling we never knew what the real Sergei looked like. He was one step ahead of us from the beginning. He’s been ruling his empire from the shadows and letting these body doubles pose as him.
That’s the piece I’ve been missing. That was the mistake I made. We were hunting the sheep while the wolf was watching us.
I memorize every single feature of the man in the photo. This time I’ll be ready for him. No more hiding. No more waiting for the war to come to me.
“You’re a dead man walking, Sergei, just like Mikhail was.”
The house is too big, too filled with memories.
I find Riley in the kitchen and again wonder if she’s been sleeping at all. I’ve spent the last week working, hunting Sergei. A guilty feeling wells up in me because I haven’t checked on her.
She’s staring at the table top. I sit down and brush my fingers along her arm until I take hold of her hand.
“Hey,” I say as she looks up.
She doesn’t say anything and her green eyes look misty, as if she’s been asleep and just woke up.
“We have to head back home. I have something to take care of.” I don’t explain what that is. She doesn’t need to know that us going home is my way of setting a trap for Sergei. If he thinks I’ve let my guard down, maybe he’ll come out of the shadows.
“Oh …” She drops her eyes back to the table. “Uhm …”
She seems to be searching for words so I wait patiently.
She pulls her hand from under mine and swallows hard.
“Can … can I get a ride back with you?”
I frown and sit back, wondering where this is coming from.
“Or just to the nearest town. I can find my own way from there.” She tucks strands of hair nervously behind her ears and then gets up. “Don’t worry, I’m sure I can get a cab.”
I sit for a few more seconds, not sure what just happened. I say we have to go home, and she’s talking about a cab? What cab? Why?
I jump up and go after her. Just as I get to the door she comes back in, slamming into my chest.
“Shit, sorry.” She darts around me and then rambles, “The phones are this way. I’ll be quick.”
I follow her into the first office and slam my hand down on the phone just as she’s about to pick it up.
Her eyes dart up to mine and I see the hurt there.
“What are you doing? Why do you want to call a cab?”
She steps back from the desk and shakes her head, clearly confused.
“You said we have to go home. You didn’t say anything when I asked for a ride. I don’t want to impose.”
“Impose? Riley, why would you think that?”
I take a step closer to her and she starts to ramble again, something I notice she does when she’s uncomfortable or nervous.
“You’re busy. I’ve always known we wouldn’t stay here forever. You have things to do and I have to … uhm … take care of things.”
I close the distance between us and let my hand slip over her cheek. I tilt her face up so she’ll make eye contact with me.
“I meant that we should go home together to my place.”
There’s no way I’m letting her out of my sight as long as Volkov is still alive. My life isn’t worth much but her life means everything to me. I’m going to finish Volkov so that Riley can have a future. So she can smile again.
“You want to take me with you?” she asks. Her eyes look so hopeful that it hurts. It hurts that this beautiful woman feels so lost. It hurts that she feels so alone.
“Of course. I meant it when I said I’m not letting you go.”
I pull her into a hug, pressing her head to my chest.
“Will we come back here?” she asks, and her voice sounds muffled against my shirt.
“If that’s what you want,” I whisper, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
She looks up at me and her eyes are impossibly green i
n her pale face.
“I’d like that very much.”
I smile down at her, willing to promise her the world as long as she keeps looking at me like that.
“Then we’ll come back.”
A smile pulls at her lips and it makes my eyes drop to them. For the first time I wish that we had met under different circumstances. She’s someone I can see a future with.
“I want you to know how thankful I am for you. You mean the world to me.”
Her words are unexpected. She stands on her toes and presses a kiss to my cheek.
“I appreciate you, Griffin.”
I watch her walk away while I can still feel her lips on my cheek.
I have to be careful with her. I still stand by what I said that night at the pool. Neither of us are ready for a relationship. We have too much to deal with and she deserves better than me.
The trip home goes quickly as we use the company jet. I see the questions on Riley’s face about the jet, but she doesn’t ask anything.
My dad split when I was young so I don’t remember much of him. Mom did her best to give me everything I needed. She was the perfect mother. She always did and said the right thing at the right moment. But then she had the stroke. She died shortly after and since then things have just been falling apart around me.
I threw myself into the business, thinking I could work the grief away. Some of the missions we took were risky, but the more risk involved, the more I was kept busy. I grew reckless.
I think that’s when the shit hit the fan. When you lose your person, you lose your sense of direction in life, and Mom was my person.
I took risks and the money kept coming in. We could all finally buy the lives we’d always wanted, or so I kept telling myself.
Now I have all this fucking money and no team, no family. How fucked up is that? I risked everything and I lost it all.
I park the car and then grab our bags. After Charlie jumps down from the back seat, we walk to the house.
I have a huge yard for Charlie to run around in. I let Riley and Charlie walk in first and then lock the door behind us.
The place smells stuffy.
“Let me just open some windows and then I’ll show you the spare room.”
Riley looks around the kitchen, and then the open-space living room. I have a soft, brown couch that’s big enough for me to sleep on. Sometimes I like to watch a movie until I fall asleep so I made sure the couch was comfy. I think my place is decent, it has a cozy feel to it.
“Did you decorate it?” she asks when I’m done opening the windows.
“Yeah.” I pick up her bag and walk down the passage that leads to the bedrooms and bathrooms.
“Oh, I pictured your place differently,” she says as she stops in front of the painting I have up on the wall. It’s of a woman standing in a desert and there’s a man behind her. I don’t know what made me buy it. I think it’s the silent strength of the man.
“How so?” I ask as I open the door to her room.
She follows me inside and then lets her eyes dance over the light green bedding and curtains.
“It has a warm feel to it. I took you more for a modern kind of person.”
I frown, not sure what gave her that impression. “You think I’m not warm?”
She crosses her arm and looks everywhere but at me. “Not really. You give off the vibe that you’re hard and serious. It’s not a bad thing, not at all. You’re just a no nonsense kind of person. What you see is what you get.”
I’m not happy about this at all. I don’t want to come across as a hard ass.
“I am warm,” I say defensively. “I like warm stuff.”
I go to the bed, place her bag by the foot of it, and then turn back to her.
She’s actually smiling, and the beauty of it takes my breath away. I’m definitely going to make her smile more.
“Warm stuff?”
“Yeah,” I walk closer to her and she uncrosses her arms. I’m well aware that her body is attuned to mine. “I like cuddling and stuff like that. You just need to get to know me better.”
“I’d like that,” she says, and then her cheeks flush pink. It does something to me every time she blushes. It makes me feel more like a man and less like a failure. “I mean, I’d like to get to know you better.”
We’re having our first normal moment. I should have brought her here sooner. I think the change of scenery is going to do the both of us a world of good.
“Is it okay if Charlie stays in here with me?” she asks. She walks over to the bed and pats the cover. Charlie jumps on and quickly makes himself at home.
“Of course.”
“Thank you for letting us stay here.” She rubs Charlie’s head.
“I’ll order us something for dinner. You and Charlie take your time settling in. I’ll put out a bowl of water and food for him in the kitchen.” I turn to leave and then quickly add, “There’s a small garden if Charlie needs to go.”
“Great, thanks.”
I leave them in the room and go to the kitchen. I need to make a list of stuff we will need. We can get it tomorrow, and then I’m taking out Sergei Volkov once and for all.
I’m sitting in the dark living room, feeling sorry for myself. It’s the one thing I seem to be good at lately.
Riley and Charlie fell asleep earlier. I’m glad she’s getting some rest.
I stare at the empty water bottle in my hand while my mind keeps going back to Amelia and Miles. They didn’t deserve to die like that. I’ve lost friends before. In the line of work I’m in you’d think you’d get used to it, but you don’t. You never get used to seeing a friend die.
I hear movement and then Riley comes walking past the living room. She doesn’t see me sitting in the dark as she goes to the kitchen. She looks through the cupboards until she finds a glass and then she pours herself some water.
She’s wearing black leggings with a white t-shirt and somehow the casual look suits her. My gaze goes to her hair that’s swept up in a messy bun. I love it when it’s down. It looks like black silk then.
My eyes drop down to her throat as she swallows down some water. I’d be stupid to deny that there’s no attraction between us. I feel it and I know she feels it, too. The timing just sucks. Whether it’s the change of scenery, or just me losing my control, I don’t know, but I imagine what it would feel like to press a kiss to her neck.
What does her skin taste like?
My eyes keep wandering down her body. She’s got curves in all the right places and it makes desire stir inside of me.
I shift on the couch trying to ignore the problem I’m creating for myself.
“Can’t sleep?” I ask, breaking the silence.
“Ahh!” she shrieks, causing the water to splash all over her.
I get up and walk to the kitchen. “Sorry for scaring you.”
“It’s okay.”
She places the glass in the sink and then turns to face me. Her wet shirt is sticking to her breasts, showing every damn beautiful curve. Fuck, all I want to do is slam her up against the counter and bury myself in her.
My eyes dart up to hers and the blush that’s creeping up her neck tells me that I’m busted. She just saw me checking her out.
“I should take Charlie out,” she mumbles.
She brushes by me and goes back to her room first. Minutes later she comes back with Charlie. She’s changed her shirt.
I open the sliding door for her, but I don’t step out of her way.
“Thanks,” she whispers. I get the feeling she’s still embarrassed about the wet t-shirt.
Charlie runs outside and just as she’s about to squeeze by me, I reach for her arm.
I don’t know what to say or why I decided to reach out to her. I have no clue what the hell I’m doing.
For a long moment we stand like that. Maybe I need to touch her because I know she feels the same grief as me. She’s just as broken as me. Maybe I’m hoping that our broken pieces can s
omehow fit together and make us whole.
An overwhelming need to save us both rushes through me. I lean down but hesitate halfway. This will change things. I should take my own advice and let her be. We’re not ready for any kind of relationship.
I lean in more and my heart starts to beat faster as I place a soft kiss to her cheek. I still have time to pull back. She’s used to me kissing her forehead or cheek. She’ll take it for what it should be, just a friendly kiss, just some comfort.
I’ve been trying to tell myself that’s all they are - comforting, friendly kisses, but you can only lie to yourself for so long.
Instead of kissing her the way I want to, I pull her into a hug. It doesn’t even begin to soothe the need I have to simply take her and make her mine.
But, I can’t. I have nothing to offer her.
I’ve spent the whole day working and have been in contact with both Camden and Carson. They’re ready to take out Volkov, I just need to say when. My heart shrinks to the size of a grain of dirt every time I come to the realization that we’re the last three left of the team.
Before the pain can sink its claws into me and drag me into the dark depths of depression, I get up and walk to Riley’s room.
She’s brushing Charlie. She’s been spending a lot of time with him.
I stand in the doorway watching them for a while before I ask, “You want to get takeout and watch a movie tonight?”
She sits up and gives Charlie’s head one last rub. I’m slightly jealous of all the attention he’s getting.
“That sounds nice.” She gets up and walks to me.
I don’t move out of the way and wait until she’s close to me. I reach for her and pull her into a hug. I have this relentless need to touch her. I want to hold her and never let her go. She’s become my person and she doesn’t even know it.
“How are you doing?” I ask when I let her go.
She shrugs and gives me a sad smile. “The same as you.”
I let it go and walk back out into the living room. I switch on the TV and then grab my phone.
“You choose the movie, and I’ll choose the food.”
“Deal,” she says as she sits down on the couch. She tucks her legs underneath her and then starts to search for a movie.
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