56
“So, if you think about it,” Marcia said, stepping out into the morning light, “we’re all just bald monkeys, and…” She abruptly trailed off, spotting the wrecked bus and the smouldering heap of flesh and bone beneath it.
“Is that—”
“—the demon?” Ted gasped, suddenly feeling very exposed. “I’d imagine so. What the fuck happened to it?”
“Great big bloody bus came through and killed it,” a voiced called out from above. It was Clarence. “Came out of nowhere and slammed right into the cunt!”
“Well, talk about luck…” Marcia said to Ted. “Do you think it was coming after us?”
Ted shrugged in response. “Do you feel any different?” he asked.
She looked up at Clarence and wished he was within punching distance. “I think everything’s going to be juuust fine,” she said.
“I just want to get out of these silly leathers,” Ted said, already peeling them off as they started back up the hill.
“Can you at least wait until we find you a proper change of clothes?”
57
Many were the dead, and many were those left permanently scarred by the experience. Michael J. Fox had never been more grateful for his parents’ strict curfew, and Stephen Hawking had finally found some use for his self-destruction mechanism. Then there were those unfortunate half-men, half-beasts that had not quite returned to their human forms, but the townsfolk found a place for them soon enough – the Bellbrook Hybrid Zoo opened on November 21st, in a ribbon cutting ceremony officiated by Professor Brian Cox himself.
Following a brief celebratory dance with the rest of The Village People (he didn’t want to, but they’d insisted, and he was already dressed for it anyway), Ted returned home to find his father still dead, but at least his mother had finally finished her godforsaken baked-bean puzzle. After a few weeks of mourning, they both moved on with their lives. Ted became Leather Guy full-time, forming a tribute band with Sid, Kavannah, and McLoud called The YMCA-ers. Edith Butcher eventually remarried, and though Bobby Graceland would never replace his father, he would serve as a constant reminder of what had happened that fateful night in Bellbrook.
After much deliberation, Marcia took the job offered to her by Channel 5. Her show with Sharon Conker – Martin & Conker Investigate – proved to be such a ratings hit that both of them went on to live lavish and leisurely lives, despite continuing to hate each other with a passion.
Snoop Diggity was offered a three-record deal with Jay Z’s Roc-A-Fella-Records, but at his mother’s insistence, he was unfortunately forced to decline. He now works the night-shift at Bellbrook’s premier sandwich-shop, The Sub Shack.
Life went on and the world kept turning, which was fortunate for everyone on board. As for the Pit-Dweller, that demon of dance, that beast of beats, well… should you ever happen to find yourself in Bellbrook, walking past our Hard Rock Café, take a little look up.
No, not that one; that’s Meat Loaf.
Nope; that’s Bonnie Tyler.
Between those two… there it is.
Without music, life would be a mistake.
– Frederick Nietzsche
Thy milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
– William Shakespeare
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