by Baker, LJ
"Are there kids?" Jenny asked, hopeful.
"There are some, not many. There is a group of girls about your age. I was in a training group with a few of them. There's some babies that were born after the outbreak, not many small kids."
Mira's eyes dropped, and I could tell I hit a nerve.
Jenny looked at Mira and frowned. "Jay and Mira had kids … before."
"I'm really sorry. I can't imagine losing a child." I thought about Janet and her son.
"Hardest thing in the world." Jay rubbed his hand over Mira's back and kissed her head. "But, we're still here and we have Jenny to look out for."
Jenny half smiled at Jay with sadness in her big blue eyes. It was a sadness I knew well. She lost everyone else in her life. She was like a younger version of myself, forever changed by a cruel world, never really knowing all she missed out on.
"Maybe we could go there?" Jenny asked Jay.
Jay frowned. "Maybe, but for now, we are safe here."
Jenny's face fell. She knew that really meant no way in hell were they leaving. Jay struck me as the type of person who would rather go it alone than take chances with the unknown. He did seem to be doing okay on his own so far, but then again, they had lost their children, so maybe not.
Jenny didn't question Jay's authority, but I saw a defiance in her eyes that told me the issue wasn't over.
"So, Andi, what were you training for … with the girls my age?" Jenny asked.
"Self-defense, weapons, survival. Everything you needed to be part of the military. Everyone had to pull their weight, so it was either get a job on base such as cooking, cleaning, laundry, and whatnot, or join the military."
Jay raised an eyebrow. "And you chose military?"
"Well, sort of. The training was grea,t and I needed it, but the only reason I picked it was to be with my boyfriend. Being left behind while he went out on missions wasn't something I wanted."
"Where's your boyfriend now?" Jenny asked, and Mira kicked her under the table.
I sighed. "Missing. He didn't come back from his last mission. That's why I'm out here, looking for him."
Jay gave me a sympathetic look as if he thought I was being delusional.
I looked at Jay and closed my eyes for a long moment. "Look, I know what the odds are, but are you telling me that if Mira went missing, you wouldn't even look for her? Dead or alive, I need to know."
He nodded and smiled down at Mira. "I get that. As long as you're not putting yourself at risk to look for him and you understand that your chances of finding him … alive, isn't great. Though, being out here on your own is really stupid. You know that, right?"
I did.
"I didn't start out on my own. I was with others, but that, uh … didn't work out." I wasn't going to talk about Janet. I couldn't. Not yet.
Jay nodded.
A sad silence hung in the air and I thought about everyone I lost because of the outbreak. I didn't include Will. I wasn't ready to put him on that list.
Mira spoke up and snapped me back to reality. "What is your boyfriend like?"
I smiled. "Will is amazing. He's sweet and smart, but stubborn as hell. He has these amazing green eyes and an adorable crooked smile that can melt you into a puddle on the floor."
Jay got up and pushed the chair in dramatically. "Okay, I'm outta here. Zombies are one thing, but I can't deal with girl talk."
"Good riddance. You're no good at girl talk anyway." Mira poked her tongue out at Jay as he walked outside.
As I watched Jay and Mira interact with each other it gave me a warm feeling inside. It was clear they loved each other, but it was more than that. They were happy. The world had gone to shit outside, but they still made a life for themselves there, and made it work.
"How long have you two been together?" I asked, hoping it wasn't a touchy subject.
“Oh, God, forever. We met online before internet dating was even cool. We've been married ten years though, and I wouldn't trade him for anything."
Jenny sighed. "I miss the internet. You think we will ever get it back?"
Mira shot Jenny a look like she thought she was being silly, but I understood how she felt. The Internet, television, radio, school, everything that made everyday life so normal. I missed those things too. There were so many more important things to think about, such as staying alive and finding food, but every once in awhile, I let myself miss all the rest. It kept me from completely forgetting what life was like before, and honestly, that was becoming more and more difficult.
"I hope so, Jenny. And Minecraft better still be there."
"Oh my God, I am … was, so addicted to that game."
Mira rolled her eyes. "You two are as bad as Jay and his Xbox. I'll just be grateful to watch the season finale of Grey's Anatomy. That damn apocalypse had awful timing. I mean seriously, right before the finale?" Mira got up to clear the plates and clean up the lunch mess.
It felt like home there. I never met those people or had been in that town, but something about it just felt like I belonged.
Precious sat at Jenny's feet and barked. Her belly was probably full of all the food Jenny was slipping her under the table as we ate, and my guess was she needed to go out.
"Jen, take that mutt out, will ya?”
Jenny huffed at Mira. "She's not a mutt. She is a pure breed. A tricolor, long haired Chihuahua. She's special."
Mira waved Jenny out and shook her head. "She's special, all right."
Mira washed the lunch dishes and sat back down at the table. "That kid is a pain in the ass, but I love her like my own."
"How did she end up with you?"
"Her family was with us from the start. We lived in the same neighborhood. There were about twenty of us, but we are the last of the group. Everyone says there's safety in numbers, but really I just think there's complacency. It's easy to convince yourself the risk is lower with others. All the people we lost certainly weren't safer. I'm not advocating being on your own or anything, but being in a large group doesn't keep you alive either."
"I pretty much agree with you, but I know it was safer at the military base then out here."
Mira raised her eyebrows and tilted her head to the side. "Then why do I get the feeling you aren't going back there?"
"Probably because I don't really plan to.” I hadn’t even felt sure of that until I heard myself say the words. “I've seen and heard some odd things going on, and I'm not sure everything that goes on there is on the up-and-up. Still, for the most part, I felt safe there. It is probably the best shot anyone has at what you might call a normal life. Especially Jenny. She's young, and although it's great she has you and Jay, that won't be enough forever."
"Forever." Mira laughed. "You're an optimist. There is no such thing as forever anymore." She stood and stretched her back. "You should probably spend the night. I'll tell Jay."
She left me sitting there alone in the dark cafe. Photos of local school athletes adorned the walls along with other memorabilia such as pom-poms, baseball mitts, and football cleats. It reminded me of a place the kids from school used to hang out before the world went to shit. I hadn't thought about that place since the outbreak began, and I wasn't going to let my mind wander there. I had to stay focused. Finding Will was my first priority.
Chapter Sixteen
Sleeping arrangements were set up in the exam rooms of a small physical therapy office next door from the cafe. The tables were removed and mattresses were dragged in. The room I was in had drawings taped up on the walls of dinosaurs and dragons, and Pokémon sheets on the mattress. My guess was it belonged to a little boy. A boy who didn't make it. I tried not to think about it. Jenny tried to get me to stay in with her, but Jay refused. He seemed to trust me, but maybe not that much. I was just grateful they let me spend the night. It would be much easier to start fresh in the morning.
When I woke up, it was quiet. The loud snoring I tried to block out all night was gone, so I figured everyone was already awake. I had
to wonder how Mira didn't smother Jay in his sleep with all that racket. I made my way outside, being careful to avoid any of the traps Jay pointed out last night. The last thing I needed was an eight inch metal spike through my head because I stepped in the wrong place.
Jenny and Precious came running up to me from around the side of the cafe.
"Hey. Breakfast is almost done. How'd you sleep?"
I shrugged, not wanting to complain. "Okay I guess."
"Jay's snoring kept you awake, didn't it?" She laughed.
I bent down to scratch the top of the dog's head. It was one of the few things that kept her from barking. "I suppose that's not really something you get used to, huh?"
"Uh, no.
We made our way inside the cafe where Mira was already putting plates on the table. The smell of fresh cooked eggs and potatoes filled the air and made me momentarily forget everything but the meal in front of me.
"I'm guessing you guys have chickens too?" I asked between forkfuls of hot deliciousness.
Mira nodded. "Yeah, we keep them in the basement or they draw attention. Some pigs too and a pretty decent garden out back, though don't know how long that will last us."
"Seems like the land has had enough. Crops are way down from last year. I'm gonna have to find a new place to plant next season." Jay finished the last of his food and stood. "You talk to her Mir?" He motioned in my direction.
Before Mira could open her mouth I spoke. "Don't worry, I'll be on my way soon."
Jenny's mouth dropped, and she looked like she was going to protest, but didn't speak.
Jay smirked. "I guess that's a no then."
Mira laughed. "No, I didn't get to it yet. Andi, Jay and I were talking, and we'd be okay with you staying a little longer, if you wanted." She got up and cleared the plates.
I hadn't really thought about staying longer than the night. The sky was dark, and a storm was rolling in. It wasn't the best weather for travel, but it did keep the flesh eaters at bay. They weren't fans of thunderstorms for whatever reason.
"I really appreciate that, and I'd like to, but it's probably better to leave today."
Mira smiled and nodded. I could tell she was disappointed, but she understood. Jenny looked heartbroken. I knew she was thrilled to have someone closer to her age there, but I had to find Will before I thought about anything else.
Jenny slipped one of the paracord bracelets off her wrist that she was making with Jay before we went to sleep the night before. They showed me how to braid them into something like a bracelet or rope and how they could be unraveled to haul hundreds of pounds. They were cute, but had a real use. Janet always had one on her wrist, but I never knew what it was.
"You should take this." She handed me the bracelet. I had one that I made when they were showing me, so I pushed it off my wrist and handed it to Jenny in exchange and she smiled.
The friendship bracelet for the apocalypse.
"I really appreciate you guys letting me stay. I have to try to find him, though. Maybe I can stop back another time?"
"Absolutely." Jay bent to pick my pack off the floor and handed it to me. "You're welcome here any time."
I was grateful for that. It was nice to see there were still decent people in the world, even after everything that’s happened. It was good to know there was a place I could go if I ever needed it. Maybe the military base wasn’t the place for me, but I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to throw in the towel for a solitary existence.
"Good luck finding your guy. If there's anything I've learned after all this is that anything is possible." Mira pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tight. “I’m glad you came here, Andi. I hope some day you’ll come back.”
We both knew the chances of seeing each other again were low. It wasn't often you met someone so easy to like. Since the outbreak, you either made instant friends or you didn't bother. There was no time to get to know people or take time. It was a gut decision, and Jay and Mira were the kind of people you instantly liked. I was sad to leave them.
I slung my bag over my shoulder, which included some packaged leftovers that Mira insisted I take along, and headed out. Jay walked with me to the end of the town road, then waited until I was out of sight to keep an eye on me.
The sky was dark, and thunder grumbled in the distance. It was only a matter of time before the rain hit. If I kept up a good pace, I'd be able to make it home before dark. I stopped to check every body that was about Will's size just to make sure it wasn't him. If he was already dead, I needed to know.
I came across only one flesh eater over the next few hours. It was tied to a tree, groaning. Its stomach was ripped open with insides that spilled out and dangled as it struggled to get free. It wasn't a surprising sight. I came across similar scenes enough to be numb to it.
Not everyone wanted to kill the flesh eaters. Some wanted revenge. As if those things had feelings and could understand what was going on. Nothing in their blank, dead eyes gave the impression that they were aware. I stepped closer, never taking for granted their ability to call up strength when faced with a meal, and jammed my knife through its forehead. There was a crack, then a squish as the knife quieted its now completely dead brain.
I wiped the thick, black blood off the knife and onto the grass before I stuck it back in its holster. Whether the undead were capable of it or not, I couldn't leave it there to suffer. They seemed to have an overwhelming hunger, a need for flesh, and keeping any creature alive like that, even one that ate anything in its sight, seemed cruel.
The closer I got to home, the fewer bodies I came across. I wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not, but it did make the air a little easier to breathe. That was one thing I already missed about the military base. There was no smell of death in the air. It was something you noticed so much more after you’d been away from it for a while.
I watched for signs of Will, no matter how unlikely they were. We should have discussed what would happen if we ever got split up. We should have had a plan. There was so much we never got to talk about or do, and I realized then that we may never get the opportunity. I wanted to break down and wallow in my grief. I wanted to cry, act like a child, maybe even stomp my feet in a tantrum, but none of that was going to bring Will or Janet back. Life sucked, there was no doubt about that, but whether or not I liked it, I had to grow up.
I walked all day, and my feet ached, but I blocked out the pain. Nothing would keep me from making it back to the basement before dark. Thoughts of Janet kept cropping up in my mind, no matter how hard I tried to push them away. It wasn't that I didn't want to think of her, I just couldn't let myself go there yet. I knew at some point I was going to have to deal with it, but I needed to focus on Will first.
Derek would have made it back and found her by then. I wished I had been there to tell him in person what happened. They cared about each other, and I hated that he would have to find her like that on his own. He only came out to look for Will because of Janet. It was clear he would have done anything for her. Since she was gone, his duty was over. He certainly didn't owe me anything, so I would probably never see him again, unless I went back to the military base.
A couple hours from home, my hunger got the better of me, so I stopped and ate some of the food Mira packed up before I left. I used to be able to go all day without eating before my stomach put up too much of a protest. The military base and its three squares a day spoiled me, though, and I was no longer used to going without food.
It was quiet, so I stayed on alert. Quiet used to be a nice thing. Every bite became more and more difficult to swallow as a lump formed in the back of my throat. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I fought them back. Grief bubbled just below the surface, and I knew I had to get moving or it would win. I tossed the rest of the food and power walked the next few miles.
I didn't slow down until I rounded the corner onto Zach's street. I remembered how I used to think I would marry him when I grew up. I had our whole lives planned out, right
down to the names we’d have for our three children. Two girls and a boy. The girls would be artistic, and the boy athletic, and each one of them would have my blonde curls and blue eyes.
Things were very different the last time I was on that street. Will and I had gotten into a huge fight, and he was going to leave with Janet. It was all my fault, of course. I was being childish and stupid. I didn't know how to admit that I loved him, even to myself. As I walked past Zach's house, I slowed even more. It was as if I wasn't quite ready to reach home.
It was amazing how normal everything looked in my old neighborhood. Other than some broken windows and falling shutters, the houses all looked the same. The grass was overgrown, and outdoor chairs and patio furniture was knocked over and tossed around by the wind, but it looked more like the aftermath of a hurricane than what it really was.
One thing that was definitely different, however, was the lack of bodies. The last time we went through there was after Will, Janet and Dan took out the horde. There were bodies everywhere, but now, not a single one remained. The undead certainly didn't come along and move them, so it had to mean that someone alive had been through there.
It was impossible to know if they were still in the area or hiding in one of the houses. It could have even been one of my old neighbors. It would be hard to say how the last two years may have changed the people I once lived so close to. We shared block parties, played with each other's children, and chatted at the mailboxes. They were people my family would have taken in and trusted with their lives. But that was then.
A lot of my neighbors died in the early days of the outbreak. My father finished off a number of them himself before we locked ourselves away in the basement. I remember the look on his face when he came in, covered in blood and filth, holding the old axe that used to hang in the shed. He didn't talk for a long time except to tell Mom and me to pack everything we needed and head down to the basement.
