“You do,” he argued. I could hear the change in his voice. He was smiling.
“No. I don’t,” I answered sarcastically. His persistence was pinching my nerves.
“Then look at me,” he challenged.
Without thinking, I turned my head and looked at him. His warm, sweet breath blew against my face as he exhaled. The scent of peppermint. His dark eyes snatched me up and whisked me away. I was lost and unprepared as he drew me deeper and deeper inside him. The walls he created around me were getting higher and harder to climb. Like I had slipped into a trench and I was sinking into the earth.
Ethan pressed forward, attempting to close the gap between us. His lips were so close to mine I could feel the heat emanating from them. And just as our lips were about to brush, the voice in my head begged and pleaded and screamed for me to stop.
Then I turned away.
“I have to go—it’s late.” I slid off the hood of the car, resisting the urge to look at him as I rushed around to my car and drove away. But I knew he was staring at me because the power in his eyes was calling me back.
“I am so stupid!” I smacked my hand against the steering wheel.
I was trying to convince myself I was stupid for hopping up on the hood of his car in the first place. Stupid for not leaving the moment he pulled up. But I knew that in reality, I was stupid because I should have kissed him. I’d had a once in a lifetime chance to kiss this extremely good-looking guy—whose warmth was still with me—and I’d blown it. What was wrong with me? Was I insane? Ethan probably wouldn’t even look at me again after what I’d done to him tonight. Maybe that would be a good thing. No, no it wouldn’t. Ugh…why was I so confused?
When I got home, I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t put it off any longer. So I picked up my phone and called Jeremy.
“Hey, Allie, what’s up?” Jeremy’s voice didn’t match his appearance. He was lean and toned, and his shoulders were broad, but his voice sounded like he was overpowered by muscle, which always cracked me up.
“Which part?” I asked, plopping down on the sofa and kicking off my sneakers.
“Is it that bad?”
“Yeah, Mom took off.” I buried my hand in the cushion and traced my fingers along the bottom, searching for any loose change my mother may have left behind.
He sighed into the receiver. “Again?” He paused for a moment, and then said, “You know she’s done this before. She’ll be back.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t think she’s coming back this time,” I told him as I pulled my hand out of the sofa and glanced in my cupped palm. Two faded pennies and a wad of cream-colored dog hair wasn’t going to get me far.
“Why would you think that?”
“Because she took Skippy with her.” I pushed myself off the sofa and made my way into the kitchen, remembering the jar of change Mom kept in the top cabinet over the sink.
“She took our dog?” he yelled into the phone.
“Yup.” I scooted one of the kitchen chairs over to the sink and climbed up. “I swear Jeremy…if anything happens to him, I’ll hurt her,” I said, balancing on my toes to reach the jar that was sitting all the way back on the shelf.
“You won’t have to. If something happens to him, I’ll hurt her.” He was outraged. And I didn’t blame him. Skippy was his dog, too.
“I don’t know what to do.” I used the tips of my fingers to pull the jar forward. Once it was close enough, I grabbed it, shut the door, and stepped off of the chair. “I barely have anything in savings. And since I lost my job today…let’s just say life isn’t looking too good.” I dumped the jar on the table and sifted through the change.
He sighed. “I’ll make a deposit for you. But I can only give you a thousand from my college account. My mom will strangle me if she finds any more than that missing.”
“Oh, god, Jeremy, you have no idea what this means to me.” I felt a little more relieved. At least that would get me by for a little bit. And who knows, maybe Mom would show up in a couple of days. It’s just…she’d never taken the dog before. Never left a note before. This seemed permanent.
“Is the cosmic catastrophe over, or are you hiding something else?” He was smiling now, I could tell.
I drew in a deep breath. “Well…there’s also this guy.” I counted out two dollars in quarters from the pile and pushed them aside.
“What? A guy?” He laughed.
“Yes, and I need your help,” I confessed.
“No freaking way. Don’t tell me my love-is-just-an-emotion-that-gets-people-all-worked-up-so-it-can-destroy-them best friend is actually getting a taste of this deadly emotion herself?”
“No—of course not! Maybe…oh, Jeremy, I don’t know.” A blast of heat struck my cheeks. I pulled over the kitchen chair and sat down. “I’m really confused right now.”
“Well, what are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m feeling that I really want to be close to him, even though I know I shouldn’t feel this way. My heart races and my stomach knots up anytime I’m near him. And his eyes…his eyes are inescapable,” I said, swirling my finger around in a pile of pennies, getting lost in the details. “I don’t understand it.”
“It sounds like you’re in lo-o-ve.”
I removed my finger and pushed the coins away, denying having anything to do with that stupid four-letter word even if I was being teased. “He tried to kiss me,” I blurted out. The heat in my cheeks got hotter. And my throat suddenly went dry.
“Tried?”
“I turned away from him and left.” I stood up, eyes gazing at the pictures of my mom and me plastered all over the front of the refrigerator.
“Man,” he said. “What were you thinking?”
“I was thinking I didn’t want this.” I slammed the palms of my hands against the door of the fridge. “I didn’t need this. You and I have both seen what love does to people. It destroys them, Jeremy. Look at my mom,” I said, still trying to convince myself I did the right thing by walking away.
“Allie, love doesn’t always end that way. Some people aren’t meant to be together. But some people are. I think you should give the guy a shot. What do you have to lose?”
“I guess you’re right,” I sighed. “But he probably won’t even talk to me now. Not with the way I left him hanging. I feel like such a moron.” I stifled a laugh and leaned my head up against the refrigerator.
“You should,” he agreed.
“Shut up, Jeremy.”
“Well, hate to cut you short, but I got a mound of homework to get done. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
“Wait—you’re coming here?” I spun around and placed my back up against the door. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“I have to check on my favorite girl, don’t I?” The smile in his voice returned. “Besides, I’m eighteen now. I need a fun break before college starts. So if you need anything else before then, shoot me a line.”
“Will do,” I said, excitement flooding my voice. I snapped my phone shut and thought about what Jeremy had said. He was right. What was the worst that could happen? I’d already lost my mom, my dog, my job, and who knew how long it had been since my mom had paid the rent. I had absolutely nothing else to lose by giving Ethan a chance.
* * *
The next day, I spent the entire morning wondering what I could say to Ethan. How could I explain why I’d turned away from him and left him at Augustine Beach? How could I say that every time our eyes met, I was unable to look away? I couldn’t tell him that. It was dopey. Besides, I didn’t even know if I was capable of talking to him at all with the way I’d reacted at the beach.
After gym, Marie and I walked into the cafeteria and went through the lunch line. I skipped out on the food and grabbed an apple juice. I didn’t trust my fluttering stomach, knowing I was only moments away from seeing Ethan.
Although our seating arrangements remained the same as yesterday, Ethan was different. He never acknowledged the fact
that I was sitting beside him. He wouldn’t even spare me a quick glance. I felt horrible for what I did to him. I unscrewed the cap on my juice and took a drink, not knowing which was worse—me avoiding him or him avoiding me. He had every right to be angry with me.
I retrieved my copy of The Great Gatsby from my bag and used it to disguise my emotions as everyone else chatted away at the table. I was angry, hurt, and embarrassed. And I wanted nothing more than to zone everyone else out.
“Hey, Allie, are you working Friday night?” Erica asked from across the table.
“No,” I answered, not even bothering to look up from my book. What was the point? Everyone else was so happy. I’d just bring them down.
“I thought you always worked on Fridays,” Erica said.
“Not anymore.” My voice fell flat as strength and despair clashed their swords together inside me.
“Did your boss change your schedule?” Erica continued to pursue the topic.
I sighed and lifted my head up. “No, she fired me last night when I went to work.” Hopefully that would end the conversation, because I didn’t feel like talking about it now.
Everyone stopped talking and looked at me, including Ethan. But he quickly turned away.
“What happened?” Erica leaned forward, her pink tee stopping short of diving into the sauce on her ravioli.
I shrugged, as if losing my only source of income wasn’t a gigantic, huge, horrible deal. “She said she had to make some cuts…and I was one of them,” I said, only revealing half the story.
“But you need that job. What about your car?” she asked. “How are you supposed to get it fixed?” Erica was taking this as bad as I was.
“I’ll figure something out,” I mumbled.
“That sucks,” Ben said, brushing the crumbs of his bread crust off the table with his hand.
“Totally,” Marie agreed.
“Well, if your car breaks down, I could always give you a ride,” Aaron said, and then added a wink.
Before I could say a word, Erica spoke up. “Aaron, you don’t even have a car. Besides, I’m sure her mom will help her out. Right, Allie?”
“Yeah…sure…my mom.”
“Well, since you’re free for the summer, that means we can go to the beach more often.” Erica smiled and switched the subject. “But, anyway, I wanted to know if you want to go to the drive-in theater Friday night. Ben’s coming, but Aaron and Marie aren’t sure. How about you, Ethan?”
“I have some stuff I need to catch up on.” Ethan smiled. “So I think I’ll pass.”
“Okay, suit yourself.” Erica shrugged and then looked at me. “Allie, you in?”
“I’m not sure. I’ll let you know,” I said, accidentally flicking my gaze at Ethan. A warmth passed through me as Ethan’s eyes swept across me. Then he looked away. Confusion, anyone?
***
After school, Erica and I stood next to my car’s driver’s side door. She was still trying to persuade me to go to the drive-in.
“Come on, Allie, I need you,” she begged. “It’s my first time out with Ben. I need you there.”
“Fine.” I’d caved. “I’ll go, but you have to pick me up.”
“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” she sang. Then she turned and skipped through the parking lot.
Just as I was about to get into my car, I froze. Ethan’s sports car passed by me and his eyes refused to spare me a single glance. It was like he was pretending I didn’t exist. I slid into my car and drove away as a sense of emptiness—one that I didn’t quite understand—swept through me.
Instead of driving straight home, I stopped at the nearest ATM and withdrew some money. I decided I would go back to Augustine Beach to see if Ethan would show. I picked up some Chinese take-out on the way there and ate it in the parking lot while I watched the vessels sail up the Delaware River.
Ethan never showed.
I’m not sure why I thought he would, because from what I’d experienced in the cafeteria and how he’d refused to look at me in the parking lot, I had a feeling that Ethan Bradley wanted nothing else to do with me.
Jeremy and I had been wrong last night. I did have something to lose. My heart.
Chapter 4
Thursday was more of the same. My mom hadn’t called, Aaron’s advances on me at gym and lunch intensified, and I was still invisible to Ethan. I did speak to Jeremy that night, and while he insisted everything would be okay, I wasn’t buying it. My life had fallen apart within the course of a week, and I had no idea how to pick up the pieces and put it all together again.
On Friday during lunch, I buried my head in a book while the others jostled for seats around me. I’d convinced myself Ethan was never going to speak to me again. I resisted the urge to glance at him across the table while we all ate lunch. I wanted to give him just as much attention as he gave me. None.
While it was easy for me to avoid contact with him, I couldn’t seem to banish my feelings. The tightness in my stomach, the warmth flowing out of him and into me, and the agonizing pain in my heart continued as he sat only inches away from me in the cafeteria. It drove me insane.
Aaron sat down next to me. “I guess it’s only me and you tonight in the backseat,” he whispered, leaning his body into mine. The heat that had been flowing through me fizzled out. “Marie bailed. And the new kid’s going to be a no show.”
I glanced up from my book to see he was smiling. I intentionally screwed up my face in a disapproving way. Then, as I dropped my eyes back down, I caught a glimpse of Ethan. His eyes flickered over to me, then shot away. His connection to me had happened so fast that I’d probably imagined it.
In the parking lot after school, I wanted to tell Erica I wasn’t going to the movies. That I didn’t feel well or something. But she was so worried about her date with Ben, I knew I couldn’t leave her hanging. She needed me. I calmed her down and headed home, but my own nerves still jangled.
* * *
I had finished eating a plate of leftover spaghetti when the tires of Erica’s car crunched through the gravel in my driveway. I grabbed a white hoodie off the kitchen chair and walked out the door. Aaron was already in the backseat. I opened the door and slid in beside him.
“Where’s your mom?” Erica turned her head in my direction as she shifted into reverse.
“She’s working,” I lied, pulling the seatbelt around me and clicking it into place.
“I thought she only worked day shift.”
“They changed her schedule,” I mumbled as we pulled out onto the road.
“Oh,” she said. “Did you want to swing by her diner to get a bite to eat? We have some time to spare.”
“No, that’s okay. She’s working the back office tonight.” I hated lying. But what else could I do?
Erica turned to Ben and they lapsed into a conversation of their own while my gaze drifted out the window. Aaron attempted to talk to me, but I pretended not to hear him as I watched my breath frost the pane. After a few more tries, he fell silent.
I couldn’t believe how packed the drive-in was. By the time we got our tickets and found a parking spot, the movie trailers were already up on the screen. Erica tuned in the theater’s frequency on her radio and snuggled under Ben’s arm. Aaron stared at me.
Erica glanced back and laughed. “Allie, he doesn’t bite.”
What was she thinking? There was no way I was getting close to him.
Then it happened. Aaron placed his hand on my thigh. And slid his hand upward and inward. Acid churned in my stomach. Moisture bubbled up on my forehead. I had to get out of the car. I was going to get sick. I pushed all my weight against the door while my fingers clawed for the handle. The door popped open and I slipped out of the car.
“I need to find a restroom,” I said. I spun around and rushed through the parking lot in search of the concession stand. There were too many people in line for the stand’s bathroom, so I headed over to an old storage shed. I just needed to be alone.
I
stood on the far side of the building, my hood over my head to shield me from the dampness in the air. I had just closed my eyes, attempting to rid myself of Aaron’s energy, when a hand clasped around my mouth. My eyes opened and the world rushed away from me, like someone had pushed a rewind button. I was pulled backward, behind the building, to an area secluded by trees. Before I could register what was happening, the hand slipped away from my mouth and grabbed my arm. Someone swung my body around. Aaron stood in front of me.
“What the hell is your problem?” I yelled, heat rushing into my face as I tried twisting out of his grip, hands balled into fists. How dare he touch me like this?
“I don’t know why you always have to play hard to get, Allie.” His voice was different. Dark. And his eyes were crazy weird. Like they didn’t even belong to him. “You know you want me.” He smiled wickedly.
“You’re insane!”
I attempted to push past him, but he seized both my arms in his hands, then slammed my body back against the building, nearly knocking the air from my lungs. He created an inescapable barrier with his arms. I looked at him, stunned, not expecting him to be so much stronger than me or to get so physical. This wasn’t like Aaron at all. Sure, in the past, he’d done little things to piss me off. But nothing like this. What if he really hurt me this time?
“Don’t scream,” he said calmly. Then he pushed his face closer to mine and whispered, “I know what you need, Allie.” His breath brushed up against my cheek. I couldn’t breathe. “Ben told me you haven’t had a boyfriend before. That you were shy and I should take things slow,” he said. “But I’m tired of waiting.” Silent laughter shook his body as he lifted his hand. The tips of his fingers swept across my face.
“I…I have a boyfriend.” My voice trembled as I struggled to think of anything I could say to get him off me. My only priority was to get away from him before he did something really stupid.
Other Side Of Forever (Other Side Of Forever Series Book 1) Page 4
