by Anna Howard
Strange how I consider his apartment home now.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He finally sighs. “I just don’t know how I’m going to sleep tonight without you with me.”
I smile, happy that he needs me beside of him. “It’s only for tonight, Keith. And you hardly ever get any sleep anyway.” Mostly because he tended to spend most of the night making love to me.
“Go. Bianca needs you.” He mutters. “I…Goodnight, baby.”
I spend most of the night just talking with Bianca. There is a lot to catch up on. Normally we know what is going on in each other’s lives immediately, but now that I am rarely here that isn’t the case.
Thankfully by the early hours of the morning I have convinced Bianca that this baby is something special. As for Christian, I planned to deal with him myself.
I left Bianca sound asleep back at the apartment the next morning while I went out. I took a cab down to Marshall International, which was on the fourteenth floor of a gigantic skyscraper. His secretary gives me an odd look as she shows me into her boss’s office.
Christian is on the phone when I walk in, but one look at my face and he quickly ends the call. With a nod he motions for me to take a seat. “I guess I should have expected you to hunt me down.” He mutters.
“Yes, you should have.” I toss my briefcase aside and drop down into a leather chair in front of his desk. “She’s a mess, Christian.”
He stabs a hand through brown hair, reminding me of Keith. “Hell, I’m a mess myself, Kari. I am not ready to be a father. And marriage…That just isn’t for me.”
“Has she told you she wants to get married?” I ask. “Did she demand that you marry her?”
“No…”
“Has she asked you to do anything?” I ask, frost in my tone.
“No…” He is frowning now, thinking hard about what is going on not just with himself,f but also with the woman who is carrying his child.
“All she wants right now is for you to be there for her. This pregnancy isn’t all that easy for her right now. Bee isn’t well and you are only making her more stressed out.” I want to hit him, but that would be crossing the line. “Can’t you stop acting like a petulant little boy long enough to help her through this?”
“Christ!” He mutters. “What do you want me to do Kari? What should I do?”
“Just go home and hold her. Tell her that you love her and want this baby. Take things one day at a time.” My cell chimes alerting me to a text message but I ignore it for now. “That is all she wants right now, Christian. Not to take away your freedom.”
I only stay a few more minutes before I tell him goodbye. But I feel a little more confident that Bianca will be alright now. I grab a cab and just as it is pulling away another text message comes in on my phone. I pull it out of my briefcase and bring up the app. Both the one from earlier and the new text are from Keith.
Where are you?
Missing you. Lunch?
I smile happily as the cab drives me toward work.
Chapter 9
Keith is tinkling me. I am giggling and trying to fight my way free. But he is so much stronger and really, I don’t want to get away. Not when he seems to be having just as much fun as I am.
But the tinkling fingers soon become caressing fingers and my giggles soon turn to moans. With a careful flip I am suddenly on top of him and he is gazing up at me with the most peculiar light in his dark green eyes. “Kari…” He says my name in that way of his that always makes me weak.
We have practically been living together for more than five months now. It is the beginning of October now. Other than a few nights here and there spent with Bianca when she has rough episodes with her pregnancy I have not spent a night away from him. Even when we can’t make love he still wraps me in his strong arms and holds me all night long.
“I love you.” I whisper as I bend to kiss his lips.
“Kari…”
The ringing of my cell phone on the nightstand interrupts whatever he is going to say. It is after midnight and I am worried about who would be calling me. As my father is on the other side of the world at the moment it could easily be him and he has forgotten about the time difference again. But something in my gut tells me that isn’t the case and I snatch it up before the call can go to voice mail.
“Kari!” A deep, distressed voice chokes out my name.
“Christian?” I clutch the phone tighter and Keith sits up on the bed beside of me. “Christian what’s wrong?”
“Bee.” He takes a deep breath to calm himself before continuing. “She…Oh, God Kari. She lost the baby.”
I reach for Keith’s hand. He gives mine a gentle squeeze for comfort. I feel the loss just as sharply as I know that Bianca must be feeling it right then. I gather my strength because I know that my bestie needs me and ask Christian what hospital they are at. When he tells me I hang up and jump out of bed.
I can barely see for the tears clouding my vision as I rush to get dressed. I am nearly sobbing before I can even get my jeans on. Strong hands stop me and pull me against a hard chest. “Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.”
“She wanted him more than anything in the world.” I whisper.
Bianca had struggled through the pregnancy. But had been doing better lately with Christian’s support. The two were growing closer than I had ever seen them. And yesterday I had gone with them both to find out the sex of the baby. A boy.
Bianca had wanted to call him Caleb.
I lean against Keith for a moment longer but then continue to get dressed. To my surprise Keith goes with me to the hospital and stays in the waiting room while I follow a distraught Christian back to Bianca’s private room on the Labor and Delivery floor.
Outside her door Christian grasps my hand hard. “She won’t talk to me, Kari.” He whispers. “I think she is blaming me.”
I give his hand a gentle squeeze. “Just give her some time, Christian. This is going to be difficult for her. She’s just looking for someone to take it out on right now.”
He hangs his head. “Maybe she is right to blame me.” He whispers. “At first I didn’t want the baby. Maybe I wished the baby away…” A tear spills from his eyes and I hug him close.
“No, Christian.” I whisper fiercely. “Don’t think like that. You wanted Caleb as much as Bee did. Please, don’t torment yourself like that.”
He doesn’t respond but hugs me tight for a long moment. With a sigh he steps back and opens the door to Bianca’s room. “I’ll wait with Keith. Take your time.”
Inside I find Bianca curled up on a narrow bed, her face turned into the pillow while she silent weeps. I go to her and pull her into my arms. “Kari!” She sobs so hard her body shakes. “Kari, Caleb.”
“I know, Bee.” I murmur as I rock her. “I know.” Tears of my own stream down my face as I hold her like that for most of the night. A nurse comes and goes, giving me a small empathic smile as she leaves.
Bianca cries herself into a fitful sleep. She wakes several times and starts to cry again, but I just rock her until she quiets again and falls back to sleep.
Around six thirty the doctor comes in and gives Bianca an ultrasound. He tells her that these things happen sometimes for no apparent reason, but that he could foresee no reason why she could not have another baby. It only makes Bianca start crying again.
“I wanted this baby.” She whispers brokenly and I send a killing glare at the insensitive doctor.
He takes one look at my fierce expression and quickly makes an excuse to leave. A nurse comes in and gives Bianca an injection into her IV line. Something to calm her, the nurse explains to me. And would I like anything to drink?
I shake my head, to busy stroking my friends hair as she drifts off to sleep once more to worry about myself.
Hours later Christian appears in the door with Keith. I have been strong up until now, as I look at the man standing there waiting so patiently for me. I bite back a sob and he gathers me
into his arms. “You need sleep.” He murmurs at my ear, careful not to wake up Bianca.
I shake my head. “I don’t want to leave her.”
“I will be here, Kari.” Christian assures me. “Go home and rest. She will need you later.”
“I broke up with Christian.”
Bianca’s coolly stated news is not something I haven’t been expecting. For weeks now, ever since she had lost the baby Bianca has been pushing Christian away. She couldn’t get over it. And with her hormones all over the place from PPS she was an emotional wreck.
I sit on our sofa in the living room of the apartment and hug her close. I have been here a lot more lately. Trying to help my bestie get over the tragic loss of her baby boy.
But I have seen very little of Keith recently. I miss him so badly. And he is starting to get impatient. Wanting me home with him every night.
Tonight, however I cannot accommodate him. I stay up half the night with Bianca, letting her talk through her feelings. She keeps focusing on how Christian was at the beginning of her pregnancy. Their fighting, and his pulling away from her. I just sit and nod, because that is all Bianca really needs; for someone to agree with her right now.
Around midnight my cellphone rings and I pick it up thinking that it is Keith. “Hey, I miss you.” I murmur. Bianca is in the bathroom taking a shower and I want five minutes alone to talk to my boyfriend.
But it isn’t Keith.
“Kari.” It is Christian and he sounds so emotional that my heart clenches for him. Over the last few weeks the loss of his child has paid its toll on him too. I have watched the man begin to hate himself from thinking that he was the reason the baby was gone. And I have also watched him take everything that Bianca has dished out at him and come back for more.
“Christian.” I pull the phone closer and glance in the direction of Bianca’s room. “How are you?” I murmur.
He lets out a tear filled laugh. “I have lost everything I never knew I wanted. How do you think I am?”
“Oh, Christian.” I bite the inside of my cheek.
“Look, can we talk? I really need a friend right now. And you are the only one who will understand.” The breaking of his voice makes me close my eyes, hurting for both him and Bianca.
“Yes. Of course. But not tonight. I’m with Bee right now. I’m sorry.”
“I understand. She needs you…I wish she needed me.” He whispers.
“She does, she really does. It’s just that right now she’s mixed up.” I hear her moving around in her room. “I’ll meet you for lunch tomorrow. Text me with a time and place.”
“Thanks Kari.”
“Anytime, Christian.” I say goodnight and toss the phone aside just as Bianca comes out of her bedroom wrapped up in a thick robe.
After a morning filled with everything seeming to go wrong and then an emotional lunch with a man who thought that he had nothing left all I wanted was to go home to Keith and get lost in his arms. But I still had three meetings that afternoon, one of which was with the exclusive party planner that Winthrop Charities used. We were going to do a benefits concert to raise money for the music departments for the inner city schools.
I throw myself into work. When I unlock the door to Keith’s apartment I am dragging. “Keith?” I call out. “Keith, are you home?”
He calls out from his study and I drop my briefcase on the sofa as I pass. I find him sitting at his desk frowning at something on his computer screen. But his head snaps up when he notices me in the doorway and that sardonic brow raises. Ever since I told him how much I love that damn eyebrow he does it whenever he sees me. “Hey, baby.”
“Hi.” I murmur. I can’t move. All I can do is stand there and soak in the sight of him. His dark hair is in desperate need of cutting and my fingers ache to comb through it. He needs a shave, but I love that dark shadow of stubble and the feel of it against my soft skin when we make love. His suit jacket is gone and the top three buttons of his dress shirt are undone, giving me a tantalizing glimpse of dark chest hair.
I feel as if I haven’t seen him in months when we had had dinner together just a few nights ago. I realize that I have missed him more than I thought and I was determined that I am not going to spend anymore nights away from him if possible.
“Bad day?” He asks, noticing the emotions crossing my face with concern.
I give him a small smile, too close to tears to offer more. “Just realizing how much I have missed the man I love.”
Those green eyes I love so much darken and before I can even blink he is across the room and I am being lifted into his arms. “Kari, oh my sweet Kari.” He kisses my lips, my eyes, my forehead. “I have missed you too, baby.”
“I’m sorry I have been gone so much.” I say as I wrap my legs around his lean waist.
“Kari, just shut up and kiss me.” He nibbles on my bottom lip. “I have gone without my beautiful temptress for far too long.”
Hours later I surface from my Keith high and snuggle closer into his hard chest. The bed is a mess with sheets and the comforter twisted and half off the bed. Keith yawns and I raise my head to gaze down into his sleepy green eyes. “Did I wear you out?” I ask with a happy grin.
He slaps me on the behind just hard enough to making a loud noise without causing a sting. “When a man has to snuggle up to his pillow and not the warm, soft body of his girlfriend he doesn’t get much sleep. Then when she comes home and ravishes him non-stop for three solid hours…” I giggle and kiss his lips.
“Good answer.” I murmur and cuddle close, starting to drift off while he plays with the ends of my long blond hair.
“Kari…”
I bury my face deeper into his chest. “Hmm?”
“Kari I need you.”
My eyes snap open and I slowly raise my head to look down at him. There is something different in those emerald green depths that I have never noticed before and my heart skips a beat. “I need you too, Keith.” I tell him softly.
He raises a hand to cup my cheek. “I mean it. I need you. Baby, I care about you…” He seemed to be struggling with his words and I felt like he was trying to tell me…He is trying to tell me he loves me!
I bend and brush my lips across his, stopping his difficult flow of words. “I know.” I tell him as I pull back just enough to meet his gaze. “It’s the same for me.”
Chapter 10
It is Thanksgiving.
Surprisingly my father is home for the Holidays and I have planned a small dinner at the Winthrop estate. It has been a year since the death of my mother and step-father and I want this Thanksgiving to be better than the last one.
The house feels warm and cozy. A huge turkey is baking in the kitchen thanks to the wonderful housekeeper. And I am snuggling close to Keith on the sofa in the entertainment room watching football while my father and Hunter talk foreign politics. I feel loved and so thankful that I have everything I want and need right in this room with me.
Bianca is spending the day with her parents and I feel a little guilty because I am glad to not have to trip over her every time I turn around. In recent weeks she has begun to get back to her old self. And she keeps calling me to talk about Christian. The phone call from last night had really made me want to slap her, but I had simply gritted my teeth and let her rant.
“I think Christian is seeing someone else already.” Bianca had said, sounding hurt and angry.
“What makes you say that?” I asked as I had stretched out on the sofa.
“Because his secretary told me that he was out to lunch with some blond the other day when I called to talk to him. Have you talked to him, Kari? Do you know if he is screwing around on me?”
I grimace. I have been seeing Christian at least once a week and talk to him on an almost daily basis. Since his breakup with Bianca we have become really close friends. And I knew for a fact that Christian was not seeing anyone else. He was too torn up over l
osing Bianca and the baby to even think about dating right now. “I have spoken with him. And I don’t think he is dating anyone. He misses you Bee.”
She gave a less than amused laugh. “Yes, I can tell. Every time I call to talk to him he is busy or gone out with his blond. And he never calls me back. That sounds like he is just torn to pieces!”
She went on and on for a good hour before I was able to hang up. I hated hearing her speak of Christian like that. Even when we hadn’t been close friends I had known that he was a good guy. And now that I have gotten to know him a better I knew just how good he is.
Which was why I had invited him to dinner tonight.
Of course Keith had thrown a big stink about that when I had told him this morning. I was secretly thrilled that he was jealous, but peeved all the same that he thought so little of my feelings for him that he would think I would ever want anyone else.
“I love you, you stupid man!” I had shouted at him in his study this morning. “Don’t you trust me?”
His eyes had darkened. “I don’t trust him. He is vulnerable right now and you are always there for him and handy. I do not want you spending so much time with him.”
“Christian is my friend. He doesn’t think of me like that and even if he did I would never encourage him. Why can’t you understand that?”
The argument had only escalated, but had ended as most of our spats do. With me in his arms and him loving me to death. Now, with that loved feeling still coursing through my veins I snuggle closer against him and snack on popcorn while the game continues on.
Dinner is delicious.
I sit at the big dining room table with all the men in my life spread around me. Everyone is smiling and eating and having a great time. I sit there, enjoying the company as much as the food.
Keith drapes an arm along the back of my chair and plays with the ends of my long blond hair while he jokes with his brother. From time to time he will drop a kiss on my lips, or run a finger down my nose. The look in his green eyes is possessive and I wonder if he is putting on a show for Christian’s sake or actually being this loving because he can’t help himself.
