by Jessie Cooke
“And you?”
“I was better than she was at taking care of myself. She was older, but I did most of the taking care of all of us. She probably knew that I'd blame myself if anything like that ever happened to her, and that's probably why she never told me. Or maybe it never happened...but something changed right before she graduated from high school. Her personality changed dramatically. She went from quiet and content with staying home with me and planning our escape as soon as I was eighteen, to going out and partying almost every night, skipping school and sleeping around. I didn't recognize her. But what hurt me the most was the day she came home and told me she was leaving. We'd promised each other since we were eight and ten years old that we'd never leave each other alone in that house. She said she couldn't stay there any longer, that it was making her lose her mind. She told me that she'd met this really good guy and he was going to take her to Jersey with him.” She stopped and tried to gauge his thoughts by looking at his face and eyes. She couldn't figure out what he was thinking. The poor guy just looked lost. “She told me that he went by the name ‘Mammoth’ and that he was a biker. She talked about how hot he was...but, she also told me that he was a really good person.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Really? Or are you just saying that because you think he was me?”
She smiled. “No baby, really. I was so mad at her for leaving me, but at the same time, I was scared for her. I thought she was just making it up, to make me feel better, at the time. She said that he wasn't anything like the other bikers she'd been with. She said that this guy had a good heart and he wanted to take care of her. Natalie needed to be taken care of. She'd missed out on that for so long...”
“So did you.”
Kimber nodded. “But somehow it was harder for her.”
“You didn't answer my question, about the men...and you...”
“That's not important...”
“It is. It's important to me to know everything about you, even the bad things that have happened to you.”
“Most of them were gross, especially when they were drunk. They'd try flirting with us or brushing up against us. But, I was always so stand-offish with them because I knew they'd only be there for a moment and even if they weren't creepy, I wasn't going to get attached. At least I hadn't planned on it. She finally met one that seemed like a good guy. He worked, and he bought us things and he didn't stay drunk all the time. He had her showering daily and cleaning house and even cooking for us sometimes. Things were better than they ever had been, and I think maybe I was so grateful to him that I developed a little crush. I looked up to him, and that's why it was so hard when he...” Her mouth was dry and it was hard to even speak, even if it wasn't so hard to talk about in the first place. Jigsaw squeezed her hand and she finally looked at his face and said, “When he raped me.” She saw the horror on his face and she instantly regretted telling him. What if that fact made him want her even less, especially now that he found out he was really in love with Natalie?
“Jesus baby,” he said, pulling her in against his chest. “I'm so fucking sorry. I want to kill him. What's his name?”
Kimber smiled through her tears. “That's not really what we're focusing on now, baby.”
10
Jigsaw didn't want to focus on any of it. It was all too much. He'd spent so long wondering who he was, and wishing and looking for even the smallest clue to his past...but this...no! He wasn't going to accept that he'd been in love with, and intimate with, Kimber's sister. That was just too much. He loved Kimber and he was faithful to her, and no matter what, there was nothing to come between them. Now, suddenly, there was...and it was her sister. No fucking way. No way. And then there was that word she'd just used...rape. The very idea of anyone putting their hands on her...much less forcing her, hurting her...it was all too fucking much. He didn't know if the turmoil in his head and chest was anxiety or rage, but he did know that if he wasn't able to release it, it might just tear him apart.
“I want to know his name,” he said, much more calmly than he felt.
“Baby...”
“His name!” He didn't mean to snap at her. She flinched like he hit her. “Damn it. I'm sorry. My head is just fucked up right now.”
She put her hand on his shoulder. “I know baby. I'm sorry. We'll talk about that pig later, I promise, okay?” He nodded. His head felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.
“So, after that I left, and I've told you the story about how I ended up here...” Kimber told him that she had been on her way to New Jersey but Natalie didn't act thrilled about her coming there. So, she went to New York instead and got a job working in a diner there for a while. When she got tired of that, she got on a train and ended up in New Hampshire where she landed a job working at a Bed and Breakfast. Her plan then had been to work her way across the US and ultimately end up in California when she met a group of the girls from the club. They were on a vacation of sorts, visiting Callie's mother. She was the business manager of the Inn and over the two weeks the girls were there, Kimber and Callie became friends. Kimber confided her plans to Callie and Callie suggested when she made it to Massachusetts she should stay at the ranch for a while. Kimber made it to the ranch a couple of months later. She hadn't meant to stay long...but then Jigsaw came crashing into her life and she was ready to stay forever. Jigsaw wasn't about to see those plans change, no matter what happened in New Jersey. “When Natalie settled with her...with...with Mammoth.” She sighed. “She called me and told me where she was and how to get a hold of her if I needed her. We talked about once a month after that. She didn't tell me a lot about the inner workings of the club, but she did tell me a lot about this guy she was with. She said that he was sweet and caring toward her, but tough as nails on the outside. She was deeply in love with him and she said he loved her too...they were even talking about getting married when he was...”
“Killed! That can't be me,” Jigsaw said, suddenly remembering. “That first week I was on the ranch I heard you on the phone more than once. Your sister was upset, grieving over this guy she lost. Part of why I was so attracted to you was your compassion and your patience with her. But he can't be me,” he said, excitedly. “He's dead.”
Kimber looked at him like she was torn between wanting to tell him what he wanted to hear...and telling him what he needed to hear. At last she said, “Think about it, baby. Just about the time you turn up, she thinks her guy is dead. I don't really understand it, she told me he wrecked his bike and they had a funeral for him and everything so...I don't know who they buried. But baby, I'm pretty sure the guy she was in love with, the one that saved her from our terrible life...was you.”
Jigsaw's head was pounding in time with his heart. He wished that he could go back in time and pretend that he was sick that night when BB came knocking at his door. He wished that he didn't know or suspect any of this. But Kimber was right, the timing was right. He suddenly knew who he needed to talk to before he did anything else. “I need to go find Dax.”
Kimber looked surprised but said, “Okay. Are we still going, to Jersey?”
He shook his head slowly. He had to go sometime, but not today. He was going to talk to Dax and then he was going to spend the rest of the day with the love of his life, pretending that everything was okay. It might be the last night that it was. “Not today, babe. Go down and get yourself some breakfast. I'm going over to talk to Dax. Then if you're up for it, maybe we can go for a ride in the hills or something.”
She looked confused, or worried about him...or something. He'd make it up to her later. Right then, he needed to talk to the only mentor that he remembered he ever had. He kissed her and as he went out the door she said, “Jigsaw?”
“Yeah baby?”
“You know how much I love you, right? Even if it turns out that you want to go back to E—”
“Uh uh! Don't even think that. You're my woman, I'm your man. That's the way it's always going to be. We'll figure the rest out as we go.”
Jigsaw walked up on Dax's porch. He was about to knock when he heard a little voice. “Hey there. If you're looking for my daddy, he's not here.” Jigsaw looked down into a pair of dark green eyes. Little Susie, Dax and Angel's adopted daughter came up not even to his waist. Her tangled red hair blew around her face that had a spot of dirt on it and both knees of her blue jeans had holes in them. She was about seven years old and one of the cutest things Jigsaw had ever seen.
“Hey Susie. What are you up to?”
“Nothing. My Angel asked me to come outside while she cleaned up the kitchen. I got the syrup from my pancakes on the good tablecloth.” Jigsaw smiled and then he frowned. He suddenly had an image of a green satin table cloth and a woman in a flowered dress standing next to the table where a little boy was sitting, and she was crying. He could hear the little blond-haired boy's voice in his head saying,
“Don't worry Mamaw, Momma knows how to get it out. I get syrup on her table all the time.” The old woman pulled out the chair she was holding onto and sat down. She reached for the little boy and he went to her, climbing up in her plump lap. She pulled him in for a hug and squeezed him so tightly that he felt like he couldn't breathe. “Mamaw, you're squishing me!” When she held him back, he could see the tears rolling swiftly down the lines on her face. “Mamaw, please don't be mad at me. Please don't cry.” She squeezed him again and by then he was getting scared. Something was really wrong. Mamaw had never acted this way before. Finally, holding him back again so she could look down at his face she said, “Baby, there was an accident...your momma and daddy...they're not coming home.”
“Hey Jig, you okay?” He was brought out of the vision, or whatever it was, by the sound of Susie's voice again. She was looking up at him with concern in her eyes.
“Yeah Suze, I'm okay. Sorry. I was just thinking. I'm sure your Angel's not too mad about the syrup.” Susie knew Angel was her mother now, but she had always thought of her as her own personal guardian angel, so that was what she called her, “My Angel.”
“I'm not too worried about the syrup. My Angel didn't seem too mad. You looked kind of funny for a minute. You sure you're okay?”
He smiled to reassure her and said, “Yeah honey, I'm okay. Where's your daddy?”
“He went over to the hole.” Jigsaw chuckled to himself. The hole was the biggest secret on the ranch, but the seven-year-old knew about it.
“Okay, I'll find him there. Thanks Suze.”
“You're welcome.” She watched him get back on his bike and then she went inside. Jigsaw smiled again. Most people wouldn't think an MC was a good place to raise a kid, but Susie was a happy well-adjusted kid and although he didn't know much about kids, most of the kids he'd met since he lived on the ranch seemed like good, happy kids as well. Jigsaw knew that was mostly due to Dax and the way he ran things. He looked up to him and on his way to the hole he decided that whatever Dax suggested...that was what he would do.
11
Jigsaw texted Kimber after talking to Dax and told her to meet him at the clubhouse in five minutes. She was waiting with a picnic basket over her arm when he got there, all dressed in her leather riding gear. Despite the stress of the day, his cock came alive at the sight of her in all that black leather, she was so damned sexy. He smiled at her as he drove up and said,
“Your chariot, my lady.”
She smiled back at him, that smile that made him fall in love with her. You could never tell by looking at her sweet smile and the sparkle in her eyes how much she'd been through in her life. “Why thank you, kind sir.” She sat the basket down and put on her pink helmet that he'd bought her for her last birthday and then she picked the basket back up and steadied herself against his shoulder with one hand before throwing her leg over the bike. She slid up behind him onto the low-slung leather seat of the Softail Harley. Toolie hadn't been able to put Jigsaw's bike back together after his accident, but when it was decided that he'd stay on the ranch, Dax let him pick out one of spare’s in the shop, and Toolie helped him restore it. The bike was built in the early 2000's, but they'd replaced the important parts, gave it a fresh, new paint job and seat and Levi had spent two weeks on it at the bike shop and when it rolled out of there it was embellished with so much chrome that it almost hurt to look directly at it in the sunlight. Jigsaw loved his bike, but not as much as he loved the woman that was now snuggling in behind him.
“You ready?” he asked her over the rumble of the engine. He felt her adjust the basket so it was high up on one arm and then she slipped her fingers through the belt loops on his jeans in front...perilously close to his already aching cock, and said,
“Ready, let's go.”
Jigsaw pulled out of the little parking lot and onto the gravel road that led to the front gates of the ranch. He drove slowly until they reached the main road and as soon as they were on pavement, he opened it up. The wind whipped around them as the bike ascended the hill that led up into the mountains behind the ranch. It was a windy road, but Jigsaw loved it, especially when Kimber was on the back of the bike. Their bodies moved as one in a sexy slow dance as he took each curve, and the sun got brighter and warmer as they climbed higher. He drove for almost an hour before turning off onto one of the county roads that led into the state park. He stopped and paid the entry fee and then they climbed a little further until he found a quiet, isolated place for their picnic.
He parked the bike and Kimber got off, taking the picnic basket with her and sitting it down in the center of a plush patch of green grass. “It's beautiful here.”
Jigsaw nodded as he got off the bike and pulled off his bandanna. “Yeah, and peaceful. I think we could both use a little peace today.”
She smiled. “For sure. But before we promise not to discuss this anymore today, can you tell me what Dax said?”
With a grin he said, “What makes you think I talked to Dax?”
“Please,” she said, rolling her eyes. “If I didn't know how much you loved me, I might be jealous of your man crush.”
Jigsaw laughed and he felt his face go hot. He'd never call it a “man crush” but, there was definitely a lot of respect there. “You got a blanket in there?” he asked, indicating the basket.
“Yep.” She took out a soft, blue blanket and spread it out on the soft grass. They sat down, and Jigsaw said,
“He thinks I need to check it out...pretty much said the same thing you did, that I need to know. But, he did say one thing that I think was nagging at me, but I just couldn't grasp it. Someone in that club knew I wasn't dead.”
“What do you mean?”
“They buried someone and that someone wasn't me. It's almost like they wanted me to disappear, or maybe I wanted to disappear and someone helped me.”
“That worries me a little. If that's the case, then maybe it's not safe for you to show back up there.”
“Yeah, Dax wants us to wait a day or two while he looks into it. Now that we have a name, it shouldn't be too hard for him to get some information.”
“What about Sidewinder? He is putting it all together.”
“Dax said he would talk to him, but, he wasn't worried. Sidewinder is affiliated with the Knightriders, but something of a lone wolf. Dax trusts him here, with the Skulls secrets, so he doesn't feel like we have anything to worry about where I'm concerned.”
“Good,” she said, but she frowned.
“Hey, no frowning. This is a picnic. There's no frowning when y
ou're on a picnic. Where's the food by the way?”
She smiled and started unloading the picnic basket. There was bread and cheese and cold cuts and fruit and homemade brownies that the girl who ran the bakery that the club owned in town had made fresh that morning. Kimber knew that Jigsaw wasn't a wine drinker, so she'd thrown in a couple bottles of beer. They ate, talked about everything except the Knightriders and who he might be, laughed and just spent time enjoying each other's company. It was exactly what the doctor ordered for both of them. After they put what was left of the food back in the basket, Jigsaw lay down on his back and Kimber rested in the crook of his arm and he just enjoyed holding her. Nothing in his memory had ever felt as good as having her in his arms. He never wanted to lose that...no matter who he turned out to be. He dipped his head down and kissed her softly on the forehead and moved his free hand over to gently stroke his fingers down her arm. He felt her shudder and snuggle into him deeper. She lay like that for a few moments, just letting him touch her lightly before lifting her face up to his. Jigsaw kissed her lips then, softly. Her tongue came out and brushed across his lips, lightly. Their hold on each other became tighter and slowly the kiss began to gain momentum.
Their lips were locked tightly, almost melded together as one entity. Their tongues danced and dueled, and Jigsaw's hands moved from her arm to the curve of her waist, drifting up and down to the sexy rise of her hips and the soft curve of the outside of her breast. What he loved the most about touching her and being touched by her...if anyone ever asked, was that every time felt like the first time. While they kissed, he began to slowly lift her blouse, running his hands across her smooth, bare skin as he did. He felt the goosebumps as they rose like peaks against his palms. He pushed her bra up out of his way and felt the hard peaks there, causing her to moan and sigh into his mouth.
