Dad and Bryan made sure Mom wasn’t alone and carefully monitored every beverage that crossed her lips. Rob waited quietly on the couch, watching SpongeBob with Dillon.
Finally, I summoned up enough courage to walk down the stairs. Without a word, I sat next to Rob, still in shock over what had happened to me. My hair dripped onto my tee shirt and mixed with the tears that still ran from my eyes. He didn’t speak, nor did he put his arm around me. Instead, he offered his hand, and I slipped mine into it. It was warm, and safe.
Bryan walked in from the kitchen.His glare took my breath away. I looked him straight in the eyes and said nothing. I expected him to offersome words of comfort. Instead I got, “I don’t believe you, Mandy. It’s Jimmy, for God’s sake!” His voice was loud and accusing. “You just misunderstood. How could you let them arrest him?”
Is he serious? My jaw dropped. I was stunned. Wait, I’m done being everyone’s dishrag. “Bryan, he tried to rape me!” The force in my voice surprised me.
“No way, Mandy! You’re lying!” He raised his hand and took a menacing step closer. “He’s my best friend. You’ve known him forever. How could you do this to me?” He disappeared from my view. A few seconds later, I heard his bedroom door slam.
My mother sat at the kitchen table with a coffee mug in her hand. Steam rose from the cup as she looked off into space. Dad offered her a refill from the pot, but she shook her head. Dillon’s attention was fixed on the cartoons.
Rob’s thumb gently stroked my hand. He didn’t pressure me to talk, and he didn’t leave until I insisted he go home to get some rest.
I took another shower and scrubbed some more, but I still felt disgusting. Despite the fact that it was mid-summer, and 86 degrees at nine o’clock at night, I wore flannel pajamas with every button done and my bathrobe over it. After making sure my windows were locked, I shut my door, and moved my desk in front of it. Then I curled up in bed, wrapped in the extra blanket I kept in my closet. My blue one was rolled up and tossed in the corner. There was no way I would ever touch it again, not after what had almost happened on it. I didn’t dare shut off the light or close my eyes, because I didn’t want to see Jimmy’s face in the darkness.
I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up the next morning, covered in sweat, with the sun shining through my curtains. I collected the baggiest clothes I owned–a dark grey sweatshirt with matching pants–and raced to the bathroom. I didn’t come out until I made sure that my head, neck, hands, and feet were the only parts of me that were not covered by my clothes.
Walking down the stairs, I heard my father talking to my mother. I waited on the second-to-last step, and listened to his irritating voice. “She’s going to be alright, Dina. She’s a strong girl.”
“Marc, she was almost raped. You’re not just alright from that.”
There was silence for a moment. I stayed motionless on the steps. My mother continued, “As if she hasn’t been through enough already, Marc. With my… problem, and holding this family together, making sure everyone is taken care of... Dillon… and now this… ”
I couldn’t let my mother beat herself up any more. I walked over to the cabinet above the sink and took out a mug. After pouring a healthy-sized cup of coffee from the pot that had been on constantly since my mother announced she wanted to be sober, I sat at the table. My parents stared at me. I refused to look at my father, but I offered my mother a slight smile before looking back at my cup.
“Hey, Sweetie. Are you okay?” Her voice was soft and concerned.
I forced another smile. “I will be, Mom.”
“I’m here for you, honey,” she said.
“I know, Mom.”
“Yeah, we’re here for you, Mandy,” Dad added.
His voicegrated on my already frayed nerves. I wanted to hurl the steaming mug of coffee into his face. The chair scraped the tile when I got up. Cradling my cup, I walked into the living room without acknowledging he was even in the room. I sat on the couch, staring at the black screen of the television. Neither of my parents followed me, which was fine; I didn’t want them to.
Bryan walked down the stairs. He walked past me into the kitchen. I heard him open the cupboard for a coffee mug. Dillon was next down the stairs.
“Manny, bekfast.”
Mom had heard him. “I’ll do it, Dillon.”
I jumped up off the couch. “No! You’ll do it wrong,” I snapped. “I’ll do it.”I knew it had been wrong to snap at her, but my emotions were all over the place. I felt as if I was about to jump out of my skin.
Dillon sat at the table with the rest of my quiet family. He didn’t say anything, because he never did. Bryan was under the impression that this whole mess was my fault, and my parents thought they’d break me with words. The silence was fine by me. I had nothing to say to any of them.
Dillon ate his breakfast, and placed his dish and cup in the sink before grabbing his backpack. I walked him to the door and waved to the driver as he got on the bus. Then, I closed the door, and sat back on the couch. Bryan walked passed me again without a word, and left for work. I’m sure he’d be asked by all of the burger employees why Jimmy had been arrested. And I imagined him telling them that I had wrongly accused him of something that I “misunderstood.” They could all rot in hell for all I cared.
Dad was next to leave. I heard him hesitate behind the couch when he was mid-way through the living room. He wanted to say something, but I could tell he didn’t know what. He was a gutless coward on all levels. I wasn’t interested in anything he had to say. He left with a gentle click of the front door.
Moments after I heard his car pull away, there was a light knock at the door. It was my mother’s friend, Jill. Mom had started to reach out to her the day after Dillon disappeared.
“I’m here to help your mom pack for her three week stay in rehab. How are you doing, honey?” she asked, as I stepped aside to let her come in.
“Better,” I said, but was I? I knew she felt awkward and didn’t really know what to say. She had known Jimmy all his life too. “Mom’s in the kitchen.”
Jill gave me that look that adults give kids when they’re sorry, but they don’t have the right words to make it better. I forced a smile to let her know that her efforts were appreciated. Then I broke our gaze and shut the door. Jill walked toward the kitchen.
Before I made it back to the couch, there was another knock on the door. When I opened it, Rob was in the doorway, his face etched with concern. “How did you sleep?”
“Not good,” I said.
“How’s your mom?”
“I’m not sure. Her friend is here with her now.”
“Want to take a walk?”
I nodded. He offered his hand, but I wasn’t comfortable with anyone touching me. His gaze softened, and a small smile of understanding appeared on his face. He didn’t seem disappointed or angry. Instead, he motioned for me to step out ahead of him, as he closed the door behind us. I yelled out to Mom that I was going to sit outside.
We stepped off the porch and walked without talking for several blocks. I hadn’t realized where we were headed until we stopped. Ahead of me was the dirt path alongside the Hanleys’ house. What was once second nature to me, caused me hesitation. What can I trust? Everything’s changed. With a careful step, I placed one foot on the dirt path, and didn’t stop walking until I reached the creek. It was so beautiful–untouched–the way it was… before. I felt dirty standing near its purity, and began to cry.
Rob whispered behind me. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay.”
“Yes, you will. I’m here for you, Mandy.”
I turned to look at him. “I know.”
“For as long as it takes.”
I smiled.
He changed the subject. “It really is pretty here.”
His lip was swollen where Jimmy had punched him.
Despite all that had happened to me–Jimmy forcing himself on me
, my father’s affair, my mother’s alcohol problem, and Bryan’s blame–I felt normal and unburdened with Rob. I didn’t have to explain myself, or be strong, or do things I didn’t want to when I was with him. I never knew what I wanted before, mostly because I was too busy taking care of everyone else to give it much thought, and no one ever asked, but I wanted this. I wanted to be with Rob.
I watched as he rolled pebbles under his foot into the creek.
“You saved me, you know.”
His eyebrows furrowed over his deep blue eyes.
“I mean, you really saved me. Not only from Jimmy. You saved me from falling into nothingness.” He turned toward me. “I was lost until that day I came to the deli counter. My life was fractured. Everyone had a piece, and I had nothing. Dreams with no realization. Everything I did was for someone else. Now I know what I want, and nobody is going to stand in my way… ever again.”
“Mandy…”
My fingers brushed his lips to quiet him. “Rob, this is my life, and I’m going to do it my way from now on, not what’s convenient for them.”
I could see he wanted to wrap his arms around me, but he was afraid to touch me; afraid I might break. Honestly, although I wanted him to, I wasn’t ready for him to hold me. Not yet. I offered him a smile, and his shoulders relaxed. He smiled, too.
“I love you,” he said.
I relaxed too, a little. I searched his eyes and smiled. “I love you, too.”
“Good.” And then his dimple appeared.
Acknowledgements
Some people only plan to accomplish their dreams. I am lucky enough to make them a reality, and I’ve been successful because of an understanding husband, and two incredible sons, who put up with my crazy plots and stories. I also have a fantastic mother, who is my biggest fan, and has no idea that I could never be half the person I am today without her love and guidance.
I thank my friends, because without them, none of my writing would be worth anything: Jan, Jill, Gina, May, Blake, Maryanne, Olivia, Sara, Connor, Kenny, Howie, Leidra, and Cheryl. Thank you for all of your undying, and unconditional support. A special thank you to the members of my focus group—Melissa L, Joanne A., and Melissa B. A deep sense of gratitude to my beta readers: Kayla R., Becky J., and D. Matthews. I appreciate all of the positive feedback and confirmations. I thank everyone who read Neighbors and liked it enough to give this story a read as well.
However, none of this would be possible without Jennifer and Jessica at Limitless Publications, who enjoyed it enough to share with all of you. I can never thank them enough for taking a chance on me.
About the Author
Holleigh James spent most of her time living in Queens, New York before moving to Long Island. She has a full-time job, just like the rest of the world, but disappears into her imagination in the evenings and on weekends, when she writes. When reality sets in and she must pretend to be a responsible adult, she enjoys being the wife of her first and only love, and the mother of two wonderful young men and three cuddly dogs.
Fractured ( Fractured #1) Page 18
