by Marni Mann
Brett laughed. “She’s tired of us harassing her about the celebrity alert.”
“That’s true,” Scarlett admitted. “Although I would have said this anyway.” She made sure she had my full attention. “You found out some life-altering news today. You need to get your head straight. So, go do whatever you need to do, but don’t come in.”
“In all the years we’ve worked together, I don’t think you’ve ever given anyone the day off,” Max said. He looked at me. “Take that shit and fucking run, man.”
“I’m a hard-ass. This is why you love me.” She poked the same arm she’d been holding. “I mean it. Take some time; you need it.”
“All right.” I checked the time on my phone, and it was close to midnight.
The guys were flying out before eight tomorrow morning, and they were going to be on the road for close to a week. They needed some sleep.
“Get your asses out of here. I’ve kept you long enough,” I said. I stood, leaving my scotch on the end table, knowing I’d had more than enough, and I walked Scarlett and the guys to the elevator. “Thanks for coming. You know that shit means a lot to me.” I slapped hands with Max and Brett, man-hugging each of them, and then I kissed Scarlett on the cheek. “I’ll be in touch with you guys tomorrow,” I told them.
When they were all in the elevator, Brett pointed at me. “Think about what we said. It’ll be worth it in the end.”
25
Samantha
I stood at the stovetop, mixing the noodles around the boiling pot, staring at my daughter, who was sitting on the counter next to me. This was how we’d been making dinner since she was four years old. Lucy would hang out in the kitchen, telling me about her day—some parts fictional, some not. And I would listen, proud of the little lady she was turning into, encouraging her to use her big-girl words, to be a leader among her friends, to be creative and independent, like I had become.
It was always just the two of us.
A team.
Anna was a huge part of Lucy’s life. My parents were, too, and my sisters and Shawn, but for the most part, it was just her and me.
That was going to change.
She would now be spending time with her father, a man I’d spoken about like he no longer existed, and that had satisfied the mind of a seven-year-old.
I was nervous for her.
I was even more nervous for me.
“So, at Grandma’s house,” Lucy said, “we watched this show on lions. Do you know…”
I zoned out, trying to pay attention to what she was saying, but I couldn’t.
My mind was on Jack.
The anger on his face, the hatred in his voice, the way he had looked at me like I was only out to hurt him. Enough that he had threatened to get an attorney.
I wasn’t going to keep Lucy from him. Once she knew the truth, Jack and I could work out visitation, so he could see her.
And, even though he wanted nothing to do with me, I hoped, for the sake of our daughter, he would try to get along with me.
My plan was to start the conversation with her after dinner tonight. Since she’d spent the last two evenings at her grandparents’ house and her homework was already done, we were going to eat and talk about this man, Jack, who had come into my life. Then, we’d watch her favorite movie and have cookie sandwiches with buttercream frosting for dessert.
We’d discuss him a little more tomorrow and the next day, building it up, getting her comfortable with the idea, so it wouldn’t come as quite a shock when I eventually told her. Once I felt like she was ready, the two of them would meet.
But I couldn’t rush this, not with her.
She was too young, too innocent, too gentle.
He would have to understand that. Knowing Jack, I was sure he would.
God, he had missed so much.
Major decisions. Big moments. So many accomplishments.
All because of me.
I stopped stirring for just a second to look at her beautiful face. As she continued to speak about her time at my parents’ house, I tried to imagine what her reaction would be when she met him. Whether she would immediately warm up to him or if it would take a while for them to connect.
He was so charming and charismatic; I had a feeling they would be best buds after their first time hanging out, and she’d fall right in love with him.
Like I had.
The thought stabbed my chest with something sharper than anything I had in my kitchen.
I’d lost him once, but during that time, I hadn’t seen him.
Now, he was going to be in my life; he just wouldn’t be with me.
Knowing that was going to make this so much harder.
But the only person I could be angry with was myself.
And I was.
“Mom?” Lucy said, dragging my attention away from the pasta, which I hadn’t realized I’d been staring at.
“Yes, honey?”
“I’m glad I’m not at Grandma and Grandpa’s house tonight and that I’m home with you.”
“Oh, yeah?”
She nodded her small head. “I missed you. A whole lot.”
She always knew the right thing to say.
“I missed you, too, baby.” I put the spoon down and held out my arms. “I could use a really big hug right now.”
She pushed off the counter and fell against my chest.
I caught her.
I always would.
No matter who came into her life.
Or mine.
26
Jack
I steered the boat toward the marina, pulling up next to the dock, just as one of the assistants came over to tie me to the boat lift.
“Are you done for the evening, Mr. Hunt, or do you plan on going back out?”
I stepped onto the dock after I cut the engine. “I’m done for the night.” Reaching into my pocket, I grabbed the twenty that was in there and slipped it into his hand. I headed for my car, driving out of the parking lot to go home.
I’d been on the water since noon. That was over nine hours ago, and I wasn’t sure where I’d gone, which inlets I’d driven by, what islands I’d stopped at. I just knew I’d done a hell of a lot of thinking, and somehow, I’d gotten myself back to the marina where I kept my boat.
Scarlett had given me the best advice last night by telling me not to come into the office. So, I’d spent all of today trying to clear my head.
Twenty-six hours had passed since I found out about Lucy.
And things were finally starting to sink in.
I was still angry, but I knew it wasn’t going to buy me time with my daughter. It wasn’t going to give me back what I’d lost.
Now, I just had to move forward.
But, first, there was something I had to do.
Apparently, my brain wanted it done immediately because, when I shifted into neutral and went to turn my car off, I wasn’t in my parking garage. I was outside Samantha’s building instead.
I glanced through the glass and up at the thirty-plus stories.
Lucy had school tomorrow; therefore, I assumed she was already in bed. That meant, Samantha was either working from home or watching TV or soaking in a bath. But she was up there, somewhere, behind one of those windows. And I hoped to hell she was willing to talk to me.
If I called or texted, I was worried she wouldn’t respond. The only way to do this was to see if she would let me inside.
I got out of the car, locked it behind me, and headed down the sidewalk.
There was a doorman standing out front, and as I approached, he said, “Can I help you?”
I shoved my hands into the pockets of my shorts. “I’m here to see Samantha Cole.”
“Miss Cole hasn’t notified me that she’s expecting any visitors tonight. I’ll have to call her and get your visit approved. Can I have your identification please?”
I pulled out my wallet and handed him my license.
“Wait here,” he said, and then he w
ent into the lobby. Standing at the desk, he held my ID while he spoke into a phone. He glanced in my direction, said a few more words, and hung up. When he came back outside, he returned my license and said, “Mr. Hunt, Miss Cole has asked that you give her a call.”
I found her number in my cell, and I hit the button to call her.
As I took a few steps away from the door, she answered and said, “Jack, I’m not trying to keep you away from Lucy, but she’s sleeping right now, and I don’t want our conversation to wake her.”
“Samantha, listen to me, I didn’t come here to argue with you. I’m past that. I know you wouldn’t keep Lucy from me. I just want to talk to you.”
“Besides my father and brother, no man has ever been inside my apartment. If she came out of her room and saw you or heard you—”
“She’s my daughter,” I said in the calmest voice I had. “I’m not going to do anything to upset either of you. She won’t hear me, nor will I wake her up. You have my word.”
“Okay. Then, put Larry back on the phone, and I’ll tell him to let you in.”
“Thank you.” I turned around and handed him my cell. “It’s Samantha.”
“Miss Cole,” he said and paused. “Very well. I’ll send him right up.” He gave me back my phone and signaled me to follow him into the lobby. “Miss Cole lives in unit six-two-nine. Head left when you get to her floor. She’s about halfway down the hall.”
I nodded and went into the elevator, pressing the button for the sixth floor. I got off, and once I reached her door, my hand lifted to knock, but I stopped before my knuckles hit. Not wanting to wake Lucy, I sent Samantha a text to let her know I was outside.
Only a few seconds passed before the door opened.
“Hi.” Her voice was so small, and she appeared just as tiny as she stood in the large doorway. She had on a pair of shorts, no makeup, and a pair of glasses that had thick black frames.
“Hi, Samantha.”
“You can come in, but please remember to be quiet. She isn’t a soft sleeper, but if she hears you—”
“I told you, you don’t have to worry.”
She stared at me as though she were assessing my demeanor, and then she opened the door wider and moved out of the way, so I could enter. I stayed close behind her, keeping my eyes on the ground, not wanting to see anything related to Lucy.
I just wasn’t ready for that yet.
She took us through what I thought was the living room, into a short hallway, and to the door at the end. Once I stepped inside, she flipped on the lights to reveal a bedroom that I assumed belonged to her.
“Lucy’s room is on the opposite side of the apartment, so this gives her the least chance of hearing us.”
She was taking every precaution.
She moved around me and sat on the bed by the pillows. “You can take a seat or stand. Whatever you want.”
She appeared even tinier on the huge king-size as she hugged her knees to her chest, her bare feet resting on the gray comforter.
I stayed in the center of the room and glanced at the windows and her furniture and the bathroom behind me, making sure to avoid all the pictures in case they were of Lucy. I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands, so I shoved them in my pockets, like I’d done downstairs. “I’m angry, Samantha. Maybe not as angry as I was last night, but I’m still furious that I lost seven years of her life. That being said, we have to move forward. I’m not sure I can ever forgive you for keeping her away from me, but for Lucy’s sake, I’m going to try. As for last night, I shouldn’t have thrown my beer, and I shouldn’t have kicked you out. It wasn’t right.”
“I delivered some of the most shocking news a person could get. I’m not surprised you had a strong reaction.”
“I’m usually not a man who lets his emotions get the better of him.”
I watched her movements on the bed, the way she squeezed herself tightly, how it looked like she was preparing for something.
I was sure she was confused as hell.
That was my fault.
Now, I needed to try to fix it.
“I’ve thought a lot about everything you told me,” I said. “I’ve gone over it so many times in my mind. What I should have done differently, what I should have said, and what you should have said.” I shook my head. “Fuck, if we could only rewind this to eight years ago.”
“Jack, if only I could change the—”
I cut her off with, “We don’t have to go back there. I just want to move on, and I’m coming to you because I don’t know the best way to do it.”
Her arms dropped to her sides, and her hands pressed into the bed. “Slowly. That’s what I think is best.”
I nodded, knowing that was probably a good approach. “When are you going to tell her?”
“I already started to.”
“You did?” I was surprised she’d moved so fast, considering how long it had taken her to tell me. I walked closer to her and took a seat on the edge of the bed. “What did you say?”
She spread her legs out and crossed them. “It was after dinner, and we were cleaning up. She was telling me about one of her friends, so I told her about one of mine. I just said that there’s a guy in my life named Jack. And that he’s sorta neat.”
She knows my name.
I took a breath, letting that settle in.
I took another as I thought about her sleeping on the other side of this apartment. There was no attachment yet. I didn’t even know what she looked like. But there was something in my chest that tightened whenever my mind went to her.
“She asked if you were my boyfriend.” Her cheeks turned red.
“What did you tell her?”
“I didn’t give her an answer.”
Silence passed between us, but I could feel her questions in the air, and I had so many of my own.
“I want to know her,” I said as I thought about Lucy’s eyes that Brett had described to me. “I want to know what I missed out on. I want to know what you looked like when you were pregnant. I want to know who was with you in the delivery room. I want to know her full name. I want to know what time she was born. I want to know what her first word was. I want to know her favorite color. I want to know her favorite food. I want to know if she plays any sports.”
She started to sob, and it gutted me.
“Don’t cry, Samantha. I don’t want you to be upset. I want us to get through this.”
“I just messed this up so much, Jack.”
As I looked at her, the mother of my child, I realized that I would always be angry with her, that nothing she could say would make what she had done right. But, in that moment, I also realized I had fallen for her.
I was so confused by these emotions—the anger and the love mixing together. It was messing with my head.
Can we make this work?
Can I walk away from her and only be Lucy’s dad?
Or can I go back to where we had been just a few days ago and know that, on top of loving this beautiful woman, I will have a daughter to love, too?
“You did, Samantha, but this is our chance to start over.” I gazed at her legs, my stare eventually moving up her stomach and to her face. “I came here tonight, prepared to discuss where we’d go next with Lucy, but as I sit here, listening to you, watching you, I know my feelings for you haven’t changed.”
“You still want to be with me?”
“I don’t want to be without you.”
She exhaled loudly. “You make it sound so easy.”
“It is because I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you at the Super Bowl. That was before I knew you had a daughter, and even that didn’t change my feelings. And, now that I know she’s mine, we can only get better.” I reached forward and put my hand on her foot. “This can be easy, Samantha. I want her, I want you, I want us.”
Her mouth opened. Nothing came out of it.
But so much emotion passed through her eyes. I needed to know how she felt.
When
I couldn’t take it any longer, I broke the silence, “Samantha, say something.”
“I don’t know what to say.” A tear dripped onto her trembling lip.
“Baby…”
More tears fell down her cheeks. It took everything I had not to reach forward and wipe them off.
“You’re telling me you want to be with me, which means I get to give my daughter a father, something I’m positive she’s always wanted, and I get to have you for myself, too.”
I nodded and backed it up with, “Yes.” I glanced to my left, seeing a frame on a small end table. I couldn’t bring myself to look at what was in the middle of it. “I know there are pictures all around your room. If Lucy is in any, I don’t want to see them. The first time I look at my daughter’s face, I want it to be in person.”
She continued to gaze at me, the emotion just piling up. “How about you come over on Saturday? That will give me a few more days to talk to her about it and get her ready.”
“I’d really love that.”
“Okay.” She stood, using the backs of her hands to wipe her face, and she took several steps toward the end of the bed. “I need a second.”
“Samantha—”
“Just a second. This has all been a little too much.”
As she tried to pass me, I clamped my hand around her wrist, causing her to stop and look over her shoulder.
“Don’t go.”
“Jack—”
“Come to me instead.”
27
Samantha
“Come to me instead.”
I heard his words in my head, and I felt how serious he was in the way he gripped my wrist.
But going to him meant not running off to the bathroom where I would cry into my hands, where I’d eventually put my face under the faucet and try to calm myself down so that I could return to my room. That was what my emotions were pushing me toward—tears and quietness and air that didn’t have Jack in it.
Because, even though I’d listened to his confession, I still couldn’t believe it.
