by Marni Mann
I spread some blue icing over my cookie, making sure it was all even, getting most of it on my fingers. “It’s fine; go ahead.”
“You’re sure?”
I could see how terrible she felt about leaving us.
I nodded. “Don’t worry.”
With the phone in her hand, she rushed out of the kitchen and headed in the direction of her bedroom.
When I heard the door close, I said, “How do you think I did?” I held the cookie up for Lucy to inspect.
“More blue there,” she said, pointing to the left side with a finger that was completely covered in frosting. “Then, it’ll be so perfect.”
I picked up the spoon again, spreading more over the spot she’d pointed at, running the metal back and forth until I was sure it was all even. When there wasn’t any cookie showing through, I reached for the blue sprinkles and dusted just the outer edge.
“Yours is going to be really pretty.” She poured half a handful of sprinkles in the center of hers and moved to the next one. “Looks like it’s going to taste really good, too.”
“I hope so,” I told her. “I’m hungry, and I love cookies.”
“Mom will let us have one when we’re done, but only if we promise to eat all of our dinner…” She paused and looked toward the living room. When she glanced back at me, she said in a quiet voice, “She’s making pasta. And I looove pasta.”
Italian.
I knew that.
Her hand hovered over the frosting bowls. “Mr. Jack, what color do you like the most?”
“Red.”
She grabbed that spoon and scooped up enough to cover three cookies. “I’m going to make this one for you.”
I shook my head, smiling. “Thank you.”
She leaned closer to me to grab some chocolate chips. “Hey, you wear that smelly stuff that Uncle Shawn wears.”
I laughed as I remembered spraying on cologne when I’d gotten out of the shower. “I do.”
“Grandpa doesn’t wear anything that smells. He says it gives him a headache. Uncle Shawn wears lots of stuff, but his doesn’t smell like yours.”
“No?”
I knew the kind Shawn wore.
That was another endorsement I’d secured for him.
“Pinkie promise you won’t tell Uncle Shawn this secret?” She held out her hand, her littlest finger extended.
I wrapped mine around it, and she did a little shake. “I promise.”
“He smells like that one time Mom took me up north to see snow, and those trees with the long leaves—the ones that look like needles, ya know? He smells like those kinds of trees, and it makes me sneeze.”
A trip I had missed.
The next time she went north to see snow, I wanted to be with her.
I wanted to take her skiing.
Fuck, there were so many things I wanted to do.
“My mom always tells me my dad smelled real good.”
Goddamn, they’d been talking about me.
I closed my eyes for just a second, quickly opening them because I didn’t want Lucy to see, and I busied my hands with another cookie. “What else has your mom told you about him?”
She reached for the red sprinkles and dumped several piles over the chocolate chips. “That he was the most handsomest man in all the land. That he smelled good, he traveled all over the place, and that I have his eyes.” She turned toward me. “I love when I go to bed, and she tells me stories about my dad. He’s a really, really important man.”
I heard footsteps in the kitchen that didn’t belong to either of us, and I slowly glanced over to the doorway, meeting Samantha’s smiling face.
She laughed. “What are you two whispering about?”
Lucy faced her mom. “I told Mr. Jack he smells good and that you always say my dad smelled real good, too.”
Samantha’s chest began to rise and fall really fucking fast, her stare shifting over to me with so much emotion in it.
I knew nothing about timing.
Even less about children.
This had to be her call.
And, whatever she decided, I would support.
With even more emotion in her voice, Samantha said, “Let’s go to the park for a little while. We can take some cookies with us to eat there.”
Lucy jumped up and down. “Yippee! Mr. Jack, I caaan’t wait to show you my favorite slide.”
We spent a few hours in the park, playing on the slides and the swings and the balance beams. All three turned out to be Lucy’s favorites. When Lucy started getting hungry, we went back to their apartment, and we helped Samantha cook dinner. We were just finishing up eating when Samantha gave me a slight nod.
It was time.
Today had gone better than I’d imagined, and I could tell Samantha agreed.
But, man, I didn’t know how she was going to break the news. Or how Lucy was going to take it. Or how the fuck I was going to react when she voiced it to Lucy.
“Lucy,” she started, “we want to talk to you about something very important.”
Lucy glanced up from her plate with sauce all over her face. “Okay.”
Samantha hadn’t touched much of her dinner. I hadn’t really eaten mine either, but she had moved her plate to the spot next to her, so she could rest her hands on the table.
“Do you remember what I told you about your father?”
My gaze shifted between both girls.
One had blue eyes that were so fucking wide, and the other was trying to hold back her tears.
“Yes, Mommy. You told me you liked him a whole lot, but after you and Daddy met, you never saw each other again. And, if he knew I was born, he would love me very much.”
I couldn’t calm my breathing. My heart felt like it was exploding inside my chest.
If I had known she was born.
Fuck.
This hurt so much worse than I’d thought it would.
But this moment was between Lucy and her mom. Samantha needed to get this out. She had to be the one who told our daughter. So, for now, I was just going to listen and observe.
“That’s exactly right.” Samantha took a breath. “At Uncle Shawn’s Super Bowl party, I saw your daddy again.”
Her eyes lit up. “You saw him?”
Samantha nodded. “Yes, baby.”
“Did you talk to him?” she asked, sounding so interested.
“Yes, and I told him all about you, and he was so sad he didn’t know you were born, but he’s been dying to meet you and be a part of your life.”
“He is? Is he coming to see me?”
I couldn’t stay silent anymore. I had to be the one who told her this. She needed to hear it from me.
I swallowed and cleared my throat, not knowing what I would sound like when I finally said the words. “Sweetheart…” I waited for her to look at me. “I am your daddy.”
Her eyes widened even more. “You’re my daddy?”
I didn’t know how a seven-year-old would process this.
I didn’t know if there would be tears or questions.
Or anger.
But Lucy just continued to gaze at me, waiting for my answer.
“Yes, I’m your dad. And I’m so sorry I haven’t been here. Please understand that, if I had known about you, I wouldn’t have missed a day of your life.”
I was trying so fucking hard to keep the emotion out of my eyes.
I wasn’t the kind of guy who felt things this strongly.
Who teared up over shit like this.
But this little girl had changed something in me.
She made me feel different.
And the way she was looking at me right now told me she was feeling some of that, too.
I wasn’t just a guy who worked with her uncle Shawn, who liked the color red.
I had a title.
And it was one she hadn’t called anyone before.
She put her fingers on my arm, and I felt the stickiness of the pasta. “Can we see you whenever
we want?”
We.
“Yes.” I tried to say more, but when I opened my mouth, my breathing cut me off, and I coughed.
Samantha must have been able to tell because she said, “Your dad is going to be here forever, baby. He’s not going anywhere.”
I silently thanked her, and she nodded.
“Do you have any questions?” Samantha added. “Because your daddy and I know this has to be very confusing for you. We want to know how you’re feeling, and we want you to talk to us about it.”
With her eyes on me, she put one of her fingers into her mouth, like she was thinking really hard. “What do I call you now?”
“You can call me whatever you’re most comfortable with.”
She didn’t respond right away but finally said, “How about Jack?”
“I like that,” I told her.
I didn’t expect her to immediately call me daddy, but I hoped, one day, she’d love me enough to consider it.
“I like it, too,” Samantha said.
“Mommy, can Jack move in with us?”
I quickly glanced at Samantha and watched her reply with, “Right now, we’re just going to focus on you spending as much time with Jack as possible. How does that sound?” She smiled.
So did our daughter.
“Jack, can you pick me up from school one day? And come to my swim lessons? And come watch me at ballet?”
“Yes,” I said, “to all three.”
My heart didn’t feel any more settled. If anything, that shit was racing like I’d just finished running ten goddamn miles. But I knew, while I glanced between these two gorgeous girls, that this was going to work out somehow. That this was the start of our father-daughter relationship.
And, even though I’d only just met her, I had a love for this little girl that I’d never felt before.
Lucy stood from her chair and came over to mine. Without warning, she threw her arms around my neck and tucked her small head into my chest. “I’ve always wanted a daddy. I’m so glad you found me.”
30
Samantha
Jack: Are you ready for tonight?
Me: As ready as I’ll ever be.
Jack: Max and Scarlett are dying to meet you.
Me: Will I need to worry about Vince talking smack? I mean, my brother did destroy him in the Super Bowl.
Jack: Did I just hear your competitive side?
Me: Do you like it?
Jack: I just pictured you in your glasses and those little fucking shorts you had on and the way I could see your nipples through your tank top.
Me: Wait until you see what I have planned for tonight.
Jack: How long do I get to keep you out for?
Me: All night.
Jack: The teenager from downstairs isn’t watching Lucy?
Me: No, Anna is, and she’s staying until the morning.
Jack: Fuck.
Me: All those hours to do whatever you want to me…
Jack: Stop teasing me.
Me: Why? Because I said, whatever you want?
Jack: Samantha, I’m warning you.
Me: I’m not scared.
Jack: You should be.
Me: I’ll see you at 7.
As I looked in the mirror, Lucy and Anna watching me from the bed, I twirled to the right and then to the left to see myself from every angle.
The two of them had helped me get ready, curling my hair, weighing in on the colors of makeup I should use. Lucy had even picked out my shoes and clutch. I wanted her to be involved as much as possible. The last thing Jack and I needed right now was for her to feel left out.
Since she’d learned Jack was her father, she’d seen him almost every other day. He’d come over for dinner or taken the both of us out. Last weekend, we’d returned to the park and gone to the beach. We’d even taken a late-night swim in the rooftop pool upstairs.
During all that time, Jack and I hadn’t really been alone much. I was being too cautious, I knew that, but having him in my apartment after Lucy went to sleep made me extremely nervous. I feared she’d wake up to look for me and find us in my bed—naked.
I couldn’t let that happen.
The time our daughter spent with Jack had to be about her, not me.
But, after rescheduling several times, his friends were finally all in town along with their significant others, and Jack wanted me to meet them.
This would be our first date since he’d found out about Lucy.
I couldn’t help but wonder if things would feel different now that all of our time had been spent with her. His texts were always flirtatious. Our phone calls, when we weren’t discussing our daughter, were a little steamy. But that could change the second we were alone. He could look at me now as just Lucy’s mother and not the desirable woman he once had.
“Samantha, you look smoking,” Anna said from the bed. I glanced at her in the mirror, watching as she said to Lucy, “How do you think Mommy looks?”
“Sooo pretty,” Lucy replied, cuddling into Anna’s side.
In the last few weeks, since Jack had come into her life, I’d noticed a huge change in her. She smiled whenever I mentioned him; she got so excited whenever she knew she was going to see him.
She was as smitten as I was.
And I knew her love for him would only grow.
As would mine, and that thought made me a little nervous, too.
There were so many things I still needed to tackle, like telling my family the truth about Jack. But I was getting there even if I was just taking baby steps.
The sound of the doorbell chimed, and Lucy jumped up from the bed. “Is that Jack?”
“Sure is, baby,” I said.
“Can I go get the door, Mommy?”
“Of course.”
I heard her feet pounding on the hardwood floor as she raced to the door.
“Hi, Jack!” she squealed loud enough that Anna and I could hear.
Anna stood from the bed and came over to me. “She loves him.”
“He loves her. Wait until you see them together now. He’s so enamored; he won’t say no to anything she asks, and he just beams when he looks at her.”
“Oh God. I didn’t think that man could get any hotter. Apparently, I was wrong.”
Anna had been working so much lately, her shifts sometimes going late into the morning, so she’d only had a chance to meet Jack once.
She grabbed my clutch off the dresser and handed it to me. “You need to hurry up in here, or I’m going to go out there and steal your man.”
I took the purse from her and did another turn.
“You’re looking at yourself like you’re doubting what you have on. It can’t be the dress. You seriously look stunning. So, what’s going on?”
“I’m just a little nervous; that’s all.”
“Nervous? Why?”
I played with the ends of my hair, twisting them into one large curl and resting it over my shoulder. “This is our first solo date since he found out about Lucy. Plus, I’m meeting all of his friends tonight, and two of them are my clients.”
“Call me slow, but I don’t see why any of that would stress you out. With the way you look, I’d be surprised if Jack doesn’t try to get you naked in the car on the way there. And, Samantha, everyone adores you; you’ve never had a problem with getting along with people, so why would tonight be any different?”
I kept my voice low and said, “They all know I lied about Lucy.”
“Oh.”
“Exactly my point.”
She put her hands on my shoulders and turned me toward her. “Listen to me, Jack has gotten past it, and he’s the one who really matters. I don’t think he would put you in a situation where people were going to be tough on you or judge you.” She held me tighter to reinforce her words. “You’re going to go out, have some much-needed cocktails, and dance your little ass off. So, stop worrying, or I’m going to spank you.”
I put one of my hands on top of hers. “I love
you.”
“I know.”
“Brunch tomorrow? Just us? I’ve missed you.”
“Where’s Lucy going to be?”
I lifted her hand off me but linked my fingers through hers and walked her to my bedroom door. “You’ll see.”
We stood in the doorway, watching Jack and Lucy on the couch. She was sitting on one of his legs, leaning back into his chest while she showed him something on my tablet. He had his arm around her, his chin resting on top of her head, and he was laughing at whatever she was pointing at.
“I think I just came,” Anna whispered. I gently hit her arm and glanced at her. “What? Don’t even tell me you didn’t because I know you’d be lying.”
I didn’t come, but my heart certainly melted. The way he looked at her, the way her attention never left him, the similarities in their features—it was beautiful.
And seeing Jack as a father was the biggest turn-on.
“Girl,” Anna whispered close to my ear, “you’d better have some of the freakiest fucking stories to tell me about over brunch. I need details of you and that man together. I’m talking sweat, sounds, places his tongue touched your body—I want all of it. So, do me a favor, and make me proud tonight.”
I laughed a little too loud, causing Lucy and Jack to gaze in my direction.
“You have my promise,” I whispered back, and then I stepped into the living room, watching Jack take me in.
“Wow,” he said, his eyes glued to my body. “Lucy, your mommy looks gorgeous.”
“She does,” Lucy said from his lap. She tilted her head, so she could glance up at him. “I wish you were taking me, too, Jack.”
My heart.
This time, it melted for an entirely different reason.
Jack gently lifted her, turning her whole body to the side so that her neck wasn’t strained, and he smiled at her. “I have an idea,” he said. “How about, tomorrow morning, you and I go for pancakes?”
“Pancakes? I love pancakes. They’re my favorite. But Mommy never lets me get the chocolate chip ones.”
He smiled harder. “You know what that means, don’t you?” he asked her. “I think, tomorrow morning, both of us need to order the chocolate chip pancakes, and we can take pictures and send them to your mommy.”
