My scar. I hadn’t been in the water very long, but I’d rested my right cheek against Talin’s back while we were riding. I resisted the urge to touch my face, but Talin’s eyes hardened all the same as he stepped back from me and bowed.
“Have a care, my lady,” he said. And then he was gone.
22
When I finally made it back to my room and stepped in front of my full-length mirror, I shouldn’t have been surprised to see the small patch of exposed pink skin on my cheek, not after the way Talin had looked at me. But even though I had long ago accepted my scar as a part of who I was, I had gotten used to seeing myself without it.
My eyes filled with tears as I took in the torn, mud-splattered hem of my gown and the snarls in my hair. I smelled like lake water, which, out of context, was not exactly pleasant. But the worst part wasn’t that Talin had discovered the truth—it was that he had looked at me the way Mother looked at me after the incident. Like I was a stranger.
Ebb gasped in horror when she came in behind me. “Milady, what has happened to you?”
I turned around, feeling weary down to my bones. “I’ll explain everything. Just please have my bath prepared.”
She nodded, her blue eyes round with surprise, and darted off down the hallway to fetch a maid. When the bath was ready and we were alone again, I told her about Ceren.
She sat unblinking, her mouth slowly falling open, as I recounted his near drowning.
“For Thalos’s sake, Ebb, would you stop looking at me like that?” I said when I finally finished and her expression hadn’t changed.
“I’m sorry. I’ve just never heard anything like it. You saved him from the water spirits. You brought him back from the dead!”
I rolled my eyes and motioned for her to help with the buttons on my dress. As her fingers deftly unfastened them, I thought of Talin, my stomach twisting with a mix of desire and hurt. “Of course I didn’t. If he’d been dead, I wouldn’t have been able to save him.” I could already see how this story would go with the servants. Rumors that I’d resurrected a dead man would be flying by dinner. “You can’t tell anyone, Ebb. Prince Ceren will share the story when he’s ready.”
“Yes, milady.”
“I mean it. If I hear a word of gossip about this because of you, I’ll start making you empty the chamber pots every day.”
She stifled a giggle. “I understand. Let’s get you out of these wet clothes and into your bath.”
I stayed in the tub for a long time, scrubbing away the smell of lake water with lavender-scented soap and combing out my waist-length hair. Ebb had suggested cutting it to make it more manageable, but I wouldn’t allow more than a trim. I knew that Zadie would never cut her hair, and I didn’t want to look different from my sister. My reflection in the mirror would be the only way I had to watch her grow old.
When the water started to get cold, Ebb helped me out of the tub. She handed me my towel and held up the little bone jar.
“Shall we cover up your scar, milady?” she asked. “The stain must have come off in the water.”
Shame washed over me as I realized that she’d likely known about my scar and the stain all along. Why had I thought I could fool everyone? And to what end? Zadie had said people in Varenia hardly noticed my scar, and Ebb didn’t seem at all disgusted or concerned. But I remembered the way Talin had looked at me just hours ago and felt my eyes well with tears.
“Would you mind leaving me for a moment, Ebb?”
“Of course,” she said gently. “Just ring if you need me.”
When she left the room, I let the towel fall and went to stand before the mirror. Without the fancy gowns and hairstyles, I looked so much like my sister I didn’t know if our own parents would be able to tell us apart. Except for the scar.
My mother had never even thanked me for saving Zadie. She’d made me believe the scar was a source of shame, an imperfection that would define the rest of my life. I’d always thought it was a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things. Without it, I wouldn’t have been permitted to dive as much as I had, to become a strong enough swimmer to save a grown man. Zadie wouldn’t have been able to do what I’d done today. And yet I knew that my mother would be more upset that I had exposed my scar than proud of me for saving Ceren.
I ran my finger over the slightly raised skin on my cheek, then down to the crook of my neck, remembering the feel of Talin’s hands—how delicate they’d been against my back, how strong and sure they’d felt on my waist. He may have guessed before, but I was sure Talin knew who I really was now. Would he feel compelled to tell his brother? Ceren had made his concerns clear, and they revolved around my ability to produce a healthy heir, not my beauty. But after today, it was clear Talin felt more loyalty to his brother than I’d originally believed. My only hope was that Ceren’s gratitude was greater than his anger would be if he ever learned the truth.
I dabbed the stain on my cheek and said nothing when Ebb returned to dress me in another beautiful gown. As she arranged my hair, I remembered the handkerchief with the note for Sami inside. In all the commotion, I had lost the handkerchief and completely forgotten my mission. Some spy I’d turned out to be.
I was late for the evening meal by the time I reached the dining hall, and every eye in the room turned on me as I entered. I feared the rumors might have already circulated without Ebb’s help, and sure enough, there were murmurs of “she saved his life” and “some kind of magic.”
I wanted to shout at them that it had nothing to do with magic, that I’d merely breathed air into his lungs, but I went quietly to my place. Talin and Ceren were nowhere to be seen. I ate as slowly and methodically as I could, unwilling to allow the other lords and ladies to see me ruffled.
When dinner was finished, Lady Hyacinth approached. “You’ve created quite the stir,” she said as she took my arm. “Everyone is talking about the accident.”
I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. Whatever I said now would quickly make its way through the castle. “Are they?” I asked.
She grinned and patted my hand. “Discretion. I can appreciate that. Will the prince be all right?”
“Yes, I think so. What exactly did you hear?”
She guided me to a bench in an alcove where we could speak more privately. “We heard he was swimming in the lake and a water spirit disguised as a giant snake pulled him under. But you dived in and killed it with your bare hands.”
I laughed. “Please don’t tell me you believe that.”
“No, of course not,” she said. “But you did save him, didn’t you?”
If everyone knew that I’d saved Ceren, perhaps he’d feel more pressure to be kind to me, even if Talin told him the truth about who I was. “I did. He was drowning, and I pulled him out of the water and breathed air into his lungs because he didn’t have any.”
“Where did you learn to do it? No one has ever heard of such a thing.”
“I spent my entire life in and on the sea. My people risk their lives every day diving for the pearls your people seem so obsessed with.” I gestured to the pink pearl pendant hanging from her neck, unable to keep the edge from my voice. The Ilareans treated me like a child, but they were as ignorant as I was when it came to anything outside their own experience. They probably had no idea where the pearls even came from.
“I heard another rumor,” she said, lifting her fan to cover her entire face except for her eyes, which sparkled with what could either be mirth or mischief. It was hard to read her expression with her mouth covered.
When I didn’t respond, she went on, undeterred. “I heard you rode on the same horse as Prince Talin, in nothing but your undergarments.”
I rolled my eyes. Who started these rumors, I wondered. One of the guards? “Your crown prince almost died. He needed a guard in the carriage with him, and there was only room for two people. So yes, I r
ode on Talin’s horse. I was also soaking wet and smelling of lake water. And I was clothed, for what it’s worth.”
She laughed lightly. “You’re very brave, you know. It must have been so frightening for everyone.”
“It was.” I knew no one else would understand how close Ilara had come to losing Prince Ceren today. Had I done the right thing by saving him? Not just for me, but for the kingdom? Would he rule fairly and wisely, or had I done nothing but spare a tyrant’s life to the peril of many others?
When Talin entered the room, the murmurs started again. He strode toward me, ignoring the looks of the lords and ladies, and I felt Hyacinth straighten up beside me.
Talin’s bow was short and perfunctory as he quietly asked, “Can I see you for a moment?”
He hadn’t even addressed me properly. I rose and curtsied. “Of course, Your Highness.”
He didn’t take my arm or slow his stride to wait for me, and I did my best to keep up with him down the corridors leading to Ceren’s rooms. His features were tight; I’d never seen him so agitated. Had something happened to Ceren since we returned? Would I be blamed for it?
The guards opened the door to let us in, and Talin marched over to Ceren’s bed. He was still pallid, his lips tinged blue, but he was very much alive.
“What is it?” I asked, not understanding the concern on Talin’s face. “Is everything all right?”
“He won’t talk to anyone but you,” Talin explained. “He insisted on having his ‘bride’ here.”
Talin had not yet spoken with his brother about my true identity, it seemed. Ceren stretched out his hand to me, and I felt compelled to take it.
“My dear Zadie. Thank you for coming.”
I curtsied. “I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.”
He smiled at me, then turned to Talin. “The rest of you may leave. I need to speak to her alone.”
Talin clenched his jaw but ordered the men out. He glanced at me over his shoulder once before slipping through the door, as well.
“Is everything all right?” I asked, trying not to sound nervous.
“I need to ask you what happened, without you feeling threatened by Talin and his guards.”
I cocked my head. “Why would I feel threatened?”
“I know now that you are the only one I can trust. You were the only person who tried to save me, even though you could have easily let me drown. I need to know—who was it?”
“I don’t understand. Who was what?”
He pulled so hard on my arm that I was now inches from his face. “Who was it who tried to kill me?” he hissed.
Dread washed over me. Thalos, he knew. “No one tried to kill you. It was a terrible accident, perhaps a kink in the hose that limited your air supply. The water was much colder than we could have anticipated, and you’re not used to it.”
“I was breathing perfectly well for the first seven minutes or so. This was no mistake. Who else touched the device while I was down there?”
“No one. I swear it.”
“You were watching the whole time?”
I lowered my eyes, remembering the moment I’d shared with Talin, his finger brushing against mine. “Almost the whole time. The only person near the device was your page.”
He dropped my hand and fixed his gaze on the ceiling. “I knew it.”
“But he didn’t touch it,” I said, realizing what a horrible mistake I’d made. “We all would have seen if he’d tried to tamper with it. He was several feet away from it at all times.”
“You can’t say that for sure if you were only watching ‘most’ of the time. That boy blames me for his brother’s death, so he tried to take his revenge.”
“He’s just a child. It couldn’t have been him.”
Ceren sat up, still holding me in place so that his face was just inches from mine. “Why did you save me?”
I blinked. “What?”
“Why didn’t you just let me drown? Everyone else would have been pleased, I’m sure. Talin would have been king. You could have married him if you’d wanted to. I doubt even my own father would have cared. So why did you save me?”
I could have tried to explain about the customs of my people, but I was tired and frustrated. I let out a long sigh. “Because I cared. Because I couldn’t just stand there and let you die.” I could never forgive Ceren for what he was doing to the Varenians, but his life wasn’t mine to take.
He closed his eyes, and for a moment I thought he’d gone to sleep. “I’m sorry I haven’t treated you better. What is it you wish from me?”
“I don’t understand,” I said, my brow furrowed in confusion.
“What do you want? What will it take to make you happy here?”
My heart stuttered in my chest. I had failed to get my message to Sami, but now Ceren was offering me another chance. “My freedom.”
His eyes flashed open. “I can’t let you leave Ilara.”
“I know. I don’t expect you to let me go. But I would like to be able to leave the castle. Not every day, but every now and again. I need fresh air and sunlight to survive, Ceren.”
I had forgotten to use his proper title, but he didn’t seem to notice. Instead, he reached up and brushed a strand of hair from my face. “Just like a flower,” he said. “Very well. You may leave the castle once a week. My guards will escort you.”
It was such a small thing, and I shouldn’t have had to ask, but I smiled in relief. “Thank you.”
“And where do you wish to go?”
I thought of Zadie at fourteen, pretending that she couldn’t reach an oyster she wanted but was too lazy to dive for. It had only taken a few flutters of her lashes, a single caress of his arm, to convince Sami to get it for her. I’d sat in awe of my sister that day, as she returned home with a nice fat pearl she hadn’t even dived for. Sami, however, had slid down a notch in my esteem.
“When I was a girl, I saw the port market from my family’s boat once,” I said, fabricating a memory from Sami’s stories. “I couldn’t make out many details, but the Ilarean ladies in their fine gowns and the handsome Ilarean soldiers in their leather armor fascinated me. I vowed that I would see them in real life one day.” I placed a tentative hand on his arm. “I would do anything to go, if you’ll take me.”
I held my breath while Ceren considered. After a moment, his lips twisted in a grin. “Your false flattery is wasted on me.”
I flushed, embarrassed that he’d seen through my act so easily, but at least I didn’t have to pretend to enjoy his company.
“But I will take you to the market next month, if you wish.”
I tried not to look too disappointed. “Isn’t the market this Friday?”
“I’m hardly in the best shape to travel at the moment,” he said. “You’ve waited this long. I’m sure another month won’t hurt.”
It wasn’t what I’d been hoping for, but it was a lot more than I had dared to dream of this afternoon. “Thank you,” I said gratefully. “That means more to me than you know.”
His lips curled in what was perhaps the first genuine smile I’d seen from him. “You’re welcome. Now go, before I change my mind.”
23
I was foolish to think that just because he’d been kind to me, Ceren would let the accident go. He kept to his rooms for two days—“recovering” was the official word—but Ebb told me that his device had been brought to his chambers, and I had no doubt he would examine it until he found someone to blame.
I tried to keep to my room, too, feigning exhaustion, but Lady Hyacinth insisted I join her for tea. I was surprised to find it was only Hyacinth and myself when I arrived. As we waited for a maid to deliver the tea service, she asked a few more questions about the accident, but I could tell her mind wasn’t on gossip.
The maid finally appeared and filled our cups wit
h tea before scurrying away, and Lady Hyacinth turned to me. For the first time, she wore her hair natural, the auburn curls cascading down her back. I couldn’t imagine covering up such lovely hair. Without the powder and makeup, she looked more like the twenty-year-old she really was.
“I’m so glad we finally have a chance to speak alone,” she said, adding sugar to my tea without asking. “Tell me, what’s it really like in Varenia?”
I was startled by the change in her demeanor. She was usually tipsy and jovial, laughing and gossiping like the other ladies she entertained. “I beg your pardon?”
“Are the people there going hungry, like Prince Talin says? He came back from his trip to your village with surprising reports about a lack of pearls and a very modest existence, which angered his brother to no end. But you don’t look hungry. You look strong and vital.”
I had no idea how to answer. I had never trusted Lady Hyacinth, per se, but she had always seemed relatively harmless. I should have known that a woman who sat on the king’s war council didn’t spend all her time drinking and playing card games with her friends.
“We are healthy, for the most part,” I said. “But our waters have been overfished, and we don’t get as much for the pearls as we used to.”
She sipped her tea and leaned back against the silk cushions. “So why not consume the pearls yourselves? Or come to shore and make a life for yourselves on land? All these years, and aside from the Galethian escape, your people have never ventured a coup. As a strategist, I find it mystifying.”
She had a point. They were questions I’d asked myself, but life in Varenia was relatively peaceful. People rarely talked about Ilara, aside from in the context of the ceremony. And the situation with the pearls had come on so slowly and insidiously. It wasn’t like people were feasting one day and starving the next. We’d all just learned to make do with less as time passed.
“I suppose it’s because it’s all we’ve ever known,” I said. “To be honest, I was hoping to understand it all a little better when I came here, but I still can’t explain it. I know there is a fear that if we come to land, we will be captured and executed.”
Crown of Coral and Pearl Page 23
