God, I hope Noah comes home tonight.
Chapter 40: Noah
I end up spending the night in the call room at the hospital.
I didn’t mean for that to happen. I meant to come home, but I couldn’t stop picturing all those goddamn texts from Theo. And it wasn’t just that. If he were her ex and he was hassling her, I could deal with that. But he’s not a random ex. He’s her daughter’s father. That means something.
It sure as hell means something to me.
My mother gave me my father’s phone number and an address of a location in Brooklyn where he works as a barber. I spent an hour staring at that number, trying to get up the guts to call him. I didn’t do it.
I’m furious at my mother. My father wanted to see me. He wanted to be part of my life again. And she alone kept that from happening. She deprived me of all the experiences I could have had with my father. He could have been at my high college graduation. He could have seen me get my MD. He could have been there for me when I lost my legs.
She ripped our family apart, as far as I’m concerned.
The worst part is how it keeps coming back to Bailey and Lily. If I marry Bailey, I’m keeping Lily from having her own father in the house with her. I’m depriving her, at least partially, of the relationship she could have with him. That never bothered me in the past, because I felt like Theo wasn’t worth it, but he’s cleaned himself up. Everyone in the ER says he’s been very responsible.
They could be a family again. The only thing keeping it from happening is me. There’s no getting around it.
It’s a lot to wrap my head around.
Bailey and I exchanged a few text messages overnight. She was silent until around seven o’clock, when she texted me: Lily wants to know if you’ll be home to read with her.
That got me right in the gut. I like reading with Lily. I’m actually curious to find out what happens next in Miss Daisy is Crazy. But anyone could read with her. So I texted back: No, won’t be back.
Her response came a moment later: Will you be back later tonight?
And when I didn’t respond right away: Please come back. I love you.
I wrote back: I love you too. I’ll be back tomorrow.
And then I slept at the hospital.
Spending the night at the hospital sucks. I do get a fresh pair of scrubs to wear, and I’ve got a shift starting very early in the morning, so I don’t have time to do much besides roll out of bed and get dressed. There’s a shower that physicians are allowed to use, but I can’t do standing showers, for obvious reasons. I have a bench set up in our own shower, and I’ve actually got a portable shower bench I could have brought with me if I’d known I wasn’t coming home.
So I don’t look or feel my best when I stumble into the ER to take over for the overnight docs. And it doesn’t help when Theo shows up for his shift a couple of hours later, looking fresh as a daisy and whistling a tune under his breath.
Why is he so goddamn happy?
“You don’t look so good, doc.” Claire settles down into a chair next to me. “Rough night?”
“I’m fine,” I mumble. I’m not going to tell her I spent the night in the on-call room at the hospital. I don’t need the sympathy.
“You want some coffee?”
I look up at her sharply. “You’re going to get me coffee? I heard you tell more than one doctor that getting coffee is, and I quote, not your goddamn job.”
“Right, it’s not,” she agrees. “But you’re my goddamn friend. And you look like you need it. Okay?”
I’m not going to argue. I do need it. I already had one cup, but it didn’t take.
After I get a second cup of coffee in me, I feel marginally better. Bailey hasn’t messaged me this morning, and I’m not sure what to make of it. I’ve had the whole night to think and so has she. What has she been thinking about?
And more importantly, is she going to get coffee with Theo? Or “coffee”?
Theo. That loser asshole. No, it was better when he was a loser asshole. Now that he’s actually trying, it makes everything a lot harder.
Damn it.
When I’m coming out of a patient’s room at the end of the morning, I collide with a metal cart filled with fresh linen. I try to grab onto the cart, but it isn’t enough for me to keep my balance. I go down. Hard.
“Shit, Walsh… I didn’t see you there.”
Theo. Standing over me, his skinny arms folding across his chest, his bald skull reflecting the overhead lights. Turns out the linen cart was being pushed by none other than my fiancée’s ex-husband. Figures.
“You need help getting up?” he asks me.
I look around. Naturally, a small audience has gathered. Someone going down in the ER usually has that effect, but this is the first time it’s ever been me. (No, that’s not true. I’ve fallen before in the ER, but it’s been a while.) Theo is sticking his hand out for me to grab onto, and the truth is, I need it. Getting up off the floor isn’t easy.
So I take his hand, he hauls me to my feet, and my humiliation is complete.
“Watch where you’re going next time,” I mutter under my breath.
Theo snorts. “Wasn’t my fault. You’re the one racing out of a room without looking where you’re going.”
I lift my eyes. Is he really doing this? Is he picking a fight with me?
“You pushed me over,” I say through my teeth. “You shouldn’t be going fast enough to mow someone down.”
“To be fair,” Theo says, “you’re pretty easy to knock over.”
He didn’t just fucking say that to me.
“Listen,” I say. “All I’m saying is watch it, okay?” And I can’t stop myself from adding, “And quit harassing Bailey to go out for coffee with you.”
For a moment, Theo looks stunned. He blinks a few times, but then recovers. “Why not? You jealous, Walsh?”
I narrow my eyes at him.
“You should be jealous.” His eyes bore into me. “I don’t even know what the hell Bailey ever saw in you. But she’s starting to realize she’s made a huge mistake.”
“That’s not true.”
“Of course it’s true.” He frowns at me. “You and Bailey have been together for a year, and you’re rushing her into this marriage before she can change her mind.” His eyes darken. “She’s my wife. She’s the mother of my child. And you… you stole her from me.”
Well, we’ve managed to attract the attention of everyone in the room, yet again. The ER was fairly noisy a few minutes ago, but now the volume has decreased considerably. Everyone is listening in.
“I didn’t steal her from you,” I say in a low, calm voice. I need to diffuse this situation. Also, I’m the doctor. I’m the responsible one—I can’t be flying off the handle. “She was single when I met her. You two are divorced.”
“But she always said if I got myself together, she’d want me back.” Theo glares at me. “And now I have. Bailey is the love of my life. She always has been. And the only thing keeping me from my wife and child—the only thing keeping us from being a family again—is you. Because of you, Lily will never have both her parents living under the same roof ever again.”
Theo takes a step toward me, and that’s when I notice his right hand has balled into a fist. Christ, is he going to hit me? I’ve seen a lot of fistfights in the ER in my time here, but I never believed I’d be part of one. Well, except for the drug addict who tried to jump me last year. This is different though.
And you know what? Part of me wants him to take a swing at me. I could take him. His balance might be better than mine, but he’s got those skinnyass arms and… well, there’s no comparison. I could floor him with one punch. And if he takes the first shot in front of a room full of witnesses, I can do whatever I want to him.
But maybe Theo figures that out. Because he doesn’t touch me. But he leans in close to me, and says loud enough for the whole room to hear: “You wrecked my family, Walsh. And if you think I’m going down without
a fight, you’ve got another thing coming.”
With those words, he grabs the cart of linen and pushes past me hard enough that I almost lose my balance and fall again.
I stare after him. I feel like I’m going to throw up.
The only thing keeping us from being a family again is you.
When I was a kid, I would have given anything to have my parents together again. To have my father back in my life. My mother kept me from having that, and now I’m keeping Lily from having that.
They’re a family. One I’m not part of.
I sink into a chair and bury my face in my hands. What the hell am I supposed to do? Theo said Bailey is the love of his life. I would have said the same yesterday. I love her so much. She’s the first woman I’ve ever loved.
“Noah.” A hand is on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I look up. Claire. She must have seen everything.
“You called me Noah,” I say.
She smiles crookedly as she settles down beside me. “Yeah. Look at that.”
I glance off in the direction of where Theo disappeared with the linen. “That was…”
“Intense,” Claire finishes.
I shake my head. “That’s one word for it.” I swallow a hard lump in my throat. “I don’t know what the hell to do. I love Bailey, but…”
Claire arches an eyebrow.
“What he’s saying is true,” I murmur. “I’m keeping their family apart. I’m keeping Lily from getting to live under the same roof with her father. How could I…” I rub my temples and look up at Claire. “I don’t know…”
“It’s a tough one,” she agrees.
“What do you think? What should I do, Claire?”
She hesitates. “Honestly?”
I straighten up, bracing myself. “Yes. Honestly.”
“I think you should break it off with Bailey.”
That sick feeling intensifies. I hadn’t really been considering ending things with Bailey—how could I? But now that the words are out there, I realize I could do this. I could end it. I could tell her the engagement is off, and that would be it.
And it might be the right thing to do.
“He’s Lily’s dad, Noah,” Claire says. “I know how much you care about her, but it’s just not the same. They’re a family. Do you really want to be the one who breaks that up?”
She’s right. Holy shit, she’s right.
I have to break up with Bailey.
Chapter 41: Bailey
I get a text from Noah, saying that he’s hired Amber to babysit tonight. I like Amber—she doesn’t make googly eyes at Noah, unlike our other babysitter Renee. I take the whole thing as a good sign. He wants to take me out to dinner sans Lily. I’m cautiously optimistic.
I felt sick when he told me he wasn’t coming home last night. He’s never done anything like that before. I knew it was a bad fight that brought up issues he’s most insecure about, but at the same time, it was just an argument. You have an argument, you make up, then you have great makeup sex.
But he never came home. So we never made up and we never got to have makeup sex.
We’re supposed to meet at the Italian restaurant three blocks from the apartment. I don’t know why we’re not going together, but I’m assuming he had to work late. It’s good though, because it gives me an opportunity to doll myself up without him looking on. Whenever he’s around, he’ll say things like, “You look pretty without any makeup.” Which is not helpful! Everyone looks better with makeup—it’s just a fact.
So I get out my short black dress that earned me two catcalls from construction workers last time I wore it. I use my curling iron that takes forever, but makes my hair look ridiculously sleek and shiny. And I put on the new lipstick I bought last week in a rare insane moment of wanting to treat myself to something nice. Noah is always saying I ought to treat myself more, but it’s hard to break old habits.
I’m feeling pretty good about myself when I strut out into the living room, where Lily and Amber are watching television. Lily looks at me, sticks her fingers in her mouth, and lets out a loud whistle. Noah taught her how to do that a couple of months ago. For a good two weeks, I had to walk around with my fingers in my ears.
“You look pretty, Mommy,” Lily says.
Amber lifts her eyes from the television and grins. “Yeah, you look really hot, Bailey.”
“Why, thank you.” I do a little spin. “It’s nothing special.”
“Hot date?”
I grin. “Of course.”
I kiss Lily goodbye, tell Amber I shouldn’t be gone more than a couple of hours, then race out the door because I’m now running a bit late. Fortunately, the spring weather is on my side—we haven’t reached that point in June where my hair frizzes up five seconds after setting foot outside.
The Italian restaurant Noah picked is nearby, but not one we visit much. The last time we ate there, several months earlier, we decided the food was mediocre. I’m not entirely sure why he picked it, other than it’s close.
Sure enough, Noah is already waiting at a table when I get into the restaurant. I’m surprised to see he’s just wearing a clean gray T-shirt and jeans. Not that he always dresses up, but he says he feels like you shouldn’t go to a decent restaurant in jeans and a T-shirt. Yet there he is in just that, while I’m suddenly feeling extremely overdressed in my little black dress.
A waitress stops to talk to Noah, and I almost laugh when she rests a hand on his shoulder. Waitresses always flirt like crazy with Noah, as do all women. I doubt that will ever change. I have a feeling he’s the kind of man who will only get sexier as he ages. I’m looking forward to it, even though it’s hard to imagine him being sexier than he is now.
I approach the table, giving myself a pat on the back at the way his eyes widen when he sees my dress. After only a few months of dating Theo, I never got that kind of reaction from him anymore, yet Noah and I have been together for over a year and he still acts like he can’t get over how hot I am. Then again, I feel the same way whenever Noah dresses up. God, that man gets to me.
I’m so glad we’re making up.
I can’t wait for the makeup sex.
“Bailey,” he manages. “You look…”
I smile. “Yes?”
“Nice.” His smile is crooked. “You look nice.”
As I settle into the seat across from him, he takes a long swig of the wine in front of him, nearly emptying the glass. Noah’s not a big drinker because he’s so freaked out about ending up like his father. Usually when he drinks, it’ll be one beer or one glass of wine over the whole evening. This is different.
“Listen,” I say, “about last night…”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he says quickly.
“Oh.” I press my hands between my legs. Noah is acting really odd. Just the fact that he hasn’t made a move to kiss me yet is odd. Usually, he’s all over me. “Um, okay. But I just wanted to tell you—”
“Bailey, this isn’t working,” he blurts out.
My stomach sinks. This isn’t working. Did I hear him right? “What do you mean?” I ask carefully.
“I mean…” His eyes are downcast, looking at the tablecloth. “I don’t think… we shouldn’t get married. It’s a bad idea.”
My breath catches in my throat. He can’t be serious. I look down at my left fourth digit—I didn’t put on the engagement ring today. I’m anxious about wearing diamonds outside of the house. Now I wish I had worn it. “But… why? I don’t understand.”
“It’s something I’ve been thinking about lately.” His eyes still won’t meet mine. “Like, where I see myself in ten years. And with everything that’s happened lately, I can’t picture you there with me.”
There’s a buzzing sound in my ears, and my head is swimming. This can’t be happening. No. No. Noah and I were meant to be together. He always said so, and it’s what I’ve always believed in my heart. Why is he doing this?
“So you want to postpo
ne the engagement?”
“No,” he says, finally lifting his blue eyes. “I want to break up.”
Chapter 42: Noah
When Bailey walked into the restaurant, I almost lost my resolve.
She looked beautiful. No, beyond beautiful. And I thought back to the first time I ever saw her, when she drove out to the university all by herself in that rented Dodge Caravan, and was struggling to carry a box so big she couldn’t see around it. I went over to help her, being the nice guy I am, and when she lowered that box, I was gone. I saw her face, and I loved her right away. Eighteen years old, no makeup, face pink with exertion, hair in a messy ponytail, and she was the most perfect girl I’d ever laid eyes on. I never wanted anyone else after that.
And I still don’t.
But that’s selfish. I know what it’s like to grow up in a broken family, and if there’s a chance Lily doesn’t have to grow up that way, she shouldn’t have to. I don’t want Lily to resent the guy who came in and kept her father away.
So that’s why I have to end it. It’s the right thing to do. It’s the only thing to do.
“I want to break up,” I tell Bailey, the only woman I’ve ever truly loved.
I’ve broken up with women before, sometimes for dumb reasons. Hey, I’m not a saint. And it’s never, ever easy. But it’s a million times harder to break up with a woman I love.
“Noah,” she breathes. “You don’t mean that.”
“I’m sorry, Bailey,” I say. “I think this is for the best.”
“Does this have to do with Theo?” Her eyes are filling with tears. “Because I swear to you, nothing happened.”
Nothing has happened… yet. But it will. It’s just a matter of time. “I know. I believe you. It’s not about that.”
“So why then?”
I can’t tell her the real reason. If I do, she’ll insist we stay together. I have to make it about me. I have to hurt her now. It’s the only way.
My Perfect Fiance (Perfect Guy Book 2) Page 17
