“You have ever since you made the fatal mistake of talking to me in the courtroom. Or maybe even before that, with your shy little eyes constantly watching me instead of the trial. I don’t think you looked at your father more than a few times the entire week, but you came back every day. Why was that?”
She tried to ignore his question. “I’d like to have some privacy sometimes, at least. Am I going to be in the bathroom and look up to see you standing in the doorway watching me pee?”
“If I wish to, but that’s not really my kink,” he said in a neutral voice. “Why did you come every day for the trial, Katriona?” He drew out her full name in a sensual fashion that made her eyes darken. “I don’t think you were there to support your father…you couldn’t seem to look away from me…so why were you there?” He’d never pondered the question before, until now.
She looked over his shoulder, clearly determined to ignore his gaze. He refused to allow that and tightened his grip on her face a bit more, until she whimpered from the pressure. He leaned over her, filling her field of vision with his eyes and refusing to allow her to look away. “Answer the question, Kat. Why were you there?”
Her eyes widened, her pupils dilated, and her breathing was raspy and harsh. She seemed fearful, but he didn’t think it was of him despite the intense way he was holding her and looming over her at the moment.
“I don’t know, okay? I really don’t. I went the first day…I guess out of curiosity. I kind of hoped it would be a quick trial, and he would be sentenced to life in prison, since our state didn’t have the death penalty, unfortunately.”
“Yeah, there wasn’t much chance of that after he declined his right for a jury trial, and his smarmy little lawyer revealed the clerical error.”
“He always was a sadistic bastard. I have no doubt he was behind letting the whole trial drag out, forcing you to hear all the details of his crime, and then having his attorney reveal at the last moment, practically before judgment and sentencing, that the case had to be dismissed.”
Declan’s eyes widened, and he nodded at her perception. “I got the same sense.” Nausea roiled through his gut as he remembered Joseph Evans testifying about how he had stalked Hilary coming out of the baby store, followed her to her car, and took her hostage at knife point. He’d forced her to drive away from the mall to an industrial area of the city and made her park the car in a warehouse parking lot.
It had been an abandoned building, and the perfect place for him to rob the young pregnant woman. Sweat beaded Declan’s brow as he remembered the almost boastful way Joe had described taking Hilary’s purse before forcing her to remove her dress and raping her. Declan still didn’t understand what kind of person could rape a woman, especially one who was six months pregnant.
After he had finished defiling Declan’s wife, Joe had slit her throat and left her to die. Of course, Cordelia had died with her, because there had been no one around to help either of them. It had been hours later before the police found her, and by then, Declan had been a frantic wreck of a man.
Even now, he could barely recall what he had been like before that moment, when the police that came to his house to tell him they had found his wife murdered, and after that horrible moment. That night had sharply cleaved Declan’s life into two eras. The first was full of normal ambitions and appetites, and filled with love and laughter. There had been hope and anticipation for the future, especially for their daughter’s future. Afterward, there had only been pain, rage, and grief. He’d nearly gone out of his mind.
In fact, he was certain he had while locked away here on this island. He was definitely not the man he had been, and he’d never be that person again. Abruptly, he realized he still held her jaw tightly in his hand, so he loosened his grip slightly. “That explains the first day, but why did you keep coming back? Why were your eyes on me most of the time?”
Her cheeks flushed, and she looked embarrassed. “I don’t know. I just kept coming back. When I was there, I couldn’t stop myself from looking at you. You were so silent and stoic, but when you heard particularly painful things, your mouth would tighten, and your right eye would twitch. It was in those moments that I wanted to cross the aisle and sit beside you, just to offer a hug or hold your hand for support.” The raw vulnerability in her eyes made it clear she didn’t like making the admission. “I don’t know what compulsion drove me, and it doesn’t mean anything. It was probably just compassion.”
He sighed. “Maybe, or maybe there was something even then. I was far too immersed in my grief to even think much about you then, but as the months passed after Joseph got off, and then killed himself while driving drunk just two days later, I had no outlet for my rage. There was no one left to blame, until you became the focus.”
He trailed his thumb across her cheek, pausing near her big brown eyes. “These eyes haunted me. As the time passed, and I lost myself in a haze of alcohol and mourning, your eyes would randomly flash through my mind, coming more and more frequently. Finally, after…” He trailed off, omitting the turning point, because it would probably frighten her to hear everything. “I realized you were the key to getting revenge, but more importantly, having something close to a normal life again.”
She flinched, and her eyes closed for a moment. When they opened again, tears shone in the depths, but he admired that she didn’t let them fall. “How can this be anywhere close to normal? What you’re doing here—I think you know it’s not right. You should let me go.”
His mouth tightened, and he shook her face lightly to emphasize his words. “I’ll never let you go. I’m not looking for rainbows and sunshine and fairytales these days, sweet little Kat. I’m going to keep you, and I’m going to do anything and everything I’ve been thinking about all these years.
“Your sole goal in life now is to please me, and it pleases me when your tight little cunt spasms around me, or when you cry out from pain and pleasure as I mark your skin. And it will please me when your stomach swells with my child.”
Tears sparkled in her eyelashes, but his brave, stubborn woman still refused to let them fall. “You can’t do this to me. I can’t be happy like that, and I deserve happiness too.”
He let out a harsh bark of laughter. “You seemed pretty happy with my face between your thighs. I can give you what you need, but you have to stop fighting.”
She rolled her eyes, obviously exasperated. “And just what is it that I need, Dr. Phil?”
“You need to feel safe and protected, to feel cherished and loved.” His hand slipped farther down her body, moving from her chin to cup her throat. “You need to feel guidance and control, and most of all, you need to be able to trust that someone in your life won’t leave you or turn out to be something different from what you thought.” He could see his insights had rocked her, and her eyes glazed over as she looked away from him. He allowed her to that time, realizing she needed a moment to compose herself and accept his words as the truth.
“How am I supposed to trust you?”
He wrapped his hands around her throat, squeezing just until he could feel her pulse hammering under his palm. She looked back at him, and her eyes were wide with fear, but also a renewed spark of excitement. She might not like that she did, but she clearly fucking loved it when he choked her and controlled her. That confirmed for him that all the theories he’d formed over the years as he had learned more about her were dead-on.
“I literally hold your life in my hands at the moment. I could squeeze tighter,” He paused long enough to do so, and her eyes flared with fear, but her nipples also crinkled with need against his stomach, “Or just hold tightly enough to make you feel secure.” He adjusted his grip. “You’ll learn to trust that, while I hold that power over you and control you, it’s not my intention to hurt you.”
He released his hold on her neck, though he kept his hand there. He was a sadistic bastard who enjoyed feeling her heart race under his hand like a frantic little bird trapped in a cage and throwing i
tself against the metal in a futile attempt to escape.
“Tell that to my ass—that you don’t want to hurt me.”
Declan chuckled. “Oh, baby, I want to hurt you plenty. But the thing is…” He bent his head, bringing his mouth close to her ear. He took a moment to brush his lips against her cheek before whispering, “You love it. You come alive when I’m hurting you, and so do I when I’m causing your pain. We’re a fucked up pair, but we’re the perfect pair for each other. The trust will come, and then love someday.”
She shook her head, though she had very little room to move with his hand on her throat and his face pressed to hers. “I could never love you.”
Her words sent pain shooting through him, but he refused to acknowledge it. Her defiance was to be expected, and just another hiccup along the way as they settled into their new relationship and learned each other’s boundaries. “Okay, if you say so.” He made it clear with his tone that he was simply indulging her, much like he would a small child.
Her stomach rumbled at that moment, and it broke the atmosphere. He released her neck and sat up, rolling off the bed before extending a hand to her. “Come on. We’ll shower and eat breakfast, and then maybe we can go for a swim.”
“In the pool?” she asked timidly.
He shrugged. “There’s a pool, or we could go in the ocean. Whatever you prefer.”
“How about a kiddie pool in the backyard?” She said the words lightly and carelessly, but there was real fear in her eyes. “I don’t swim.”
There was more to that, and he was determined to find the answers, but at the moment, he was starving. The only thing he wanted more than food was another quick fuck in the shower, with her luscious breasts pressed against the glass door while he drove into her from behind. His cock liked the idea enough to spring to life with immediate interest. Breakfast was a long time coming.
Chapter Six
Kat sat on the edge of the pool with her feet reluctantly dangling in the shallow end, her stomach twisting into knots as she watched Declan slice cleanly through the water, swimming lap after lap as though it required no exertion at all. He was obviously an accomplished swimmer, but being so close to the water made her anxious, and the idea of him swimming in the deeper water really brought beads of sweat toher forehead.
She had managed to avoid his suggestion for swimming for the last five days, even going so far as to deliberately seduce him away from his plans more than once. He wouldn’t be swayed this morning, and he had dragged her from bed, insisting she come with him for his usual morning exercise that he had skipped the past few days in favor of a more carnal workout. She’d tried protesting, but soon found herself agreeing as he licked her pussy to encourage submission.
She hated seeing his head disappearing below the waterline before popping up again a moment later previous to the pattern repeating. If he got a cramp or had some other kind of problem, she couldn’t save him.
She tried to tell herself it was solely her personal interest that motivated her, but she knew that wasn’t entirely true. True, if he died, she’d be stuck on this island for who knew how long, at least until she figured out where he hid his cell phone and the key to the boathouse.
He claimed to keep that near him at all times, but she had yet to see any evidence of it over the past five days, and she had been practically glued to his side. He had insisted on it, but to her shock, she hadn’t minded being his shadow.
Eventually, she would find a way off the island if something happened to him. He had mentioned periodic grocery deliveries, so surely one of those would be coming again soon. It shouldn’t make her worried or afraid if he got in over his head, literally, and drowned. She should be praying for that outcome, but as she watched him swim vigorously, she couldn’t muster enthusiasm for the idea of his death. In fact, dread at the idea pierced her, and she bent forward slightly when a pang shot through her stomach.
It was startling to realize she didn’t want to lose him, and that had nothing to do with self-preservation. In fact, keeping him or staying with him was contrary to every shred of self-preservation, wasn’t it? He always flirted perilously close to the edge of pushing her past her boundaries, and she feared how much control he maintained over her.
It wasn’t the little things, like deciding when they went to bed or when they woke up, because that was usually just a natural rhythm into which they had fallen. No, it was deeper and more intense. The way he could control her body terrified her as much is it enthralled her. When his hands squeezed her throat as she was coming around his cock, she was equally parts invigorated and horrified. She still hadn’t reconciled herself to her dark appetite, and she tried not to think deeply of it during the daytime.
Not that he didn’t fuck her senseless during the day too. They had spent most of the last week doing everything sexual there was to do. She was relieved to have a little break today, as her ass and pussy were still sore from last night, when he had pounded her so vigorously while stuffing his largest plug into her back passage. At the time, she had reveled in every moment of it, but now she felt guilty and kind of sick to her stomach for having done so, and for having surrendered so easily.
She felt like she had surrendered this whole week, losing a little bit more of herself each time she did so. It frightened her that she was so tempted to give in to Declan’s idea of safety and providing for her and protecting her. It was easy to separate herself from it all when she wasn’t in his arms, but not so clear-cut in moments of passion. She felt incredibly safe when he was holding her, and even when he was hurting her.
That was the upsetting part, that and her inability to resist the dangerous lure of Declan’s darkness. It wasn’t even so much the breath play as it was surrendering herself to his hands and trusting that he would take her as far as she needed to go, while instinctively knowing when to stop and not take her any farther.
In other words, she was starting to trust the madman who had taken her, and she was slipping far too easily into the lifestyle to which he was introducing her. For the first time in days, she had enough clarity to realize she should probably be terrified and still fighting every step of the way.
Fear sparked in her, but it wasn’t the primal survival instinct that she needed. Rather, it was more of a lackluster response, the kind one gave because it was expected, not because it was what was really felt.
That realization terrified her. If she was only going through the motions of trying to escape and offering tepid protests about the way he had taken over her life, she was a weak-willed fool, and she deserved to sink into the mire of his degradation and lust.
And love.
She sighed heavily as she contemplated the word. He hadn’t said it, of course, but she was certain Declan loved her, or he was convinced he did anyway. He had been fixated on her for so long, obsessing over her and imagining all the ways he would make her pay for what her father had done, that perhaps it had turned into a dark and twisted form of love, or he’d simply convinced himself it was. She didn’t know, and she shouldn’t care. It shouldn’t matter whether he really loved her or just thought he did and was really just a completely obsessed, sadistic bastard.
But it did matter. How he felt influenced how she felt. She whimpered as she realized she was starting to depend on Declan in a way she hadn’t trusted anyone else in her life for a long time, if ever. She had learned the lesson young not to believe in anyone, but here was this crazy fucker, who liked to strangle and whip her before fucking every hole in her body multiple times per day, either with his own dick or a sex toy, and she was blithely handing over her trust to him.
Maybe she was the crazy one. She should be racking her brain for a way to escape.
She let out a startled yelp when he abruptly popped out of the water in front of her, having lost track of his motions as she had contemplated her thoughts. As his hands went to her waist, she shrieked and tried to pull back. “Don’t put me in the water.”
He froze and slowl
y lifted his hands from her bare body. His embargo on clothing had extended to both of them for the last few days. “Whoa, calm down, Kat. I wouldn’t bring you into the water without your permission. Have you seen anyone about your phobia?”
She let out a sharp laugh of ridicule. “I didn’t exactly grow up in a family who put mental health as a priority, Declan.” To be fair, Claire had encouraged her to speak to the counselor she was assigned via the foster care system about anything bothering her, not just her fear of water, but Kat had never managed to open up to the older man who had been her therapist.
He’d always seemed so brusque and distant, and she’d had the sense he would repeat anything she said to her caseworker, despite his legal obligation not to do so. She certainly hadn’t mentioned her heated infatuation with the husband of the woman her father had killed.
He inclined his head. “Fair enough. I ask because my mother was always running to her therapist for every little thing, and while I believe it’s important to maintain good mental health, seeing her require his opinion on literally every detail so she could function made me somewhat skeptical of the profession.”
Kat arched brow. “Then why are you asking me if I’ve gone through it?”
“As I said, I think it can work for some people in some situations. Unfortunately, my mother was just exceptionally weak-willed and easily swayed to follow anyone. I think her relationship with her therapist was strictly platonic, but the man wielded way too much power over her. My father did the same, and so did the three stepfathers she went through before she died.”
“And your father? Is he still alive?”
Declan shook his head. “He died of a heart attack at his desk when I was just twelve. I never had any brothers or sisters, and my grandparents are gone too. Hilary and Cordelia were the only family I had until you.”
Sweet: A Dark Love Story Page 8
