“Then I shall do it now.”
“Would you like me to come with you?”
“No, I will manage.” Catherine gave him a smile which she hoped was reassuring and then turned to see if she could catch Thomas’ eye.
When she did turn, it was to find him looking directly at her. He seemed to stare for a moment, no expression whatsoever on his face whilst Catherine, for her part, felt as if her heart was thundering in her throat.
She had thought of his face every day for the last eight years, and yet her imaginings could not compare with the real thing. He was as heartbreakingly handsome as ever, although there were some tiny differences. Thomas had aged but aged well. He did not look older than his years, but neither did he look younger. His hair was still the vibrant red-brown it had always been, the colour that his son had inherited.
He was dressed well in pale cream breeches and a dark blue waistcoat and tailcoat. She wondered about her own appearance and was glad that she had chosen to wear a long-sleeved dusky pink gown that suited her complexion very well indeed. She had worn black for only one day, choosing not to mourn her father.
Not that it mattered greatly what she wore; it was not as if she was trying to catch his eye, for it was too late for such a thing. Too late, and too impossible.
But her attention to her appearance that day had given her a little confidence and made her feel much less hopeless and forlorn than she might have done without it. Suddenly, without warning, Thomas began to stride towards her.
“Forgive me for hovering in the graveyard at your father’s funeral.” Of all the things she had expected Thomas to say on their first meeting after so many years, that was not one of them.
“You need not explain, and there is nothing to forgive. I only attended myself to make sure that he was in the ground.” She shrugged.
“My goodness, you are the same.” Thomas laughed, his pale blue eyes wide.
“Perhaps I am only the same in some of the essentials, Thomas. But I suppose a good deal has changed in other respects. I suppose we are none of us who we used to be.” She shrugged again.
Catherine was amazed that she could speak to him calmly and without any of the tears that she had imagined would erupt the moment she was with him again.
Perhaps the idea of his engagement had finally closed the door on it all for her. She knew that he had never wanted to see her go, and she had never doubted his love for her back then. But he was soon-to-be married, and perhaps it was as well to come to terms with it as soon as possible. Perhaps there would be something steadying in knowing that there would be no more meetings by Stromlyn Lake, no more stolen kisses.
“You have hardly aged at all, Catherine. The air in Derbyshire must be very fine indeed.”
“I am bound to say that I have never seen a more beautiful county than Derbyshire.” She smiled.
“And where was it that you stayed?”
“I stayed with my aunt and uncle, as you know. They are a Mr and Mrs Topwell, and they live in a small manor house in a tiny hamlet called Little Hayfield. It is in the High Peak area in the north of the county.”
“Tell me, is it far from Glossop?” he said, and she found herself surprised that he knew anything of Derbyshire at all.
“It is just four miles from Glossop,” she said and looked at him quizzically. “In fact, Glossop is the largest town for a few miles and really the place we would go to for much of what we needed.” Thomas wore a strange expression, and she thought that he did, perhaps, look a little upset. “Is something troubling you, Thomas?”
“I suppose it is,” he said quietly. “I had not realized how close I had come.”
“I beg your pardon?” she said quizzically.
“I made it as far as Glossop and no further.”
“You went to Glossop?” Catherine said in amazement.
“Not long after you had gone, Catherine. I had decided to come and look for you, but I am afraid that I had no information whatsoever. I made it as far as the High Peak and began to ask around, but not knowing anything about your aunt and uncle, not even their names, I did not do very well. I had only your name, and I am afraid that nobody in Glossop had yet heard of you. If only I had continued my journey just four more miles,” he said and seemed genuinely distraught.
“But you could not have known that, Thomas,” Catherine spoke gently, a little sideswiped by her feelings. She had always hoped that Thomas would come for her, little knowing that he had actually attempted it. “With no information to go on, you might just as well have been in another country altogether for all the luck you would have had in finding me. But thank you for trying, Thomas. I know it was a long time ago, but I am very grateful for your efforts.”
“I wish I had found you,” he said, and Catherine had the dreadful sense that the conversation had moved too far too fast.
It was as if the eight years between them had not made them strangers as ordinarily it might have done. There was no real awkwardness to speak of, and certainly no preamble to the things which really needed to be said but should have come much, much later.
And yet something about it all made her panic a little, for Catherine had the greatest sense that she could very easily have her heart broken for a second time, and she was not keen to relive such a dreadful experience.
“In the end, we cannot change the past. You tried, Thomas. You did your very best to find me, and I shall never forget that. But we have new lives now, have we not?” Catherine took a slow and deep breath and decided to start as she meant to go on. “And I believe I am to congratulate you, Thomas. My brother tells me that you are soon to be married.” Catherine smiled as serenely as she could even though she could feel the beginnings of that heartbreak once again.
From that point on, Thomas’ conversation became a little vague, and Catherine marvelled at how quickly they fell into the old ways of society, the polite and somewhat disengaged questioning and feigned interest in trivialities.
By the time Catherine came ready to take her leave and return to her brother, Thomas looked a little desperate. There was something in his face which suggested the conversation had not gone as he had hoped, that it had somehow wandered away down a path he had not been expecting it to take. There was disappointment in his countenance, she knew, and there was nothing that she could do about that.
“Well, I ought really to return to my brother and spend a little of the afternoon with him. Would you excuse me?” she said with a polite smile.
“Yes. Yes, of course,” Thomas said and bowed as if by instinct.
Something about it hurt her. She knew he had not intended his actions to do so; it was just that it spoke loudly to her of the barriers that were now between them. A formality that had not even been there at the start of the conversation had somehow worked its way in, barged its way between them almost as effectively as their fathers had done all those years ago.
“Good afternoon, Thomas,” she said as serenely as she could manage and inclined her head before turning to leave.
“Forgive me,” Thomas said suddenly, and she spun around to look at him. “Sorry,” he went on and seemed a little tongue-tied. “Tell me, are you staying in Hertfordshire? Are you to return to Barford Hall for good?”
“No, I am not to return. I leave for Derbyshire at the end of two weeks.”
“I see,” Thomas said and bowed again before releasing her.
Chapter 20
“You have not touched that tea, Thomas. Really, it must be almost cold.” Lady Eleanor Barchester spoke in the sort of offended manner that would only have been appropriate if Thomas was expecting her to drink the cold tea.
And it was not as if he was at Winsford Hall, her father’s country estate, where he might expect to be admonished for impolitely neglecting to drink his tea at the correct temperature. He was in his own drawing room, and he wanted more than anything for Lady Eleanor Barchester to simply go away.
“It is of little matter, Eleanor. I do not want th
e tea anyway,” he said and gave a broad shrug.
Thomas realized that he had taken on some of his father’s character traits when it came to dealing with people he simply did not want to be with.
It had come upon him little by little, and he knew that he would never have imagined ever being so. Thomas had always been a cheerful and polite young man, one who always took the time to chatter with dowagers at social events and entertain old men who wanted to tell him the same story time and time again. In many ways, he had prided himself on his approach to life and, not only that, but he had enjoyed it.
Thomas rose suddenly to his feet and strode across the room to the drinks cabinet where he helped himself to a glass of sherry. He did not bother to ask Eleanor if she would like one, for it was so early in the day that he knew it would be but a matter of moments before she made some judgemental comment or other.
There was much about the character of Lady Eleanor Barchester which had irritated him over time, but her tendency towards priggishness was the worst of them. It was the one which always needled him greatly and created the most intense internal response.
“It is a little early for sherry, is it not?” Eleanor said in her most disapproving tone, right on cue.
“Is it?” he said with sarcastic innocence, hearing an old phrase rolling around and around in his head and fighting hard against the temptation to simply say it.
A prig will always make you a present of his opinions. Oh, how he would love to voice it.
“I knew you would be in a curious mood today.” Eleanor, her bright blonde hair fixed in controlled, immaculate ringlets, studied him closely as he retook his seat in the armchair opposite the couch where she sat.
Eleanor really was a beautiful woman, although there was very little about her that seemed natural. Her appearance was of the utmost importance to her, and he had more than once had to wait in the drawing room of Winsford Hall for her to finish primping and preening before they could attend whatever little event they were destined for.
She was a popular woman, and he supposed he ought really to be grateful to have her, for she was not only beautiful but the daughter of a wealthy Earl who would undoubtedly settle a great dowry upon her when she married.
Of course, his father would already know exactly how much. The Duke of Shawcross and the Earl of Winsford would have sorted the whole thing out to their own satisfaction and nobody else’s. Thomas could not think of it without the familiar bitterness sweeping over him. Even as a man of title, it was quite possible to have little control over one’s life.
“I do not think I am in a particularly curious mood. I just do not want tea, that is all.” Thomas knew he sounded offhand and even a little arrogant, but he knew better still that it would hardly have any effect on Eleanor.
“I wish you had never gone to the afternoon buffet at Lord Vinton’s,” she said pettishly.
“Why should I not attend an event with Lord Vinton? He is a friend, is he not?” Thomas could feel his agitation rising.
“It has nothing to do with Lord Vinton,” Eleanor snapped.
“Indeed?”
“You know very well what I am talking about, Thomas. Or who, I should say.”
“Enlighten me.”
“It is true then that she was there?”
“Who?”
“Must we play such games?” The fact Eleanor was all business and no emotion came as no surprise whatsoever to Thomas.
“I am sorry, you are right,” Thomas said, deciding that he would behave a little better than he was doing. Not for her sake, but his own. “And yes, Lady Catherine Ambrose was there yesterday. It is the first time I have seen her in eight years, and I daresay I am in something of a curious mood. Forgive me.” He gave her what he hoped was a warm smile.
The truth of it was, he felt absolutely exhausted. He wished there was one person in his family with whom he could talk openly about Catherine, but there was not.
He had said nothing himself to Eleanor about her but was perfectly well aware that she knew of his old affection. He had no real idea where she had found her information on the youthful love that existed between Thomas and Catherine, not to mention how it all ended, but he had never bothered to ask.
Whilst the county did not discuss it in front of him, he had no doubt that it had been discussed over the years. People liked to gossip, and a love affair that ended in one of the parties being sent into exile was certainly grist to the mill of many folks.
“And you have never seen her once in all these years?” Eleanor asked suspiciously.
“How could I have done? She was somewhere in Derbyshire, and that was all I knew. If you have ever been to Derbyshire, you will know what a difficult county it is to search.” He did not bother to tell her that he had waited in the graveyard behind the trees to catch sight of his old love at her father’s funeral; Eleanor would never have understood such a compulsion.
“You searched then, did you?” She made it sound like an accusation.
“Yes, almost eight years ago, long before I knew you, I went to Derbyshire on a fruitless search for Catherine Ambrose. I tried my best, but I could not find her anywhere.”
“Your father could not have been happy about that.”
“My father never knew about it.” He shrugged and stared at her, almost daring her to run to the Duke with a tale. “The only person who knew anything of it was Pierce, and I rather believe he chose to keep that to himself in the end,” he finished quietly.
“But what were you going to do if you found her? It would hardly have helped, would it?” Eleanor was suddenly a strange mixture of curiosity and annoyance.
“I wanted to persuade her to run with me. To elope. To go to Scotland so that we might be married without the interference of our fathers.” He sighed. “But that is a long time ago now, Eleanor. I do not see where this conversation is getting us.”
“I cannot imagine that the daughter of an earl would be happy to have lived in such financial straits. Perhaps it is just as well that you did not find her and be forced to suffer her rejection.” Eleanor seemed disproportionately triumphant.
“Perhaps,” he said in a flat tone, choosing not to tell her that Catherine was a better woman, that Catherine had the courage to run and would have done.
“And did you speak to her yesterday?”
“Of course I did. She is an old friend of mine, and I have not seen her for years. You can hardly imagine that I would ignore her, can you?” He wanted the conversation to be done, but it was clear that Eleanor was having none of it.
“I cannot imagine that you have much in common anymore. You were rather young, were you not, when you had your little friendship?” Thomas felt patronized by her words and knew that he was meant to.
“We were old enough to be considered adults, Eleanor. And people do not change so greatly in a few years. We both suffered as a result of our family’s behaviour, and I cannot think of a greater thing to have in common in this world.” Thomas could hear his own annoyance and wished now that they were at Winsford Hall so that he could at least get up and leave.
“And what did you talk about?” He could hardly believe the question.
“All manner of things. Mostly Derbyshire and Catherine’s life there, all very normal for somebody who has just returned from so far away.”
“Returned? Does that mean she is to stay?” Eleanor sounded outraged.
“No, Catherine is only due to stay for a fortnight,” he said gruffly.
“Good,” Eleanor said, and finally her cheeks flushed a little; clearly, she had not meant to say that out loud and with such gusto.
Love Stories of Enchanting Ladies: A Historical Regency Romance Collection Page 44
