“I’m gonna get another glass of wine for this conversation. Would you like another one, too?”
Holy shit, he’s really going to tell me about her.
“Yes, please,” I reply quietly.
After a few minutes, he still hasn’t come back into the living room. I don’t turn toward the kitchen to check, but I can tell he’s stalling, and that’s okay. I know he needs a minute to get his thoughts straight. I head toward the bathroom to give him a few more minutes to himself.
When I return to the living room, he is sitting on the couch with a photo album in his lap. I sit beside him and he hands it to me. My eyes meet his as he begins their story.
“Mal and I met in high school. Sophomore year. We were inseparable from the very beginning. First, she quickly became my best friend, but within six months, we were dating exclusively.” He stops long enough to take a long, slow pull from his wine glass. “I loved her like I never thought you could love another person. She was kind, beautiful, and loving—everything I never knew I wanted or needed in my life.”
He opens the photo album, which is sitting on my lap, and the smiles that greet me almost shatter my heart. A very young-looking Cord, with a smile that could light up the world, has his arm around a stunning Maloree. They both look like they’re about to explode with happiness.
“We dated all through high school, having our fair share of young love spats and breakups, but we always found our way back to each other quickly. When we graduated from high school, we chose two different colleges. I received a full ride to CU to play football, and she’d received an academic scholarship to UCLA. She decided she needed to ‘spread her wings’ and get out of Colorado for a bit. Within our first semester, she’d had enough of that and applied to CU,” he chuckles. “She hated California, and by spring semester of freshman year, she was living in the dorms at CU, attending business school. By the beginning of our senior year, we were living in our own apartment and engaged. I loved her hard, Ellie. She was an amazing woman. Determined. Beautiful. Independent. Loving.”
He stands slowly. “I need a second,” he says as he walks back toward his bedroom. I nod, but don’t speak. I wonder if he’s ever told this whole story to anyone. I mean, his family lived through it with him, so he didn’t need to explain. I don’t turn the page in the photo album, but I look intently at the pictures of the young couple, so in love, and my heart breaks that he’s endured such pain.
A few minutes later, he comes back, takes the photo album from my lap and places it on the coffee table. He grabs my hands, pulling me to standing, and then into a bone-crushing hug. I let him hold onto me like I’m a life preserver on a sinking ship. He’s shaking, but I can tell it’s not from crying. He’s angry.
When he pulls away, he grabs my hands and we sit back down. “Sorry, I just needed to calm myself down.”
“Don’t apologize, Cord. This can’t be easy to relive.”
He nods but doesn’t speak immediately. After another gulp of his wine, he continues.
“During our last semester at CU, our Homecoming game was against UCLA. It was a close game, but we pulled out a win in overtime. After the dance, there was a huge celebration party at one of the frat houses. Mal wanted to go, but I didn’t. I was exhausted and, truthfully, by then, I was pretty much over the partying. She wanted to go just for a bit because her best friend, Sami,” he says her name with emphasis, pauses, and then looks at me to make sure I know he’s talking about Bishop’s wife, “had won Homecoming Queen and had demanded that Mal come celebrate with her. So we argued about it, but I caved and we went. I was irritated, so I left the girls to do their dancing thing and I was off talking to some of the other players and Bishop.”
He stops, gulping the rest of his wine. I know this is the part he’s dreading.
“I realized after about an hour or so that I hadn’t seen Mal or Sami for a while, so I went to see where they’d gone off to. I looked everywhere but upstairs, because, well, only the frat guy rooms were upstairs, and I knew she wouldn’t go up there. When Bish and I had searched the entire grounds and still couldn’t find them, I became frantic, running through the house screaming their names. Bish and I ran up the stairs and, before we even opened the first door, I knew something bad had happened. I could feel it in my soul.”
He lays his head back against the couch, running his hands through his hair roughly.
“When I opened the fourth door, my world collapsed, Ellie. Mal and Sami were both lying naked on the floor, beaten so badly I barely recognized them.” His voice breaks and he leans forward dropping his face into his hands as his body starts to shake uncontrollably. I put my hand on his back and he flinches away from it. Standing quickly, he starts to pace.
“They’d been raped and beaten. We called 9–1-1 immediately, and within minutes, there were cops and ambulance people everywhere. They both ended up having surgery that night. Mal because she had a broken rib that had lacerated her kidney and she had internal bleeding, and Sami because she’d had a fractured jaw. It took them a really long time to heal. They were in the hospital for weeks. Mal had so much damage to her body that we were told she’d never be able to have children.”
More pacing, hands clenched at his sides. I stand quickly and wrap myself around him before I even think about it. He stops pacing when I cling to him, but his body stiffens further and he doesn’t return my attempt to comfort him. I pull back and look at his face, which is a mask of anger and contempt.
“It was a couple of football players from UCLA who had done it. Mal identified them because they had been a couple of new hotshot freshman players when she’d gone there. The guys had put Rohypnol in their drinks while they were dancing and then got them upstairs before they were completely out of it. They’d found both guys’ DNA on both girls. They’d both raped them.”
“We don’t have to talk about this anymore, Cord. You’ve told me enough,” I tell him gently, but he shakes his head and continues, and I return to sitting on the couch.
“The boys who did this to them walked away, Ellie. The detective who was leading the investigation was new and did some sketchy shit during the evidence collection. The case got thrown out at trial. Their only punishment was they had been expelled from UCLA and their football scholarships stripped. Maloree and Sami watched those bastards hug their families and walk out of that courtroom with no punishment. They both shut down. I lost both of them that day. Maloree refused to leave our apartment for months. She never even returned to school, quitting college the middle of her last semester. Sami lost her mind. She was committed to a hospital for a few months because she literally had a nervous breakdown when she tried to return to classes.”
Cord has managed to pace himself all the way across the room, and when I look up to see why he stopped talking, his body is sliding to down the wall, crumpling into itself. I can feel the tears running down my face, but I don’t brush them away. Cord is lost in his thoughts and I don’t want to interrupt the moment he is having. His fists are still clenched tight, as are his eyes.
“I graduated a few months later, and Maloree and I eventually married. A couple of years later, I convinced her to see a therapist. She was miserable. I was miserable. She was depressed all the time and scared of her own shadow. Sami, on the other hand, became somewhat of a wild child and dealt with her pain differently. Bishop had always had a thing for Sami, but she’d never given him the time of day. When she went off the rails, he was the one who reigned her back in and you’ve seen how their story ended up. Someday, I’m sure Sami will tell you her own story when she’s ready.”
He hasn’t opened his eyes yet, but his face has softened a little bit when talking about Sami.
“Before the incident, Mal and I had been discussing our plans after graduation. I’d always loved to cook, and although my degree was in business, I’d known since I was a kid that I wanted to own my own restaurant. Mal hated to cook but was a business genius. After the rape, she had no desire to do
anything. We lived a shell of a life for seven horrible years. I loved her dearly, but she was not the same person I’d fallen in love with. She wasn’t living, just existing.”
He swallows loudly and opens his eyes to find mine, flowing with tears.
“I came home from working a long shift at a financial firm I’d been working for to find a quiet, filthy house. It wasn’t uncommon for her to go days without getting out of bed, so I wasn’t exactly surprised. But I knew something was different. I felt it. I rushed upstairs and found our bed empty. The bathroom light was on and the door was closed, but it wasn’t locked, which was very unlike her.” He stops long enough to scrub his hands down his face and push the tears away.
“She’d slit both her arms from elbow to wrist and laid down in a tub full of water, fully clothed. I knew she was gone the moment my eyes met her face, but I pulled her from the tub and started CPR anyway. I called 9–1-1 and they came and got her. Doctor said she’d been dead for hours and she went quickly. She’d known what she was doing when she’d made those cuts. They were deep and exactly where they needed to be to get the job done.”
His face is cold now. No more anger, just emotionless.
“About a year after Mal died, I kind of lost it, and went after one of the guys who had raped her because I’d heard he was living in a nearby city. I waited for him to leave work one night and confronted him in the parking lot. He knew who I was instantly and smirked at me. I didn’t really know what I was going to say or do when I got there, but the minute the smirk hit his lips, I lost my mind. I don’t even remember most of the fight, but when I woke up in a jail cell, beat to hell with aggravated assault charges, I knew I needed to deal with my grief in a different way. I ended up pleading to lesser battery charges, did thirty days in jail, some community service, and restitution for his medical bills. I almost killed him. I had wanted him to die.” He takes a deep breath before continuing. “After that, I kind of became a hermit. I started seeing a counselor for my anger and to help me deal with my grief, and that is when Saint became Cord.”
I stand from the couch, walking to him slowly. I crouch down beside him and wrap my arms around him as best I can. He pulls me to him, causing me to end up in his lap, and he takes a deep breath with his face buried in my neck. I don’t object and pull him tighter to me. I feel the wetness of his tears on my face and neck. We sit like that for what seems like hours.
When he finally pulls away, his face is red and his eyes are swollen. His eyes don’t meet mine as he stands and then helps me up.
“I’m just going to go for a walk, if that’s okay with you. I’ll walk you back to your place.”
I nod because the lump in my throat is huge. I pushed him to relive this pain and now I feel like a complete asshole.
“Cord.” I grab his forearm as he starts to walk away. “I’m sorry I pushed you. I should’ve waited until you were ready to tell me yourself.”
“No, Ellie, don’t apologize. You are becoming one of my closest friends and you deserved to know. I just haven’t told the whole story from start to finish in a long time, and I didn’t realize how much it would gut me to relive it all again,” he tells me seriously.
“Well, I am sorry. What you all went through is the worst thing I’ve ever heard. I am so sorry for your loss, Cord,” I choke out.
He pulls me to him and hugs me tightly.
“Come on, I’ll walk you across the hall. I need some fresh air and then to be alone for a little while, I think.” He smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes.
I nod, turning the door knob and walking across the corridor to my apartment. “Goodnight, Cord. Thanks for dinner and the movie,” I pause, “and thanks for telling me about Maloree. I am truly sorry for your loss.”
He kisses my forehead, nods, and waits for me to close and lock the door before he heads down the stairs.
I’m exhausted. The emotional toll that conversation just took on my body is frightening. I brush my teeth and am heading for bed when I hear my phone buzz with an incoming message.
Cord: Thank you for tonight, E. I know it ended on a sad note, but letting that all out was very cathartic for me. We need to do something fun tomorrow since we both have the day off. Ideas?
I’m so happy that he isn’t closing off now that he’s told me the whole story.
Me: I’ve been wanting to hit that hiking trail in the park behind the apartments. You game?
His response is almost immediate.
Cord: Hell yes! I love hiking those trails. There are waterfalls up there, if you’re game for a full day hike. :)
Me: Absolutely. Let’s do it. 9 a.m.?
Cord: See you then.
THE NEXT MORNING, I wake feeling rested and am excited to start the day with Cord. He arrives right at 9 a.m. and we head off directly from the path starting behind the apartment complex. He has on an expensive looking backpack and I’m carrying my water bottle and my camera. I love taking nature pictures. He insisted he was fine carrying the pack and, considering he is in such great shape, I don’t argue with him when he declines my help.
“So, you hike up here often?” I ask, trying to get our hiking conversation started.
He laughs loudly before responding, “That almost sounded like a pick up line, E.” He winks at me before turning back around and continuing on with our hike.
Is he flirting with me? I just laugh nervously in response.
We hike for a long while, both quiet and enjoying the scenery. Now and then, we stop to take water breaks and for me to take pictures. We come through a group of trees and I’m blown away by the open field of wildflowers we’ve come upon. It takes my breath away and I take an obnoxious amount of pictures of it from several different angles. I will have to blow some of these pictures up on canvases to hang in my apartment.
I don’t notice until a few minutes later that Cord is quiet and hasn’t said anything in a while. I turn back toward him and find him snapping pictures of me with his phone.
“What are you doing?” I giggle.
“You look so beautiful dancing around in those flowers taking pictures. I just had to take a picture,” he holds his phone out to me. “Look for yourself.”
I take the phone from his hand and almost gasp at the image on the screen. I almost don’t recognize myself. I look carefree and happy for the first time in a really long time. My face somehow looks younger and fresher and my body more fit. I guess all the working out and eating better has paid off. I smile sheepishly at him when I hand the phone back to him.
“Come on, let’s keep going.” I nod back toward the trail leading up.
When we get to the top of the trail, there is a breathtaking waterfall just as Cord said. The smile on his face as he takes in the beauty of it all is breathtaking and every single cell in my body is screaming at me to kiss his lips. The thought alone scares me.
He turns back to me and his smile falls. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just amazed at how incredibly beautiful it is up here. How have I lived here all of my life and never done the hiking thing? It’s like a Colorado pastime that I’ve been missing out on,” I confess.
I take a bunch more pictures, sneaking in a few of Cord when he’s not watching me. We sit on a blanket Cord packed and eat a small lunch he made for us. We chat about work and my boys and its all light, easy conversation. After the heaviness of last night, we need to lighten things up. We’ve been through a lot, he more than I, but we both have suffered and need to let go and move on with our lives. It seems our friendship is exactly what both of us need.
On our way back down the trail, it’s once again quiet as we enjoy the scenery around us. I think I may have found a new addiction. This hiking trip has been soul cleansing and I know it will be something I do a lot now. I’ll have to Google all the hiking trails around here and get some better gear. The backpack Cord is carrying is amazing, and I’m going to need to get one if I’m going to continue these day hikes.
When we get
back down to the apartment complex, we chat for a moment before heading back into our apartments to shower and change, agreeing to get together and run over to Sid’s for a burger and beer. Cord asked me if I wanted to invite Claire, so I figured it would be a perfect opportunity to meet Tyler, if they didn’t already have plans.
I shoot Claire a quick text asking if they want to meet us and she agrees happily.
I put a little more effort into my appearance than normal but go for casual clothes since we’re just hitting a pub.
THE PUB IS BUSY and loud, so we pick a table in the back. Claire introduces us to Tyler and I’m beyond surprised at his appearance. Claire has always dated professionals—doctors, lawyers, and she even dated a senator once. Tyler is different. He’s sporting jeans, heavy work boots, a Colorado Rockies sweatshirt, and a worn baseball cap. Although he is wearing a sweatshirt, I can see the tattoos peeking out from the cuffs of both arms.
We chat about our hike and Claire tells us the story of how she and Tyler met. The conversation is easy and I watch Tyler’s body language. He touches Claire a lot and leans toward her when she speaks. He’s smitten and my heart is happy because I know she is pretty into him too. He owns a tattoo shop downtown but used to play minor league baseball. He seems nice.
Throughout the evening, I keep catching Cord watching me. He doesn’t look away immediately, but gives me a small smile and then returns his attention to whoever is talking. The idea that he is attracted to me makes my heart flutter and my body tingle. I mean, seriously, he’s the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met.
When it’s time to call it a night, Claire pulls me to the bathroom and gushes about how glad she is we were able to meet Tyler and we’ll have to get together again soon. I’m truly happy for her. It’s been a long time since Claire has seemed so relaxed in a relationship and that makes my heart swell.
Defining Moments Page 13
