“Dance with me, Soph.” he says and I turn around and smirk up to him. I watch him slowly back up a bit and extend his hand to me.
I forgot how perfect this song is for our situation and possibly the worse thing is that we both know it. I hear the low hum next to my ear as I rest my head on his shoulder as he leads me around my balcony.
“Today was pretty crazy.” He says to me and I look up to him confused. “It’s just when we met did you think that we would ever have a child together?”
“Not at all,” I look up and he seems to be a bit hurt by my words, “Please, you were a man whore.” And he laughs out.
“I could see it.” He admits.
“Really?”
“Yeah, why is that so hard to believe? Look, I thought that you were beautiful and you seemed so sweet. Although a little hurt and if I’m honest with you I just wanted to right the hurt.” I am truly speechless. “You just had that effect on me, it was as if the moment I saw you I knew that you would change my life.” I’m stunned and I can’t think of one good thing to say back to him.
We dance for the length of the song until it patters out and I look up to him and when I see the love in his eyes I cannot help myself, but I let our faces inch closer together. I feel the light touch of his lips at first and then the intensity that follows through with it. It completely takes my breath away.
He picks me up and before we walk inside of the door I make sure that we turn off the stereo. He carries me back to my room and bursts in through the door.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I wake in the morning to the crying echoing through the baby monitor. I sit up rubbing my face and when I look over the prior night comes cascading over me.
“Fuck,” I say slightly. Before I jump up out of bed and pull some clothes on. As I open the door to go and get Kaylee I hear Mar talking from the living room, “Shit… Shit,” I mutter under my breath as I rush across the hall. I know that we are going to be called out on what happened last night. I walk towards the room and walk into Kay’s bedroom.
“Shh, sweet Kaylee,” I say to her picking her up and she giggles, “I have a small confession to make to you. Do you want to hear it?” she looks up to me and smiles, I know that she slightly understands what I am saying to her, but she won’t be able to understand completely and that she won’t be able to tell anyone what I am saying.
“Kaylee, I have to admit to you that your daddy is in the other room.”
“Da-Da,” she says trying to repeat me.
“Yes, love, he stayed over here last night.” She looks a little confused to me and I sigh as I set her down on the floor and sit with my back flat against the wall. “I only want to do what is best for you sweetheart, and with our track record… well, I just don’t want to confuse you too much with us together and then maybe not later on. I just wish that this was all easier.” I say and she crawls over to me and sits on my lap. “My head keeps telling me that it’s not smart to confuse you with our relationship, but my heart hurts every day without him.” I tell her as I pull clothes out to dress her in, without standing up from the floor. “I love him; more than I ever thought was possible.”
I pick her up and carry her to the living room where Mar jumps up and holds out her hands for her.
“How was your night?” She asks, looking to me as I plop down on the couch next to her.
“Good, look Mar, I need to tell you something-,” I trail at the sound of my bedroom door closing and Mar’s eyes shoot up to mine as I quickly jump up from the couch and walk into the kitchen and start to make some coffee. I hear Austin, somewhat shocked, as he walks into the living room and then I hear Mar say,
“Good morning, Austin.” Then I can only imagine her looking at Kaylee and whispering “Let’s give your mommy and daddy a few minutes alone.”
“Thanks Mar, where is she?”
“Kitchen,” that trader I purposely stand with my back to where I know that he is standing and I don’t turn around.
“Um, Soph,” he pauses taking a deep breath, “Maybe we should just forget about last night. I just think that we should confuse Kaylee. Emotions were just really high since it was her first birthday.”
“Huh, yeah, you’re right.” I smile politely at him. He looks to me almost like trying to make sure that I am alright. My coffee finishes pouring and I look over to him smiling, “Coffee?”
“No, I’ve got practice today. I’ve actually got to get going. I’ll see you later though. Are you coming to the show tonight?” I turn back around so he won’t be able to see the hurt on my face.
“Probably not,” I try and keep my voice even, “I just can’t find anyone to watch Kay.” I know that he knows that I’m lying.
“Alright, I’ll see you later.” I hear his shoes squeak on the floor as he turns around and begins to walk away. I sit in the empty kitchen and I can hear Mar tell him bye and that it was nice to see him and that she missed him. I hear Kaylee laugh as I can only imagine he picks her up and hugs her, kissing her as well, the image is too much for me and I have to wipe away a rouge tear on my cheek. He doesn’t seem too excited. I sit at the table and when he walks back through the living room we don’t speak or even look at one another, and I’m forced to fight back tears. I wonder if he can see them as they threaten to come out. When the front door closes behind him I let one tear slide down my cheek but wipe it away when I hear the door close in the hallways.
“Sophie, why was he here?” she asks walking out to the living room and staring at me with Kaylee in her arms.
“Mar, don’t play dumb you know exactly why he was here.” I let my eyes cut at her.
“So, are you guys back together?” she smiles but I can’t say the words so I just shake my head and the tears begin to slide down my face, “Oh, Soph, why not?”
“Because he came out here and said it would confuse Kay, and it was just because it was her birthday yesterday and emotions were high. I mean I understand what he was saying I was thinking the same thing, but I just didn’t expect him to say it.” I tell her through my sobs.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Austin
I’m racing down the stairs right after I get the call from Mar that they are admitting her and I am panicking, I feel like I am forgetting everything, but I know that I have most of everything in the car with me.
“Daddy, where are we going?” Yes, there is some time gap I know, but I will cover all of that shortly, right now I just don’t have the time.
“I told you we have to go get mom.” I tell beautiful Kaylee as I look into the rearview mirror at her in her ‘big girl seat’.
“Is she alright?” She asks, concerned.
“Yes, baby, she is alright.” I say to her turning into the parking lot and unloading Kaylee out of the car and then she jumps down, “Don’t you dare start to run.” And she turns around and looks at me with those blue eyes and I feel like I finally know what it was like with every girl that I used to sleep with.
I hate thinking about how I used to be before Sophie, but it’s a part of who I am and I know that Sophie loves me, I know that she cares about me for all of me, not just who I am with her. Sure, we have had hard times, and we will probably always have them, but I know that I am not going anywhere anytime soon. Everyone who knew me in Miami laughs when they find out I have a little girl; they tell me that it’s karma coming back around for me, which makes me laugh because I swear if any boy touches my daughter before she’s fifty I will kill them, not kidding either.
We walk into the large sliding glass doors and I meet Mar on the fourth floor. I follow her back through the hallway until she opens the large door. Hospitals have always managed to freak me out, but this time I am elated. I see Sophie strapped up to the machines as I walk into the room and I hear the beeping coming from one of them; I’m not sure which one.
“Hey,” I tell her walking over and placing a kiss down on her forehead.
“Hey, of course the second I go off to go shop
ping with Mar.” and I can’t help but laugh.
“Shh,” I brush back the hair on her head while a contraction starts again. I hold her hand through it and by the time it’s over I have lost the feeling in my hand.
So where did we leave off? Oh, let me start off the morning after Kaylee’s first birthday.
I wake up when the door shuts to the room and I lay trying to collect my thought. The night before had been incredible and believe it or not; it had been the first time since I left Miami that I had slept with anyone. I hear Sophie’s voice come through the baby monitor and start talking to Kaylee. I always have adored the way that she spoke to her, as if she was a grown up. I hear her say that she loves me but that it isn’t smart to confuse Kaylee, and I have to agree myself that it isn’t what is best for everyone. That we were never simple; we have always been complicated. So, I hear her leave the room and walk out into the living area and I decide to get up to go and talk to her. I was taken aback when I see Mar sitting on the couch but I just try to avoid her. I say hello like any civilized person would, and she sends me a questioning glance, especially after I ask her where Soph is. I walk into the kitchen and she never even turns around to look at me; except to ask me if I want coffee. During the entire conversation I feel like something is wrong with her, like she didn’t truly mean anything that I overheard her saying to Kay. I try to tell myself that she actually means it, but I know that she didn’t I know that she loves me, but I try and convince myself that we are both alright with us leaving things the way that they have been.
Anyways, so the next few, cold, weeks are something of a daily heartache. I watch her come and go. We don’t speak after that night. We don’t even really let ourselves get too close to ever have another slip up. Occasionally, we will catch ourselves, usually as I am grabbing Kay from her; look into one another’s eyes and I know that I will feel that speak and it’s almost like instantly the other realizes it and breaks away quickly. Needless to say that we didn’t trust ourselves around one another, we tried our best not to be in the same room alone together.
I start to notice that daily Soph starts to look more and more exhausted and I silently wonder how long it will be before she will just crash and not get up for weeks. One morning as she is dropping off Kaylee I stop her as she begins to walk out of the door.
“Soph, are you alright?” It’s really the first sentence that I have said to her since that night.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” she spits out almost too quickly, and I tell how tired that she really is.
“You just look exhausted.”
“Yeah, it’s fine, she’s just been having nightmares so I haven’t been sleeping well.” She looks sad.
“Oh, well, why don’t you let her stay here a couple of times so that you can get caught up on your sleep and you know maybe go out and actually have fun.” She stares to me almost not believing the words that I am saying.
“You would do that?” she seems stunned, and I am a little surprised that she hasn’t thought of it.
“Yeah, I mean, she is my daughter as well.”
“Alright,” she pauses, “I’ll bring her stuff over tonight when I get off of work. If that’s alright?”
“That sounds great.” I smile to her.
“Thanks, Austin.” I love my days with Kaylee. We always find random things to do like go to the park and the zoo, sometimes the aquarium, we used to go and eat lunch with Soph sometimes, but that has been becoming less and less. It is really killing me how much distance that we have been lately. I am waiting for one of us to break down and admit what it is really doing on to the other.
That afternoon when Soph is dropping off the rest of Kaylee’s things the first thing that I notice is how she looks. I can’t get it out of my head. They way that jeans hug her legs all the way down to her high heels, which almost bring her up to eye level with me, the way that the jacket lets me notice the halter top underneath, the one that shows way too much cleavage, her straight blonde hair that hangs to the middle of her back. It is all too much for me and an hour after she leaves it is too much to bear. All I have been doing is sitting around thinking about guys hitting on her, and her possibly going home with one of them. After Kaylee finally falls asleep I reach for my phone, picking it up, and dialing.
“Hello,” I hear Sarah’s high pitched voice say.
“Hey, I have a favor to ask of you.”
I hate being the jealous ex but I can’t help myself… I am no longer thinking with the sane part of me, but with my heart, and only slightly with my dick.
“Come on, Sophie, breath,” I tell her letting her squeeze my hand as another contraction happens.
“Son of a bitch, I don’t remember it being this bad last time.” she yells and I press my lips into a tight line as I try not to laugh.
“Well, baby, that was four years ago.” I realize that I need to stop talking when she cuts her eyes at me.
Alright, so I walk into the bar looking around for her. I know that she will most likely be on the dance floor seeing as she hardly ever gets to go out anymore. I see Mar and Paige sitting at the table across from me and try to bolt out of the way before they can see me, knowing that they will seek out to her directly pointing me out and then this will all be ruined. I follow their gaze onto the dance floor and see Soph dancing with some guy. I watch his hand trail up her arm and I imagine myself breaking it off. Stop, Austin, get it together.
I make my way through the crowd as I see Mar and Paige spot me and they mouths drop open as I stop the dick from touching her again.
“What the fuck, dude?” he screams to me, trying to talk over the music, and I put my hand up to stop him.
“Austin,” I hear Soph say, “Where’s Kaylee?”
“Don’t worry, I called Sarah to come over and watch her.”
“Okay, well what are you doing here?”
“Wait.” I hear the guy at our side look at us like we’re crazy, “Who’s Kaylee?”
“My daughter,” Both Sophie and I say in unison and I can’t help but smile as the guy puts his hands up and walks away, understand that I am not backing down from this one.
“Austin is something wrong?” she pauses looking to me, “God, I thought I was keeping good track of my phone is case something happened.”
“No, no, Soph, everything’s fine.” I stop looking up to where Mar and Paige are sitting and meeting eye contact with them and the instant they realize that I know where they are sitting they look away as if they weren’t just watching us. “Can we talk outside?” I ask turning back to Soph.
“Okay?” she says it like a question. I grab her hand with mine and pull her outside onto the sidewalk.
“Soph, Shh, baby, it’s alright.” I say to her as she begins to whimper in the pain of being in labor.
So we walk out onto the sidewalk and I stop far enough away from the bar. I can see that Mar and Paige have moved and is now sitting in front of the window looking out at us. This time when I catch their eyes they don’t look away.
“Austin, what are you doing here?” she asks me.
“I don’t know Soph, when you came and dropped off Kay’s things. Just seeing you like this and knowing where you were going too it just… fuck… it just tore me up and embedded itself in my fucking brain and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”
“Okay, why?” maybe coming now wasn’t such a great idea.
“Because I don’t want anyone looking at you. I don’t want them to be able to touch you. If I could I would wrap you in my arms and never let you go, but only if you wanted me too because then otherwise it would be kidnapping.” She’s already slightly buzzed because she has not quite got that I was kidding about the last part, “Soph, I don’t want you to be with anyone else. Ever.”
“What are you trying to say, Austin?” She questions me.
“That I fucking love you, Sophie. I always have loved you, from that night in that goddamn restaurant.”
“Then why tell me th
at we should confuse Kay?”
“Because I thought that’s what you wanted me to say.”
“Why-,” she trails and finally everything makes sense to her, “the baby monitor.” I nod my head. “I don’t know Austin, with everything that we have been though how do we just start to try and make it work this time. I don’t think that this can work right now. I don’t think that it’s smart. I think that we need to just think about Kaylee, and what you said was right. It will confuse her, and we don’t want that. This isn’t about us anymore. It’s about her.” I nod my head as I force my hands into my pockets and turn around to walk away. “I’m sorry Austin.” I hear come behind me, but I don’t say anything and I don’t turn around to look at her, because if I did either one of those she would see my cry.
The crying starts and I feel my heart beat ignite. We left Kaylee with Paige in the waiting room as Mar and I are in the delivery room with Sophie. I walk over to her as she looks up to me and smiles, and then the doctor’s brings over the baby, we knew that it was going to be a boy, but we had yet to settle on a name.
“Logan?” she asks me and I agree.
“It’s perfect.” I lean down and kiss her forehead, “You did amazing, baby.”
Where was I? Oh yes,
So, I walk home alone, back to my crummy Manhattan walkup and I lie down next to my beautiful little girl and stare at her. She looks so much like her mother, from her beautiful porcelain skin to her long silk blonde hair, and I cry. I think I end up getting three hours of sleep before Kaylee wakes up and is ready to play and do the things that we normally do on days that I have her. She stays at my house again the next night, well that is until she has a meltdown at about nine, right after I lay her down in bed. That is when I have to call Soph, who comes over right away, she is an amazing mother and every day she manages to surprise me.
Fated Page 15
