He leaned forward. “She might think I was especially glad to see her.”
Elizabeth took several small breaths, just gazing at him. She was transfixed.
“Are you not glad?” Anne’s voice was sour.
“Indeed, not at all,” said Darcy, still smiling, still staring at Elizabeth. “She hasn’t come to see me, in any case. She’s here to see you.”
Elizabeth imagined tearing off his cravat and opening his shirt, putting her lips to his skin.
“Oh, it is quite obvious that it is me she came to see,” muttered Anne. She turned to Elizabeth. “After all, we always have so much to talk about, don’t we, Miss Bennet?” But there was a hint of irony to her tone.
Elizabeth tore her gaze away from Darcy. “I do apologize, Miss de Bourgh. I know that sometimes I am a bit quiet when I arrive here.”
Anne rolled her eyes. “Oh, no matter. I confess I don’t understand either of you. But by all means, continue with whatever it is you are doing together.”
Darcy turned to her. “My apologies, Anne, have I done something that offends you? I would not want to trespass on your hospitality.”
Anne snorted. “You don’t give a fig about trespassing on anything. But I won’t turn you out, Cousin. You needn’t worry about that.”
“Oh, marvelous,” said Darcy. “I feel quite reassured.” He turned back to Elizabeth, and a slow smile spread over his features again. “Tell me, Miss Bennet, are you happy? When we spoke in the past, I had hoped that you would be.”
She blinked. “I am happy to see you, sir.”
“Ah.” He looked down at his shoes, and his smiled faded.
“I am not unhappy,” she said. “I simply… since seeing you again…” She cleared her throat. “I apologize, I am having such trouble these days. I cannot seem to be proper. I am quite out of sorts, I’m afraid. I should not have said what I said. Of course I am happy, sir. I live a life of privilege compared to so many, and it would be obscene to complain.”
“Oh, to be sure.” He nodded. “We do have charmed lives, don’t you agree, Anne?”
“I suppose,” said Anne, picking up a teacup boredly.
“Many people are much worse off than us,” said Elizabeth. “Especially when you consider the world outside of England.”
Anne sighed. “As you say.”
Elizabeth decided to drop that. What was she going on about, anyway? Seeing Darcy had quite undone her. She did her best to compose herself. “And you, sir? Are you happy?”
Darcy regarded her, scratching his jaw. “Am I happy?” He chuckled again. “You know, let me simply echo you, Miss Bennet. I am quite happy to see you.”
“Do you miss the life you led outside of England?” Elizabeth asked. “Do you wish to change that?”
“No, no,” he said, shaking his head. “I tired of that. I would change…” He drew in a long breath, casting his eyes heavenward. “Well, what is the point of hiding it?” He reached into his pocket and took out a small bottle of laudanum. He took a drink of it. “The blasted opium, that’s what I’d change.”
Anne tightened her grip on her teacup. “This conversation is most depressing, don’t you think? Might we talk of something else?”
So, he had formed a dependency. Elizabeth wondered if he was still smoking it as well. She remembered what it had felt like, the sheer joy and perfection of it. She could see why he liked doing it all the time. If given a chance, she would have done it again without a doubt.
“You are right, of course,” said Darcy. “We must not be gloomy. What should we talk of instead?”
“I don’t know,” said Anne. “Only I think it should be something cheerful.”
“Miss Bennet, will you be attending the ball at the Sanderson residence this weekend?” said Darcy.
“I don’t know,” she said. “If you are going to be there, then I should like to, I think.”
“I’ll be there,” said Darcy. “Colonel Fitzwilliam cannot accompany Miss de Bourgh, and I must do the honors.”
“Oh, don’t put yourself out, Darcy,” Anne sighed.
“You do wish to go?” he said.
“Of course,” said Anne. “But you don’t sound very excited, which means our conversation is veering dangerously back into the gloom, and I demand that we only speak of the weather if no one can think of anything else happy to talk of.”
* * *
Bingley speared a piece of meat with his fork. “Well, no we hadn’t intended on going to the Sanderson ball.”
“There have been too many events these past few weeks,” said Jane, taking a sip from her water glass. “We are all exhausted, even Nancy, aren’t you?”
“Actually, I am,” said Nancy. “And anyway, I heard that Mr. Martin was going to be there, and he is pursuing me rather too seriously. I always have to try to be polite to him, but somehow keep from encouraging him overmuch, and I find that tiring. He is supposed to leave to go to the country after this weekend, however, so I thought that I would just wait him out. Once he’s gone, I think everything will be delightful again, don’t you, Mrs. Bingley?”
“Really, Nancy,” said Jane, “you might explain to me why you are objecting so strongly to Mr. Martin. He could do nicely for you, I think. He is rather well off. And he is altogether pleasant on the eyes.”
“Mrs. Bingley, please,” said Nancy. “I have told you before that I am not interested in getting married yet. I think I am too young, and Mr. Bingley agrees with me.”
“I did not say that.” Bingley touched his napkin to his lips. “You are out in society, after all, and by that token, you are old enough to marry.”
“If you put it off too long, you will have no one interested at all,” said Elizabeth. “Look at me.”
“Elizabeth,” said Jane. “Don’t speak that way about yourself.
Elizabeth set down her wine glass, shrugging. “I think I shall go.”
“Go where?” said Bingley.
“To the Sanderson ball,” said Elizabeth. “I’m not the least bit exhausted, and I think it would be an enjoyable evening.”
“You can’t go alone,” said Jane. “What are you thinking?”
“It’s not far,” said Elizabeth. “It’s barely a block from our home. I could walk there.”
“Walk?” said Jane. “Have you lost your mind?”
Bingley had a bite of meat in his mouth, but he had stopped chewing and was looking at her as if Elizabeth had been replaced by something foreign.
“I haven’t lost my mind.” Elizabeth shrugged, cutting her own meat. “I simply don’t want to sit around the house all evening when I could be out doing something.”
Bingley swallowed. “You can’t go alone, Miss Bennet. Please, be reasonable. You do understand that your actions reflect on your entire family, don’t you?”
“Oh, you are being ridiculous. No one pays me a bit of mind,” said Elizabeth. “No one will see me arrive, and no one will notice my presence there. If they do, they will assume I came with someone. I don’t even know why I bothered to tell you. I suppose I simply did not want you to rely on me to entertain the children or Nancy that evening, as I will be out. That is all.”
Bingley’s face was turning red. “You must stop speaking this way at once. If you are so determined to go, I shall speak to the Boswicks next door and see if there is room for you in their carriage.”
“Lizzy, really,” said Jane. “What are you thinking?”
Elizabeth shrugged again. “There’s really no need to put yourself out, Bingley.”
“I’ll speak to the Boswicks,” repeated Bingley.
* * *
And so, Elizabeth went along with the Boswicks to the ball, which was not as she would have liked it, since the Boswicks were the age of her mother and often wanted to leave earlier than she fancied she would like to stay. But she managed to make small talk with Mrs. Boswick about gowns and fabric on the way there. The ride was blessedly short, and once inside, they quickly lost track of each other.
S
he scanned the first room for Darcy, but she didn’t see him anywhere. The room contained furniture that was all white. White couches, white setees, a white chaise lounge. There were only a few people in there however. A group of men in one corner, and then a company of mixed gender young people, who were all laughing loudly at some sort of joke.
Elizabeth went into the next room, where a young woman was playing the piano-forte and singing. A group had gathered around to listen, but Darcy wasn’t among them.
She kept going, emerging into the vast ballroom. The musicians were setting up in the far corner, and there were even more people in here. The buzz of conversation was loud. A servant passed her with a tray of drinks.
She snagged one, sipping it nervously as she made her way around the room.
She went from group to group, looking for Darcy.
But he wasn’t anywhere.
She was beginning to get nervous.
He had said he was coming, hadn’t he? He had been definite about it, claiming he had to escort Miss de Bourgh.
She went into the tea room, which was filled with small round tables, but it was mostly empty. Darcy wasn’t there.
Maybe Anne had talked him out of it precisely because she knew that Elizabeth would be there. Possibly Anne didn’t approve of her.
Elizabeth couldn’t blame the woman. After all, she had behaved atrociously thus far, making a pest of herself and calling so often. It was only that she didn’t seem to be able to think straight when it came to Darcy.
She felt as if she had spent the last five years in a dark slumber, and that Darcy had arrived and thrown open the curtains. Now, all she wanted to do was bask in the light of his presence. She couldn’t bear the thought of returning to the darkness.
So, if she embarrassed herself, she didn’t care. If she brought shame to her family, she didn’t care.
She couldn’t think of anything more important than him.
She went back into the ballroom, thinking that perhaps he had arrived while she’d been looking.
But she couldn’t find him.
She passed through the rooms four more times before despairing and taking a seat at an empty table in the tea room. This was ridiculous. She couldn’t believe that she had gone to such lengths for nothing. He wasn’t here. She was so stupid.
She wanted to cry.
Instead, she ate cakes. There were tiny ones made from almonds and coconut that were divine. She must have eaten ten of them.
Feeling stuffed and a little ill, she wandered back into the ballroom.
And suddenly—
There he was.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
“Miss Bennet, where are you taking me?” Darcy was laughing a little as she pulled him down the hallway, away from the gathering. “This is highly improper, you know.”
“Yes,” she said. “Well, you are so bothered by propriety.”
“Don’t mock me,” he said, stopping. “Look at that up there. Is that woman’s wig full of turtles?” He pointed up at a painting that loomed over their heads.
“I don’t know. Does it matter?” She tugged on his hand.
“Sometimes you would see birds or something, which makes a bit of sense, since birds are up in the sky, and a woman’s head is closer to the sky than her feet. But turtles, I just can’t—”
“Mr. Darcy.” She glared at him.
He licked his lips. “Listen, Miss Bennet, I don’t know what you’re about, but you should probably know that I—”
“I don’t need to know anything.” She pulled again.
He let her lead him.
She pushed open the next door they came to. It was dark inside, but through the light of the hallway, she could make out that it was some sort of sitting room. There was no one inside. She went in, pulled him after her, and shut the door.
“Well,” said Darcy. “It really is dark in here.”
“Shut up,” she said, reaching for him. Her hand collided with his chest. She caught hold of his cravat and yanked him close. She curled her other hand around his neck, pulling him down.
She pressed her lips against his.
He kissed her fiercely, thrusting his tongue into her mouth.
She molded her body against his. God, this was what she had wanted. She needed to be close to him. Her hands roamed over his back. She wanted to pull him as close as she could possibly get. She wanted to meld them together so they could never be pulled apart.
He pulled back. “Miss Bennet, what are you about?” His voice was amused, affected. “This is quite shocking.”
“Oh, please. As if you didn’t understand what I intended when we began walking back the hall.” She ran her fingers over his face in the darkness, feeling the hint of his whiskers under the softness of his cheek. “And call me Elizabeth. Please.” She kissed him again.
His mouth was hot and thorough. He pushed her backwards until they collided with the door, and his tongue claimed every inch of hers.
She was losing her mind, and everything was wonderful. After waiting so long, things were perfect again at last. She grasped handfuls of his shirt, pulling them free of his trousers, and then her hands were against the smooth skin of his stomach. Her fingers traced his belly button, smoothed over the rough patch of hair that led delightfully lower.
He gasped, wrenching his mouth away from hers. “You’ll have to stop.”
“No,” she said. “It doesn’t matter anymore, don’t you see? I’m not marriageable. I’m not ruinable. I don’t care what people say about me, and I want this. I want you. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything as badly as I want this. If you stop me, I think I’ll go mad.” She slid her hands under his trousers.
He sighed. “You misunderstand me.”
She stopped, a thought occurring to her. “You don’t want me? You find me abhorrent and old now?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not about what I want. Besides, you know you’re exquisite.”
She knew no such thing, and his words went through her, a thrill of pleasure. She kissed him again.
He pressed her back into the door. “Just this,” he murmured against her lips. “Just this and no more.”
She shut her eyes and surrendered to his kiss. It was good, sweet. She had forgotten what it was like to be able to touch him—to be able to touch anyone. Except for the times she embraced her niece and nephew, she didn’t think she’d had a soft touch from another person since the last time he touched her.
His mouth trailed over her jaw, to her neck.
She gasped at the sensation. “Why not more?”
“Be quiet, for God’s sake, Miss Bennet.” He paused, his lips moving to her ear. “Elizabeth.” His voice was slow and soft.
Shivers broke out over her entire body. Her skin puckered. She felt her nipples tighten and that made things pulse between her thighs. She clutched him, a small moan escaping her lips.
He kissed her neck.
She tangled her hands in his hair. “Is it because you’re worried about getting me with child? Because I have done some extensive reading on this subject, and there are things we can do to prevent that from happening.”
He pulled back. “Extensive reading?”
“No one questions what I read and do anymore. I’m worthless, you see.”
He caressed her cheek. “You’re not worthless. Don’t say things like that about yourself.”
“I only mean that I’m not important to anyone, so it’s okay for me to do as I please. There’s freedom in it. It’s not as bad as it sounds.”
“That may be so, but I have nothing for you.”
“I don’t want anything. I just want you.”
“I don’t even have that.”
“What are you talking about?”
And someone was pushing on the door. She felt it, and she sprang forward, horrified.
Darcy seized her and pulled her out of the way, so that the door could open freely.
A spot of light came first—light from a c
andle.
Darcy pressed her against the wall.
She held her breath, her heart beating double time.
“Darcy? Are you in here?” said a male voice.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Darcy pushed away, grabbing Colonel Fitzwilliam by the arm and pushing him back into the hallway. “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here!”
“Yes, well, it’s a good thing I decided to come. After all, here you are utterly ignoring our dear cousin. Is that the lovely Miss Bennet you introduced me to before? What are you doing with her?”
“Oh, dear Lord, I would think that is obvious.”
Colonel Fitzwilliam looked down at Darcy’s shirt tails, which were hanging out over his trousers. “Indeed, yes. Obvious.”
Darcy flushed. He began tucking in his shirt. “Oh, shut up and go away.”
“Well, I would,” said Colonel Fitzwilliam. “In fact, I will. You are a grown man now, and your business is your own, so I shall leave you to it in a moment. I simply need a word with you first.”
“A word now? Can it not wait?”
“I feel as if I do not even know you anymore, Darcy. What are you about? This kind of behavior is not what I would expect from you.”
Darcy sighed. “Listen, Cousin, we were children together and then young men, but much has happened since then, and I have changed—”
“Yes, indeed, you have. And I’m not sure I like what you’ve changed into. I mean, shuffling off with a gentlewoman to a darkened room to engage in… in… well, you were apparently in the process of removing your clothing, so—”
“She can hear you, you know,” said Darcy mildly.
Colonel Fitzwilliam opened his mouth and closed it, as if he hadn’t quite considered that. He raised his voice. “No insult intended, madam.”
“I’ll meet you out there, all right?” said Darcy and turned away again.
“Don’t be too long.”
Darcy turned back. “I hope I can trust you to keep your mouth closed. Nothing against Miss Bennet’s reputation.”
“If the two of you return to the party at once, I shall endeavor to do so. But if you are indisposed for quite some time, then I shan’t know what to say if anyone inquires about your whereabouts.”
The Dread Mr. Darcy Page 12
