by Joy Elbel
By four o’clock we were tired and desperate as we entered the last store. It was either sheer luck or lowered standards that rewarded us with exactly what we were both looking for. As we stood in front of the dressing room mirror complimenting ourselves on such great taste in fashion, Rachel asked me the dreaded question.
“Ruby, what exactly happened between you and Zach last week?” Concern shadowed her face and I knew she would just keep asking that same question until she got an answer. Since I would rather that answer come from me than from her brother, I bit the bullet and spilled the embarrassing details. All of them.
“I got soaked while washing Luck so your brother gave me some dry clothes to put on and I went to the restroom to change. While I was in there, I got this brilliant idea to use the hand dryer to dry my underwear. Zach knocked on the door and I said ‘just a minute’. He thought I said it was okay to come in so he walked in. He found me in my underwear, cleavage shoved into the hand dryer.”
Rachel’s face showed no emotion. She just stood there dumbly looking at my reflection in the mirror. Then she gave a high pitched cackle and doubled over in laughter. “That’s it?! That’s it?! By the way you guys were both acting I was expecting sooo much worse!”
“Worse? I was mortified—what could be any worse? What if he tells everyone in school that he saw me half naked and was subsequently repulsed by the mere sight of me?” Her reaction inflamed me. How would she like it if someone found her like that? And reacted so negatively to boot?
“Honestly, I was expecting you to tell me your tampon wiggled its way out and fell on his shoes or something!”
“Wiggled its way out?” Was that even possible? Oh, I seriously hope not! The last thing I needed was one more thing to worry about. But despite my anger and newfound fear of possible embarrassment, I couldn’t help but laugh.
We both cracked up into hysterics and laughed even harder when the fitting room attendant gave us the stink eye for it. We changed into our own clothes and headed for the register, laughing the whole way. I liked Rachel. She was the only female friend I’d ever had. I realized then that I missed out on a lot through the years. If I hadn’t been constantly tied to Lee, I might have made a friend like Rachel years ago. It was the first time I ever contemplated the negative repercussions of my relationship with Lee. My emotions were mixed and that made me a little sad. The last thing I wanted was for my memories of him to become distorted, tainted by who I was trying to become.
“Seriously, though, I know you were embarrassed but Zach would never tell anyone else what happened. He didn’t even tell me. He respects you way too much for that. My brother really is a gentleman. And for real, what in the world makes you think he was repulsed by it? I’m pretty sure it was the exact opposite.” I didn’t answer her because I was afraid she might be right.
Rachel made a sudden stop at a perfume display. She held the tester out to my wrist and gave me a spritz. It was an intoxicating scent called Midnight Kiss. “Do you like it?” she asked.
I took one whiff and fell in love with it. It was an intoxicating mix of a sweet berry scent infused with a dark musk. “I do! It smells sweet yet sexy at the same time.” I looked at the bottle to find that the price tag was just as appealing. Lee always bought me rose scented perfume for Christmas because it was his favorite. I never really liked it, but wore it because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Deciding it was time for a change, I tossed a bottle of Midnight Kiss on top of the pile of things I was buying.
“I love it, too, but I can’t wear it. I tried some on one time but Zach told me I was never allowed to use it again.” Rachel frowned and gazed longingly at the display.
“Oh, is he allergic?” I discreetly slid the bottle back onto the display. While I certainly didn’t think perfume alone would erase the fact that he didn’t find me attractive, I also didn’t want to make him sneeze the whole night away.
“No, he said the scent drove him wild and he didn’t want to get horny smelling his sister! But you should definitely buy it!” She chuckled maniacally, sprayed me one more time with the tester bottle then placed it back on the glass counter.
Subtle, she wasn’t. There was no doubt now in my mind now—she was shamefully trying to hook me up with her brother. But why? Did she think I was interested in him and was trying to help me out as a friend? Or did she know that he liked me? Either way, as Rachel headed for the checkout, I found myself doing something I might regret later. I paused for just a second then snuck out that bottle of Midnight Kiss and tucked it back into the middle of my pile.
I chose to wait for them outside for two reasons. First and foremost, I didn’t want Shelly to jump to the conclusion that Zach and I were on a date. Because we weren’t. We were just two friends going to the movies together—that was all. Yeah, I wore my new outfit and man-catching perfume but that didn’t mean we were on a date or that I wanted it to be one. Or that he wanted it to be one. There was no hope for a future for us and I was well aware of that. Besides, even if Rachel was right and Zach wasn’t repulsed by me, he still thought I had a boyfriend. And he was my second reason.
Things had been quiet since last Monday night but I was afraid that could end at any moment. I couldn’t have friends in the house again. What if they were attacked next time? I would feel awful if I caused either of them to get hurt. At least this way, I was the only one who would feel any of the pain—physical or emotional.
They were running a few minutes late so I strolled through the roses to the stone fountain in the center. I needed to ask Dad if he planned on getting it working again. It was far too beautiful to just sit there collecting dust. It was much larger up close than I realized. The pool at the bottom was about three feet deep and large enough for a small child to swim in. I closed my eyes and imagined it full of water, reaching upwards toward the sky and spraying the rose bushes as it sprinkled back down. Rosewood was such an amazing place to live. It would be nicer, though, if I didn’t have to feel so afraid of it.
Two cars came down the drive and it was only then that I realized how date-like this night really was. We would be two couples in two separate cars, not a group of people going somewhere together. A wave of panic rose up through me. It was too late to wash off the perfume and change my clothes. I could see Zach’s red Neon pull up first, followed by Rachel and Boone in her car. People don’t go to drive-ins to watch the movie—they go to make out. I had seen enough movies to know that. What had I gotten myself into?!
Zach got out of his car and walked to the fountain to meet me. I stood up and straightened my skirt, suddenly aware of just how short it was. What was I thinking? I was thinking that I’d been incredibly lonely since Lee died and just didn’t know how much until I met Zach. And now thanks to my lie, he thought I was sneaking around on my boyfriend who he thought was very much alive. But what could I do? If I told Zach the truth, I would have a lot to explain—how I was responsible for Lee’s death and the fact that I was now being haunted because I was falling in love with him. Falling in love with him. It was the first time I used those words to describe how I felt about Zach. You can only lie to yourself for so long, I suppose. But as far as sharing that with him, there was no way in hell I could do that. It would frighten him away for sure. Yeah, I had to keep up the lie.
“You look great. Are you ready to go?” He held out his hand and in spite of my better judgment, I held out mine in response. He took it gently in his and gave a slight squeeze as he said, “I’m glad you agreed to come tonight. Not talking to you was killing me.” Funny, because I was pretty sure that talking to me was actually the more dangerous of the two options.
“Hey, babe!” Rachel called out of the open window of her car. “Lookin’ good!”
“Right back at ya!” I replied. Rachel was wearing her new clothes, too, and looked gorgeous as always.
“Red’s your favorite color and Ruby looks amazing in it, doesn’t she Zach?” she said with a sneaky smile.
“Smells
good, too,” he said with a wink. Rachel winked back and I knew I’d been set up. She showed me that perfume hoping that I would buy it. Great, now he probably thought I wore it just to seduce him. I wanted him to like me but I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression either. Ruby Matthews was no slut!
He opened the car door for me and I struggled to find a ladylike way to get in as my hemline rose to dangerous heights. He caught on to my dilemma and respectfully turned his head. Once seated, I waved my hand to let him know the coast was clear. I gave my skirt one more tug before he got in, lamenting the fact that I was going to have to do that about a million more times before the night was over.
He popped in a CD and started to drive. No more than three notes drifted from the speakers when I recognized what we were listening to. It was Cold Eternal, my favorite band. Correction. They used to be my favorite band. Lee and I listened to them all the time. Every song reminded me not just of him but of how he died. I stopped listening to them after the accident. And I certainly couldn’t start now.
“Do you mind if we listen to something else? I’m not really into this band.” I struggled to keep my voice from wavering.
He looked surprised. “I thought you liked them. I saw you had every one of their CDs in your collection.”
“I used to but not anymore.” I kept a calm façade but underneath I was about to crack into a thousand emotionally devastated little pieces. If he didn’t take it out soon, I was going to burst into tears.
“Okay. I have something else here you might like. One of Rachel’s friends is in a band and I have a copy of their demo.” He reached into the center console and handed me the empty case for Cold Eternal. “Can you switch them out for me?”
Gladly. I practically punched the eject button and put an end to the musical torture. I found the other CD and put it in instead. The case said “NeverMore”.
The music started up and I liked it immediately. It was energetic and fun with a fast, punk kind of beat. “So this is a local band, then?”
“Yeah, all-girl, they’re close to getting a real record deal, too. They won a contest and got to play with Cold Eternal last year during the Capital Punishment Tour.”
I caught my breath. That was the concert Lee and I were on our way to when…. It seemed that no matter where I went or what I did, things always came back around to the same subject. Would I never be out from under his shadow? Even miles away from Trinity and outside the walls of Rosewood, I still felt hopelessly haunted.
NeverMore seemed like a good band but I just couldn’t get into the music now no matter how hard I tried. Tonight was such a mistake. Zach was going to have a miserable night and I felt bad that I couldn’t at least give him a reason for my sadness because I felt that he deserved at least that much. He was quiet the whole way to the drive-in making me feel worse with each passing mile. So I resolved to get into a better mood—or at least fake one—for his sake.
When we pulled into the drive-in, Zach insisted I stay in the car so he could get the door for me. Rachel pulled in beside us and she and Boone both got out and came to my window. “Ruby, I want you to meet Boone Sterling, my boyfriend and star of the Red Ravens football team.”
Boone was a hulking mass of muscle with dark hair, dark eyes and a nice smile. “Hey,” he said with a nod of his head. “Rachel talks about you all the time. Thanks for coming tonight. We’ve had one too many dates where this loser tagged along,” he said, motioning toward Zach. Zach punched Boone on the arm and a few punches later they were all but wrestling on the ground.
I stepped back unsure of what to do. Zach was big but Boone was infinitely bigger and I was afraid Zach was about to get his ass kicked. Rachel had turned to say hello to some girls walking by so she was unaware of the brawl unfolding behind her. It was up to me to stop the fight.
“STOP IT!” I yelled at the top of my lungs. “You’re gonna hurt him, you big bully!” Without even thinking, I flung my bag around and smacked Boone on the back of the head with it. The scuffle stopped immediately and they both dumbly stared at me.
Boone was the first to laugh. “Looks like your new girlfriend thinks I can take you!”
Zach started to laugh but stopped when he caught a look at my face. “We weren’t really fighting, Ruby. This bully is my best friend.”
OMG, I was the biggest freaking idiot ever! Rachel finally caught on to what just happened and she came to my rescue. “It’s okay, Boone really is a big bully. He’ll tell you that himself. Right, Boone?” She gave him an ‘if you don’t agree with me, you’ll be sorry later’ look.
Boone nodded, rubbing the spot on the back of his head where my purse had made impact. “Hell, yeah! I won’t get into the NFL any other way. And that was quite a hit you landed there yourself! I guess tough things come in small packages, too.”
I wanted nothing more than to slink away and find a giant rock to hide under. Again. How stupid could I be? If I weren’t so socially awkward, I would have known they were just joking around. What I needed to do was shut my mouth before I said anything even more stupid. But first, I had to find the courage to tell Boone that I was sorry.
“Sorry, Boone. I didn’t know you were friends.” Short, sweet and to the point. Nothing more to embarrass myself.
“You should really apologize to your boyfriend for thinking he’s a pussy.” He laughed and punched Zach in the shoulder one last time.
Cue the embarrassment. Boone had every ounce of Rachel’s subtlety it seemed. “That’s not what I meant, Zach. I just didn’t want to see you get hurt. And he’s not my boyfriend,” I said to Boone. “We’re just friends.” Did I convince them all of that? I wasn’t sure that I’d convinced myself. Zach felt like way more than just a friend but I couldn’t let him know that.
“It’s okay, Ruby. I knew exactly what you meant.” He smiled but I could see disappointment on his face. I knew in that second that at least Zach was convinced.
I felt bad for him. Here was a sweet, gorgeous boy who, for some unknown reason, liked me. There was no reason not to return his affection and I did, just not where he could see it. Why couldn’t I be free to love him without fear of what would happen? Without having to feel guilty because of it? Without fear that it would end and my heart would be irreparably shattered?
Rachel diffused the situation by suggesting that we go get some popcorn. Gladly. She and I walked quietly through the field to the concession stands. It was odd because Rachel was almost never quiet. We bought popcorn and some drinks and headed back. Halfway to our cars, she broke the silence.
Rachel spoke in a serious tone, one I’d never heard her use before. “I know you say you have a boyfriend but you’re totally into my brother, aren’t you?” I barely parted my lips to respond when she held up her hand in protest.
“No. Don’t answer me. I know what you’re going to say but I don’t believe you. I see the way he looks at you and you look at him the same way. If all you need is a little time to wrap up whatever with what’s his name, he’ll give you that. I know he seems too good to be true, like a character out of a Savannah Mahan novel or something, but everything about him is real. My brother doesn’t chase girls the way other boys do—as a matter of fact, he hasn’t dated in a while. He thinks you’re special and I think he’s right. Just give him a chance, okay?”
Stunned and speechless. Did he really feel that way about me? If all I needed was time to solve my dilemma, I’d be a happy girl but things were way more complicated than that. She was patiently waiting for a response so I nodded my head because I didn’t know what else to do.
“Okay, then. Let’s go watch some movies.” Instantly, she was back to her normal self but I was far from it. Did Zach put her up to this little speech or was she acting alone? It really didn’t matter, I suppose. Either way, we couldn’t be together and that was that. But I felt hollow now in a way I hadn’t anticipated.
By the time we got back to the cars, the first movie was starting. Tonight they were having a
double feature—an action and a horror. Action movies weren’t my kind of thing but I could never say no to a cheesy slasher flick. It was time to relax and try to enjoy myself, try to forget about my conversation with Rachel. I’d already managed to embarrass myself beyond repair—as usual—so I figured the odds that the rest of the night would go smoothly were firmly in my favor.
The boys were seated in their respective vehicles, behaving for my benefit, I assumed. Zach practically flew out of the car to open the door for me. I heard Boone call out, “Knock it off, Romeo! You’re making us normal guys look bad!”
Zach shot him a nasty look and I pretended not to notice anything for Zach’s sake. He was uncomfortable enough as it was—I didn’t have to make things worse. He settled into the car and I offered him some popcorn. He smiled and I started to believe that the night was going to turn out okay after all.
The movie, on the other hand, was beyond repair. The plot was thin, the acting bad and I’d heard better dialogue in Saturday morning cartoons. I wanted to burst into laughter but I contained it because Zach really seemed to be into it. About a half hour in, though, I couldn’t help myself and laughed out loud at what was intended to be a serious part. To my surprise, Zach laughed, too.
“I thought I was the only one who found the humor in it,” he said still laughing. It was the most relaxed I’d seen him in days. It was nice.
“I’ve been trying really hard not to laugh because I thought you were interested in it!” We joked about it together and for the rest of the movie we were critics, picking out the inconsistencies and mocking the characters. We were having so much fun that we were both disappointed when the movie ended. We took some time during intermission to stretch our legs and get some more popcorn then I pried Rachel’s lips off of Boone’s long enough to get her to go to the restroom with me.
The restroom was full of girls and she introduced me to a few of them. As we were washing our hands and checking our makeup, Rachel went on and on about Zach and me. How we looked like we were really having fun, how we had the same sense of humor. How cute we looked together.
