by Joy Elbel
“No, I didn’t. Didn’t even come close.” He seemed proud of that fact. And that made me proud of him.
“So that’s it? That’s the whole story?” I didn’t understand why he was being so serious. So he didn’t sleep with a slut, so what? Was I right? Did he still have feelings for her?
“Not really. I got home just before the storm hit and I went straight to bed. The phone rang at midnight. It was Grandma. When I didn’t show up but the snow did, Grandpa went out to get the heater and he didn’t come back. After an hour passed, she called 911. There were whiteout conditions and the ambulance had trouble getting there. She was frantic. By the time they got there, it was too late. He’d fallen and broken a hip and died of hypothermia waiting for help to come. If I’d kept my promise, he would still be alive.”
His words sucked the wind right out of me. He knew the pain I felt, he knew the guilt. “Oh, Zach! I’m so sorry, but it’s not your fault. You shouldn’t blame yourself for his death! Sometimes bad things just happen!” I wanted to hug him but I was afraid it might lead to more. So I placed my hand on his shoulder in a feeble attempt to ease some of his pain. His soul was wounded—I could see it in his eyes. It was the same thing I saw when I looked in the mirror.
“No, it was my fault. I let all of the attention I was getting on the field go to my head. Before I made the team, all I ever wanted was to be a veterinarian and I had my grandpa to thank for that. He was a farmer—ran a free-range egg farm long before anyone even knew what that was. He didn’t make much money that way, but ‘money isn’t everything’ he used to say. Grandpa taught me to love and respect all animals. He encouraged my love of music too—bought me my drum set for Christmas one year.”
“But once I got on the field, I had a lot of people throwing ideas of fame and fortune at me and I really didn’t want to disappoint my dad. I thought I could be the next big name in the NFL. I got stars in my eyes and lost sight of what was really important to me. But when Grandpa died, I fixed my mistakes. I never touched another drop of alcohol. I quit the team. I walked right off the field after the first play of the championship game. The Red Ravens lost, 28-0. I was enemy number one in Charlotte’s Grove for months—probably still am in some people’s eyes. My dad was mad that I threw away the one thing he wanted most when he was my age and reminded me of the scholarships I’d lost. Even Boone didn’t talk to me for a while. That’s when I really started to concentrate on school—gave up drumming so I could spend more time at the shelter. I really miss it…but I guess it’ll all be worth it in the end.”
Too bad. The thought of him behind a set of drums…well, it made me hot. What was it about drummers, anyway? While most girls drooled over the singers or guitar players, I always focused on the guy in the background, the one doing most of the work yet getting none of the respect. Something about that was extremely attractive to me. But that wasn’t the only thing I found appealing about him.
Sudden revelation. “Number 7!” I exclaimed, realizing that I was now sitting with the hottie from the billboard. And remembering just how good he looked in that uniform.
Zach turned to me, a look of surprise on his face. “Yeah, how did you know? I thought you said Rachel didn’t tell you anything?”
“She didn’t! I saw the billboard just outside of town on the day we met.” As soon as the word ‘billboard’ was out of my mouth I wished I could take it back.
“I take it you’ve seen the graffiti then.” I felt so bad for him. For the first time since we met, I saw that we were more alike than I ever could have imagined and I loved him even more for it.
“Yeah, every time they clean it up someone defaces it again. It used to piss me off but now I just use it as inspiration. I’m determined to get into a good college but some of my grades aren’t great. When I start to get off track, I go look at the billboard and it gives me the strength to keep going.”
I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to be close to him so I slid over and placed my arm around him and rested my head on his shoulder. We sat that way, quietly enjoying the closeness for what seemed like forever. I was in that blissful state where I felt more asleep than awake when Zach finally moved. He gently brushed the hair away from my cheek and with one finger he tilted my face upward to meet his.
He spoke in hushed tones, his every word a secret only we would share. “I don’t care how long I have to wait, Ruby. You’re worth it.”
That was it. I couldn’t control my emotions any longer. I threw myself into his arms and buried my head in his chest. And for the first time in my life, I allowed the floodgates to open. Racked with tears, I sobbed like a baby while he stroked my hair soothingly. He didn’t ask me what was wrong, he just held me close and let me cry and I was thankful for that. I shed tears for every hurt I’d had ever had in my life. I cried because I wasn’t crying alone anymore and it felt better than I ever could have imagined. When the river finally went dry, I pulled back to look into his eyes. When I saw the water running down his face, I caught the next droplet with my finger before it could escape his eye. “Why are you crying?” I whispered.
“For Grandpa and for you. I don’t know what’s going on with your situation and I don’t know how to make this any easier for you. I feel so helpless. Please, Ruby, tell me what’s wrong! Tell me how I can help you.” He leaned into me until our foreheads were touching. He was so close I could see my eyes reflected in his. I had to find a way to be with him, no matter what the cost.
“You have helped me—more than you could ever know.” I gave him a smile, happier than anyone drenched in their own tears should ever be.
“I don’t see how.” He let his hand drop down onto mine, his fingertips gently tracing small circles on my skin.
“Just trust me when I say that.” I didn’t want the moment to end—ever. But I had a curfew to think about so I peeled myself away from him reluctantly. “It must be getting late. I need to get home.”
I glanced at my watch. 12:30! I was supposed to be home at midnight! Dad or Shelly or both of them together were going to kill me. But any punishment I suffered would be worth it. Zach was worth it. “My curfew was a half hour ago—we gotta go!”
“Dammit, not the impression I wanted to make on your dad! C’mon Cinderella. There may still be time to get you home before your dad turns me into something worse than a pumpkin!” Zach yanked the blanket from the ground the second we were off of it and with a worried expression, he ushered me quickly down the hill to his car.
I found it incredibly sweet that he was worried about what my dad thought of him. But even more so that he called me Cinderella. There was something so innocent and romantic about it that it caught me completely off guard. He caught me completely off guard.
“Everything will be okay,” I reassured him. And in that moment, I actually believed it. He was like a fairy tale prince and I was his princess. When I was with Zach, everything somehow seemed possible. Even things that were…impossible.
10. …Leaves Me Broken
When we got to Rosewood, Zach insisted on coming inside with me to apologize for getting me home so late. I was relieved to discover that Dad had already gone to bed. It would be much easier for Zach to charm Shelly, instead. The door to Shelly's study was wide open so we walked right in.
“Excuse me, Mrs. Matthews, but I want to apologize for keeping Ruby out too late. We were talking and lost track of time. It’s my fault and I promise it will never happen again.” Zach was the poster boy for the perfect date and Shelly fell under his spell like I hoped.
“You’re forgiven…this time.” Shelly smiled and got up from her desk. “And you can call me Shelly, by the way. ‘Mrs. Matthews’ makes me sound old. Did you guys have fun?”
We looked at each other, smiled what felt like a secret smile, and both responded, “We did.”
“Good. That’s all that matters then, I guess.” And that was it. Shelly simply picked up a stack of notecards and began flipping through them. I knew from past experience t
hat her mind was focused on her writing and not on my misdeed. There was no way that I wouldn’t have taken at least some grilling had I been speaking to her alone. I would have to put Zach’s charm to work for me the next time I needed something from her.
“I have to get home now before my parents get mad at me,” Zach announced. He said goodbye to Shelly and I walked him to the door.
“Can I give you a call tomorrow?”
Not knowing exactly what to say to him, I nodded my head instead. I didn’t want the night to end. It was the best night I’d had in a long time, maybe even ever. He held out his arms and took me in a warm embrace. I listened to the sound of his heartbeat, wishing I could have it beside me to lull me to sleep. He kissed me lightly on the forehead and walked to his car.
“Goodnight, Ruby.”
“Goodnight, Zach.”
I sat down on the porch steps and watched until the Neon was well out of sight. In that moment, I knew that I couldn’t fight my feelings any longer. I was determined to find a way for us to be together.
I walked to my room tired and happy, thinking of nothing but Zach and a good night’s sleep. As I climbed the stairs to the attic, I got a strange sensation that something was wrong. I took the steps slowly, one by one, not sure whether what I was feeling was real or just a result of exhaustion. An eerie hush surrounded me and the only thing I could hear was the rush of blood through my ears as my heart pounded violently in my chest. Something wasn’t right. With another step forward, a familiar sound echoed from above. I heard that noise every time I went into the attic. It was the sound of the door knob turning. Only this time, my hand wasn’t the one turning it.
The knob spun slowly of its own accord, grinding ominously as it moved. Everything was in slow motion. The knob twisted far enough to undo the latch and the door creaked open, inch by inch. With quickened pulse, I lifted my foot to the next step. The door’s progression was agonizingly slow but I felt the urge to match its pace. Petrified of what I would find once I was inside, I continued on anyway, determined to face the horrors head on. I crept up the stairway cautiously until both feet rested on the landing. The door was fully open now so I reached around the corner for the light switch. Catching it with one finger, I flicked it upwards but the room remained dark. Taking a deep breath, I thought of Zach and found the courage to peer inside.
Moonlight poured through the window, illuminating the room in a sinister, silvery glow. Shadows from the giant oak limbs clawed at the floor as I entered, grabbing desperately at me, only to be thrashed back by the growing wind. The warm breeze that caressed us on the hilltop was gone now, replaced with howling gusts. Dark clouds quickly obscured the moon and without warning, I was pitched into a blackened abyss. The room took on a frosty chill that summer had never seen before. I needed to find a light but I was unsure of my surroundings. As my eyes became accustomed to the dark, I could make out the shadow of my hoodie on a hook on the wall near the window. Panicked, I groped for my desk lamp, sending books and pens flying in my haste. As I fumbled for the switch, I had a dreadful realization—the shadow I thought was my hoodie was now moving slowly toward me.
Flinching in horror, my arm caught the lamp and sent it crashing to the floor. The figure was nothing more than a vague outline of what may or may not have been a human form. Gripped by terror, I blindly stumbled backwards. The form was terrifying to look at but I was even more afraid of letting it out of my sight. As it closed in on me, my foot got tangled in a cord and I hurtled backward toward the floor. Cracking my head on something hard and sharp, a searing pain shot through the back of my skull. The shadow bore down on me, icy and menacing. What price would I have to pay for falling in love with Zach?
“Lee,” I begged, “Please don’t hurt me!” Trembling from both pain and fear, and with tears spilling from my eyes, I tried to reason with him. “I never meant to hurt you, please!”
It was touching me now, like a freezing cold fog enveloping me. The shadow had no substance but somehow a massive pressure was pushing on my chest like it was made of molten lead. My lungs pushed back feebly, my heart rammed against my rib cage. I tried to heave myself up from the floor but the pain was unbearable. Why couldn’t he see that I was truly sorry for everything that happened? Why couldn’t he allow to me to go on in peace? He was so much stronger than me but I wasn’t giving up without a fight. I knew my only hope was to get Dad’s or Shelly’s attention so I gathered together every ounce of strength I had and forced the air out of my lungs in a single piercing scream.
The weight on my chest doubled as I lay there spent and barely able to breathe. I didn’t know what else to do and for a split second I contemplated giving up and letting it take me. Then I thought of Zach again and it made me want to fight. He was worth fighting for. With newfound strength, I twisted my foot around until it caught the leg of my desk chair. I yanked at it as hard as I could until it gave way and smashed to the floor. If I could make enough noise, maybe I would be heard. I blocked out the pain and drew in the deepest breath I could manage. Then I screamed like my life depended on it because I was certain that it did.
My body slumped back against the floor and I struggled to find the strength to do it again. As I gasped for air, I heard a noise downstairs. I squeezed my eyes shut and screamed again—weaker this time—but it was the best I could do and it had to be enough. I just wasn’t ready to die yet. Not now, not like this. When I opened my eyes, I saw a light in the hallway and heard the sound of frantic footsteps. The shadow raised its weight off of me, hovered for an instant, and then was gone. It disappeared into thin air just as Dad and Shelly came thundering through the door.
As the room flooded with light, I blinked back the darkness and tried to sit up. Now that the adrenaline was worn off, the pain in my head was excruciating. I laid back down for fear that my head was going to split open. I reached tenderly for the spot and my fingers were met with a wet, sticky substance. Blood. The back of my head was bleeding heavily, my hair matted into a thick clump as the blood began to congeal.
Dad rushed to my side and called for Shelly to get him a towel. He tilted my head forward and examined the damage. “What happened, Ruby?”
What happened? That was a really good question. I wanted to tell him the truth but Dad would never believe me. I wasn’t sure I believed me. He looked at me worriedly, waiting for my answer.
“I tripped over something in the dark. I fell backwards and hit my head.” I felt bad for lying but I thought it was the best decision. And technically, it really wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t the whole truth. Nowhere near it.
Shelly knelt down beside me and rested her hand on my shoulder. “You’re freezing just like the night you had the nightmare and you’re struggling to catch your breath! Are you sure there’s nothing else going on here, Ruby?” She looked at me quizzically and I felt transparent, like she could see straight through to the truth. Almost. No one in their right mind could possibly guess what was really going on. Not even Shelly with her writer’s imagination. As it turned out, truth sometimes was stranger than fiction.
“When I fell, I guess it knocked the wind of me. I’m just a klutz, that’s all. You should know that by now.” I tried hard to be nonchalant about the whole thing but inside, I was still scared to death.
“But you’re so cold and this room is downright freezing.” She looked around the room and shivered. Shelly didn’t see the evil I just faced but I was pretty sure she could feel it.
“I think I left a window open.” Yeah, the window to Hell, maybe.
Dad spread my hair to get a better look at the wound and I winced in pain. “You’re going to need stitches. Shelly, help me get her to her feet.”
And with that, I was headed to the hospital. Strange how the best night of my life had suddenly become one of the worst. Life, it seemed, was out to get me. Or, to be more accurate, death.
After my ordeal and two hours in the emergency room at Baker Regional Medical Center, I was exhausted and all
I wanted to do was sleep. The only problem was I didn’t want to go upstairs. What if it returned? I didn’t have any strength left to fight it. But what excuse could I give to sleep downstairs without having to explain the unexplainable? I thought hard all the way home and as we rolled down the oak lined drive, I finally had an idea. I would wait until they both went to bed and then I would sneak back downstairs and find a place to crash.
I assured Dad that I was okay and since he had to be up for work in a few hours, he consented and went to bed. Shelly wasn’t so easy to convince. She asked me to follow her to her study and I knew I was about to be grilled about the incident. She sat down on the couch and motioned for me to join her. I was too weak to argue so I sat down and stared at the floor to avoid her penetrating gaze. She had an eerie habit of seeing right through me and now was definitely not the time for that.
“How do you feel, Ruby? Are the painkillers working for you?” She really did seem concerned and I felt a twinge of guilt for the lies I was about to tell.
“It hurts a little but it’s much better since I took the pills.” That was the truth.
“Did something happen tonight, something you’re not telling us?”
“No. I didn’t turn on the light and I fell over the chair. That’s what happened. Really.” Lie number one.
“That’s what you said but I noticed that the lamp was broken and there seemed to more of a mess than I would have expected from just falling over the chair. If there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m here to listen.” She rested her hand on mine just like I always imagined my mother would have done in moments like this. But Shelly wasn’t my mother so normally I would have brushed her hand away and stormed off. Tonight though, I was happy to not be alone.
