by Debra Kayn
Bear tossed the money across the room to the bed. "Keep it."
"I don't want it."
"Jacko gave it to you," said Bear.
She pushed him one more time. "Whatever. Now let me out of the room, so I can do what I was going to do."
Bear stepped back, swept his arm in front of him, and gave her permission to leave. She glared, snatched up her purse, and marched outside. Expecting to find Stache, who'd been taking her to the institute, she gazed around an empty parking lot.
"Great," she muttered, whipping around to yell at Bear. "You made me miss my ride."
"I am your ride, lady." Bear walked past her toward his motorcycle.
She closed her eyes, counted to three, then counted to ten when her body remained vibrating in frustration, and finally followed Bear to his bike. The moment she jerked out of bed that morning because she thought Jacko had returned and then realized it'd all been a dream, she knew the day would suck.
During the fifteen-minute ride to the institute, she used the time to calm down and forget about her personal life falling apart and the Moroad members silently supporting Jacko. She needed to focus on Sarah and spend her energy on her sister. After a rough week of listening to doctors, talking with the nurses, and trying to break through Sarah's barriers she'd erected, the only thing she'd come to realize was she'd never give up hope of her sister recovering.
All Sarah needed was her family, and Amy was it for her.
Bear pulled up to the front gate of the institute. She hopped off his motorcycle and stared at the intimidating old brick structure. Her first impression of the place Jacko hid Sarah away in filled her with anger as she'd taken in the rundown, ivy covered front porch, overgrown hedge and ominous, depressive appearance.
Her first-day visit changed her mind. The administration ran a loving home for those unable to take care of themselves and after reading the paperwork of how much it cost Jacko to house Sarah here, she admitted he'd gotten Sarah the best help. She also understood why Jacko was practically broke.
"I'll be done in a couple of hours." She turned back to Bear. "I need to spend time trying to find a job. Do you know if the Mining Supply store is hiring?"
She'd worked there before leaving Federal in a rush five years ago. Maybe Trent, the manager, still ran the company and would hire her back. She enjoyed the job, and the physical labor would keep her mind off her problems. Besides, she needed to find employment in Federal to stay close to Sarah.
Bear's beefy hand gripped his handlebar. "No clue, honey."
"Oh, well, I guess I'll find out soon enough." She walked up the steps and pushed through the unlocked gate.
Susan at the front desk slid the glass partition to the side. "Good morning, Miss O'Harris."
"Good morning." She leaned against the counter and scribbled her name on the visitor registry. "I have some errands to run later, but didn't want to miss seeing my sister for a little while."
"Can I get you a coffee?" Susan held up her hand for her to wait and stepped through the door to the lobby. "Maybe I can show you the kitchen. Have you met the day cook? We can even make it possible to stay for lunch and sample the menu the residents receive."
Amy tilted her head, trying to take in all the questions. Susan seemed jumpy and high energy today.
"Thanks, but I'm just going to go to Sarah's room and spend time with her." She walked away, her rubber-soled sneakers squeaking against the tiled floor.
A flustered nurse—was her name Carla?— hurried down the hallway, aiming for Amy. Her pulse roared in her ears, and she stopped. Had her visits upset her sister?
"We're going to be mopping the rooms on the first floor. Can I escort you to the dining room? I'd be glad to bring your sister to you in a few minutes." The nurse worked her lips together. "It's a big job with eight rooms on each floor and might be awhile."
Susan's strange behavior topped with Carla's need to get her away from Sarah's room made her more determined to find her sister. "That's okay. I'll visit with her until they're ready to clean her room."
She stepped around the nurse. Her need to check on her sister more urgent than worrying about upsetting the staff. For all appearances, everything looked professional on the outside, but she'd only been coming around for a week and Sarah couldn't tell her how she was treated when alone.
At the open door to Sarah's room, Amy peeked inside and stopped herself from going any further. She reached for the door frame and braced herself.
Sarah sat on the edge of the bed, staring straight ahead, hands folded in her lap, a vacant look on her precious face. Unmarked, flawless, serene, her beautiful sister was unaware of the man crouched in front of her.
The back of the faded jean vest with the Moroad Motorcycle Club patch taunted her. Her heart thundered in her chest. She thought Jacko went to prison with Jeremy for killing the men responsible for the condition of her sister.
Her knees buckled, and she locked them solid to keep on her feet. A gaping hole formed in her chest, pounding her senseless. She pressed her hand to the front of her neck, afraid she'd cry out and alert him.
She hurt, so damn much seeing him here.
"You look pretty this morning, Sarah." Jacko picked up Sarah's hand and held it between his two broad, rough hands. "I haven't been around much lately, and I wanted to stop by and tell you what's kept me away. Part of the reason you might already know."
Amy leaned against the doorframe, straining to hear the low, thickness of Jacko's voice. Warmth curled at the pit of her stomach despite her anger over Jacko's lies and secrets. He'd never once talked to her in that tone, coddled her, softened himself for her.
Jealousy wasn't the problem, yearning to have Jacko back in her life was. He'd ripped her heart out, leaving her scarred. Each day without him worse than the last.
She ached for him. Even with her responsibility toward her sister, she still thought and wanted Jacko. She was as crazy as him for even thinking he deserved to be happy after what he'd put her through.
"I kept my promise to you. The men who hurt you are dead." Jacko inhaled deeply. "They won't touch you again. You're safe here, and because you're safe, I told Amy the truth. Of course, you know that part. I just don't want you thinking Amy stayed away on purpose. She would've been here with you, but I never told her where you were or that you came back. It's my fault. I'm the one to blame. She's always, always loved you. Being without you was hard on her, and keeping your location and condition secret didn't make things easier. I had to protect you both, and the only way I knew how was to put you somewhere that others could take care of you, while hiding you away from the men who hurt you. I forced Amy to leave the area and kept the secret of you surviving from her. I couldn’t chance her coming here or being followed, but that worry is gone. It's over. You're both free and safe. Nobody will hurt you again."
Sarah sat unblinking.
Amy blinked frantically, clearing her vision.
Jacko let his head fall forward. The tears too much to contain spilled down Amy's cheeks. With Sarah, Jacko talked straight, stayed still, and was saner than anyone in the Institute.
"I need to tell you something else, Sarah," Jacko whispered. "I need to tell you something, and I don't know how...I don't know if it'll mean anything or if you'll understand."
Sarah remained unmoved and unresponsive, and yet Jacko talked as if the two of them were having a normal conversation. Witnessing the tenderness caused an unbearable ache inside her.
"I love Amy." Jacko brought Sarah's hand up to his mouth and placed them back on her lap. "It wasn't something I planned. Fuck, it wasn't even something I wanted. She's your sister."
Amy covered her mouth to halt the sob from escaping and giving away her location. She needed to stop him from saying anything more and couldn't. Her need to hear what he'd say next won out.
Jacko cleared his throat. "Since I lost you, my life has changed. You'd hate the man I've become. But, Amy accepted me with a criminal record, knowing my hist
ory with you, and my insanity. I'd push her away, and she'd come back harder and more determined. She took my shit and refused to let me get away with hurting her."
Amy closed her eyes, soaking in Jacko's words. He wrapped her tight with a confession she never dreamed she'd hear.
"I love her, and that's the reason I need to leave you." Jacko stood and swayed left to right. "You have your sister now and don't need me coming around. She'll take care of you, and you'll always have her in your life."
Amy stepped out of the doorway and leaned against the hallway wall. She wiped any trace of emotion from her face. Though her insides fluttered as if any moment she'd crumble into pieces. She had no idea where Jacko would go. He wouldn't leave Moroad Motorcycle Club or Idaho.
Boots thunked on the floor, growing closer. She inhaled swiftly and held her breath, her teeth clamped together.
Jacko walked out of the room past her, stopped, and turned around. He stared into her eyes, pain flashing behind the stoic mask he wore. She caught herself against the wall when her knees trembled and unlocked.
His intense gaze embraced her, and his voice came out strong and pliant, catching her off guard. "I needed to come and tell Sarah goodbye and tell her nobody will ever hurt her again. Everyone says she doesn't understand what I'm talking about, but I needed to tell her. I owed her that much."
She swallowed and nodded.
His gaze went to her lips. His chest expanded. He pivoted and walked away. She followed him two steps wanting to bring him back and stopped. Her vision narrowed and dimmed until she could only focus on his vest in the long hallway.
"Jacko?" she called.
He stopped and refused to turn around and face her.
She pried her tongue off the roof of her mouth and moistened her lips. Her upper body ached. She needed him close, his breath against her face. "I was in."
His back stiffened, and he strode to the doors, pushing his way outside. She curled into herself and squeezed her eyes closed, gasping for breath. If he loved her the way she needed to be loved, he would've never walked away.
"Miss O'Harris?" A soft voice spoke beside her.
Amy pushed herself to her feet and lifted her chin. "Yes?"
"I'd like to apologize. I was the one who let Jacko in to say his goodbyes. I went against procedure and if you'd like to fill out a grievance—"
"No. I'd like Jacko put back on the list of approved visitors for my sister." She faced the nurse and sniffed, gaining control of herself. "But, I'll warn you. If I ever find out you let someone not on the list inside this institution again, I will come after your job and remove my sister. Her safety is my biggest concern. I hope I don't have to repeat myself."
Carla shook her head. "No, ma'am."
Amy walked into Sarah's room and shut the door. Her sister remained in the same spot perched on the side of the bed. She sat beside Sarah, put her arm around her sister's slim body, and leaned shoulder to shoulder.
They'd sat in the same position their whole life. When they watched a horror movie late at night. The day they found out her mom had a heart attack and died. The first time a boy broke up with Sarah in the eighth grade at her first after-school dance. Even when Amy lost the Federal Junior Miss Pageant when she was ten years old to Rochelle Gates, it was her sister who came and sat beside her and called Rochelle a big bitch to her face in her honor.
"I guess you know what's been happening since I saw you yesterday." Amy sighed. "My heart hurts. I love him, and he's crazy enough to believe he's doing me a favor by walking out of our lives."
She waited, hoping and praying Sarah would give her advice and tell her what to do. No words of wisdom came.
"I don't know what to do, sis," she whispered.
The sister she knew would never return. It only took her a day of looking into Sarah's eyes to realize her soul was missing. There was no recognition. Sarah looked like herself, but her eyes were dead. There was nothing behind them. She'd tried and tried to bring out a reaction, a shift in her gaze, a flutter of emotions.
She had to face the future.
Sarah was gone.
Jacko was gone.
She held in her cry, so not to frighten her sister. How did everyone expect her to go on when it felt like she was dying?
Chapter Twenty Nine
"What the fuck is wrong with Jacko?
"He ain't talking."
"He's going to tear the whole house apart."
"Maybe killing Flores and Quijada finally done him in."
The last of the carpet came off the floor in a broken, rotten chunk, sending minuscule fibers floating in the air. Jacko threw the remnant behind him. He'd listened to Bear, Johnson, Gunner, and Stache bullshit for the last two hours while they half-assed helped him gut out the house. He wanted peace and quiet.
"Someone's going to throw his ass in a psych ward one of these days," said Gunner.
Jacko charged, tackling Gunner to the ground. He pulled back his arm and punched him in the face. The contact radiated up his arm, energizing him.
Gunner rolled Jacko over, scrambling to his feet. Jacko followed him up, landing another punch. Gunner retaliated with a fist in Jacko's eye. He grunted at the impact. Adrenaline pushed him forward, both arms swinging.
Blow for blow, they exchanged punches. Jacko kicked out, sweeping his foot behind Gunner's knee, taking him back to the dirty plywood floor. He gripped Gunner's thick neck with his hand.
One.
Two.
Three, solid hits and Gunner still continued to fight for the upper hand. Jacko squeezed Gunner's throat. The muscles under his fingers constricted, struggling for breath.
"Let him go, man." Bear pulled on Jacko's arm. "You kill him, Prez will tear your patch off for murdering his vice president."
Gunner snuck in another punch, clipping Jacko jaw and splitting his lip. He spit on the floor and pushed himself off Gunner, deflecting the swinging leg trying to put him back on the floor. Breathing heavy, he ran his forearm across his mouth, wiping the gushing blood from his lip across his face.
Johnson planted his hands on Jacko's chest and pushed him to the other side of the room. Jacko remained silent, drawing air into his screaming lungs.
"One of these days, motherfucker, I'm not going to hold back when you attack." Gunner's eye already swollen shut, he slurred his words through two inflated lips.
Jacko fingered his cheekbone. His pulse beat in his face. He laughed, the sound painful to his ears. He probably looked as bad as Gunner.
"What the hell is going on in your head?" Bear stood in front of him, blocking Gunner from his view.
Jacko rolled to his tiptoes and back on the heels of his boots. "I need to get the house cleaned up."
"That's what we were doing until you decided to throw down with Gunner." Bear exhaled loudly. "I think you need to call it a day. Since you're staying in Merk's old travel trailer at Cam's place, we can all head over and sit around the fire. We'll drink our problems away."
He shook his head. "You guys take off. I'll finish up the rest myself and head back in a while."
Gunner walked out the door followed by Johnson and Stache. Bear stayed behind and placed his hand on Jacko's shoulder.
The personal contact too much to handle tonight, he shrugged Bear off and stepped away. "Go on. I'll be riding out of here in a couple of hours."
"You sure, man?" Bear frowned, eyeing Jacko's face. "He split your lip wide open. You might want Lola to put a couple stitches in it."
He ran his tongue over the slice on his lower lip and licked at the blood flowing down his chin. "I'll live."
The motorcycles outside roared to life. Bear hesitated. "Hate leaving you like this, brother."
"Life is fucked up, Bear. There's only one way to see the silver lining in the clouds." He pulled a baggie of weed from his vest pocket. "In a few minutes, I'm not going to care if you're here or not. I'm going to enjoy a toke, do a little work, and sleep like a fucking baby tonight."
"T
hat's what I want to hear." Bear broke out in a grin. "Call if you need anything."
"Will do. Will do. Will do." Jacko laughed, pulling out a joint he'd made earlier in the day. "Now get your ass out of here and make sure Gunner don't dump his bike because he can't see through his black eye."
A minute after the house was quiet again, Jacko stepped over to the nearest wall and sank to his ass on the floor. He let his head fall back and groaned. He was getting too damn old and beaten to fight the way he used to do. The spent energy refused to calm him, and the adrenaline rush only put him in a funk.
He took out his lighter, lit the joint and inhaled, holding the smoke in his lungs until his body tingled and the pain numbed. Four hits later, the voices in his head quieted to a low murmur.
It had been five days since he ran into Amy at the institute, and he missed her like hell.
Meese watched over Amy at night at the motel, and he had the Moroad women stopping by at different times of the day to check in on her. According to Lola, Amy refused to talk to them about him or her sister and claimed she was doing okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
He hated that she moved on with her life. He hated that she looked for a job every spare moment she had away from the institute. He hated that she visited Sarah every fucking day for hours at a time, and he couldn't join her. He hated that she lived at the motel surrounded by his MC brothers.
He hated her for letting him leave without fighting or stopping him.
Chapter Thirty
The Moroad women sat on the picnic tables swatting gnats away from the leftover food in front of them. A Nazareth song played from a pair of homemade speakers holding a keg. Every few minutes, one of the men would shout out their opinion about whatever Cam talked quietly about during the meeting, and the women would turn their heads, check to make sure a fight hadn't broken out and go back to chatting with each other.
Amy sat at the end of the picnic table highly aware of her surroundings and disconnected from the bond the others shared within the club. In two weeks, she'd find somewhere else to live. The Mining Supply Company hired her full-time for her old job of doing inventory and ordering material for the silver mines worldwide. All she needed to do was wait for her first paycheck, and she'd use every cent to rent a cheap apartment in town. If she couldn't find a place, she'd go to the Inn and rent a room until she saved enough money.
