“It’s about time!” Isabel said. “Now you can spend more time with us.”
“You’re making a mistake, Artie,” Gerry said. “When you retire you get fat and lazy. You say you’re going to do all these wonderful things but you don’t. First thing you know, you’re watching TV fourteen hours a day, eating junk food, and complaining about your neighbors’ kids and all the noise they make because you can’t snooze any old time of the day. Don’t do it!”
“I’m doing it! For your information, I don’t plan on lazing my days away. I’m going to help Izz, and I also plan on helping you at the clinic. I’ll probably be working harder than I do now. That’s providing you two want or even need my services.”
“Commendable, Artie,” Isabel said.
“I could certainly use the help,” Gerry said.
“See, everything always works out for the best. I’m going to call Helen tonight. We’re agreeing then that Helen stays in New Jersey for the time being. I’m hiring the same agency to keep track of Daniel Ward that your firm uses for surveillance, Artie.”
“When are you going to tell Helen Ward who you really are?” Gerry asked.
“Never. She knows me as Boots, and that’s all she needs to know. With Boots, she’s free to be herself. Isabel Tyger would scare her to death. Don’t ask me how I know that. I just do. I think it’s time for dinner, gentlemen. No, no, I can make it on my own. It just takes me a little longer. Besides, I am in no hurry to face that miserable food the doctor insists I eat. I don’t want to hear either one of you say it’s for my own good either.”
“Then we won’t say it, will we, Artie?” Gerry grinned.
Artie stopped in his tracks and turned around. “Izz, I want you to live forever. I cannot imagine my life without you and Gerry in it. How hard can it be to follow the doctor’s orders? If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for Gerry and me. Do it for Helen and Lucie. They need you as much as we do. That’s the end of my speech. Another thing, when you invite us to dinner, we eat what you eat. We aren’t special.”
Isabel’s faded blue eyes filled with tears. “If only you knew how very special you are. I love you both so much I ache with the feeling sometimes. After all these years we’re still best friends. It’s amazing.”
“I think it’s a damn miracle.” Gerry guffawed. “Especially since you are the crankiest, the orneriest, the stubbornest woman I’ve ever met in my life.”
“I second that,” Artie said, thumping Gerry on the back.
“See. That’s why I love the two of you. You tell it like it is. Unfortunately, I am all those things.”
“You are also the most generous, the most caring, the most humble person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing,” Artie said.
“That too,” Isabel quipped.
“I need some downtime, Sam. That means you need to go home. I have a lot of thinking to do. You can leave Max if you like,” Helen said.
“You aren’t going to do something wild and crazy, are you?” Sam said, taking her in his arms.
“I wouldn’t know wild and crazy if it slapped me in the face. The answer is no. I can’t think around you, Sam. When you’re around, I want to rip off your clothes and make love to you. I want to snuggle with you and the dogs. I have things I have to do, things to take care of.”
“We did everything days ago. Your shop is open. You signed up for security, your merchandise is packed neatly in the cases, all your deliveries are up-to-date. Your new computer is hooked up in the back room. With your new ISP, you can send the orders directly to your seamstresses. If you tell me what it is that is so pressing you don’t want me around, I’ll understand. Nothing kills a romance faster than one or the other wanting to be joined at the hip twenty-four hours a day. I’ll settle for twenty.”
“Not today you won’t. I want to try and reach Boots, and I might get up the courage to make that one phone call that might shed some light on matters. I need to wrestle with my conscience over that call. Suddenly I feel like my direction has been ripped out from under me. I need some reassurance. Now, go, Sam.”
“Okay. Call me if you change your mind. I’m two doors away. Max can stay. Now, kiss me until our teeth start to rattle.”
“Oh, no. I know where that’s leading. Come over for breakfast, okay? I promise to dream of you. All night long.”
“Okay.”
“You gave up pretty easily,” Helen said testily.
“My best friend always said to leave them wanting more.” Sam grinned as he opened the door.
“Is that the same friend who has been married four times?”
“Yep, that’s the one,” Sam called over his shoulder before he closed the door behind him, leaving Helen to stare blankly at the metal door.
“Whatever,” Helen muttered as she slid the three locks into place.
While the dogs tussled and pretended to fight over a rawhide chew, Helen made a fresh pot of coffee. While she waited for it to drip through the machine, she turned on the computer and clicked on her e-mail. She grew faint when she saw that she had e-mail. Not just any e-mail, but e-mail from Boots. “Thank you, God. Thank you.”
Helen stared at the screen in front of her until the coffee finished dripping into the pot. She toyed with the idea of not opening the mail and waiting for morning. What did Boots write? Did her threat of leaving the program prompt her on-line counselor to finally respond? Or was she responding because she had confessed to breaking the rules? Was this e-mail her termination letter?
Worms of fear crawled around inside Helen’s stomach as she poured coffee, added sugar and milk. Here it was, the letter she’d been waiting for the past three weeks. Still, she was reluctant to open the e-mail. Was her safety net going to be ripped out from under her? Do it! Just do it and get on with it! her mind shrieked.
Suddenly Helen felt sick to her stomach. A feeling of light-headedness overcame her. She reached for the edge of the dining-area table for support. Get on with it, Helen. Open the damn mail and read it. She obeyed her own instructions and clicked, READ.
It looked like one of Boots’s regular e-mails. Not too long, not too short. She closed her eyes for a minute and then opened them. She read the mail slowly, savoring each and every word.
Good evening, TTLS,
First things first. I apologize for your anxiety but circumstances beyond my control did not allow me to continue our counseling sessions. No, it was not a test as you suggested in one of your e-mails. It was simply life getting in the way of life.
Several of your e-mails disturbed me greatly. You broke the rules, TTLS. That in itself is automatic dismissal from the program. My first reaction was to gather up the forms, fill them out, and send you on your way. The foundation board voted to give you another chance if I recommend it, even though you failed our trust. While I understand how you feel, it doesn’t make what you did right. You jeopardized your very safety. Possibly the safety of others. How can I trust you again?
The foundation ran a check on your neighbor, and he is exactly what and who he claims to be. That means you are safe. For now. What if HE slips, TTLS? This is new to him. In his zeal to protect you, he might inadvertently make a mistake. Then what? I’m not saying he will. I’m saying, what if? I hope you realize you are putting his life in danger as well as your own. Love is a powerful emotion. I understand what you are feeling, what you are going through. You need more time, TTLS. You are still adjusting to a new way of life. The board understands your falling in love. What they don’t understand is why you felt the need to bare your soul. We need to know, in a return e-mail, exactly what you told this person, when you told him, and his precise reaction. Do not even think about lying to us. I thought you had more guts, TTLS. You have disappointed me greatly. In the end it is my opinion that counts. I will wait to hear from you. You will be notified of the decision, one way or the other.
The e-mail was signed Boots.
Helen clicked off the e-mail and then turned off the computer. She sat back,
numb from head to toe. A sob caught in her throat and erupted in a loud, choking sound, bringing the dogs on the run. She slipped off her chair to the floor, the hard sobs tearing at her body as both dogs tried to comfort her.
A long time later, when she couldn’t cry anymore, Helen cuddled and stroked the dogs. Her hands were wet, the animals’ fur wet with her tears. She was so tired. She curled into the fetal position, Lucie against her chest, and closed her eyes. She was asleep in an instant.
The dogs looked at one another before Max trotted into the living room for his blanket. He tugged and dragged it until he had it where he wanted it, over Helen’s shoulders. He listened to Lucie whimper and then stretched out alongside Helen, his front paw on Lucie’s back, his eyes glued to the locked door—Helen’s self-appointed protector.
13
Helen woke, aware of an enormous weight on her body. She struggled to take a deep breath. What was wrong with her? Was she having a heart attack? Where was she? She tried to move, the heavy weight shifting slightly. Max! “Move, baby. It’s okay, Lucie,” she whispered. She rolled over, the two dogs watching her expectantly. Moonlight shone through the part in the draperies. That had to mean it was still night. The luminous hands on her watch glowed in the semidarkness: 3:10. She needed to get up, take a hot shower to ease the ache in her bones. “To what end?” she mumbled. Her eyes felt like hot coals as she staggered into the bathroom to turn on the shower. Her reflection in the mirror made her gasp.
Wrapped in a thick robe, Helen padded out to the kitchen, where she made fresh coffee. Behind her, the computer waited. Boots was waiting. The board members were waiting for her response. What should she say? Even if she found the right words, how could she simply type them in such an impersonal way? Wasn’t it Boots who said you can do whatever you set your mind to doing? All she had to do was get a mind-set and run with it. So easy to say, so very hard to do.
Sensing Helen’s strange behavior, Lucie tugged at the hem of Helen’s robe. She bent down to pick Lucie up. Max pawed Helen’s shoulder. “C’mon, we’ll sit on the couch until the coffee is ready. I can’t pick you up, Max. You’re too heavy.” Lucie continued to whimper as Helen curled into the corner of the couch, Max at her side, Lucie in her lap. The Lab nuzzled her open palm, an indication she was to scratch behind his ears. “I don’t know what to do.” Lucie bellied off Helen’s lap to snuggle against Max. “I guess that’s my answer. Okay, guys, coffee for me, treats for you. It’s okay. It really is. We’ll make this work for all of us. I don’t know how, but we will.”
This time there was no hesitation when Helen sat down in front of the computer. She turned it on, clicked on her e-mail and started typing her response to Boots’s last e-mail.
Dear Boots,
I’m glad you are okay. I was worried about you. At first I didn’t know what to think. At some point I thought perhaps you were testing me. I realized rather quickly what a stupid thought that was. I felt incredibly alone and vulnerable when I didn’t hear from you for so long. Three weeks is a very long time to me. I became so fearful it was hard to sleep. I think it is unforgivable what you put me through these past weeks, unintentional or not. In your vast organization there must have been one person who could have sent me an e-mail telling me things were all right. After weeks of careful thought, I came to the realization that I cannot accept your explanation.
There are no words for me to tell you how appreciative I am for everything that was done for me by all of your people. I stuck to my bargain, obeyed all the rules. When I did fail, it was because there was no support left for me to draw upon. I suppose that makes me a weak person. The very reason you had to help me in the first place. I’m not that same weak person any longer, thanks to you and all the people who give so generously of their time and themselves. I may be a little frightened but I am young and I am healthy. I am not afraid to work hard. There are only two things I am afraid of. One, that something will happen to my pet. Two, that I forget who I am and why I was in this program in the first place. I can’t blame anyone for my weakness, only myself.
Yes, I’ve fallen in love. That alone is a miracle in my eyes. Sam is a kind, gentle man and he cares deeply for me and my dog. I feel the same way about him and his dog. If this is about trust and truth, then yes, I do deserve a second chance. However, I’m going to turn it down. I realize you didn’t ask me to give up the man I’ve fallen in love with. It’s what you meant, though. He understands the situation. I think he would protect me with his life if he had to. My pet as well. I would do the same for him if the situation were reversed.
Last of all, Boots, I cannot separate the animals. They have become attached to one another, and it is beautiful to see. I could never be the one to rip them apart. I don’t expect you or your board members to understand such feelings. It’s the way it is. I cannot and will not change how I feel in this regard.
I will return the business monies advanced to me as soon as you tell me where to forward the check. If you care to give me a tally of all the monies expended on my behalf, I will pay them off also. It will take some time, but I will honor my obligations.
I’m sorry, Boots, that we aren’t going to be able to meet in person. I guess some things are just not meant to be.
I don’t know if I have the right to ask this or not, but I won’t know if I don’t ask. Will you please express my thanks to Isabel Tyger? Tell her I will be forever grateful that she saved my life and my dog’s life as well. I talk to Lucie all the time and tell her what a wonderful lady Miss Tyger must be. I think she actually understands. I regret that I failed you, Boots. However, I didn’t fail myself or my pet. That’s the bottom line for me.
I’m going to have this on-line service canceled. It’s an added expense I will no longer be able to afford. If you should ever want to reach me, do it through my web site. Thank you again for everything.
TTLS and TTLS2.
Helen bit down on her lower lip as she turned off her computer. Another chapter of her life closed. She wished she knew what the future held for her. And for Sam. Sam was now built into the equation called her life. Then again, maybe it was better that she didn’t know what the future held. One day at a time, Helen, she told herself. Just take it one day at a time.
Helen looked down at the dogs lying at her feet. “It was the right thing to do. I didn’t really have any other options. We’ll be okay. I’ll take care of us. I promise. I think we should all go to bed now. Come on, it’s late, and Sam’s coming for breakfast. Things might look brighter in the morning. I seriously doubt it, but it’s worth thinking about,” Helen said wearily as she made her way down the short hall that led to her bedroom.
Three thousand miles away in California, Isabel Tyger prowled the long hallway, her walker making thumping sounds as she stomped it down on the thick carpeting. Another sleepless night. She felt totally useless when she gingerly lowered her bulk into the comfortable chair behind her desk. She strained to see out the library window to see if Maggie Eldridge’s car was parked-anywhere near the garage. She took a moment to wonder what kind of personal life her nurse had. She was no prude, and she pretty much had a live-and-let-live attitude, but it was four o’clock in the morning, and her nurse wasn’t home. To her, giving someone the night off meant that person should be back by midnight. Were things done differently these days? Maybe she should have been a little more specific where the nurse’s duties were concerned. “At least she’s out from under my feet,” she muttered when the computer came to life. She wished she knew what Helen Ward thought of her e-mail. Would she respond immediately or was she going to take time to think about it? She blinked when she saw her e-mail envelope flashing. Helen?
Isabel read the e-mail three times before her fist shot in the air. “Yessss,” she chortled. A moment later the phone was in her hand. “Wake up, Gerry. My bird told me to kiss off. Isn’t that what young people say today? I heard that expression on one of those soap operas when I was in that damn hospital. Told you she had so
me spunk. I knew I was right about her. She plans to leave the program, so we’ll let her think she is, but we’ll stay on top of things. She said she won’t separate the dogs. Now, isn’t that something? God, Gerry, I just love it when I’m right. Why aren’t you saying anything? You weren’t sleeping, so don’t pretend you were. Say something.”
“I love it when you’re right, too, Izzie. Listen, will you marry me?”
“We don’t have time for marriage, Gerry. Not right now. Maybe later. Besides, we have too much to do. I’m not saying we’ll spoil our lives if we get married, but things will change. I’ve always loved you. I believe you when you say you’ve always loved me. Why should a piece of paper come between us? The answer is no.”
“One of these days I’m going to stop asking. You’d have someone to play checkers with at four in the morning if we got married.”
“The nurse isn’t back yet, Gerry. I gave her the night off. When you give someone the night off, doesn’t it mean they have to be home by midnight?”
What You Wish For Page 14
