by Nicole Fox
“You talk about making mistakes like they’re no big deal, but the situation you have on your hands right now is a really big one.” His eyes glanced down at her stomach and darted back up to her face again. “If it’s too much for you, then there are always options.”
Mina squinted her eyes. “Just what are you implying?”
Park sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the comforter. “Don’t tell me the thought hasn’t crossed your mind. It’s going to be difficult to raise a child on your own, and especially in a place like this. Trust me, I know. Even with a whole crew of men behind me, it felt nearly impossible. I’m still not sure I did it right. Things might be a little easier, Mina, if you didn’t have to worry about it.”
It had been anger that had suppressed her tears when she had come in the front door, but now it was anger that brought them back again. “I’m not giving up this child. How can you even suggest it?”
“I just want what’s best for you.” His blue eyes met hers. “Trust me, Mina, this isn’t a small thing. This isn’t deciding what college classes to pick or even whether or not you go to college. This is about changing your entire life and never being able to look back. Never.”
“I’ve already changed it, Dad. I’m not giving up my child. I’ve always been in love with the father. Even if he and I can’t be together, I’ll know I have a link to him. Besides, you never know what this child might turn out to be. He might be the world’s greatest scientist or the next piano prodigy. Maybe he’ll design a whole new motorcycle engine. Either way, he’ll be mine. I’ll have him, even if I have nothing else.” She pressed her lips together, wondering if she had said too much. Would her comment about loving the father give her away? Was there any chance Park had noticed the way she treated Skid?
But he was more focused on Mina wanting to have a child of her own. “Believe me, that’s one part I understand.” He glanced at the framed photo on her nightstand.
With a rush of understanding, Mina plopped down on the end of the bed. She knew her father was watching her from just a few feet away, waiting for her to say more, but she had to wrap her head around things first. “Mom died in childbirth. You don’t want me to have this baby because you think you’re going to lose me, too.”
“Now, Mina, that’s not fair of—”
“Not fair? What’s not fair is that you want to hold me to impossibly high standards because you think somehow it will keep me safe. What’s not fair is that even though you raised me to be wild and impetuous, you somehow think I can instantly stop. Dad, I know it was hard on you to lose her. It’s been hard on me never to have her. But you can’t think that the same thing will happen to me. Maybe it’s time you start thinking about the future instead of the past.” She turned back around and folded her arms around her knees. In a few months, she wouldn’t be able to sit like that anymore. Silence took over the room for a moment. It was so quiet Mina could hear her own blood rushing through her ears.
Finally, Park pulled in a breath that seemed ear shattering by comparison. “Your mother was wild and impetuous, too.”
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah. It was one of the things I loved about her. She never hesitated to jump on the back of my bike, and she was all about staying out all night and sleeping all day. We were both young, and we didn’t have anything better to do with our lives.”
Mina smiled a little, but she didn’t let her father see it. He rarely spoke of his late wife, and it was nice to know he hadn’t forgotten about her.
“Of course, when we found out we were having you, everything had to change. Marlena had a rough time adjusting. She had no energy, and she didn’t want to eat any of her favorite foods anymore. She rode on the bike some, but as she got further along in her pregnancy she knew it wasn’t safe anymore. Don’t think any of that meant she regretted it, though. Her little baby was the only thing she wanted to talk about. She’d get mad at me when I wanted to talk about motorcycle parts or new leathers, because she was more excited about baby clothes and cribs and what kind of bottles to use.” Park reached out and touched Mina gently on the arm. “You remind me a lot of her, you know.”
“I get that.” Mina sighed. “But you have to understand that I’m my own person. I’m not going to be exactly like Mom, and I’m not going to be exactly like you. I think I know what I want out of life, but I reserve the right to change my mind about that any time.”
“It’s a nice thought, but I still have to keep you safe. You’re my responsibility.”
“You’re impossible.”
“I know.” Park let out a rough laugh. “I guess you come by it honestly. You say you have always been in love with the father?”
“Yes.” She held her breath, waiting for it to all to come crashing down on her. Park would accuse her of sleeping with Skid. In her mind, she could deny it, but she wasn’t sure that would happen in real life. If Park happened to guess the truth, she just might spill her guts out of pure defiance.
“You think you could tell me who he is?” The question was a quiet one, gentle. He was trying to be kind, to do things a different way. Park had always been one to demand answers, not to ask for them, and Mina had to give him credit for trying something different.
But it wasn’t going to work. “No.”
“All right.” He got up off the bed and walked to the door. “I know you don’t like the way things are, Mina. I know you don’t really understand why I do the things I do. I was a kid once, too. And yes, you’re still a kid. But someday very soon, you’re going to be a mother. And every day there will be things that you see from a new perspective, things you’ll suddenly understand that you couldn’t even conceive of before. Having a baby doesn’t just change your life, it blows your mind.” He opened the door and stood in the doorway. “Even so, you’re staying in your room. Until you can be upfront and honest with me and tell me what’s going on, until you can act like an adult, then you can consider yourself grounded. No exceptions, no bending the rules. I’ve got to stick to my guns, Mina. I don’t want to see you out of here until breakfast time tomorrow, and then it’s straight back to your room. Understand?”
She didn’t reply. His question didn’t deserve one. How could she not understand? He was continuing to treat her like she was a baby, and he didn’t care about what she had said. Park would never back off and let her make her own decisions, no matter how maturely she acted. It was pointless.
As the door clicked shut behind her, Mina studied her reflection in the window once again. It was a faded one, one that could be interpreted so many different ways. The features of her face in the window were only a hint of what she really looked like, and she could just as easily be staring at her mother or Park with long hair. If she turned to the side, she could imagine that she saw a much bigger baby bump than what was really there, but she could also pretend it was completely nonexistent. She was anybody right then, and it was her job (not her father’s) to decide who she would be and how her future would go. It wasn’t up to Park, and it wasn’t even up to Skid. It was up to her.
She stood up and went to the window, the pale image of herself in the glass growing clearer and more defined as she got closer and reached to undo the lock. She was out the window in a moment, sliding it quietly shut behind her.
Chapter Ten
Skid
Skid waved off the next beer Stomper offered him. He’d already had enough, and it was time to sober up a little before he had to ride home. He didn’t normally mind riding when he was a little buzzed, but there was that something in him that had changed. It was like he was a different person looking back on himself and shaking his head.
“You sure?” Stomper was having a good time. His grin stretched from ear to ear, and he waved his half-full mug back and forth. “There’s nothing like kicking back and relaxing with an old army buddy! Tell me, have you heard anything from Johnny? That guy was always the luckiest motherfucker. He had a woman to come home to every time he went on leave, and
his mom and grandma were always sending him those huge care packages. Everybody wanted to be Johnny.”
“At least he said he had a woman to go home to,” Skid reminded him. “We never had any proof of that.” Skid remembered how difficult it had been to have any sort of girlfriend when he was overseas. He had gotten laid where he could while he was away, but he’d always had to work harder for it once he got home. One time, he’d had a chick who wanted to be his girlfriend even though he was scheduled to go back on duty in less than a week. With nothing to lose, he had agreed. She’d sent naked pictures of herself once or twice, but he’d never heard from her again. Skid could only assume she had moved on to bang someone else, and those photos had made their rounds in the barracks.
“That’s true, but I wouldn’t doubt it.” Stomper shook his head and laughed. “He could fall in a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose. Remember when he almost got hit by that IED when we were on the road? The damn thing went off right next to his truck and almost blew his fucking arm off.”
“I’m not sure I would call that lucky.”
“He got to go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. That’s more luck than either one of us had ever had.” Stomper drained his glass and signaled a waitress for another one. “Boy, those were the days.”
Skid nodded and fiddled with a paper napkin, but he kept a close eye on his old commander and the other Sons of Chaos. It seemed strange that the leader of a rival club would want to talk to him like this, even if they did have a common past. There was a possibility it could cause trouble with Park once Skid made it back to the clubhouse, but he could also blow it off by saying he had been collecting information. That wasn’t entirely untrue, but Stomper hadn’t had much to say about his current life yet.
“So when did you form the Sons of Chaos?” Skid asked, trying to sound casual. “I’ve heard of you guys, but I had no idea you were the president.”
Stomper shrugged and made a face. “I don’t know, exactly. I think it was something I always wanted to do. I spent a little time in a different gang when I was living in Denver, but it just didn’t work out. I thought it would be better to just make my own club. I make all the rules, and everybody has to do what I say. Kind of like the army, except the food is better.” He slapped the table and laughed loudly, making the rest of the patrons turn to stare.
“And what are you doing in Chicago? I didn’t think you were based anywhere near here.” Skid forced a smile that he didn’t feel.
Stomper leaned close. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to gather some intelligence. But let me tell you something, Skid, this isn’t like the army. There aren’t any enemies hiding behind bushes. They’re right out in front of you, ready to attack from the front.” He nodded confidently as he looked around the room. “That’s why it’s so important to have someone at your back at all times, someone you can trust. I want you to know that if you ever need anything, I’ll be that guy at your back. I know how it is out there. It’s a harsh world.”
“That it is.” Skid wasn’t sure exactly what Stomper was up to, but this was one thing they could agree on. His stint in the army had been difficult at times, but it had given him a healthy respect for authority. “Sometimes I miss the army. I miss having a set schedule every day, where it was someone else’s job to decide what I ate and when, what I wore, and where I went. There’s a certain amount of comfort in knowing you don’t have to make those sorts of calls, even though they’re small ones. But then I remember some of the things I saw while we were overseas, and I wish that I had never enlisted.”
“You’re talking about Richardson, aren’t you?” He took a long pull of beer. “They were such idiots. They had their orders to remain put.”
Skid nodded. He had been given those same orders, and he had chosen to follow them, but he understood the reason Richardson had led the others out of safety. “The sad thing is, their hearts were in the right place. They thought they were doing good by charging out into that square and challenging the enemy. They didn’t want to be hiding behind an old brick wall and shooting through the cracks. They wanted glory, and they truly thought they could get it.” He stared at the wood grain of the table, but in his mind’s eye he could clearly see the way Richardson’s eyes had lit up as he came up with his master plan. His fellow soldiers had tried to bring Skid along with them. He’d thought about it, but only for a moment before he realized what was going on. Skid wasn’t going to be the one to defy orders. He still wasn’t—most of the time.
“They thought they were heroes, but you and I both know they didn’t deserve the funerals they got. I must have changed my mind a million times as to what I would say. I thought I should be honest, but it didn’t seem fair to claim their insubordination after we had seen them shot down like that.” Stomper slammed his fist on the table. “And they kept shooting, the fuckers! Even when Richardson and the others were dead, their bodies were still twitching from all the bullets. I wasn’t expecting anyone to die that day—it was supposed to be an easy mission—but at the time I could only think of how much ammo they were wasting.”
“That didn’t matter to them. They knew we were watching.” Skid had never felt so hated as he had in his time overseas. It was clear that some of the citizens they were supposed to be helping had no use for their assistance, or at least they thought so. Skid wasn’t entirely sure himself how much good he and the other soldiers had done, but they had tried. Besides, they were following orders. It didn’t matter what they thought about them. He frowned. He was still doing the same thing with Park, just following orders blindly. Park didn’t want anyone to mess with his daughter, and Skid would do anything to hide the fact that he had gone directly against orders. That wasn’t like him. Mina really had changed him. The question was: what was she changing him into?
“You know, maybe it was that sort of thing that made me start this club. When you enlist, you hear all this wonderful stuff about doing a few years on the backside of a gun, and then employers will practically throw themselves at you when you’re done. You’re guaranteed to get a good job because you’ll have learned all this discipline and leadership skills. But you know what?” Stomper leaned forward drunkenly, one elbow on the table and his finger in Skid’s face. “Nobody wanted me when I got out. They were too worried about whether or not I had PSD. No, PTD. STP? Whatever the fuck it’s called, they were worried about it. I worked at a fucking bowling alley when I got home. Can you believe that?”
“I can. I had the joy of working as a dishwasher in a greasy little diner. I thought it wouldn’t be too bad. I didn’t really have to talk to anyone, and I liked that part. But the shit people leave on their plates is disgusting. I could have gotten a lot of discounted food from the restaurant, but I’d already seen it all chewed up and spit back on the plates. I lost a lot of weight that month.” Skid laughed a little, feeling himself relax for the first time in months. He hadn’t thought much about anything but Mina, and it was good to let reality go. “Then I got a great stint working as security at an amusement park. When I didn’t have anything else to do, they had me clean puke off the rides.”
Stomper howled his laughter and slapped Skid hard on the shoulder. “Man, it’s so good to talk to you. Nobody else out there understands. They think they have things rough, but they don’t have a clue. I’m glad to see things have gotten better for you.” He must have seen the slight shift in Skid’s eyes at those words. “They have, haven’t they? Are you happy in Satan’s Legion?”
Skid felt the need to immediately jump to the defense of his club. “Of course! Absolutely! The president is a great guy, and he makes sure we’re all taken care of.”
“Yeah? I heard he can be kind of a hard ass.”
“Only when he needs to be,” Skid assured the man. “It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I can’t imagine my life without the club.”
“I’m glad to hear it. But if there’s ever anything you need, I want you to come to me
. I know I’m not your commanding officer anymore, but I’m still happy to help you out. You just let me know.”
“Will do. Now I’d better get out of here. I have some business to attend to.”
As Skid pulled out of the parking lot, he could feel the breeze yanking his worries away. While he tried hard not to talk about his army days, he realized how good it had been for him to do so. There was such a contrast with his life five years ago to now, and it made him appreciate what he had all the more. Sure, he had some explaining to do to Mia. But she was a reasonable woman, and she would understand. And someone might have run on home to the clubhouse, eager to tell Park that Skid had been in cahoots with the Sons of Chaos. But the president would sit down and listen to what Skid had to say, and everything would work out fine. Even the baby would be fine, although he didn’t quite know how he would tackle that issue yet. Still, everything was great.
