by Ella Sparkle
Chapter 53
Jenna
I knew when I called Cassie on Friday night and told her I needed her, she would be there. She had proven, time and time again, she was the one person I could count on. When she left early Monday morning, she said it was because she had to get back for some ‘time-sensitive business.’ I was bummed she had to leave, but really grateful she came when she did.
I was sitting on my sofa in pretty much the exact same spot I had been sitting all day. My heart was still in pieces about Nick and how things had ended. It was so quiet in my apartment that, when my phone dinged with an incoming message, it actually startled me. I reached over to the coffee table and grabbed it looking to see who the message was from.
I should have known it would be from Cassie checking in on me. “Hey, babe! How are you doing?”
I typed out a message back to her. “Same as last time you asked.”
I was about to toss my phone back on the table but Cassie’s response was almost immediate. “You need some new material. All day, every time I check in on you, it’s the same damn thing.”
“Still heartbroken, still sitting on the sofa, still wearing my pajamas. Nothing has changed.”
“Hang in there sweetie. You are my favorite.”
I couldn’t help but smile as I typed back; “I love you too.”
I tossed my phone back on the coffee table. I might as well have gone to bed. It was Monday and I had skipped all of my classes. I didn’t study all weekend and knew I would have a bunch of catching up to do. I needed to get some rest and hit it all the next day.
I was about to head to my room when the doorbell rang. I didn’t know anyone who would be visiting me on a Monday night. Someone must’ve had the wrong apartment. I went over and opened the door... and gasped in surprise when I saw who was on the other side.
“Hi, Jenna,” Nick said softly.
It took me a minute to recover from the shock of seeing him. When I finally found my voice I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms. “Nick. What are you doing here?”
“I... I came to see you. I have some things I need to tell you,” he said quickly.
“I think you were pretty clear on Friday when we talked on the phone,” I said, the anger in my voice springing from the hurt I felt as the words he had said on Friday replayed in my mind.
“Jenna I am so sorry. I was a jerk... an absolute asshole and you didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Ending things with you is not what I want. It is the exact opposite, in fact.” The look on Nick’s face was so earnest, I was certain he was telling the truth, but what he was saying left me even more confused. It was the exact opposite of what he had said on Friday night.
“Then why did you do it?” I snapped, more out of confusion than anger. I couldn’t keep playing games... not when my heart had already been shattered.
Nick sighed and shifted around. “Can I please come in and we can talk?” he pleaded.
“Nick, I don’t know if that's a good idea...” my gaze shifted down, away from his face. It was only then I realized he was holding a pizza box. When I looked at it a little closer, I saw it was a Pete’s Pizza box. “What is that?” I asked, nodding my head toward the box.
“Well, I kind of figured coming here and asking you to hear me out might be a long shot after everything I've done lately, so I brought something to help convince you,” Nick gave me a small nervous smile. I was surprised to see how uncomfortable he appeared. Then again, he was randomly standing on my doorstep with a pizza box. As soon as I had the thought, I realized how strange the whole situation was, especially when coupled with everything that had happened since we agreed to the whole ‘non-relationship’ plan.
“A cold pizza? That’s going to convince me to hear you out? If it really is from Pete’s, it has been in your truck for at least four hours.” I still was not sure why he was standing on my doorstep with a cold pizza.
I could see Nick deflate a little. “Jenna, this is how we began, with a delivery from Pete’s,” he said in a quiet voice. He paused and seemed to gather back some of his confidence. “We have a whole lot of talking to do and a bunch of things to work out, but I want us to do those things together. I am hoping we can start over. With you and me together, in a real relationship.”
The look on his face was one of absolute vulnerability and hopefulness. It tugged at my heart, but he deserved an honest answer. “I don’t know, Nick. My... my heart is really broken and I am not sure I can do this...have a conversation, be around you... any part of this...” I waved my hand back and forth between us as the right words seemed to escape me.
Nick lowered his head and I thought he was going to turn around and leave. Suddenly he looked up and seemed to stand up a little straighter. He closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and began talking. “Jenna, I am scared out of my mind that you are going to shut the door and I am never going to see you again. I know I have screwed up. Multiple times. I am probably going to screw up again in the future but this right here... what I feel for you... this is worth fighting for. It just took me way too long to realize it.”
“Oh, Nick.” My hand flew up to cover my mouth as my eyes started to tear up. His words were not at all what I'd expected.
Nick seemed to sense my hesitation. “Jenna, all I am asking for is a chance to come in and talk. If we do that and you still want me to go, I respect you and I will respect your wishes and leave.” The hopeful look was back on his face as he searched mine, looking for some hint of an answer. “May I please come in so we can talk, Jenna?”
I hesitated as I tried to decide on my answer. I knew this was another crossroad and I needed to pick the right path for me. As I was thinking, Nick opened the pizza box and tipped it slightly toward me. I peered into the box... there was a pizza inside and across the top of it, spelled out in olives was ‘Say Yes!’
I looked at it for a minute and then started laughing uncontrollably. “A ‘saying yes’ pizza?” I asked between giggles.
Nick’s face flushed and he gave me a sheepish smile. “We started with a pizza delivery and some help from the saying yes plan. I hope now you'll say yes to us working through this.”
I stopped laughing and raised my eyebrow at Nick. “I assume, somehow, Mike helped you with this?”
“I did have some help from Mike. I also had a long conversation with Cassie today.”
I was initially surprised to hear he had a conversation with Cassie, but as soon as I thought more about it, it made perfect sense. “So you must have been the ‘time-sensitive business’ she needed to attend to this morning,” I muttered.
Nick looked confused for a fleeting moment and shook his head. “I am not sure what that means, but I hope you're not upset I spoke with her.”
“Not at all. I trust Cassie.” I leaned against the doorframe as I continued to weigh my options. “How about I say yes to your offer of coming in and talking,” I said hesitantly. I quickly followed it with, “Just talking, nothing else. We'll see how the talking goes and go from there.”
Chapter 54
Jenna
A look of relief washed over Nick’s face. “I'll take it!” He said happily as I stepped aside so he could come into my apartment. He walked in and placed the pizza box on the counter. Nick turned and looked at me, then reached out like he was going to touch me. He quickly caught himself and pulled his hand back. His eyes got big as he realized his mistake. “I'm sorry! You look so beautiful and I'm so happy to see you... I just want to hold you and... well, I'm sorry.”
I shook my head. “No touching. It will just make me too confused and I need to fully focus on this conversation. I'm going to be completely honest, Nick. I still don’t know how this is going to go, but you're right, we do need to talk.” The room filled with tension and awkwardness as we stood there staring at each other. It was clear we were both nervous and neither one of us wanted to make the first move or say anything. I gave Nick a half-smile, “Plus I'm wearing flannel pajamas a
nd I haven’t showered today. I'm kind of gross right now.”
Nick scrunched his face up like he really didn’t like what I said. “Stop that. You're beautiful no matter what you are wearing. Remember Jenna, you originally took my breath away in a Pete’s Pizza uniform.” His face softened into a smile.
I blushed as I thought of the black Pete’s Pizza shirt and jeans I had been wearing when we first met. The uniform was only a small step up from the pajamas I had on. I gestured to the sofa. “Let’s sit.” I felt like tension in the room was lifting a little as we sat on opposite sides of the sofa. I pulled my knees up to my chest and Nick shifted around awkwardly until he finally settled on a position facing me.
“I spent the whole drive here rehearsing what I was going to say to you so I could be sure to get out what I needed to tell you. Now that I am actually here, everything I was going to say seems stupid and wrong so I am just going to go for it.”
I nodded my head. “Okay,” I whispered.
Nick took a deep breath. “I thought my life was exactly where I wanted it. Blaine Construction was ready to completely take off after years of hard work. It's been my sole focus for a long time and I thought that the success of Blaine Construction was everything I wanted.”
Nick paused as he shifted nervously in his seat. He closed his eyes for a brief moment and drew in a deep breath before he continued. “In the most unexpected way at the most unexpected time, you came into my life and nothing has been the same since. I had no idea ordering a pizza that night would change everything. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were someone special. Ever since that first day, and every day after, I have not been able to get you out of my mind. I knew you were planning on moving and that going to law school was a dream of yours. I never wanted to stand in the way of any of it or interfere with you pursuing your dreams.
“I thought I could be with you for just a short time, but it became clear that wasn’t possible. My insecurities made me feel like there wasn't going to be a place for me in your new chapter, since it had been planned out long before we'd even met. This is new territory for me. I have never had feelings so strong for anyone else and they scare me.”
I was completely blown away by the honesty and sincerity in what Nick was saying. Everything was starting to make so much sense. I was starting to see how affected by everything he had been. “Oh, Nick. I never intended to make you feel that way...”
“I know,” Nick said with a small smile. “Part of it is my own baggage which I brought right into the middle of us. When we were first together, it was easy to ignore that you were leaving and pretend it was just not going to happen. When we finally talked about it, everything became real and I panicked. I tried to distance myself from you thinking it would make things easier when you left. The only thing it actually did was make me crazy, thinking about losing you and not having you in my life. I want you in my life, Jenna. No matter what it looks like.”
Tears started to fall down my face. Nick looked like he wanted to reach out and touch me again, but instead, he moved around in his seat and put his arm on the back of the sofa as he kept talking. “I realize now that instead of shutting myself off, I should have told you how I felt. I was being selfish and only thinking about my feelings, not how my actions were impacting you or how you felt. I am really and truly sorry for that, Jenna. If we start over... when we start over, we need to trust each other and have better communication. Talking about feelings is totally new territory for me... Jesus, having any feelings is new for me, but Jenna, I want to make this work. I want all these crazy fucked up feelings with you. Jenna... I just want... I just want you.”
I drew in a shaky breath. “I agree about communication and trust...if we start over.” I was sure to put emphasis on the word ‘if’ since I was still not sure what I wanted moving forward. “This was not entirely your fault, Nick. I was there too, and I was so afraid of doing something wrong or saying the wrong thing I didn’t say anything at all. I also let some of my baggage cloud my perception of what was going on between us, which was wrong.” I pulled my knees down and positioned myself so I was looking directly at Nick. I wanted him to know how much I really meant the next thing I was going to say. “I am sorry for my piece in all of this too, Nick.”
A look of tenderness washed over Nick’s face at my apology. He looked away from me for a brief moment and ran his hand through his hair before looking back. “I was never upset with you. I was more upset with myself. Especially when it came to things like losing my temper and punching the guy at the bar, or the way I shut down on the last night I saw you. I am also upset about the way I acted when we last spoke. I let all the wrong emotions control me. I convinced myself you were better off without me in your life and I needed to let you go so you could move on with following your dreams.”
“You can’t make decisions like that for me, Nick.” I couldn’t help but wonder how different things would have been if only we'd been able to have this conversation weeks ago. We both definitely had a role in how everything played out.
Nick slowly nodded his head. “I see that now. Telling you ‘this is not working’ is, and will always be, one of the biggest regrets in my life. I am so sorry for that and the way I hurt you. I hope you will give me the opportunity to spend every day from here on in trying to make it up to you and let me prove how much you mean to me. I got some good advice today about making a decision and sticking to it. If you will have me, Jenna, I am all in without any hesitation. I want to be with you and never leave your side.”
Now I was the one that wanted to reach out and touch him. The look on Nick’s face was filled with complete sincerity, while his eyes were wrought with vulnerability. He really had put himself all out there and he'd done it for me. He did it because he wanted to be with me. “Nick...” I paused not really sure how to start. “While we're being open with each other, I need you to know I bring a lot of baggage with me. You've already seen some of it and how it has impacted my life... how it has impacted us, during our time together.”
Nick started to scoot a little closer to me on the sofa but stopped like he was frightened I was going to jump up and run away. When he seemed satisfied that I wasn’t, he reached his hand out to me. I slowly put my hand in his and realized how small my hand felt wrapped in his... and how right just even this simple touch felt. “Sweet, Jenna,” Nick started his voice raspy with emotion. “Cassie filled me in on some of it. I am not Brett and I am not your parents. I am not going to leave you because things didn’t go as planned. I am here fighting for you. I want to be with you, Jenna. I want to wake up every morning to your beautiful smiling face and fall asleep with you every night in my arms. I want the good days and the bad. Nothing in my life makes sense anymore, Jenna, without you in it.”
I had been staring down at my hand in Nick’s while he spoke and when I looked up, his eyes were wet with tears. “It's not going to be easy, Jenna, but if we truly work together, we can do anything. Neither of us is perfect, but we are stronger and better together. I am miserable without you, Jenna.”
We sat there on the sofa holding hands as tears silently fell from both of our eyes. I looked into Nick’s eyes and asked him about the one thing I still did not fully understand. “Over the last few weeks, you have repeatedly been saying that ‘it was not supposed to be like this.’ What did you mean by that, Nick?”
Nick squeezed my hand before looking up at me. “It was not supposed to be like this. I was not supposed to fall in love with you, Jenna Morgan, but I did. I love you, Jenna. I love you so damn much.”
Just like that, my heart burst with a wonderful, but foreign, feeling. The feeling of being loved completely and accepted unconditionally. Any walls I had remaining crumbled and my body was flooded with a comforting warm feeling all over.
I leaped across the sofa, closing the remaining distance between us and landed in his arms. I buried my face in his shoulder as I clung to him. This man had opened up and given me his heart in a way
that no one ever had before. I knew at that moment my heart would be safe with him, that he would treasure and protect it the same way I would his.
I kissed Nick softly on the lips before bringing my face level with his and looking into deep dark eyes that were filled with nothing but love for me. “I love you too, Nick Blaine.”
In an instant, Nick’s lips were on mine. We became a tangled mess of frantic limbs and wildly roaming hands as we tried to soak up all of each other. Nick suddenly pulled away and as we breathlessly gazed upon each other, a grin slowly broke out on his face. “So, Jenna. What do you say about starting over and giving this relationship a real go?”
I couldn't stop a huge smile from breaking out on my own face. “Yes, Nick. I am saying yes.”
Chapter 55
Jenna
Three Years Later
“I can’t believe I couldn't be there for the actual graduation! All these years, and I fucking missed the big moment!” Cassie let out a big sigh and made an exaggerated pouty face.
“Honey, the doctor was not kidding when she said no traveling. Your due date was two days ago... you probably shouldn’t even be here. You should be at home resting.” I watched Cassie as she waddled across the floor and leaned up against the counter.
“Who knew when this guy slipped one past the goalie and knocked me up his timing would be so lousy? I mean, nine months ago he should have been thinking about what a big day today was going to be and planned accordingly.” Cassie was waving her hand towards Mike as he came over and kissed her on the cheek before rubbing her massively pregnant belly.
“Pretty sure that nine months ago, Jenna graduating from law school was the furthest thing from my mind,” Mike smirked as he raised an eyebrow at Cassie. “Remember, you were there too and I don’t recall you thinking about Jenna’s graduation either. You were a little distracted.”
