by Lexi Blake
Her love for Kevin had been a combination of hero worship and a young girl’s love. He’d been her savior, her father figure, her mentor, her lover.
Derek had somehow become her friend. Derek had somehow become her partner, despite the fact that he had serious issues.
So did she. What if they could work it out?
“Karina? Are you okay?” Terry was staring at her.
Derek was, too, but he looked more curious than worried.
“I’m fine.” She shook off her worries. It would do no good to dwell on them. She couldn’t figure anything out tonight. She needed to let it go or she would end up in a bad place. She needed to get through the night at the club with Derek and then she could ask Li to take her to a meeting. She would let Derek believe anything he liked.
Or she could try to talk to him. She could see if he could understand.
Terry slapped the counter. “You’re more than fine, sweetheart. You’re great.” He stood up and gave her a long look. “I have to get out of here. I’m meeting a friend for dinner. You probably won’t be able to get that package until Monday.”
He was right about that. “Sunday is the manager’s day off. I’ll pick it up Monday morning.”
“Then maybe we can have dinner Monday night.” Terry walked around the bar and gave her a hug. “It would be good to catch up. If you’re not doing anything, of course.”
“Absolutely.” There was something odd about holding him. Maybe he was thinner than he used to be, but something about his arms around her felt off. She couldn’t put her finger on it. It didn’t matter. Just being around Terry made her feel guilty. Made her worry she didn’t think enough about the family that had helped her.
He stepped back and nodded. He frowned Derek’s way and then made his way to the door, opening it with his right hand and leaving.
And she was alone with Derek.
She stopped, afraid to turn around because she didn’t want to start the fight again. She couldn’t go back into this with him. Not tonight. She needed calm.
His hands came on her shoulders. “So you talked about lasagna?”
“Yeah.”
She felt him kiss her hair. “That sounds great.”
He stepped away and then she heard the TV come on and when she turned, he was sitting down and a baseball game was on. He sat down but even from where she stood she could see the tension in his shoulders.
They were both wary, both hurt. She’d been hurt by his words and he’d been hurt because she wouldn’t talk.
They had hours to get through before they were supposed to take on their roles, but maybe they didn’t need to wait. He’d offered to top her. She didn’t want to play anymore. She wanted something softer.
She had a choice to make. She could rail at him or she could take the peace he was offering.
Karina left the kitchen and walked to her temporary Dom, to the man she was pretty certain she would mourn as surely as she mourned her husband.
He looked up at her. “Ba…Karina, it’s all right. I’m not going to push you. You’re safe.”
She was safe because she was with him. She sank to her knees and let her head rest on his lap. “Can we order pizza? I would rather sit with you.”
His hand was in her hair, smoothing it, petting her. “Yes, of course.”
She listened as he called their order in. It was all right. Derek would take care of things. For now.
That was all that mattered anyway.
Chapter Ten
Derek didn’t like the way Master Will looked at Karina. Of course, he didn’t like the way any of them looked at Karina, but he had to get a freaking handle on that. They looked at her because she was gorgeous and wearing very little clothing. He stared at her as she stood at the bar, getting them both drinks. There wouldn’t be a lick of alcohol in them. They were working. He could use a beer, but he suspected he was going to cut back heavily on his drinking.
He was going to change a lot of things because nothing, nothing in the world had ever felt as good as that moment when Karina sank to her knees and laid her head on his lap. Nothing. No sex, no triumph, no promotion had ever made him as peaceful, as complete as having her trust him.
One day she would tell him what he already suspected, but if she never did, he would be content with the Karina he had now. He’d seen her, really seen her, and that was all he needed.
“Are you going to kill the doc?” Sean stood beside him, his blue eyes wary as he looked across the room to where Karina was waiting on the other bartender to finish their drinks.
“Only if I have to.” He wasn’t sure about the doc. He’d read through the files Liam had sent him as Karina and he had eaten a quiet dinner. Will Daley was a liar, but was he a killer? “What does Eve say about him?”
“Adam hacked into the hospital network and got some of the depositions about his upcoming trial.”
“Do any of you understand the words ‘usable’ and ‘evidence’?” They were going to kill him. He might catch the guy, but McKay-Taggart’s highly suspect investigative techniques would put him right back out on the street.
Sean shrugged. “If he gets off on a technicality, we’ll let Jesse kill him. Jesse hasn’t killed anyone in a while. He needs to let off a little pressure.”
Derek turned to him. Sometimes he couldn’t tell when they were joking. The last thing he needed was another dead body. “Are you serious?”
Sean held a hand up. “Chill. I promise we’ll figure out a way to do this by the book when you arrest him, but for now we need a break. We need to know where to look. As far as I can tell the doc over there has been seen at all three clubs where the victims played. I think he’s definitely a person of interest. He might have been just trying to find the right club or the lawsuit was the inciting incident that set him off. Eve’s going over all the files tonight. She wants to see how he behaved during the deposition. She couldn’t do it earlier because she and Alex were meeting with the adoption agency, but she swears she’ll get to it tonight. I also got the info you asked me about.”
Alex and Eve were adopting? That was nice. Maybe a passel of babies would calm the group down. Or just start another generation of evil geniuses. Did Karina want babies? His parents were always on him about grandkids. He wasn’t getting any younger.
“Derek?”
“Sorry.”
Sean shook his head. “I know that look, man. Just give in.”
He wasn’t about to argue with Sean. He kind of already had given in. He could tell himself it was best to distance from Karina but he flat out didn’t want to. He wasn’t going to lie to himself anymore. He wanted her. He didn’t want some unknown sub who would mindlessly obey him. He wanted Karina and she needed him. She didn’t need a part-time play partner. She needed a Dom. Hell, she needed a husband who protected her, who loved her.
“I don’t know if she’ll let me in. I fucked up earlier today. We’re fine right now, but she’s probably counting the hours until she can kick me out.” Master Will and his sub moved to the bar. Fucker. Still, if he rushed over it would look weird. He had to stay calm. Trust Karina. Trust the team.
“Tell me you didn’t accuse her of sleeping around.”
He winced a little. “I would love to tell you that, but my mother taught me not to lie.”
Sean groaned. “Dumbass. Karina isn’t Maia.”
He stared at her as she smiled up at Master Will. Now that he was really looking at her, the real Karina and not the one he’d made up in his head, he could see the difference in her smile. She was giving Master Will her best “client” smile. Pretty, friendly and warm, but without the all-out glow she saved for her friends. And without the heat she reserved for him. “I know. Not even close. If it makes you feel better, I accused her of sleeping with you as well as O’Donnell and the big guy. She didn’t give me enough time or I would have thrown the Brit in.”
He was such a fucking dumbass and he had to pray Karina could forgive him.
Se
an had a great poker face. His expression never changed. “Don’t you ever tell the women. Ever.”
Shit. He hadn’t thought about the ramifications. “You think they would be mean to Karina?”
Sean huffed and rolled his eyes. “No, they love Karina. They will be more than mean to you. They will take off your balls and do crafts with them or some shit. You do not want to piss off the subs. Seriously. They’ve unionized. We should never have let them start that book club.”
The idea of the Sanctum subs looking for a little revenge spooked him. He didn’t want to know what Charlotte would do to him. “Yeah, let’s keep my stupidity between us. Do you think it would help my case if I ask her to marry me?”
Sean’s poker face dropped away. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I don’t think she’ll say yes.” He’d thought he’d never get married again. He thought he’d control the relationship by keeping it to a contracted D/s partnership with securely placed boundaries.
He didn’t want boundaries between them. He didn’t want fucking walls. He just wanted her. He wanted his wife. He wanted to take her home and have his mom fuss over her and his dad tell her she was far too good for his son. He wanted to get dragged to church and sit beside her and hold her hand.
“Well, then we’ll have to set the subs on her,” Sean said with an evil grin. “A few casually placed words about how she broke your heart and they’ll be all over her. They love drama and more than that they love matchmaking. I would be utterly terrified if I wasn’t married to the ringleader. Grace believes it’s her mission in life to make sure everyone gets married. I think she’s getting kickbacks from a wedding planner.”
At least he had an appeals board. He kept his eyes steady on Karina. She seemed a little concerned. Master Will shook his head and ran a hand over his brow before nodding and stepping away. He felt better when both Master Will and his sub walked away. “So did you run a background check on the brother-in-law? I don’t like him.”
“I didn’t like him either,” Sean agreed. “He pushed her to feel bad about dating. It’s been years since her husband was killed in the line of duty. He was NYPD.”
Shit. Would she marry another cop? He was mostly behind a desk at this point in his career, but there were always risks with his job. He wanted to know the story so badly, but he stopped himself. That was Karina’s story to tell, and he would hear it from her or not at all. “So what’s the line on Terry Mills?”
“He’s drifted a lot. His mother died before his brother. The father was killed in a boating accident when Terry was sixteen. The family made their money off the dad’s business. He had a boat and gave tourists tours of Long Island Sound. Kevin became a cop in the city, but Terry took the boat and kept up the business after he turned eighteen. After Kevin died, he took the boat to the Caribbean and had been working there until he showed up in Dallas a couple of months back.”
Derek frowned. “I thought he’d only been here for a few weeks?”
Sean shrugged. “He told Karina he came to rehab his broken arm. I guess it was worse than he said.”
“A broken arm heals in six to eight weeks. I’ve had more than one broken bone.”
Sean shook his head. “Look, I don’t like the guy, either, but we’re looking for a serial killer.”
“He would have known her e-mail. He might think that’s still her e-mail.” His brain was working overtime. Yes, they were looking for a serial killer, but what if they were being manipulated? What if they were seeing what the killer wanted them to see?
Sean’s eyes widened. “I’m going to call Adam. I’ll have him check into some things. Do we know the doctor he’s been seeing?”
He shook his head. “Find out and keep it quiet because Karina doesn’t need to know anything until we’re sure.” It would kill her. It would threaten her calm and he wasn’t going to do that again unless he had to. “And see if we can put a tail on him. I’m going to make sure Karina isn’t alone with the man again, and I think I need to break into her apartment manager’s office. That shouldn’t be hard.”
“Fun. Why?”
“He’s very interested in a package she’s supposed to get.”
Sean’s eyes narrowed. “He mentioned it the first day. I’ll get on it and we’ll find out where he’s staying and tail him for a couple of days.”
“Good.” He didn’t like the coincidence. He’d been a cop long enough that he knew coincidence was just a word people used. Coincidence usually meant something shitty was about to happen.
He didn’t like the fact that her brother-in-law had shown up and suddenly someone had her name on a grain of rice and that meant death. Yeah, one plus one equaled two, and that usually meant that money was involved.
Money was involved far more often than psychosis. Most people with hormonal challenges got help and never hurt a person. People who were greedy on the other hand…
Karina walked his way. God, she was gorgeous. His Gorgeous Girl. His. Fucking his. She wouldn’t stray. She wouldn’t look another way. She would take all that love and lust and send it his way if he was lucky. She would take that sexy feminine energy and spend it on the man who brought her comfort and pleasure and who made her feel loved.
He was going to be that man. He was going to be that man if it killed him.
“Hey, I got you a rum and Coke.” She smiled his way and winked to let him know it was just a Coke. Hers would be the same.
He kind of thought hers would be the same for a different reason. How did he tell her that it was okay? How did he tell her he didn’t give a fuck? Would she even believe a damn word he said at this point?
There was only one reason he could think of if she had a record. Karina Mills wouldn’t harm another person. Karina wouldn’t commit armed robbery or even shoplift.
But if her life was bad, she might hurt herself. She might have taken drugs to escape when she was young.
And he knew damn well she would pull herself up and fix the problem because that was the kind of woman she was. She was strong and brave and so fucking gorgeous it hurt to look at her.
She was everything a man could want.
“Thanks, gorgeous.” It hurt to not call her what she was. He knew it was dumb, but she was his baby. He’d never called Maia that. When he was young, it was because that was what his dad called his mom. As he’d gotten older, he’d realized that Maia wasn’t his baby.
Karina was his baby. He might never say it, but it was true. She was the one.
He’d been a dumbshit asshole, but she was the one.
She smiled Sean’s way. Again, a very pretty smile, but not the one reserved for her lover. He was her lover and he was going to do whatever it took to make sure it stayed that way.
He took his Coke and maneuvered his way next to her. “Thanks, gorgeous. What did Master Will want?”
“He’s not feeling well. He just came over to tell me he and Starr are heading home. He wanted to make sure I was okay.” She took a sip and smiled his way.
God, how did he tell her he loved her? He’d fucked this up on a fundamental level. She had to think he wouldn’t accept her. He hated she thought so little of him.
He looked at the clock. It was past one. The club would be open for a little bit more, but they were past the heavy scenes. He’d avoided them tonight. If he’d been at Sanctum, he would have stripped her down and flogged her. He would have tied her to a cross and laid into her, but he didn’t trust the eyes on her here. At Sanctum they would honor his claim. The minute he got a real collar around her throat the men would praise her beauty, but no one would make a move on her. They would honor her for the gorgeous submissive she was.
Here, he worried they would simply take her. Without love. Without honor. Without thought to who she really was. Gorgeous. Smart. So fucking strong she brought him to his knees.
“Are you ready to go?” He wanted to get her out of here. He wouldn’t feel good until he had her back at his place, behind locked doors and in his
bed. He’d long ago learned to trust his instincts and they were telling him it was time to stop. Karina didn’t know it, but she was going to his place tonight.
“If you think it’s the right time, then yes.” Karina nodded his way, obviously giving in.
She wanted to stay and if he thought for a second it was in her best interest, in her interest in any way, he would likely turn it around. It wasn’t. None of this was. He was going to tell the Rangers tomorrow to fuck themselves and he and Karina were going on a vacation. He would give them every lead he had, but his girl was out of this. Nothing was worth her safety. She was the most precious thing in the world to him. If he lost his job, then Ian fucking Taggart better get ready for a new employee.
He was putting Karina first.
“Go and change your clothes. Don’t take long and don’t bother with a shower. I’ll just get you dirty again.” He couldn’t walk out and get into the car with her in a corset and thong. Though it should be legal because she was so pretty.
She glanced Sean’s way and her bratty beautiful eyes rolled. “He’s going to kill me, Sean. I’ll see you both back here in ten.”
She sashayed her way toward the locker room. God, he wasn’t going to let that go. Her ass was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen.
And she needed him. She needed him to center her. She needed him so she didn’t devolve into chaos and dirt. God only knew her bathroom needed him.
He would move her into his place. Better yet, he would let her pick a place and then properly organize their stuff and hire a maid. She would cook and he would handle the daily cleaning.
They would be happy.
“Dude, you’re in too deep,” Sean said.
He shrugged. “I don’t want to be anything else.”
