by Лори Девоти
"What's he selling?" Hopefully it was nothing that would bring too much heat down on us.
Bern reached in the backseat and ripped into a box. "Looks like toys." She pulled out a squishy frog that lit up when you squeezed his stomach.
"Oh." Lao gestured for Bern to grab a plastic bag sitting on the car's floor. The warrior pulled out a can of evaporated milk and an eyedropper.
"In case the mama won't feed him," Lao explained.
Loaded down with the puppy, toy, milk, and eyedropper, Bern went to sit in the shade while Lao changed the vehicle's plates.
When the plates were changed, we divided up again-Bern and Tess in the truck, Lao and myself with the dogs in the car.
Lao drove. We left the stolen car's plates behind, but we kept the toys. Eventually we'd sell them.
When you live like we do, you learn to appreciate even the smallest opportunity to make a buck. And today, with our future so unknown, we had to embrace those opportunities even more.
It was late by the time we got off I-90, not dark yet, but getting close. The exit for Mel's place was about a five-minute drive. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about what I was going to say to her this time.
The parking lot had quite a few cars in it. It was Saturday night, what I guessed was a popular time for humans to get tattoos. Deciding an audience might be just the thing to get Mel to accept my reappearance without reaching for power first thing, I led my ragtag group to the front of the old schoolhouse and up the stairs that led to the shop.
Mel's office manager, Mandy, met us with a surprised stare.
"You're the-"
"Self-defense group. That's right. We're wondering if Mel would be willing to rent us some space again." Last fall the tribe had posed as a self-defense group while living in Mel's gym and hunting the killer who had turned out to be a son.
"I'll ask. . " As the unsure words came out of her mouth, she spotted the puppy poking his head out of Tess's shirt. Much oohing and aahing ensued, attracting the attention of three college-age girls who had been studying the shop's flash.
With Mandy busy, I strolled through the door that separated the tattoo area from reception. Mel had three artists who worked for her, four if you counted her mother, Cleo. I didn't think Mel did, though. Cleo was a warrior and thus not big on sitting in one place and doing intricate work. Her other employees included Janet, a middle-aged lesbian, and Cheryl, divorced mother of three. Her remaining employee was the son, Peter Arpada. Mel had hired him before she knew he was a son, but she hadn't fired him after. And now apparently they'd been traveling together. I still wasn't sure how I felt about that.
There were two rooms for tattooing. The biggest, the one I had entered, had three stations. Cheryl and Janet were both busy with clients. The third was empty. I didn't know if Peter or Cleo normally used the seat. I was hoping Cleo. I trusted her.
She had at many times been more of a mother to me than my own.
From here you could see into the smaller room too. There were two stations there. A client, an older man in his fifties, sat at one, but there was no sign of an artist.
Janet turned from her customer to grab some gauze and spotted me. "Mel's in back, getting gloves." She nodded to a door at the back of the connected room, a room I knew from previous visits was used to store its supplies and sterilizing equipment.
"How about Cleo?" I asked, staying casual.
"Basement."
I turned on my heel and strolled back out the door. In reception, I cocked my head at Bern and Lao. Tess seemed to be paying attention too. As a group we filed back out.
While Lao and Tess went to check on the rest of the dogs, Bern and I returned to the basement. I didn't realize I was tense until I stepped into the main room and saw it was empty-no babies this evening.
The door to Cleo's workout room was open. Feeling back in my element for the first time in days, I strode through the door.
And ran smack-dab into my biggest nightmare.
My mother, Scy Kostovska. . and she was holding a baby.
I suddenly had a very sick feeling.
She looked shocked and almost as horrified to see me. "Zery." She dropped to a squat and quickly tucked the baby into one of those plastic seats. After pulling the seat's safety bar down over his head and snapping it in place, she stood and faced me, her face morphing into the picture of a warm welcome.
"What kind of shit are you getting ready to dump on me?" I asked.
My mother was not warm. If I wasn't standing in front of her, obvious evidence that it wasn't true, I'd say she was the type to eat her own young.
"Who's the baby?" I asked. There was a ticking noise starting in my head, like a bomb growing closer to explosion. I didn't want to think what I was thinking, didn't want to deal with a potentially confusing new discovery.
She glanced at the seat like she'd just noticed it. "Just a baby. I'm watching him for Dana. She does that, you know, watches other people's children."
I tried to believe her. I wanted to believe her. But the coincidence was too big-a high council member had given birth to the baby I'd been ordered to find. . Mel had claimed to know the mother. Now I find a high council member, my mother, who had no reason to be here, in Madison, with a baby in Mel's basement. The conclusion was obvious.
I stared down at the child. Chubby cheeks, dark hair. . not enough for me to say yea or nay, but then I saw the cow. . the flat cow Tess had been holding at camp. I realized then I hadn't seen the seat or the stuffed cow since. Jack must have sneaked into the yard and stolen them too.
We'd gone to Walmart thinking he'd need supplies without even realizing he'd already done a little shopping in our yard.
Damn him.
And damn my mother.
I turned my attention to her. "He's yours isn't he? You're the council member."
She looked like she was going to argue for a moment, then seemed to remember herself. She squared her shoulders. "Yes. He's mine."
I stared at the seat and the wiggling body inside it. "I have a brother. A brother I've been ordered to capture so he can be killed. How nice."
My mother stood with her hands on her hips-angry but not alarmed. She thought she could beat me. Who was I kidding? She was on the high council. Of course she could beat me.
But then I'd come here to tell Mel I'd defied orders. There was no reason for my mother to beat me, challenge me, even. We were on the same side, or should have been.
The infant made some gurgling noise. Our mother didn't look down, but I saw her twitch. She noticed; she cared.
For some reason that hurt.
"You defied the council for him," I stated. She had never defied anything or anyone for me. I had never come first; I'd been an afterthought, someone who followed her around, got in her way.
"I had to," she replied.
I laughed. "You've never done anything because 'you had to.' Don't pull that now."
Her eyes flared, more emotion than she'd shown me my entire childhood.
"The council wants him killed, you know."
She tilted her head. "I heard."
I tapped a finger against my leg. She wasn't playing the game, not how I wanted her to. Of course, I didn't even know exactly how that was. Frustrated and pissed off, at her, the Amazons, and myself, I spun and left the room.
She followed me, pulling the door closed behind her.
That at least was somewhat satisfying. That at least said she was a little concerned over what I might do.
"He's your brother, Zery."
I looked back. "Half, I'm assuming. Unless there's something else you need to tell me." This baby was the son of a son. If he and I shared a father. .
She shook her head. "No. You're right half brother."
I licked my lips. For a second I'd thought. . I shook my head. I wasn't the daughter of a son. No reason to think about what that revelation might have meant.
"So, half brother, and the son of a son. Is that part true? Did yo
u sleep with a son, Mother?"
"I wouldn't be the first or, I'm sure, the last." She looked at me strangely then.
For some unknown reason my mind jumped to Jack. I growled. "Was it on purpose? Did you do it to have some kind of superbaby?" A baby who could grow up to be everything she wanted him or her to be?
"Why would I do that?"
It wasn't an answer, but then again maybe it was.
"What happened at the high council?" I asked. "When they found out."
She did the damn head-tilt thing again, to one side and then the other, as if deliberating if I could handle her response. "You got your orders. You know."
Actually, I didn't. I had been kept in the dark more than anyone, but I didn't want to admit it to her.
"But you are on the high council. Was there a discussion? Was there a vote?"
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Do you care, Zery? Does it matter? Is there anything I can tell you that will make you see my side?"
I'd already seen her side, but I wanted her to explain it to me. Wanted her to try and convince me. I'd say beg me, but that would be like waiting for a hyena to roll over and ask for a belly rub.
"Try me," I responded.
She sighed, although from her it sounded more like an exasperated huff. "The high council is split, but not evenly. Of the twelve members of the council, three feel strongly that we should return to the old ways, kill our sons. Three feel strongly we shouldn't and the rest are spineless, indecisive wastes of time."
Now this was the mother I knew and genetics dictated I love.
I answered drily, "So, you went to great lengths to woo the middle to your side."
Anger flared in her eyes. "They chose to vote with fear rather than strength. I reminded them we are Amazons. We have nothing to fear. Yes, one son surprised and attacked us when we didn't know about the threat, but we do now. We are prepared or can be if we get to know the sons better. The more we learn of them, the stronger we will be."
"And the babies? Where do they fit into this? Are you planning on turning them over to the sons to raise?"
She glanced back at the door. "That was an issue. Of those who agreed we should meet with the sons and learn more about them, we were split on what to do with male children. None of us wanted to return to maiming or killing, but some wanted to keep the boys and raise them with their sisters. Some felt only Amazons could or should be raised as Amazons."
"So even in your splinter group you couldn't agree." The revelation reminded me why having a certain element of sheep could be good. If everyone was trying to lead the flock, the flock had no solid direction in which to go.
"Which side were you on?" I asked.
"Turn over to the sons," she replied.
A bit of tension left my body. In this, at least, she was the same.
"But. . " She grimaced. "I'd never spent this much time with a child I meant to give away before."
A nerve near my mouth jerked. She'd never spent much time with a child period, at least certainly not me.
"The longer I care for him the more I think. . " She held up a hand. "But right now that isn't the issue. What about you, Zery? What side are you on? Do you plan to kill your brother?"
Did I? I had decided I didn't right after I found the dog, before I faced off against Thea, before I tossed away a lifetime of work and establishing myself as a leading queen, one who might someday herself be looked at for a position on the high council.
How ironic was it that now I knew my mother was involved I wished desperately I could stand on the opposite side? I toyed with the idea for a second. The temptation to tell her I was against her was tantalizing. She'd always had the power; now was my chance to change that.
But I couldn't.
"No. I don't," I replied.
Her eyes rounded, telling me I'd surprised her as much today as she had surprised me. That at least brought some reward.
"I questioned the council's order and a new queen has been appointed to my camp." The words were like sand in my mouth.
Her eyes were wary. "You're here to. .?"
I bit the inside of my cheek. Why was I here, really? To help? To lead some kind of heroic battle for what was right? Or just because I had nowhere else to go?
I stared past her, lost and unsure. I'd never been unsure. Right and wrong had always been clear. My world had always been black and white. How did it become so gray?
"The gym is open." Mel appeared around the corner. She must have come down the front steps. I couldn't see them from my current position. So I didn't know how long she had been standing there, hidden, listening.
She had her red Wisconsin Badgers cap on along with a white V-necked tee, denim shorts, and hiking boots. Even with the snake bracelet both she and her mother wore, she looked very human, not in the least bit threatening.
She cocked her head, her gaze shooting past my mother and on to me. "Mandy said the self-defense group was back and looking to rent space. How many are with you?"
I gestured to Bern, who had been standing quietly by the side door that led outside. "Plus two more, hearth-keepers."
Surprise flickered behind Mel's hazel eyes, but she didn't comment on my lack of companions, or the fact that hearth-keepers wouldn't be anyone's first choice in a battle, unless it was a cook-off.
At least, that is what I had thought just a week ago. Recently I'd seen a side to Lao I'd never realized a hearth-keeper possessed. Maybe Tess had more to offer too.
Mel nodded. "Plenty of room if you don't mind sharing." She tilted her head toward my mother. "Your mom is staying there too." She zeroed in on Bern, who had taken up position by the side door that led outside. "Let's find the others and get you settled."
She walked past me on the way to the door. I wrapped my fingers around her bicep. "Thanks."
A hardness shone from her eyes. "Don't thank me. I haven't said how long you can stay yet." Then she kept moving. Bern followed and in thirty seconds I was alone with my mother again.
I stared at the woman who had given birth to me. Then I moved to follow my friend. My mother's voice stopped me. "If you don't say why you're here, she won't let you stay long."
I turned back. "You and Mel get close?"
She lifted one side of her mouth in an imitation of a smile, then gestured with her head toward the workout room where we had left the baby. "We have something in common."
Of course, they both had sons from a son. Mel was looking for hers. She'd only found out about her grandmother's deception last fall. She'd been looking for him, or as far as I knew she had. I hadn't heard that she had found him yet-and I was fairly certain I would have. Even in the unplugged world of the Amazons, that kind of news would have made it back to me.
My mother was still watching me, waiting.
I let out a frustrated grunt. "My camp turned against me, all but the three I mentioned. I'm not sure what that means, where that leaves me."
She frowned. "What do you mean, 'where that leaves you?' Where could it leave you?"
"I lost my position of queen. It was stripped from me."
She shook her head like I'd said something she couldn't quite believe. "Says who? And what made you queen anyway?"
"The council. . or. . " Thea had said it. There was a possibility she was lying. Confused, I pressed my fingers to my forehead.
"What council? I'm on the council and no one asked my opinion."
"But you left."
"Did I? That's news to me."
"You had to; the council voted to kill the. . your baby. And you haven't. . he's still-" The conversation was uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable.
She walked toward me, her face grim. "I'm still an Amazon, I'm still a warrior, and I'm still on the high council. Do you honestly think I'd walk away from any of that? What about you, daughter? What are you?"
Dana walking into the room with a baby in each arm gave me a good exit point. I left the basement through the side door without answering.
; Darkness had fallen while I was having my mother/daughter chat, but Mel's outdoor lights had clicked on. I got as far as the walkway between the main building and the old gym/cafeteria where we would be staying before being stopped by another surprise.
Jack.
He was leaning against the door that opened into the old cafeteria part of the building, right across the walk from the outside stairwell I'd just climbed up, out of the main building's basement.
I thought about walking past him, but didn't. I knew he wouldn't let me easily and I was tired of fighting-something I'd never imagined I'd be.
I stopped in front of him, my arms crossed over my chest.
"You left," he said.
He'd been there. He'd seen me. I didn't have to tell him what had happened.
"I wasn't sure you would."
I shrugged. My mother's words were still ringing in my ears: What about you, daughter? What are you?
Jack seemed to sense what I was thinking. . feeling. . He pushed himself away from the wall and into my space. "What's wrong with you?" His eyes were hard and dark, filled with fire.
I stared back at him knowing my own were dead. My fire had gone out. I didn't know if I could ever get it back.
He leaned even closer, until his nose almost touched mine. "Don't tell me I was right the first time. Don't tell me, you are just a sheep."
When I didn't reply, he cursed. His hands opened and closed at his sides. I could tell he wanted to grapple something. . me, I guessed.
I watched dispassionately. The Amazons didn't want me. I wasn't queen. I had no pony in this race.
When he spun back, I could see the wolverine inside him staring out at me. "I get through to you and you give up? Is that it?" He took a step back toward me, back in my space, but this time he went further. He pushed me against the building.
With one hand on each of my shoulders he held me there, pinned to the wooden siding.
"So, tell me. One little slap of reality and you fold up? Give up? Is all your fight gone? Exactly how far down did you let them beat you?"
He spit the words out, ugly and harsh.
"If you're that easy to defeat, I guess they were right. You aren't a queen." He bent his elbows and propelled himself away from me.
