by Rose, Baylee
That’s starting to bother me too. They warned me you can go too deep undercover, so deep that you start to lose sight of who you are and become the person you’re portraying. The thing is, in this case, I’m being me. The real Ana. The Ana that I’ve kept hidden since I was the scared sixteen year old that Paul Banks saved. When I’m with Roman, it’s not about being someone I don’t know; it’s all about letting my guard down and showing him who I am. Which is crazy. Completely crazy.
Roman swears he’s doing his best to help me with my brother. He hasn’t shown me proof, but I still find myself believing him, which makes me wonder if I didn’t have Roman Anthes pegged wrong to begin with. He’s becoming more relaxed around me, so much so that in this past week, he’s even beginning to talk business in front of me. Not a lot, but little things, enough for me to understand he’s brokering a deal with the Russian mob. That should terrify me—and maybe it does—but not enough to turn me away from him.
My phone vibrates. I look at the text with a feeling of dread:
About fucking time. I’ll be there.
The more I see the words, the more I want to vomit. I clear off all history of the texts and bury my phone back in my purse. I can’t put this off any longer. I jump in the shower. It’s a busy day and I don’t have time to waste. I’ve got the doctor’s appointment, the fight with Paul (and it will be a fight), and then tonight I’m accompanying Roman to a dinner party. He bought me the sexiest, barely-there little black dress I have ever seen. I’m all set, but I’m a nervous wreck about it, too. I may need medication to survive today. That’s my last thought as I go jump in the shower.
Time to stop putting things off.
The doctor’s appointment threw me off. I’m feeling like the world’s biggest idiot. How did it not register to me that I had been having unprotected sex with Roman for two weeks? Unprotected sex with a man I’ve been trying to get information on to prove he’s part of a Miami underground drug ring? A man I suspected at one time of killing my brother? Unprotected sex. Maybe Paul’s right and my brain is all fucked up. Maybe the best thing would be to have the DEA and FEDs pull me.
I’m kicking that around in my head as I make my way to the first floor to meet Paul. My appointment was at one and I’m now ten minutes late. I texted him and told him to wait for me by the pharmacy area. There’s an alcove right off the main room where I can meet with him briefly. It’s the most I can chance right now. I don’t think Roman has me tailed, but I’m sure he has Robert watching me and making sure I’m okay. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about Roman Anthes, it’s that he’s very protective.
“You’re fucking late,” Paul barks at me. I look around to notice the area is empty. The pharmacy is shut down for a late lunch, so thankfully no one is around to hear him.
“Will you shut the fuck up for Christ’s sake before you blow my cover?”
“You’ve been radio silent for two fucking weeks and you expect me to be concerned with blowing your fucking cover? What’s wrong, Ana? Afraid Roman won’t fuck you anymore if he knows you’re a cop?”
I don’t even think. I slap him across the face. The force of my hit turns his head sideways. He brings his hand up to his face and looks at me with contempt. Had my relationship with Paul not already been deteriorating, that look would have destroyed me. “Fuck you,” I growl.
“Who knew sleeping with a felon would give you spunk,” Paul says, his voice deadly. He brings his hand up to rub where I hit him. “Maybe once you’re done playing Roman’s whore, I’ll give you a go so you can compare.”
His words make me want to hurl. They literally make me gag. The man I looked up to and thought I owed so much to says these vile things. I thought of him as a father. My stomach cramps with the need to vomit. I breathe through it, instinctively determined not to show weakness to him.
“I want a new handler. If you don’t make it happen, I will. The choice is yours,” I tell him, my voice quiet. I turn to leave and he grabs my hand, pulling me around to face him.
“You think you’re getting off that easy? You signed up for this fucking job and you’ll tow the line or you’ll pay. I’ve had Anthes in my sight for over a fucking year and I’m not letting some wet-behind-the-ears wanna-be-detective ruin it for me. You have until tomorrow afternoon to plant that shit, or I’ll have someone else do it.”
“You can’t—”
“Watch me. Do your fucking job, Ana. That’s why you’re here. That’s the only reason you’re here. Don’t forget for even a minute that if Anthes knew you were a cop, he’d kill you without a second thought. You’re nothing to him. Nothing but an easy piece of ass who keeps her legs spread.”
I start to slap him again but he grabs my hand, preventing me.
“What happened to you?” I ask confused.
“Not a fucking thing. Except a woman I used to admire has become the fuck-toy to one of the vilest men in Miami. Get your head out of your ass and back in the game, Ana. Do your job, or I’ll do it for you.”
“I’m no one’s fuck-toy. You’re overstepping your bounds. I could have you—”
“What the fuck is going on here?” Roman snarls. My face goes pale as I turn away from Paul to see Roman standing at the door.
Fuck.
The last thing I expected to see was Ana standing there yelling at the one man I’m dying to kill. Paul Banks. If there’s a man more deserving to be on the wrong end of a pistol, I haven’t met him. Which is saying something, in my line of work. My eyes narrow on the hold he has on Ana and the strange look on her face. I walk to them, anger fueling every step. There will be no saving the motherfucker now.
“I suggest you let go of my woman, Banks. Now, while you still have a hand.”
Paul turns her loose with a look of disgust. “Anthes. I didn’t realize they let scum out on the streets this early.”
“What the fuck is going on here? Ana, how do you know this weasel?” I ask, and her face blanches and goes even whiter.
“Ana and I go way back. I never figured you were one to take my leftovers, Roman. I guess you’re growing bored of sampling the women who work for you.”
I hear Ana’s gasp, but my attention has turned to the fucker in front of me. All of my attention is on Banks.
“Ana, go to the car,” I order.
“Roman, he’s lying. I never slept with him.”
“To the car, Ana,” I tell her again, showing no emotion, but I’d be a fucking liar if I didn’t admit to the fact that knowing she hadn’t been with Banks doesn’t soothe something inside of me. “Robert, escort Ana to the car,” I tell my driver. I don’t turn to make sure my order is followed. I know it will be, and I don’t trust Banks enough to take my eyes off of him. “You come near Ana again, and you’ll regret it.”
“Has the mighty Roman Anthes fallen for a pussy?”
“You heard me, Banks. You can push your weight around all you want, but you and I both know what a bottom dweller you are. Be careful you don’t end up at the bottom of an ocean.”
“Is that a threat, Anthes? Threatening cops can get you in deep shit these days,” he responds arrogantly.
“Not a threat. I don’t waste my time with threats. I’m saying you so much as sniff the wind in Ana’s direction and I’ll end you. Take that any way you want.”
“Maybe she’s the one sniffing in my direction. Trying to find a real man who—”
I strike out before he can finish, my knuckles crunching against his teeth. He goes down with a thud. Blood pours from his lip and I hope I’ve at least knocked his teeth loose.
“Ana is not on your radar. Ever. Consider this the only warning you’ll get, Banks. You might hide behind your badge, but don’t forget I know where you’ve fucking buried the bodies.”
It’s a useless warning. He signed his death warrant when he put his hand on Ana. I planned on ending him for a while; I was just holding off, not wanting to draw possible attention as long as I was talking to Kuzma, but some things a man can
’t ignore.
I walk away from Banks then, pulling my phone out and calling Bruno. “Banks has overstepped for the last time. You got the number of that guy we used near Orange County? Marcum?”
“Yeah.”
“Call him. I want this fucker handled. Set up a meeting tomorrow. I have that damn charity dinner tonight.”
“You got it, boss.”
I click the phone off and walk out towards the limo. I need to find out from Ana what the fuck is really going on because I don’t believe for a minute she’s let Banks between her legs. I hope like hell I’m not fucking lying to myself.
Ugly. What just went on brought new meaning to the word “ugly”. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. The bad vibes Paul gave me when trying to force my hand the other day at my apartment were bad, but I didn’t think they’d go this far south. I never expected Paul to morph into someone I did not know. Someone I don’t want to know.
I’ll have to think about it later. What I need to worry about the most is Roman. What the hell am I supposed to do now? What did he hear? I don’t think I’m going to be able to distract him with sex this time.
Time for questions are over when Roman slides into the limo like a dark thundercloud.
“Roman …”
“How do you know Banks?”
“Roman. I—”
“Answer the question, Ana, and do us both a favor and don’t lie to me,” he growls.
His tone and words take me aback. I want to scream at him, but I can’t. It would be ridiculous, considering I’ve yet to tell him the entire truth since I met him.
“He saved me once.”
Roman’s face grows harder. “Saved you how?”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Too fucking bad. Tell me, Ana.”
“Fuck you!” I growl before I can stop myself. I’ve had enough. Enough of men putting pressure on me. Enough of this war going on inside of me, enough of everything.
“Fuck me?” he asks, seemingly astonished, and maybe he is. I doubt any woman has ever told him to go fuck himself before. Roman’s probably got a long line of women who are ready and willing to say yes.
“You heard me. I’ve had it with men telling me what to do! That includes you, Daddy!” I punch the intercom button. “Robert, pull over.”
Roman’s eyes narrow and he pushes the button a second after me. “Robert, if you pull over, you’re fired. Take us to the apartment.”
“You can’t keep me here.”
“I can fucking do whatever I want.”
“Fine! I’ll jump out!”
I’m acting unreasonable. I’m just so freaking close to my breaking point. I can still feel Paul’s hand gripping mine and hear his hateful words. I feel like I’ve lost someone dear, because he’s dead to me. The Paul I thought I had in my life obviously doesn’t exist anymore. I don’t even get to grieve that before Roman is upon me with his demands. I just can’t handle it. Not right now. I need to get away…
“The fuck you will,” Roman growls, pulling me onto his lap, but there’s nothing loving about him this time. His grip and hold is hard. His arms are like a prison, locking me into him. I try to pull away, twisting and turning, bracing my hands on his shoulders to push away from him. His hand wraps in my hair and knots in it. I pull, ignoring the pain. It’s useless. He’s not letting me move. He pulls my head up and I’m trapped, not only by his hold on me, but by the look in his eyes. “You’re going nowhere, Ana. Ever.”
His words should fill me with fear. Instead it’s excitement.
I know I’m being irrational. I haven’t been able to be rational about this whole thing since seeing Ana with the one man I despise above all others. Seeing his hand on her and touching what is mine only made that feeling more intense. I’m charging at her instead of giving her time to talk and be rational. But being rational is beyond me right now. I’m one step away from the ledge and Ana is trying to push me over. I’ve been gentle with Ana. Way too gentle. In a way, today is my fault too. She forgot who is in control. Time to fucking remind her.
“I want to know how Banks saved you.”
“And I don’t want to tell you!” she growls.
I’m a dominating man. It’s elemental to who I am. Until Ana, that’s been relatively easy. Women fall in line effortlessly. Ana’s continued defiance alternates between driving me insane and exciting me.
I claim her mouth. Our lips collide with so much energy there is almost pain. Teeth clash and our tongues war. My hand is tight in her hair, holding her, forcing her to submit while I devour her. I bite into her lip, not enough to break the skin, but enough to get her attention, leave signs I was there, and to show her who is in charge.
“How do you know Banks, pet?” Her eyes are spitting fire at me. Her tongue is moving over her swollen lip, trying to brush away the sting. “Ana,” I warn, almost at the end of my rope.
“He was a beat cop that was called out to my mom’s when I was sixteen. One of her customers woke up and, since mom was passed out, he thought he’d give me a go.”
Her words are hurled at me and they wound, as they were meant to. I pull tighter on her hair, not because she’s displeased me, but because her words light something inside that makes me want to kill. And I will. I will hunt the motherfucker down and kill him. I don’t care that’s it’s been over ten years. His blood will be on my hands and I will be the reason he draws his last breath. “Did he…?” Fuck, I can’t even say the words.
“No. Paul stopped him in time.” I refuse to feel an ounce of gratitude to that fucker. It’s not in me. “Until recently, I thought Paul was a friend. I looked at him like a father.”
I ignore the fact that she viewed a man my age, maybe a couple years younger as a father. I might be too old for Ana, but I’m not giving her up. Something else bothers me about what she said, however.
“Until recently? Have you seen Paul before today?”
“Until today, I meant. I’m sorry I’m just so rattled. He hates you Roman. Why does he hate you so much?”
She sounds frightened, and if she really cared about Banks that much, this had to be a hard blow for her, yet here I am, holding her. As guilt hits me, I let go of the stronghold I have on her hair and pull her into me, holding her close in my lap. I absently brush her hair with my fingers as I try to figure out how to put the things I need to say without hurting her further.
“You get that what I do might not be something everyone could handle. I deal with rules and laws outside of normal society.”
“Roman,” she starts, but I shut her down.
“It’s just facts, pet. I’m not asking you to condone what I do. I’m not asking for absolution. In fact, I love the fuck out of my life and things I do. It’s who I am. But some people might view me as slime, as the dregs of society. If I’m that, then Paul is worse. He has no honor even towards the laws in my world. He’s a bottom dweller, pure and simple, and the world would be a much better place if he had a bullet put in him.”
Her body tenses up and she tries to pull away. I know that I let my hate for Banks overrule my tongue. I didn’t go softly, not even a little bit.
“But Roman, he’s a cop. He’s devoted his life to—”
“This ain’t the movies, pet. Good guys don’t always wear white. Some of the lowest fucking men I’ve dealt with hide behind a badge.”
“You sound like you hate cops, but they keep the world from chaos. Without laws…”
I put my hand on her neck and pull her eyes to me. She needs to get this. I need her to understand. My world is the world she resides in now. She’s not leaving, so she needs to accept who I am—what I am.
“Men, pet. Men are human. There are good and bad in all of us, and I abide by my laws. It keeps chaos in my world from getting out of control and that world is yours now.”
“Roman, I’m not sure I want to be in your…”
I stop the words with a kiss, drinking from her lips in a kiss that’s swee
ter and gentler than any we’ve shared before. Our lips move against each other, caressing. I suck her bottom lip into my mouth, pulling it with my teeth and running my tongue along the inside curve. Slowly, her mouth opens, the warmth and taste of her invading me and drugging my senses. My tongue moves in, seeking hers and dancing with it, trying to convey how I feel about her without the words. Words just get in the way. Ana and I have always communicated best through our bodies.
When the kiss is finished, she pulls back slowly, curls into me, and rests her head against my shoulder. Her arm goes around me and she holds onto me. It’s a simple gesture, but one I will never take for granted. Nothing about Ana being mine, can be taken for granted.
“Take me home, Roman,” she whispers.
Home. I haven’t had one of those before Ana. She’s home for me. I wrap my arms around her and settle back into the seat, counting the minutes until I can make love to her.
Make love.
It might sound stupid. Maybe I’m the stupidest woman in the world. But when Roman pulls me in his arms and he kisses me… when all of this powerful, strong, and virile man’s attention is centered on me, I cave. I know what kind of man he is. I know what he’s done in his life. I’ve read page after page of all of the things that the DEA and FBI know Roman Anthes has done, but can’t get proof. So, maybe I am crazy. All I know is that I feel loved, cared for, and safer in Roman’s arms than I did standing near Paul today. Paul was the one who scared me and seemed out of control. Going with Roman and being with him felt… right. There’s no other way to put it.
