by Jesse Jordan
I roll my eyes, and go sit down on the new foam roll, considering the people that I consider my true family. “Okay, okay, sit down. I'm calling a ten-minute news break. Cora, are Bella and Lionel okay?”
Cora laughs, nodding. “Bella very much enjoys playing babysitter for her little brother. She knows where we are, don't sweat it. So, what's this about you having a date?”
“I.... yeah, I had a date last night, it went well,” I admit, shaking my head. “I mean, I guess if you call getting into a bar fight and then drinking half a six pack up at Griffith a good date.”
“I've had worse,” Rocky says, and we all laugh. He's right. It even became a running joke that we let Cora in on when she wondered what Rocky, Joey, and I would be laughing about so much. “Still, you look like you had a good time.”
“I did,” I admit. “I mean, besides having to kick a guy's ass.”
“I'll ask the details later,” Cora quips, and since she's the band's manager she does have a right to know all the details in time. “Tell us about her.”
“Uh, okay. Her name's Mary, and I met her Thursday night at the church,” I start, and Joey laughs.
“Oh no, another snorer!” he jokes, Andrea elbowed him when I don't laugh back. Joey blushes, looking abashed. “Sorry, Ian. So, is she a new member?”
“She isn't there for apnea,” I say quietly, sighing. “Actually, that's been the thing on my mind. She's there for NA, and I found out that.... fuck, I can't believe I'm saying this, but apparently, her group leader is dealing drugs to the group members. He apparently got Mary's best friend high for a.... for a little suck action.”
“Fuckin' A!” Andrea yells, upset. She hates drugs almost as much as I do, and from what I can tell I understand why. Her father didn't have too many problems using drugs to 'coerce' the underage girls he had a penchant for to do what he wanted. When he wasn't flat out raping them like he did to Joey's sister Maria, resulting in Angel, Maria's adorable little boy.
“First thing I did was tell her to get her and her friend out of that group. Find another one, even if they need to travel. But I'm still... hell, I've only had one date with this girl and I'm already sure she's worth a second.”
“Wait for a second,” Cora says in her even but supportive way. She's younger than me, hell I'm the oldest of our little strange family other than James and he's not really 'in' the family. Still, despite being younger, Cora is in so many ways the den mother for all of us, mature beyond her years. Her blue eyes take me in, evaluating carefully. “Ian, I don't want to sound wrong here, but you just met this girl. Is she... well, are you interested in her for reasons more than her personality?”
I laugh, shaking my head. “No sis,” I say, using the term we all use for Cora, “Mary's not put together like that. I'm not saying she's ugly, I think she's cute as hell, but she's not some Playboy model. She’s pretty skinny. But those big eyes of hers, she's cute for sure. And yeah, she turned me on big time when I kissed her. But I guess I asked her out that first time because I could tell she needed help, and at the same time she wasn't being desperate about it. She has guts, really. I think you'd like her, but I know the rules on some things. She knows them too like you don't give handouts to an addict.”
I tell them how Mary and I first met, how we shared the diner, and then about our date last night, and when I finish, I shrug. “So yeah... I mean, I had a great night. At the same time though, I'm worried. She's in a dangerous situation, and I'm trying to figure out how I can help her while keeping you guys safe.”
“Wait, safe?” Joey asks, rubbing Andrea's knee. “Is he loco?”
“Si, mi amor,” Andrea says in her quickly improving Spanish. “You're nuts, Ian. After all the shit that you have helped me and Joey with, and you worry about keeping us safe. I understand what you're trying to do, big man. Seriously, though. You need help, we're going to do what we can to help you.”
“Besides, now that you're on the BiPAP you're not a grumpy pain in the ass anymore,” Rocky jokes, lightening the mood and making us all laugh. “Okay, so let's get back to work, maybe we can have a recording studio before the fans forget who we are then, and the food's on me tonight, right?”
“Better have some good damn pizzas ready,” I joke, and everyone laughs. When the girls leave with Rocky to get some more stuff for the project, Joey looks at me until I start fidgeting.
“What?”
Joey comes over, clapping me on the shoulder. “You need help, you know where to find it, man. Don't let your worry about us stop you. When Maria needed help, you were practically the first person to offer it. Every time I turn around, you've been the big brother taking care of us. You chill, man. We've got your back this time. Although Maria's not going to be happy to hear you're seeing someone.”
“Why's that?” I ask, and Joey laughs.
“Ian, you dumbass, my sister's had an on and off crush on you for like, two years man. She knew she wasn't your type though, but she likes tall guys. Still, she's going to be mad that a good man's off the market.”
I laugh, shaking my head. “You know I could never be interested in your sister man. She's practically my sister.”
“I know that, but Maria doesn't. Ah well. So, this Mary though... pretty special?”
I nod. “If I didn't think so, you know I'd have never given her my number. You know my point of view on drugs, Joey. But Mary... it wasn't her choice to start, and she's got a lot going on. Maybe next time I'll bring her by. Or you guys can come by my place.”
“I'd like that either way, dude. Okay, let's get some work done. Hey, are you joining me and Rocky for a lift after this? You know, since you started the BiPAP you've been a lot more energetic, not just a set of arm muscles.”
I laugh, it's an old joke by Joey with a hint of truth to it. I have felt better since starting the BiPAP, it's why I keep doing it. “Yeah, I've got my stuff in my car. You two might want to be prepared for being embarrassed though, remember who's biggest around here.”
Joey laughs and goes over to the foam, rolling out a chunk and starting to cut. “Not where it counts, dude. Not where it counts.”
After we get as much done as we're going to do today, Joey, Ian, and I go into his garage, which I must admit Rocky's turned into a pretty sweet little home gym. He and Joey are much more the workout nuts than I am, at least for now. But I've started to get more into it again now that I'm not feeling like a zombie half the time. While we lift, I think Andrea's making dessert, which I can always appreciate.
“Hey, man,” Joey says while we set up the bar for incline bench presses after warmups, “Andi had a question earlier. Why not just call the cops after you find out more about the NA fucker?”
“I thought about that, and it's still an option, but Mary told me that about four or five people in the NA group are on parole or two strikers. I don't know how this motherfucker Carl is keeping his people from pissing hot as it is, probably paid the right people at the parole office, but either way... we bring the law in, and a lot of people go to jail who don't need to right now.”
Rocky whistles, sliding a forty-five-pound plate on one end of the bar. “Look at you. I thought you were Mr. Druggies Need to Burn.”
“Dealers, fuck yeah. Those pieces of shit can fuck right off in my opinion,” I admit, going over to Rocky's stereo set up and putting on the music. “But the users, man.... you guys don't know quite the whole story, I appreciate that you've never really asked. But the users, most of them I sort of pity. It doesn't excuse the shit they get up to when they're doing stupid shit to the people they love in order to pay for their fucking habit... but I do feel bad for them. Most of those people, they need help. They sure as fuck don't need another stint in County or up in San Quentin. Might as well send them to drug addiction Master's Courses then, they get all sorts of fucked up in those places.”
Rocky nods then shakes his head. “Tough spot to be in, bro. I don't really know what to say other than keep your eyes open and watch your ass. T
hat and, if you need help, you know we got your back”
“I know. But right now, it's you who needs help,” I say, joking as I get behind the bench and up on the boxes to spot him. “It's your motherfucking set.”
I feel good when I get home, not only from the muscle pump and the pizza which I know will help me sleep better, but just from knowing that my brothers have my back. Still, I'm worried, and the first thing I do when I get inside is call Mary. She picks up after the second ring, a smile in her voice. “Well good evening, Mr. Ivory. And how are you doing this fine Saturday?”
I can’t help it, her little formal princess greeting makes me grin. “Better, hearing your voice. Call me stupid, but I was just having a minor panic attack after yesterday. Worried about you, that's all.”
Mary laughs lightly, but I can hear it, she's touched by my concern. “Thank you. No, today's been boring as hell, I just got off shift at my job, I've got a part-time gig working at a self-storage place. Although I'm a bit worried.”
“Why?” I ask, curious. “Is it dangerous?”
“No... but Carl was the guy who kind of got me the job. Considering what I know about him, and what type of place I work at, I don't want to know what the hell is in some of those storage units,” Mary admits. “But we'll see.”
“Be careful, okay?” I reply, surprised at how much I'm worried about her so quickly. “Just... seriously, if you need help, I'm here.”
“I know,” she says quietly, gratefully. “Ian, that more than anything else helps. But I'm okay.”
“All right,” I say with a nervous laugh. “Fuck, I must come off as a creepy obsessive type. Sorry about that.”
“No, I got it, and thanks,” Mary says. “Listen, I'll give you a call Monday. Tomorrow I've got a ten-hour shift at work and then I'm going to try and get Brenda dried out a little more again, take her someplace where she can feel safe and not focused on the drugs. I don't know if it'll work, but I gotta try. That could take a while.”
“Okay. Be careful, and I'll look forward to Monday. I'm helping the guys anyway, I think I mentioned before, Rocky's putting in a recording studio at his house. We won't have it finished before this next track that we're supposed to lay down, but it'll be ready for the next album.”
“Cool. I'd love to hear it sometime. All right, I'll go get some dinner. Good night, Ian.”
“Good night, Mary.”
We hang up, and even though my nerves are calmed somewhat, I'm still worried. I don't trust this guy Carl, and I have too much history with manipulative types who are into drugs.
I don't want to see Mary caught up in something she can't get out of.
Chapter 5
Mary
Math is kicking my ass, plain and simple. Then again, considering that I spent half of my last year in high school and then another two years after that high almost all the time, I'm surprised I can still put two and two together to make... four? Three? When I add in the fact that it's been a few years since I did any studying at all, no wonder I'm getting my ass kicked by math.
Long story short, not only am I having to take the normal load of math classes that Pierce requires for someone getting an Associate's Degree, I need to backtrack as well, going back all the way to basic algebra. Thankfully, my remedial course is web-based, and that at least helps some.
I take a deep breath and get started. Once I complete the first problem, and get the little thrill that goes through me as I type the answer and get the cheesy little “dah-dah!” sound shouldn't make me smile so much, but it does. Suddenly, my phone rings, and I pick it up, seeing that it's Brenda.
“Hey babe, what's up?”
“What's up, Mary?” Carl replies instead of Brenda, his voice dripping with both false concern and real threat. I've spent enough time on the streets with real motherfuckers to know when someone's threatening me. “You missed the meeting tonight, I wanted to just make sure you're okay.”
“I decided to change groups, Carl,” I reply, not wanting to add that it scares the shit out of me that he's calling me on Brenda's phone. I know what he's trying to say by doing that, he's saying that she's there with him. That he owns her. “I just... with college and my job, I wanted to find a group closer to my apartment, that's all.”
“You really think you can do it that easily, you dumb bitch?” Carl asks, raising his voice. “You owe me! I got you your job, I got you into that fucking cow college!”
“And I appreciate that,” I say, trying to keep my calm. Brenda's there, I don't want him knowing what she told me. Then again... fuck, this is a problem. “Carl, I appreciate everything you've done. I just want to be successful with it, so I found another group. You know, pull myself out of the problems I've had? It's all well and good to hit rock bottom, but that doesn't mean that I have to stay two inches above rock bottom for the rest of my fucking life!”
“Do I need to give a warning call to your parole officer?” Carl asks. “I could leave a little message saying you're not coming to meetings and that I think you might be off the wagon. I don't think you want that sort of attention on you right now, do you? A parole officer coming around your job, or going to Pierce to check up on you?”
Probably one of the biggest things that both hurt me and saved me during my abuse days was my temper. It's what led to so many fights between me and my mom, even if she was abusive. It's what led to me running away. But at the same time, it's what led me to kick out my ex, and it helps me when my body is craving heroin again. Smack's the enemy, threatening me. And I’m a fighter.
Apparently, Carl never got that read on me. “You know what, Carl? Go ahead, call the parole officer. My PO's name is Hillary, she's a former Air Force cop who enjoys busting asses. In fact, I'll even go to her office tomorrow after class and volunteer to take a drug test. Hair, blood, piss, I don't care, because I know that I haven't touched smack in eighteen months. I'll tell Hillary to check me for everything from smack to speed, from aspirin to rock. But before you do, recognize that I'll probably ask Hillary to do the exact same thing for you. You're on parole too, I bet. I wonder.... how'd your test come out compared to mine?”
“You bitch,” Carl says, hanging up before I can reply. I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself, and turn back to my math homework. It's difficult, my hands are shaking and I have to start double checking that I'm entering the answers correctly, but it helps get my mind off Carl's threat.
I'm just starting to get to work on the 'capstone' question of the unit, what looks like a physics problem maybe, when there's a knock on my door, and I get up carefully, keeping my phone with me. I look through my peephole and see Brenda, her eyes nervous and already doing the junkie shuffle, rubbing at her arms and fidgeting side to side. I check that my chain lock is on, not that my door could resist a hard shot from anyone bigger than Dora the Explorer, and open the door a crack. “Brenda.... you shouldn't be here right now.”
“I... come on Mary, we're friends,” Brenda says desperately. “What are you worried about?”
“I'm worried because Carl called me on your phone. What the fuck are you doing going back there, Brenda? Because he's the candy man?” I ask, sighing. I want to open the door, but I know she's got her knife, and if she's twitching and hopping like she is, she's desperate for a fix. Which means that she's not thinking straight. “Brenda, you don't need his shit.”
“I know but... it's hard, Mary. And he's scaring me. I went to the meeting just to tell him that I was leaving like we talked about, and he made me give him my phone. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have, but... he's scaring me, Mary. I think he might do something,” Brenda says, her eyes desperate. “I'm scared, honey.”
“I understand that Bren,” I say, still not unlocking the door. Brenda does talk a lot, but she doesn't repeat herself unless she's hurting, and she said scared three times in one little spiel. “Honey, you need to go to your folks, or to one of those overnight dry-out places. Get away from him.”
“I know, I know!” Brenda s
ays, her eyes swimming in tears. “Please Mary, can I just stay here one night? I mean, he doesn't know your addy, I'm safe here!”
“You gave him your phone, Bren. If you did that, I can't. It's not you, I know that it's the fucking smack. The same thing that's making you hop around like you've got a rash on your ass and inside your arms. Get away. But not here, not tonight.”
It hurts, deep inside, to say this to my friend. But I know the truth. She knows the rules, she almost quoted them to me last time she came by. I'm an addict too, and while I can commiserate with Brenda on the pain she's in, I can't trust her. More importantly, as much as I hate my addiction and my body's need for smack, I know that it's still there. It's never going to go away, and with Carl out there, I need to stay as far away as possible.
Brenda sees this, and blinks, tears trickling down her cheeks. “Mary....”
“I know, baby. I know. And if you are clean again, if you get Carl out of your life, I'll be there for you again. But I can't open this door more tonight. I'm sorry.”
My voice cracks on the last word and I must force myself to stand strong as Brenda turns and walks away, her arms wrapped around her chest as she rubs at her tracks, maybe her gut twisting as her body goes through the kick. It hurts, and when I close and lock my apartment door I'm crying, trying to tell myself that I shouldn't be upset, that I did the right thing. And while my brain is telling me one thing, my heart is telling me another.
I go over to my couch, sitting down and sobbing. I want comfort, and I need something. Math sure as fuck isn't going to do it for me anymore. Instead, desperation and depression roll over me as I look at the facts of my life.
I'm twenty-four, with a drug bust on my record. I'm going to community college of all places because it's the only place my ass can qualify for, and I work a shit part time job at a self-storage place, depending on public assistance to be able to even eat. My phone is a so-called “Obama phone,” and I pay my neighbor next door ten bucks a month to be able to borrow his Internet for my school 'rented' computer, or I’m in Starbucks using their free Wi-Fi trying to get shit done.
