by Lauren Dane
“You’re the most capable person I’ve ever met, Jess.” Mick shook his head.
She laughed. “I know how to mend buttons. I know how to make grilled cheese sandwiches and how to can tomatoes. But I found myself… anchorless? Yeah, that’s it. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I’d had you two in my life for so long I didn’t know how to not have you around.”
She played with the seam on the blanket, trying to piece together everything as she went along.
“A few days ago I had some weirdness at my shop. The electric went all wonky.”
“You know you live with a guy who is handy with things, right?” Mick asked.
“Which is why I’m telling this story. Before I’d have called you, or my dad, or Leif to get advice. But when I lived in Portland, before Carey, hell, even after, I took care of my own business. That was a simple thing, just an example. But I handled it. Because I’m a grown-ass woman.”
“What was it?” Adam asked. “The electrical issue.”
“It was a wiring thing. The electrician had to pull out something and replace it. Whatever. My landlord has to pay for it anyway. That part was a nice reminder that leasing means someone else handles all that stuff.”
“In the future, call me. For real.” Mick sighed. “I feel awful that I wasn’t there to do this for you all this time.”
“This isn’t about you!” Jessi surprised everyone—including herself—with her outburst. “I’m sorry,” she told him as she took his hand. “I don’t want to hurt you. I’m not trying to. But this… it’s about me. And my ability to take care of my shit. I’m giving you examples of that. I don’t want to argue about how I solved my own problem.”
Mick was quiet a bit as they all worked through their own stuff. She felt bad for yelling. But not for speaking up.
“It’s not that I survived having my heart broken. It was more than that. I didn’t even realize the full extent of it all until recently. When I was driving up here from Portland, in a truck full of my stuff, I realized I wasn’t sad. I felt bad that I’d hurt Carey’s heart, but it didn’t feel like the failure our breakup did.”
“All right. Fair enough,” Mick said.
She turned, got to her knees, and faced him, taking his face between her hands. “I never knew I was strong until my life turned upside down and pretty much everything I’d counted on was gone. I was thrown into the deep end, and I had to figure it all out. And I did. Without help from anyone. That means so much to me because I’m here as an equal to you both. I can bring something to our relationship instead of having to rely on you to do things for me.”
“What if I like doing things for you?” Mick asked. “I didn’t take care of you. That matters.”
“But it doesn’t. Because you took care of you. And now you’re here. The fact is, none of us was ready four years ago.” She kissed him and returned to her place under her blanket. “Don’t worry, I’ll still make you do stuff and fix things, reach up on the high shelves and carry heavy loads. And keep me pleasured, naturally.”
Mick and Adam both laughed, and things were working their way back to being all right once again.
It was important to her that she was able to make her own way. More than she’d ever imagined before she found herself alone four years before. And it had taken years to get there. But she did.
Maybe it was the youngest child thing. Or the wonderful fact that people who loved her took care of her. But it took being at the lowest point to stand where she was now.
The tears threatened. She held on as hard as she could because she didn’t want them to think she was sad. They were tears of letting go, of acceptance. And they were good.
“As much as I hate to say it out loud, I needed the breakup. We all did. Without it, in five years would I have felt helpless? Would you have tired of having to carry me all the time? Would the constant stress of being in an unconventional relationship have killed us before we had the change to strengthen and grow? It’s hard enough watching you two deal with your families. I have attacks of conscience every day! But I can handle it now. I can get past those negative thoughts and know I’m here for real. For good. I am an equal. Not a dependent.”
Adam shook his head. “I’ve never thought of you as weak. Or as a dependent.”
“Doesn’t matter. It’s how I felt. I will always know what I’m capable of.” She could believe in herself, know she could handle just about anything. She wouldn’t have if they hadn’t walked away.
“I love taking care of you,” Mick said quietly. “When I walked away—ran away—I lost the right to. No. I gave it up.”
And as she blew out a long breath, the weight of it, the pain of being left behind, lifted from her shoulders.
“You had to.” And she was finally able to truly understand. It still hurt, but it was one of those things like Carmella had said. Jessi knew why it had to happen. Mick had to save himself just like she had.
“Now this is about me.” His tone was gentle but firm as he directed her words back at her.
She wrestled her need to comfort him back.
Mick looked at her like she was the most amazing, intelligent, beautiful woman in the world. It was so tender, so raw and genuine that the edge of a sob slipped free. But that was it. She clamped her lips together, blinking back tears.
“From the first moment I saw you, you were mine. Glossy black hair always pulled back into braids or a ponytail. Always so happy. I never thought I’d have anything as fine as you. But you gave yourself to me from the very start. You brought me into your world and filled mine with joy.”
He’d been seven years old and she five. Even then he’d been tall and broad-shouldered. So sweet and lonely. She’d felt it coming off him in waves. From the moment she decided to step into the trees and take his hand, she’d wanted to erase that. Fill his life with whatever it took to chase off all that loneliness.
“And then I fucked up. And I lost the right to take care of you. It meant so much. Fuck.” He dashed tears away with the heel of his hands. “It was the thing, the best thing I’ve ever done and I threw it away. So.” Mick licked his lips. “Having that right again, earning that right, that responsibility of taking care of you, keeping you safe and loved, sheltered, provided for, pleasured—obviously—is… it’s what I crave.”
She managed to laugh a little around the emotion in her throat.
“Making your life easier means I’m being the best man I can. Because I love you and I cherish you. I don’t want to smother you. Or hinder you. But I want you to call me when something needs fixing. I want to open your door and carry your things. I know this is all what I want. And it’s selfish.”
And Mick was never allowed to be selfish when it came to his own emotions as he grew up. Not by anyone but those in the room right then. That he’d just trusted her enough to be so totally vulnerable, because he knew she wouldn’t use it against him touched her deeply.
“But it’s honest.” Jessi searched for a way to discuss this, wanting to be careful when they all worked to find equilibrium. “I want your honesty as much as I want your love and respect.”
“I need that too,” Adam said. “Not just honesty, but taking care of you. I missed that. Nothing in the world feels the way making sure you’re happy does.”
“I don’t want to be anyone’s penance.” It was one of the things that scared her most. “You two have made a choice to be with each other. I can see it. It’s beautiful. But you deal with me differently. It feels amazing, but it freaks me out.”
Adam cocked his head. “You’re not my penance. Let’s get that out of the way right now. Looking from the outside in, I suppose, yes, Mick and I have a different thing than you and I do. Does that hurt you?”
“No. Not at all. When I said I thought it was beautiful I totally meant it. It’s sexy and sweet.”
“So what about it makes you hesitate then?” Mick asked.
“Not hesitate. I’m sorry, I’m not saying it right.”
/> Mick started to laugh. “Too bad there’s no how-to manual for threesomes, huh?” He kissed her. “Don’t apologize for not having the right words. What we feel is way more complicated than words. We’re all muddling through.”
“I just don’t want to be a responsibility instead of a choice,” Jessi spoke the words and realized it did make her feel better to get them out.
Mick shook his head. “You’re both. Being with you is my choice, but it’s where I’ve always been headed. But yes, you’re a responsibility as well. I want that. I choose that too. Because it’s important. Important that I not only can take care of you—my woman, my partner and mate—but that I do. And I do it well. For a guy like me, some fucked-up grease monkey with more tattoos than sense, it’s everything that you trust me the way you do. That after everything that’s happened between us, you still do. Adam is my choice and responsibility too, but in a different way.”
Jessi thought that over.
“Tell us about the amazing part,” Adam said.
“When you two look at me the way you do, when Mick automatically adjusts how we’re walking through a crowd to be sure I don’t get jostled, how you never complained that all my stuff has taken the elegant class of this house and turned it all upside down. You let me be Jessi. You love me for who and what I am.”
Adam snorted. “This is our house now. Bits and pieces of whatever you’re working on, candy bars in the freezer, your light-fingered ways with our clothing—it’s us. Like Mick’s favorite beer in the fridge and his beard care stuff all over the bathroom is us. This makes me happy. It means you’re both in my life for the long haul. Putting down roots with me.”
Mick had shifted so his knees touched Adam’s “I want to hold you and shelter you, but I don’t want to dim your light, angel. Do you understand the difference? Is that a distinction you can live with?”
“It’s the perfect one,” Adam agreed.
She thought so too. Jessi took their hands, linking the three of them. “That’ll do nicely. And the next time there’s an electrical problem, I promise to call you.”
CHAPTER
Twenty-four
Adam called Jessi’s phone twice, but got her voicemail. He’d stopped by her studio, but it was after six and when he’d gone inside, she hadn’t been there.
The envelope with his name written across it sat on the front seat of his car. The sight of it filled him with outrage.
As he pulled up to his house, he saw vehicles in the driveway and parked out front. Most likely a houseful of Twisted Steel folks. Adam was still adjusting to the social schedules Mick and Jessi kept. He liked quiet. Liked privacy. Fortunately, they shifted houses and places to hang out at, which meant Adam could opt out or leave early if he needed to.
Each time they managed to adjust and make things work, Adam let himself believe their happy ending a little bit more.
He pulled into the garage, grabbing the envelope on his way into the house. Tonight it wasn’t a houseful of Mick’s friends but a whole lot of Franklins.
Addie stood in his kitchen, pots bubbling on the stove, the air full of delicious smells.
Adam gave her a one-armed hug. “Good evening, beautiful.” He kissed her cheek. “What are you making? Please say spaghetti.”
She grinned. “Spaghetti and meatballs. Stuffed cabbage in the oven for Mick. Jessi and Leif are with Hamish in the living room. James and Mick made a run to the grocery store. We’ve taken over your lovely home, Adam!” Addie tossed it out like a war cry, her spoon held aloft.
He smiled. “Like a plague, you people.” He winked at her and she laughed prettily. “You’re family. You’re always welcome here. Especially when you’re cooking dinner.”
“Thank you for saying so, sweetheart. This house has good energy. It’s nice to be here.”
It had been Jessi who’d filled the place with all this joy and life, so it made sense it was her mother who felt it.
“You make her happy. Don’t stop doing that,” Addie said.
“She’s the one who makes everyone happy. I’m just here to bask in it.”
“Good answer. Now go see her. Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes.”
Having been given his orders, Adam headed in Jessi’s direction.
Music played in the background as he entered the living room, where Jessi sat on the floor looking through pictures as she leaned on her brother. Hamish took up much of the couch, sprawling comfortably as they talked.
When Jessi caught sight of Adam she jumped up and rushed into his embrace. “You’re home.”
“Hey, angel.” He kissed her quickly before raising a hand in greeting to Leif and then to Hamish, who seemed relaxed and in a good mood.
She followed him up to the bedroom so he could change, settling on the bathroom counter while he did. “I tried to call you earlier. To tell you my family was here, but I dropped my phone on the driveway. It’s dead. Sad, dead phone.”
“Even in that new case?” Only Jessi could manage to break a phone wrapped in a case like the one he’d given her only three weeks before when she’d nearly cracked the screen.
“I’m hopeless when it comes to keeping electronics alive.”
“Good thing you’re so cute otherwise.”
She laughed. “I know, right? Are you really okay with all my family here?”
“I love your family. I even feel like I don’t want to punch Hamish in the face. Which is a huge win. It’s good. I’m pleased you’re comfortable enough here to have them over.” He thought about the envelope on the bed and decided to wait for Mick to come home so they could deal with it together.
It was after ten by the time everyone had left. Addie had not only cooked dinner, but made several other meals that she packaged up and filled the freezer with.
“Your mom is awesome,” Mick said, closing the freezer door.
Jessi smiled, clearly pleased. “She is. It was nice to see them in my house, you know? Hamish was looking at that house two streets up. The one with all the windows?”
Mick sighed as Adam tried not to growl. “He’s rich. He can afford a much more exclusive neighborhood,” Adam said. “I should get him the name of a good real estate agent. I work with them all the time.”
Jessi patted his hand. “In case it has escaped your notice, Adam, you’re rich. This is a pretty swanktastic neighborhood. I bet musicians and that type already live around here. I like the idea of being close. He needs family around. People who aren’t trying to get something from him.”
Which was fair. Adam could understand that. Even if Hamish needed to step back. He liked to take care of Jessi too. And while Jessi indulged it, Adam didn’t want to. Jessi was theirs, damn it.
“He has trouble sharing,” Mick said, which made them all laugh. “Okay, correction, with anyone other than me. And it took him years to get to that point.”
“You two are silly.” Jessi waved a hand at them.
“Whatever.” Adam waited until they’d all changed for bed before he came into the room holding the envelope. “This was in the stack of mail at the office today. But it didn’t have postage on it.”
Inside were pictures taken with a telephoto lens of Jessi hugging someone leaving her studio. The photo was black-and-white, taken from at least a block away. He put them down on the bed, and Mick picked them up before Jessi could.
“What the fuck?”
Jessi looked over his shoulder as she knelt behind him on the mattress. “This was last Saturday. At my shop, obviously. That’s Hamish. The garment bag in his hand had a few shirts and some pants. I fitted him for it all last month.” She glanced back up at Adam and he saw the alarm on her face. “Someone took pictures of me? Like watched me and creeped all over my life? Ew! Why?”
“Was there a note?” Mick asked as he shifted to put an arm around Jessi’s shoulders to comfort her.
“Nothing. Just the pictures,” Adam said. “Sometimes we get mail for other tenants in the building. We just leave it sitt
ing on the ledge in the mail area. That’s where it had been left, so when my assistant went down to get the mail, it was there.”
“What for? What purpose does this serve?” Jessi asked.
“To make it look like you’re having an affair,” Mick answered. “That’s what this angle makes me think of. PI shots of cheating spouses.”
“It’s broad daylight in these photographs. People on the sidewalk. He’s carrying one of my shop bags? For god’s sake! My mother was inside that day, and Hamish reeked of weed and pussy, and neither had anything to do with me.” Jessi’s outrage made Adam angrier than some coward trying to stir shit in their relationship.
Mick looked over the photographs a few times more. “Angel, think for a moment. Look at the perspective of the photos. What’s down that way? Some duplexes? A café?”
Jessi got herself calmed down a bit as she thought. “A fourplex next door to a duplex. Side by side at the corner. A teahouse. Café, bookstore that sells candles and lotions. Past it to the north is more of the same. As you know to the south it’s more commercial. Grocery store, restaurants, insurance place, that sort of thing.”
“But from this shot, what would I be standing in front of?” Mick asked.
“Other side of the street. Must be in a car given the angle. In front of the duplex. People park there all the time. It’s constantly full.”
“Have you seen or felt weird?”
“Should I be scared?” Jessi asked Mick.
Adam wanted to lie to her. He was terrified to have anyone’s focus on her in such a clearly unhealthy way. Was it a stalker? A vindictive person they knew? Mick’s family? Adam’s?
Adam settled on, “I think you should be cautious. Use common sense.”
“Has there been anything weird? Someone watching you? A customer who was mad at you? Your ex?” Mick asked.
“He’s on a cruise with his new girlfriend. I sent him brownies for his birthday. He e-mailed to thank me last week and said things were serious with her. The trip was her present to him. He’s not… he would never do this. He’s not malicious or creepy, much less obsessed with me. No upset customers. Things are good at work. No one is mad at me except for Mick’s parents and your dad, Adam.”
