When there’s no answer, I knock again, this time a bit louder.
“Who is it?” A muffled voice asks.
“Katie,” I answer.
I hear rustling inside the room and suddenly the door swings open, a hand grabbing my wrist and yanking me inside. The door shuts behind me and I’m shoved up against it, my body colliding with the wooden door.
My eyes quickly adjust to the dark room. I look around for Courtney, but she’s nowhere to be found. Instead I meet the eyes of Jason, who steps forward and presses his body against mine. He traces my jawline with his fingertips, a dangerous smirk spreading across his face.
“What are you doing?” I ask, trying to push him away.
He grabs my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Katie, Katie," he coos. "You don't need to worry, it's only me.” He smirks again before feverishly pressing his lips to mine. I taste alcohol and smoke on them as he pries my lips open with his tongue, shoving it down my throat.
I push him away from me, disgusted. “Stop,” I say. “You’re with Courtney.”
“That doesn’t mean we can’t have a little fun, does it Katie?” His eyes flash as he stalks back toward me, his fingers running up my thigh. I gasp as they push aside my underwear, and within seconds, he’s inside me.
“Stop—”
He clamps his other hand to my mouth and I squirm, trying desperately to get away from him as he leans in and sucks on my neck harshly. He pushes deeper inside of me, and tears spring to my eyes. No, no, no. This isn’t happening. This is just a nightmare.
“I know you’re enjoying this, Katie,” he purrs in my ear. He pushes another finger in and pain shoots through me, along with fear.
In a last attempt to escape his grasp, I bring up my knee and nail him swiftly in the nuts. His fingers pull out of me as he falls to the ground, pain taking over his features.
I try to catch my breath and fumble from the door handle, but he’s too quick. He rises to his full height like a predator, his eyes flashing.
I cower against the door as he grabs my wrist, yanking me away from the door and striking me hard across the face. Tears fall down my face as I fall onto Courtney’s bed.
“You do not refuse me, do you understand?” He snarls, hitting me again. I wince and try to find the strength to fight back, but I have none.
He leans down and begins to press his lips to mine again, when suddenly light spills into the room. I frantically look up, relief washing over me and then disappearing as I lock eyes with my sister.
“R-Katie?” She stammers in confusion. “Jason?”
Jason stands quickly, brushing himself off. He composes himself quickly, a confused look crossing his face. “I don’t know what happened, baby,” he says to her. “She just...came onto me.”I gape at him. How dare he lie like that?
“I can’t believe you,” she snaps at me, her eyes flashing. “You whore!”
More tears stream down my face as I get off the bed, walking towards her. “Courtney, I didn’t—”“Don’t even talk to me, you fucking slut.” She turns on her heel, Jason chasing after her down the hall.
I crumble to the floor, sobs raking my body. I have never felt so betrayed, pathetic, and hopeless in my life.
Tears stream freely down my face as I finish telling Dylan. He looks at me deeply, his brow furrowed.
“That’s it,” I say, wiping tears from my face. “That’s my secret.” My voice cracks again at the end of my statement.
“That’s why you don’t like being called ‘Katie,’ is it?” Dylan asks softly.
I nod.
Dylan, for the first time since I’ve met him, is lost for words.
After a few minutes, he finally finds them.
“You’re really strong, Katie,” he says, looking into my eyes. In a completely out-of-character gesture, he reaches out and puts a soothing hand on my thigh, using his other hand to wipe my tears.
I look down into my lap. “I made him tell her,” I say. “I made Jason tell Courtney that he lied.”Dylan stares at me.
“It only took him a year.” I laugh dryly. “But Courtney finally forgave me for something I never even did.”A silence takes over after that. The sun has set by now, and shining stars have begun to pop up in the sky. I suddenly remember that Dylan owes me a secret.
“Now that you know my secret, you have to tell me yours,” I say, wiping the remainder of my tears.
Dylan smiles crookedly. “Which one?”
I contemplate this. It’s obvious Dylan has many secrets—so which one do I want to know about now? Before I can think, words tumble from my mouth.
“Tell me about the time you fell in love.”
Chapter Forty Nine
The words leave my mouth and I quickly shut it, my heart pounding.
Dylan’s expression hardens. “Pick a different one,” he says quickly. He breaks my gaze and looks down, his brow furrowed thoughtfully.
“No,” I say firmly. “No, you said a secret for a secret. I kept up my end of the bargain, so keep up yours.”He sighs, looking down. My old sense of curiosity is eating me alive again, anticipating what he’s going to say.
He's silent for so long I think he may never say anything, but he finally speaks.
“Her name was Abigail,” he says quietly. “Abigail Watergate.” He chews on his lip. “I met her in a bar when I was half hammered, and the only thing I could think the moment I met her was, ‘she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.””A small smile graces his lips. “She had this blonde hair, real soft. It was long, too. It fell halfway down her back, and she always wore it in these waves that I liked. And--and she had these really blue eyes that were clear, like the ocean. They were so blue, Katie. So blue." I see the memories clouding before his eyes as he looks up at the sky.
He takes a breath before continuing. "I had just moved from England, and I was a mess. But when I met Abigail—damn. She was like nicotine, that girl. She didn’t commit to anyone, and I knew that, but somehow I just kept going back to her. It would be three in the morning, and I'd be up, and I'd call her and she'd always pick up. Every time." The smile falls from his lips. "And before I knew it, I couldn’t let her go.”He meets my gaze. "Except, I was nothing to her. I knew that, too. I knew she only kept me around because I was crazy for her, and she thrived on that. I knew it, but I didn't do anything about it."
He looks off into the distance. “So when she told me she was moving to Pinewood to pursue a career in acting, I guess I wasn’t too surprised. I told her I loved her that day, and she laughed in my face.”I stare at Dylan, captivated.
"I remember every second of that day," he says quietly. "It's like, everything I said to her bounced off of her. Nothing I said mattered."
“The day that she left, I was gutted. I wanted to scream and yell at her for leading me on all this time, but instead I just watched her move out of your—” He stops himself, looking away quickly.
“What? My what?”
He sighs. “Your apartment,” he says softly. “She lived in your apartment.”
It all seems to click in my mind. “That’s why you hated me,” I say, furrowing my brow. “Not because you thought I was pretentious—because I moved into her apartment and you hated that.”He nods. “Yeah.” He looks down. “The day we met, and I told you to keep the noise down...I came over to just...see for myself that she was really gone. I mean, it had been three years. No one moved in, I had just thought it would remain vacant, and I was okay with that. But when you answered the door...and--and you had this dark hair with these...these brown eyes that were the opposite of Abigail's..." He swallows. "I hated that you just moved in, with all your stuff, just...wiping the slate clean of everything that Abigail ever had in that apartment."
Dylan meets my eyes. "And I'm sorry, for that. I was a douche about that."
"It's alright."
He nods, sighing.
“Have you spoken to her since?” I ask.
Dylan shakes his head. “No. Sh
e gave me her phone number but when I called her a few days after she left, a guy answered.”I stare at him.
“I asked who he was, and he told me he was her boyfriend.” He looks at me. “She had been gone for two days, Katie. Forty eight hours later and she had a boyfriend.” Dylan shakes his head. “She never once let me be her boyfriend,” he says in a small voice.
I feel the urge to wrap my arms around him at that moment, to comfort him. To tell him that he’ll fall in love with someone new, and that he’ll be happy. I want him to be happy. I want to watch him smile with his dimples, and watch his eyes squint up when he laughs really hard. I want to take his hand and tell him that Abigail wasn't good enough for him, and that someone else out there is.
But I sit still, just watching him.
“I’m sorry that happened,” I say finally.
He nods again. “I know. I am too.”
I swallow. “Do you...do you still love her?”
Dylan looks at me. “No.” He licks his lips. “I don’t believe in love anymore.”
I blink. “That’s not very optimistic.”
“I’m not an optimist.”
“Still.”
“Katie, this isn’t a fairy tale. There’s no happy endings, there’s no prince charmings, and there’s certainly no love.” His tone is venomous.
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
He looks at me. “You can’t honestly tell me you believe in that shit, do you?”
“I do.”
“Katie, you’ve been sexually harassed once and physically abused twice. How could you possibly think that love exists?”I flinch at his words. “Just because I’ve been through that doesn’t mean I’ll never fall in love with someone. Someone who won’t do any of that to me.” I swallow. “And I think if someone right came along, you could fall in love again.”Dylan scoffs. “That’s a load.”
“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t let one girl ruin your outlook on love.”
“She wasn’t just a girl,” Dylan says. “She was Abigail.”
I suddenly find myself wondering what it would be like to be loved by Dylan. Would he do anything for me? Would he kiss away the pain that still lingers from my past with Jason and Courtney? Would he hold my hand whenever I was feeling down, and hold me close to him when I couldn’t sleep? Would he take every opportunity to make me smile?
No. He wouldn’t do any of that. Because he’s Dylan, and he doesn’t believe in happy endings, prince charmings, and certainly not love.
Chapter Fifty
The air begins to cool and I shiver. Dylan hasn’t spoken for a while. He looks deep in thought, his brow furrowed.
It’s hard for me to imagine Dylan chasing after a girl like Abigail. She seems like a girl who’s too caught up in her own life to stop and fall in love, much like Dylan.
At the same time, anger and a bit of envy bubbles inside me. How could Abigail be so cold towards Dylan, leaving him in the dust while she goes on to Pinewood? Didn’t she know that she had all his love? Why didn’t she stay for him, and give him the love he deserved?
He deserves love, I think to myself as I watch him. He deserves it more than anyone, even if he doesn’t believe in it.
“Dylan,” I say, breaking the silence.
He looks up. “Hmm.”
“I think we should go. It looks like it’s going to rain.”
He nods and rises, stretching his limbs as he reaches his full height. I stand next to him, still wary of the fifteen stories below the glass.
“Do you need to hold my hand again?” Dylan asks teasingly.
“No,” I retort. The air has changed between us, I can feel it. It’s from revealing our secrets, I know it. I feel just a bit more comfortable around Dylan knowing that he knows my dark past, and accepts it.
Dylan smirks at me and we begin walking off the glass. I look at my feet, swallowing at the vast height we are above the lobby.
A split second later, Dylan shoves me slightly, saying, “Watch your step!” in my ear.
I squeal and grab onto his arm as he laughs. I loop my arm tightly around his, almost leaning on him as he continues to laugh at me.
I shove him away once we’re off the glass.
“Douche,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Aw, Katie, are you afraid of heights?”
“No,” I snap. “I just don’t appreciate it when British assholes tell me to watch my step when we’re fifteen stories above the ground.”Dylan laughs again. “British assholes,” he repeats. “That’s a new one.”“Yeah, I have a lot of new ones saved from the time I haven’t seen you,” I tell him as we wait for the elevator.
“Hmm, can’t wait to hear them.” Dylan’s eyes smile along with his lips.
We take the elevator down to the lobby and walk out to Dylan’s car. I slide into the passenger seat and sigh. I catch my reflection in one of the side mirrors.
My hair is slightly wavy from the shower I took earlier, and my cheeks are flushed from the cold. My eyes are bright and lively, although I can’t figure out why. I think it might be Dylan’s influence, but I’m not quite sure.
“See, that wasn’t so bad,” Dylan says, smirking. “You made it out alive.”I roll my eyes. “I’m never walking out onto the window again.”
“You believe that, Katie.”
“Oh I will.”
We smirk at each other.
Dylan turns on the radio again, and I suddenly feel overcome with sleepiness, no doubt from my earlier flight. I rest my head back against the seat and my eyes flutter shut.
I hear Dylan hum quietly along with the song on the radio. I listen carefully to the way his deep voice hits each note, almost like honey.
My thoughts drift to Abigail. I wonder what she’s doing now. Does she even think about Dylan, when he must think of her all the time?
All signs point to no.
I fall asleep shortly to the sound of Dylan humming and rain starting to fall outside the car as we drive along.
It seems like only seconds later when I hear Dylan’s rough voice in my ear, my name falling from his lips.
“Katie,” he says again and I open my eyes.
The first thing I see when my eyes open is black.
I panic for a moment, then realize I’m looking at Dylan’s shirt, and that’s he’s carrying me, my head leaning against his chest.
My first and only thought is, what the hell is happening.
I take in the feeling of his strong arms holding me so effortlessly, and the incredible scent emanating from him. I’ve never been this close to him before—well, not since the night he kissed me—and he seems to invade my senses as my thoughts go wild.
He Looked Back Page 23
