Dammit!
Ethan removed his hat and drove his fingers through his hair. He despised this helplessness. He was a doer, a fixer, a problem solver. And he was convinced he could fix whatever had gone wrong with him and Caitlin if he could just talk to her.
“Happy New Year, buddy.” Clay came up beside him, his arm raised.
Ethan glared at his best friend. “You clap me on the back, and I swear, I’ll deck you.”
Clay chuckled. “And I’d deserve it.” He gave Prince a lengthy appraisal. “You two make up yet?”
“I was never mad at him to begin with. He’s a wild animal. Former one, anyway. I let my guard down when I shouldn’t have.” Ethan noticed Clay’s clothes for the first time. “You going somewhere special?”
“Conner’s party. Want to come along?”
Ethan had forgotten all about it. He and Caitlin had planned on going, before he got hurt. Even if he was up to it, which he wasn’t, he wouldn’t attend without her.
“Maybe next year.”
“I noticed the clinic was open tonight. Guess they’re having extended hours on account of the holiday.”
“And your point?”
“Caitlin’s van was in the parking lot.” Clay leaned against the stall. “She’s on duty and can’t leave the clinic. If you were to, say, show up, she’d have no choice but to listen to you.”
Ethan grinned. He’d always liked the way Clay thought. “I’d need a ride. I can’t drive yet.”
“Let’s go.”
Ethan spent a few minutes cleaning up before leaving with Clay. Caitlin’s van was indeed parked in the clinic lot, just as his friend had said, and a handwritten sign on the door advertised extended hours.
“I don’t know how long I’ll be,” he told Clay.
“I don’t care, I’m not sticking around.”
“You’re not?”
“You’ll have to find your own way home. I’m counting on Caitlin.”
Ethan was, too.
Thanks to his busted ribs, the door to the clinic weighed about three times as much as it had before. Clenching his teeth, he pushed it open and stumbled inside, setting off the buzzer.
“Hi, can I help you?” a pleasant young woman at the counter asked. There was no one else in the waiting room.
“I’m here to see Caitlin Carmichael.”
“She’s on duty. Is this an emergency?”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
“Can I have your name?”
This time, he did hesitate. “Ethan Powell.”
The woman picked up the phone and pressed a button. After a moment, she said, “There’s an Ethan Powell here to see you. He says it’s an emergency.”
Seconds ticked by. So many he started having serious doubts.
Finally, the woman hung up the phone. “She’ll be out in a minute. Have a seat.”
Ethan didn’t. Getting up again would be too strenuous. He waited by the window, which gave him an unobstructed view of the door to the exam rooms. The minute the receptionist had promised stretched into five, then eight, then—son of a bitch, what was taking her so long?
A young couple came into the clinic, the man looking like death warmed over and complaining of flu symptoms. While they filled out the paperwork, Ethan debated asking the receptionist to page Caitlin again.
Before he could make his way to the counter, she came through the door.
“Sorry I’m late. I was with a patient.” Lines of tension etched her face, and dark circles surrounded her eyes. She hadn’t been sleeping well.
“I thought you might be avoiding me.”
She didn’t acknowledge his joke. “Is everything okay? Are your injuries bothering you?”
“I’m fine.”
“You said it was an emergency.” She eyed him suspiciously.
“It is. We need to talk.”
“I’m at work,” she replied in a low, terse voice.
“Take a break.”
Her lips thinned.
“Ten minutes. That’s all I ask. I wouldn’t be here if you’d answered any of my fifteen or twenty phone calls.”
“Fine. Let me get my coat and tell Dr. Lovitt.”
She returned a few minutes later, slipping her arms into her coat sleeves as she walked to the door.
He beat her there and opened it for her, paying the price as a spear of agonizing pain sliced through him.
“Honestly, Ethan,” she snapped. “You don’t always have to do things for me, especially when you’re hurt.”
“My father raised me to be a gentleman.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. “I didn’t mean to insult you.”
“You didn’t.”
He gestured toward the tables and chairs in front of the coffee shop next door. Caitlin pulled her own chair out when he would have done it for her. She sat gracefully, Ethan with considerable effort.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
“I’ll live.”
His answer had been intended as another joke, but it was obvious by her sudden stiffening that he’d struck a chord. He hadn’t had long to mentally compose what he wanted to say to her tonight, but talking to her had consumed his thoughts for days. He should’ve done a better job of breaking the ice.
“It was an accident. Not your fault, not my fault. Not even Prince’s fault. The best-trained horses spook sometimes at nothing.”
“I know that. I don’t blame myself or Prince.”
“But you blame me?”
She remained stubbornly silent. When she spoke at last, her words were measured.
“You are who you’ve always been. You like taking risks. Tempting fate. Pushing your limits. It’s what made you a good soldier, good at training horses and a competitive athlete.”
“And you don’t like taking risks.”
“No.” Her eyes were full of misery and regret. “And I don’t think I can be with someone who does.”
A suffocating pressure closed around his chest, worse than when he’d broken his ribs. On some level he’d been expecting this.
“I’ll quit riding broncs. Breaking horses, too.”
“I wouldn’t ask that of you. You were right when you said it isn’t fair for one person to force another to give up something that’s important to them.”
“No, I was wrong.” God, he was losing her. He could feel her ebbing away like the ocean at low tide. “People have to make compromises for a relationship to work.”
“Giving up your dream isn’t a compromise, and I refuse to be the cause of your unhappiness.”
A sense of déjà vu came over Ethan, crushing him. He remembered a similar conversation from nine years ago that had gone much like this one. Except he’d been the one saying, “I refuse to be the cause of your unhappiness.”
“The day you were hurt was a nightmare for me,” she continued, a tremor in her voice. “The sight of you in that hospital bed—I couldn’t deal with it. I nearly broke down. I did later, outside the hospital.”
“Why? You’re a nurse.”
“Not that night I wasn’t.” She sniffed. “I should have come over to see you after you were released. But telling you when you were laid up…”
“Telling me what?” Ethan braced himself, instinctively knowing that whatever came next was going to change his life irrevocably. Again.
She sat up, determination in her expression. “I’m sorry, I can’t see you anymore.”
“You’re part of me. The missing piece.”
“One you can live without.” She stood, her chair squeaking as it scraped across the concrete. “You have before.”
She left him there, alone in the cold.
Sometime later, a few minutes or an hour, Ethan couldn’t be sure, Clay appeared. Had he waited all this time?
“Come on, buddy. I’ll take you home.”
Ethan went with him, needing help finding the truck.
He thought he might be lost for the rest of his life.
CAITLIN S
AT ON THE CLOSED toilet lid and stared at the double pink lines on the testing wand she held. Reality, which she’d successfully kept at bay since yesterday morning, hit her full force. The wand dropped to the floor as she caught her falling head in her hands. Home pregnancy tests weren’t one hundred percent accurate. Which was why she’d taken a second one this morning. The chance that both tests showed a false positive was astronomical.
She was pregnant.
How had that happened?
Of course she knew how it happened, but…how? They’d used protection. Condoms weren’t infallible, as she’d heard doctors tell patients many times. And there was that first night she and Ethan had spent together after the Holly Days Festival, when they’d had only one.
She mentally counted backward. Three, no, four weeks along.
What was she going to do? She pressed her fingertips to her throbbing temples and rubbed.
If she told Ethan, he’d go all Ethan on her. Want to get married. Raise the baby together. On top of all the other problems they had, they’d be adding having an instant family to the mix. Not the best way to start out.
She could leave Mustang Valley, maybe even Arizona. Go stay with her college friend in Columbus and have the baby there.
Then what? She couldn’t come home, not if she didn’t want Ethan to find out. And he would, eventually. Someone would see her and the baby and mention it.
No, she either told him outright and dealt with the consequences, or left Mustang Valley for good.
Not the kind of decisions a new mother should have to make. This was supposed to be a joyous moment she would treasure the rest of her life.
And, suddenly, it was.
She was pregnant! Going to have a baby! Elation bubbled up inside her, then spilled out in a giddy laugh. Tomorrow or next week was soon enough to decide what and if to tell Ethan. She was barely a month along, after all. For now, she would keep her condition a secret, bask in her happiness alone until the right moment to share it.
She no sooner emerged from the bathroom than her cell phone rang. A glance at the caller ID informed her it was Justin. Guilt needled her. She hadn’t spoken to her brother much these past two and half weeks. Or her parents. She’d taken the breakup with Ethan hard. Loss of appetite. Insomnia. Churlishness. Depression. You name it, she had it.
After one look her parents would instantly know something was wrong. Caitlin wasn’t up to fielding their questions. Justin would be worse. He’d pester her until she spilled her guts.
Briefly, she considered not answering his call, but another prick of guilt compelled her to press the receive button.
“Hey.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you and Ethan called it quits?”
“We weren’t actually going together.” A few weeks didn’t constitute a relationship.
They were, however, long enough to create a life.
“I knew you were upset with him, but I figured you’d resolved it.”
“How did you find out?” Caitlin asked.
“Ethan told me. He’s really bummed.”
“You saw him?”
“I’m here now. At the ranch.”
“You are?” She wanted to ask how Ethan was doing. Instead, she voiced the second question on her mind. “What are you doing there?”
“Tamiko and I signed up for riding lessons.”
“Riding lessons!” This conversation couldn’t get any weirder. “Since when?”
“I thought you’d be here, considering it’s Sunday afternoon, and I’d surprise you.”
Wait a minute. Rewind. “Riding lessons? I thought you agreed that wasn’t a good idea.”
“I never said any such thing. You lectured and I listened.”
“Look what happened to Ethan.” Fear gripped her and shook her like a rag doll.
“I’m not riding bucking horses.”
“I don’t care if you’re riding a pony. It’s too dangerous.”
“No more dangerous than white-water rafting on the Colorado River.”
She’d been a wreck when he’d taken that harebrained trip last summer. “At least you were wearing a life jacket.”
“And this time I’ll be wearing a helmet.”
She had to stop him. “I’ll be right there.”
“Don’t come if you’re planning on making a scene.”
“When have I ever made a scene?” She grimaced. “Okay, I take that back. I have made a scene or two, but only because I care.”
“See you when you get here,” he said, and disconnected.
Caitlin didn’t waste any time. She grabbed her purse and keys and hit the door at a run.
Turning into the Powells’ driveway, she reduced her speed to the legal limit and was immediately ashamed of herself. She didn’t usually drive like a maniac.
Upon reaching the open area in front of the stables, she started searching for Justin.
And, yes, Ethan.
She’d missed him. And this place. His family, too. How had they become so important to her after only a few weeks?
Maybe because they always were.
She scoured the main arena, where a dozen riders were exercising their horses, none of them Justin.
At last she spotted him in the round pen. The same pen where Ethan had been injured when riding Prince. Justin sat astride a horse, Ethan standing beside him. Tamiko straddled the fence, the empty wheelchair not far from her.
Where was her boyfriend?
Caitlin drove her van right up to the pen, hit the brakes and slammed the vehicle into Park. Shoving the door open, she bailed out, tripping over her own feet in her haste.
“Justin!”
“That didn’t take long.” An exuberant grin split his face.
“Are you okay?” She was aware of Ethan watching her, studying her.
Her body, always attuned to him, hummed in response.
“Great! This is amazing.” Justin shielded his eyes from the afternoon sun and regarded the horizon. “I can’t believe how far I can see. Look at the mountains.”
The motion unbalanced him and he teetered in the saddle.
Caitlin let out a yelp. “Ethan, help him!”
“Whoa!” Justin grabbed the saddle horn.
Ethan reached up and placed a steadying hand on Justin’s leg. “Hang on.”
He looked considerably better than the night he’d shown up at the clinic, but not strong enough to catch Justin if he fell. Someone else must have lifted her brother onto the horse. Someone else should be here now.
“No problem.” Justin let go of the saddle horn.
Ethan started walking, leading the horse, which Caitlin now recognized as old Chico.
She was going to kill both Ethan and her brother.
“He’s doing great, don’t you think?” Tamiko said.
Caitlin looked around. “Where’s…um…”
“Eric? I really don’t know.”
She didn’t have time to process Tamiko’s answer because Justin clucked to Chico, and the horse broke into a run.
All right, not a run. A very, very sedate trot.
Ethan walked beside the horse, letting the lead rope dangle. If Chico reared or bucked, there was no way he could restrain him. Justin would be hurt.
At least he was wearing a helmet and, she noticed upon closer inspection, a safety vest. If Ethan had been wearing a helmet and vest when he fell off Prince, he might not have broken his ribs or sustained a concussion.
Wait! Justin didn’t have a harness. Ethan said at Thanksgiving that he had harnesses Justin could use. What if he slipped again?
“Be careful,” Caitlin said, sounding like the broken record she was, her white-knuckled hands gripping the railing. Thank God there was no wind today. She scanned the immediate vicinity for stray plastic bags anyway.
“I can’t wait for my turn.” Tamiko glowed.
Caitlin, on the other hand, couldn’t speak. Her heart had lodged in her throat.
Was she the only one terrifi
ed?
Yes, she was—the only one. Not Justin or their parents or Tamiko. Certainly not Ethan. And he should be more than anyone, after what had happened to him.
All right, she was a little overprotective. A lot overprotective. But she was hardly unreasonable.
Was she?
She looked at her brother, really looked at him. He was enjoying himself. Now that she thought about it, he always seemed to be enjoying himself. For the past several years, anyway. Ever since he took up wheelchair athletics.
He grinned confidently at Tamiko as he rode past her, a far cry from the insecure, self-conscious geek he’d been in high school.
Caitlin had to stop seeing him as disabled and start seeing him as what he was, a capable, competent young man with endless potential and no need of a hovering older sister.
“Yes, he’s doing well,” she said, sensing a shift inside her.
After a few more circuits, Ethan led Justin through the gate. They stopped in front of Caitlin and Tamiko.
“What do you think?” Justin preened. “Are we ready for the races?”
Tamiko’s smile was radiant and for him alone. “You were awesome.”
“I’m impressed,” Caitlin admitted, her pride overflowing.
“You’re not just saying that?”
“Definitely not.”
“Any chance I can ride around the ranch?” he asked Ethan.
“Not by yourself. Not yet.”
She sent Ethan a silent thank-you.
He nodded, and the yearning in his eyes reached into her, tugging at her heart and her belly, where she carried their child.
“Can Tamiko take me?”
“How about your sister? And just up and down in front of the stables.”
“Me!” she squeaked. “What if Chico starts bucking? I can’t hold on to him.”
“He won’t buck. He has the temperament of a kitten.” Ethan thrust the lead rope into Caitlin’s hands. “Go on. You can do it.”
He was talking about more than her brother riding a horse, she was sure.
“It’ll be okay, sis,” Justin said, also talking about more than riding.
Her Cowboy's Christmas Wish (Harlequin American Romance) Page 18
