by Tia Louise
My phone buzzes, and I snatch it up without even looking.
“Hey, man. I just heard.” Patrick’s voice is a mixture of concern and his usual swagger. “What can I do?”
“You’ve fucking done enough,” I growl before taking a long drink of scotch.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
My eyes squint and I shake my head. “Nothing. It doesn’t mean anything. I’m just... I’m fucking pissed as hell. I don’t know why Melissa’s doing this.”
“It’s what I told you before. Women don’t like being left out of the loop.”
I’m ready to strangle him, considering the whole Don’t tell her approach was his fucking idea. “This is way past a simple tantrum, Patrick. Melissa doesn’t make dramatic gestures. This is serious.”
He’s quiet a moment, thinking. “What are you saying? You think she means it?”
“Fuck yeah, she means it.” My fists clench, and I have to count to ten before I slam the tumbler against the wall. Trashing my hotel room won’t help me. “What I don’t know is if she’ll forgive me this time.”
“Melissa loves you. That is a fact.”
“Sloan hurt her too badly. I fucked up when I didn’t tell her about Star. I wanted to have more information before giving her the whole story, but she won’t listen to that now.”
“Give her some time. She’ll come around. You have Dex, after all.”
Setting the tumbler down, I pour two more fingers into it. “His birthday is this week.”
A hiss of air fills my ear. “Shitty timing.”
We’re both quiet a few minutes while I think of my little boy, my beautiful bride. Patrick’s back in problem-solver mode.
“Or it could be really good timing,” he says. “It’ll give her a few days to cool off before you see her again. Then you can try talking to her.”
“I want to talk to her now.” The scotch has my insides warm. My anger is soothed, and I want to hold her, kiss her, love her until she forgives me.
“You need to give her space.”
“That’s going to be impossible.” Being in this shitty hotel room is already impossible.
“I know what you can do.” His voice brightens. “Help Toni and Cammie with Princeton. Meet up with them, spend the night, and when you get back, go to Dex’s birthday party.”
I think about what he’s suggesting. At least it will fill these hours. “It’s not a bad idea,” I agree.
“You can get Toni set up in your condo, make sure she knows her way around, introduce her to Stuart and Walt...”
“Us traveling together might attract attention. Reveal her hideout.”
“All the better.” Patrick has an edge in his voice now. “I’d love that fucker to make a move in Princeton. Get Stuart involved, and you won’t have to kill him. Asshat’ll dismember him.”
“Stuart’s pretty ruthless in a fight.” I finish my scotch and look out the window toward the beach. My chest is heavy. I want to be home. Still, I know my partner’s right. “I’ll do it.”
“I’ll message Toni and tell her you’ll meet her in Princeton. She’s spending tonight with her sister Nancy and Cammie. She hopes it’ll ease the transition.”
“Great. I’ll get on the road first thing. And Patrick?” He makes a noise in my ear. “Keep your eye on Melissa for me.”
“Just like always. I’m the Guard. I got her covered.”
* * *
The first thing I notice when I enter the condo building in Princeton is Cammie. She’s a tiny little thing, wearing a purple dress with a big white flower pattern on it. Her dark hair is brushed up into a purple bow the size of her head, and she’s holding a saggy pink bunny over one arm.
She seems calm, which is in direct contrast to her mother. Star’s hands flutter over her daughter’s hair every few seconds. She shifts the little girl from one hip to the other, then she digs in her bag and pulls out what looks like a small packet of jellybeans. Just before she hands them to Cammie, however, she pulls them back fast. I enter the double doors and greet Walt, whose eyes are twinkling at this new development, and Star hustles over to me.
“Are jelly beans a choking hazard?” she whispers, blinking huge brown eyes up at me.
“Maybe,” I answer in what I hope is a calming voice. She’s clearly nervous as hell around her child.
“Right.” She nods fast and shoves the plastic package back in her bag. “What the hell was I thinking?” Then she gasps. “Shit!” She gasps again, and grips her mouth with her fingers.
I can’t help it. My insides are shredded, my head hurts from drinking myself to sleep last night, but despite it all, this makes me laugh. She’s a complete screw up as a mom, and she can’t even stop swearing.
Catching her arm, I give it a squeeze. “Relax. She seems okay for now. Cammie’s what? A year old?”
“Ten months.”
“She won’t remember any of this. All she knows is how you feel, so be cool. Let her know you love her.”
She’s blinking fast, and I’m afraid she might cry. Unsure how my own battered insides will respond to that, I catch Walt’s attention.
“Mr. Alexander?” He steps over, ready to serve.
“Walt, this is...” I hesitate, unsure which name we’re using on the record.
“Star,” she says quickly.
“Star Brandon and her daughter Camille.” Walt gives her a friendly nod, and as if by magic, pulls a sucker out of his pocket. The little girl takes it and smiles. Her brown eyes are bright, and a little dimple is in her cheek.
“She’s a cutie,” Walt says, giving her arm a light tap.
Touching his shoulder, I pull him aside and lower my voice. “Star is one of our clients. She’s gotten some threats. No one is to come near these two.”
He’s immediately serious. “I’ll alert the other doormen. We’ll be on the lookout against any new delivery guys, postmen...”
I give his shoulder a squeeze, and the level of appreciation I feel for him at this moment is indescribable. “You’re a good man, Walt. I confess, I miss you.”
“Ahh, you traded up, Mr. A.” He laughs in his warm, scratchy voice. “How’s Miss Jones and your little look-alike?”
I can’t help the wince of pain at his question, and he seems to notice. “I’m sorry, sir. I hope everything’s okay.”
Patting his shoulder I nod and swallow back the thickness in my throat. “Everything will be fine, Walt.” It will be fine.
* * *
Mariska is at Stuart’s place, and the minute she hears us arrive, she’s at my door. As usual, she’s wearing some filmy, red handkerchief-print dress, but she’s pulled an oversized, drab-grey fisherman’s sweater on top of it. It falls off one shoulder, and with her loose, brown waves pulled in a high ponytail, I don’t know how she does it. She actually makes her bag-lady outfit look sexy. Stuart’s fucking happier than I’ve seen him in my life.
“Drop off your stuff and come across the hall!” Mariska says, giving Star a huge hug.
“Okay!” Star’s tension seems to melt slightly.
“Do you think Cammie will come with me?” Mariska holds out her hands to the little girl, who’s sucking a pacifier now and still clutching her limp bunny.
Star and her daughter share those huge doe-eyes. “I don’t know.” Her mother’s voice is hesitant as she studies the little girl on her hip.
“Let’s see.” Mariska holds out her hands with cheerful confidence. “Cammie! Come here, baby! Come with Aunt Mare Mare!”
Mariska’s slim hands are covered in rings of all shapes and colors. The little girl looks up at her smiling face and instantly smiles back, leaning forward. Mariska gives her a twirl, and the baby laughs, losing the pacifier Star had shoved in her mouth on our way up even though she wasn’t even crying.
“Oh!” Star jumps forward and grabs it. Mariska doesn’t pause. The two of them are out the door and headed to Stuart’s place before we even have a chance to respond. All we hear are Maris
ka’s sing-songy coos trailing behind them.
Star looks at me in wonder. “She’s really good with kids.”
“Kids, animals... stubborn jackasses,” I say under my breath, heading to my room. “Make yourself at home. After tonight, you can have the master bedroom if you want it.”
I stop just inside my old room and drop my duffel on the floor. The photo of Melissa and Dex at the beach is on my dresser, and it hits me like a sucker-punch to the gut. Leaning heavily on my hand, I pick up the mahogany frame and look at my beautiful family as several painful moments pass.
“Melissa,” I whisper, touching her face. “What are you thinking?”
“Hey, you okay?”
Straightening, I put the frame back on the dresser. “Yeah. You need something?”
Star’s eyes narrow and flicker from mine to the frame and back. “I wasn’t expecting you to meet me here. I wanted to say thanks.”
“No worries. Patrick suggested I drive up. It made sense.”
“Shouldn’t you be with your family?” She’s watching me, and I remember what I observed the last time we worked with this girl. She’s smart. She should be so much more than a fucking part-time hooker. She should be in college, which is what she was doing until some asshole thought he’d start blackmailing her.
“I’m not going to let an opportunistic thug steal your future. Especially not to get to me. They understand.”
Her voice softens. “I don’t know if I’d understand. If I was your family, I mean.”
Not going there. “You’d better get across the hall. Mariska is pretty persistent from what I understand.”
She nods and takes off. Finally, I’m alone.
Holding my phone, I stare at Melissa’s face on my screen. She’s so beautiful, sitting on the beach, the wind wrapping one of her perfect waves around her neck. My body physically aches for her. I need to bury my face in her ocean-roses scent and tell her I love her.
Patrick said not to call. He said he has his eye on her, give her space, give her time. None of that matters. I have to hear her voice. Touching the number, I wait as it rings in my ear.
It rings and rings. I’ve almost given up when the call connects.
“Hello?” Her voice is so soft. I can tell she’s been crying, and it rips through my chest. I want to hold her.
“Melissa.” I exhale her name. “Baby, please talk to me.”
Silence first, a few moments where I only hear her shaky breathing, then she clears her throat. I know her so well. She’s building that wall against me. I can’t let her do it.
“What do you need?”
“I need you.”
Silence again. The sound of brushing covers her phone, and I wonder if she covered it with her hand. When she comes back, the slightest tremor is in her voice.
“If you need something, please tell me. Otherwise, I’ll have to block your calls.”
“Don’t do that. Just hang on.” I think fast, hoping to derail that notion. “I need to know about Dex’s party. What time and where.”
Another deep breath in my ear. It tightens the knot in my chest. She’s so close but still so far. What will it take to get her to listen to me again?
“I didn’t realize you were coming.”
“Melissa.” My voice is low. “It’s his first birthday.”
“I thought you’d see him another time. Later in the day, I mean. At Mom’s.”
I’m not invited to his party? This is fucking getting worse and worse. And it hurts like hell. “I’d like to be there. If that’s okay?”
She’s quiet again. We were just in bed together less than two days ago. I know this is killing her, too. She can’t turn on me that fast.
“I’ll talk to Mom.” Her voice is quiet. “We can have the party at her house.”
“Okay.” I’m keeping my tone gentle, like I’m approaching a wounded animal. “Do you know what time?”
“Dex naps at three...” her voice breaks off, and I can hear her losing the battle against her tears. I’m on the verge of losing my battle with all of this. A sharp breath, and she’s back in control. “I’ll text you after I’ve talked to Mom. I need to go now.”
Not so fast. “If you can, give me some lead-time. I drove Star to Princeton so she can stay here. Hide out until we know who’s blackmailing her. It was Patrick’s idea, but it’s a good one. Stuart can watch over her, and Walt guards the door. You know the setup.”
She makes a noise, and I go for it.
“I’m telling you everything, Mel. Full disclosure. Whatever you want to know.” I wait, but I only hear the soft sound of her breath. She’s got to be thinking the same thing as me: This is so wrong. “I love you, baby. I miss you so much.”
I’ve gone too far. A whispered, “I’ll text you,” and the line disconnects.
Setting my phone on my dresser, I clutch my forehead. I’ve trained for torture, prolonged periods without sleep, food, or drink. I’ve gone days staring at the desert sand until I thought I’d go blind. I’ve been in combat, injured... Nothing compares to this.
Turning, I go to the kitchen and reach over the stove. My supply of alcohol is relatively untouched. Melissa prefers wine, and nobody’s been here for months. I pull down the Johnnie Walker and a tall glass. My front door opens just as I’ve taken the first sip, and I hear Stuart’s voice.
“Hey, man. Looks like Mariska’s found a new friend.” He rounds the corner, and stops in his tracks when he sees me. “What happened?”
Taking another long drink, I stare at the amber liquid and just say it. “Melissa kicked me out.”
“What the hell?” He takes a step forward and stops. “What did you do?”
It’s funny because I’ve known Stuart so long. I can remember a time when his response would’ve been Fuck her. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. I’ll get the boat. Apparently Mariska’s changed everything.
I lean back against the cabinets and take another drink. “She found out about Sloan. Then she found out about Star.”
My friend’s brow lines, and I know he isn’t following me. I’m not making sense. Saying it out loud makes it all sound so stupid to me.
I clear my throat and start over. “She was mad I didn’t tell her about Sloan.”
“You didn’t tell anybody about Sloan. You didn’t even tell me.”
“The fewer people who know about a problem, the better the chance it won’t get discovered.”
“It’s Security 101,” he agrees.
Shaking my head, I wonder why women aren’t as reasonable as men. “Well, my fiancée isn’t in the security business, and she didn’t like that answer.” Taking another sip, I confess. “In fairness, I understand her being mad about it. I should’ve told her. My role in what happened to Sloan impacts her and Dex...”
Stuart doesn’t speak. I can tell he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“I promised not to keep her in the dark on these things anymore.”
He nods, and I see the pieces click together for him. “And then she found out about Star.”
“And then I found all my luggage on her front porch.”
“Shit.” Stuart leans against the opposite cabinets, crossing his muscled arms. On his face is stunned empathy. “You must be going crazy.”
A female voice interrupts us. “What’s up with you guys?” Mariska is standing in the doorway watching, and I don’t care anymore.
“Melissa and I are... taking a break.”
“Oh my god!” Mariska swirls to me in an instant, touching my arm. “Is there anything I can do?”
Stuart leans forward and catches her around the waist, gently pulling her back against his chest. “You could order up some food?” His voice is tender, and he leans down to kiss her ear. I turn away from the sight of her touching his cheek and take another long drink of scotch.
“I’ve done something even better!” She’s smiling when I look up. “I made a big pot of sarmale this afternoon. It’s the ultimate comfort
food.”
“Is that the tomato-cabbage...” Stuart’s still holding her against him.
“Cabbage leaves stuffed with tomatoes and rice and pork... It’ll warm you to your toes.”
“I’m not cold,” I say under my breath.
“It’s delicious,” Stuart says over to me. “Can’t have my CO getting his dinner from a bottle.”
Mariska kisses his mouth briefly before going to the door. She pauses before leaving and looks back. “Derek?” I glance up at her. “It’s going to work out, okay?”
My brows rise briefly. “Thanks.”
She’s gone, but Stuart’s still watching the place where she stood. I’m glad I’m not staying because being around these two still so fresh in love would push me over the fucking edge.
“Take your time,” he says before following the trail she left. “Come over when you’re ready.”
“Thanks,” I nod.
“If you don’t come over, I’ll send a plate with Star and Camille.”
“I like that even better.”
He nods. “Brothers. Always there for each other.”
* * *
I’m sitting on my leather couch staring at the black screen of my enormous television when Star and Cammie bump through the front door.
She doesn’t speak, so I look up to see the little girl is fast asleep on her mother’s shoulder. I put my empty glass on the coffee table. I’ve only gone through half a bottle tonight. I’m trying to pace myself knowing I’ll see Melissa and Dex tomorrow. I want my head to be clear.
Star motions to the guest room, but I don’t respond. I’m tired and numb, and my insides are shredded. I just want to go to bed.
It doesn’t seem like enough time has passed before she’s with me again in the living room, plate in hand.
“Mariska made this. It might be the best thing I’ve ever eaten.” She’s beside me on the couch, but my mind is miles away with Melissa. What is she doing right now? Can she sleep without me? I can’t sleep without her.
“Take a bite.” Blinking up, I realize Star’s been talking, and she’s now holding a fork with a square of cabbage roll on it.
